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"What dreams would he have, not seeing. Life's a dream for him."
-James Joyce
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I was being a complete dick and I knew it.
I was in the cafeteria with Michael, Devon, and Levi. They were talking about some pointless shit I didn't care about.
I couldn't stop thinking about how dinner went with Emma and her family a few days ago.
I also couldn't stop thinking about how I'm was being a jerk for ghosting Emma since the dinner.
It not like the dinner was bad.
Having dinner with Emma's family that day wasn't terrible like I thought it would be.
Maybe I was still high on the fact that Emma and I had made out in her bedroom not long before, but the dinner was great.
Emma's mom ended up not staying for dinner, I think she went back to work or something like that.
Emma's Dad, Emmett, was chill and is pretty funny.
And, I ignored the fact that Rebecca kept firing rude remakes at me simply because Emma held my hand under the table the whole time.
After dinner we hung out in her room, laying down on her bed together and listening to music.
I still remember the weird fluttering feeling I got in my chest when she laid her head on my shoulder and traced weird shapes on my stomach. And, how fucking soft her hair was as I ran my fingers through the strands.
After my mom texted me asking where I was because I was missing our Pretty Little Liars night, I kissed Emma's cheek and went home.
It didn't hit me, that I had really kissed her until I got home.
Kissing her completely ruined my plan to keep our relationship purely friendship based.
I thought I could kiss her once just to get over the need to. But all I wanted to do was kiss her again. Be with her more.
So I did the best thing I could think of and avoided her like the plague.
I knew when I did finally talk to her she'd either be pissed at me or want to talk about feelings and shit because that's what girls do.
And, I'm not ready to deal with emotional shit.
"Man, look," Michael said as he shoved me, and gestured towards the cafeteria entrance.
I knew before I turned that it was Emma.
She stood with Rebecca by the door, Rebecca seemed to be looking around the cafeteria.
Hopefully, they were just looking for Rebecca's annoying friends and not for me.
Em looked beautiful as always in what looked like a yellow knitted sweater and jeans.
When Rebecca's eyes landed on our table she glared before grabbing hold of Emma's arm and leading her this way.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," I muttered as I watched them coming this way.
"Trouble in paradise?" Levi asked jokingly. I quickly flipped him off, never taking my eyes off the two girls making there way here.
Just as I moved to get up and flee Devon grabbed my arm forcing me to stay seated.
I turned to him and glared. "You fucking trader." I accused him. He rolled his eyes before saying "You'll be thanking me later."
When Rebecca and Emma got to our table I thought I would surely die and burst into flames with the way Rebecca was glaring at me.
"Daniel?" Emma asked unsurely.
Maybe if I don't say anything she'll go away, I'm not ready for whatever she wanted.
I'm not ready to deal with my problems, I'd rather avoid them as long as possible.
Devon elbowed me and raised his brow at me as if to say 'say something, you little shit'
"Ugh...yeah?" I coughed out awkwardly.
"Can we talk?" She asked softly, her face turned away from me.
I would have said no, but I couldn't handle the uncomfortable pained look on Emma's face.
I didn't want her to feel that way around me.
"Sure," I said standing up.
"Don't screw this up any further," Rebecca said as she bumped her shoulder into mine and took my seat between Michael and Devon.
I took Emma's elbow and lead her out the room.
"So, what's up?" I asked innocently as I ran my fingers through my short curly blonde hair.
"If you explain why you've been ignoring me and apologize in the next minute I'll forgive you and let it go," Emma said simply.
I tried to scan her face to see if she was serious but it was impossible to tell with her glasses covering half her face.
"I'm sorry," I told her, she didn't say anything as she waited for me to go on.
"I panicked," I said with a shrug even though I knew she couldn't see it.
"You panicked?" She questioned. "Yeah, because of the kiss," I said whispering the last words.
Her eyebrows creased.
"You kissed me, Daniel." She said slowly as if she were talking to a small dumb child.
Talking to me was basically the same as talking to a dumb kid most of the time anyway.
"I know, I just didn't mean to. Wait, I did mean do. I just didn't want to, no I did want to so fucking bad it's just... This isn't coming out right." I rambled as I avoided looking at her.
She frowned.
"So, you didn't but you did mean to kiss me and you did but you didn't want to kiss me?" She asked slowly as she began touching her long brown hair.
Her normally straightish wavy hair was in soft curls today. It looked pretty.
She looked pretty, then again she always did.
I sighed, she was distracting me from getting my thoughts together without even trying to.
"You're not making sense and your time is running out." She said simply.
"I like you, okay? In more than just a friend type of way and it's screwing with my head." I told her while looking down at my feet.
At this moment I'd never been more grateful that She was blind and couldn't see how red my face was.
"You do?" She asked I peeked at her face to see her smiling and blushing slightly.
I nodded but then remembered that she couldn't see me and said: "yeah, I do."
I was completely prepared for her to laugh at me or tell me she didn't feel the same way, but she didn't.
"I like you, in more than just a friend type of way too." She said with a slightly teasing smile.
"You do?" I asked unable to keep my shock from my voice. She smiled again before she began biting her lower lip. "Yeah, I do." She said.
"Damn," I said smiling softly as I began running my fingers through my hair more roughly.
I stopped and took a deep breath before taking one of her hands in mine. I traced my finger on her palm.
She is so soft and innocent. So breakable.
I sighed.
"You know we would never work out, right?" I said sadly as I looked at her face.
She frowned and pulled her hand away from mine.
"It's because I'm blind, isn't it?" She asked, the hurt clear in her voice.
I quickly cupped her cheek in my hand and brushed away stray hairs away from her face.
"No, it not that at all," I said as I lowered my head and leaned my forehead on hers.
I didn't give a shit about the fact she was blind.
She is just like everyone else. She just couldn't see. That and unlike everyone else I actually liked being around her.
If anything she was better then most people, including me.
"Then what is it?" She asked breathlessly. I pulled my head away from hers.
"I don't want to hurt you. In case you didn't notice, I'm a screw-up. You deserve better than some guy who doesn't have a single thing in his life together ." I said honestly my voice creaking from my thick emotions.
She smiled softly.
"Don't put yourself down like that. You're a great person. And a complete idiot for not seeing how great you are, and that's coming from a girl who can't see at all. I don't care that you don't have your life together. Surprise, neither do I. We're only in high school, we have plenty of time to get our crap together." Emma said before taking my hand that was still in her's and placing my hand back on her cheek.
When I didn't say anything Emma sighed.
"Do you want to be with me?" Emma asked. I smiled softly at her. "Yeah, I do," I answered at I brushed my thumb on her cheek softly.
"Good, because I want to be with you too. It's that simple. Let's be screw ups together." Emma said with a grin.
I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Okay?" Emma asked Me. I smiled I said "Okay." Before softly kissing her cheek.
She grinned "maybe okay can be our always." She said with a giggle.
"What?" I asked, my face and voice showing my confusion.
I swear if I could see her eyes she would be rolling them.
"Nothing, forget it. It was a book reference." She said with a laugh. "Sounds like a stupid book," I said honestly.
She swiftly moved out of my arms reach. "Take that back, it was a great freaking book." She said highly offendedly.
I highly doubt a book with a line that corny was that freaking great. I rolled my eyes.
"Fine, I take it back," I said putting my arm around her waist.
Her back was now against the hall lockers. I could feel her breath on my neck before I took my hand and slowly tilted her head up towards me.
I was just about to lean in and kiss her when the bell rang ending lunch, I sighed before moving away from her slightly as students began to fill the hall.
"Walk me to class?" Emma asked softly. "Of course," I said taking her hand in mine.
Before we could turn and leave towards her class Devon called out my name over the raising sound of voices as more people filled the hall.
I turned. "What?" I asked him annoyed.
He smirked. "What you're not going to thank me?" I rolled my eyes but smiled. "Thank you, oh and screw you too," I said casually.
He rolled his eyes. "I don't know how you put up with him," Devon said to Emma as he looked at her.
My grasp on her hand tightened as she laughed softly.
"What do you want?" I asked him slightly annoyed that he was holding Emma and me up.
"I just wanted to remind you, tomorrow after school at my place. No flaking out like last week." Devon said before rubbing his head, pushing the waves in his hair in one direction.
"Maybe, I might have plans," I said gesturing towards Emma. I took notice to the quickly emptying hallway.
Well, we were going to be late to class.
I didn't care about me being late to class, I wouldn't pay attention away but I felt bad for making Emma late.
"You should come, Em," Devon said to Emma. She smiled softly. "It depends Dev, what will you guys be doing?" She asked.
Dev? Em? Since when were they on nickname bases?
"Getting high and drunk off our asses," Devon said simply with a slight chuckle.
"Okay, I'm in," Emma said casually. After that Devon left to class.
"Since when are you and Devon buddies?" I asked feeling extremely annoyed that I was clearly missing something.
"This may surprise you, but I have friends beside you and Becca." She said with a shrug and she pulled me along towards her.
The bell rang signifying we were now late.
"Are you sure about tomorrow? About getting high?" I asked.
I didn't want her to feel like she had to just because I did.
"Yeah, I'm sure." She before she stopped walking.
I looked at the room number she stopped at and understood why she stopped when I saw it was her class.
"I'll pick you up after class," I told her. "Okay." She answered.
I turned to leave but stopped as she still held my hand.
"Yeah?" I asked.
She looked unsure but slowly reached out putting her hand in my hair before getting on the tip of her toes and leaning forward kissing the corner of my lips and the part of cheek closest to my mouth before pulling away and hurrying into class.
She kissed me, I smiled to myself.
Maybe for some crazy reason, she really does like me.
I swear that girl will be the death of me, I thought as I began to walk to my class.
[Published June 23, 2016]
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A/N: I'm going to try and update at least every two or three days. Struggled with writing this chapter, I restarted writing it twice and it's still not perfect but whatever. Until next time, bye.
If you liked it, I would love it if you could vote or comment what you think!