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With only 4 more days for the mid presentation of our project, I was starting to get a bit anxious. Danielle was going to show me her two songs and we were going to go from there. I can come up with something good in four days, right? I was starting to doubt myself. Mr. Andrews was extremely anal in his judging criteria.
She told me earlier today that she has written two songs. By the time I went to her home, she was still undecided. And to be honest I was getting inpatient. "Just chose the one that talks more to you. The one that has a special meaning. Remember what we talked about when we started working together."
She looked at the two sheets of papers, "That's the problem. I'm not really feeling one of them, but the other is too personal."
She didn't wanted people knowing too much about her. I could understand that. No one needed to know who wrote the song besides the teacher. But in our case it was pretty obvious. I'm the one that carries a guitar to school on a daily basis.
"Do you want me to help you choose?"
She huffed, "This one, I was writing it thinking about my mother. But I changed course along the way and it doesn't make a lot of sense to me now." she passed me the paper.
She stands next to me, keepin a her safe distance like always. She explained why she wasn't feeling the song.
"Every now and then I get so sad
Cause I miss you since you left me
I'm so disconnected from my life
Sometimes I can't stand the morning light
Cause I miss you since you left me
I'm just a reflection of your heart
In the middle of this night
I want you back
I really need ya..."
" I wrote this Friday night. I think the reason why I was thinking about my mother was because we talked about, remember? You asked me if I missed her, And I couldn't stop thinking about it after you drop me off, but it's too repetitive." she looked over the paper once, " No, this is not the right one. I guess we will have to go with the other one. But I'm kind of freaking out. That other song, I don't know. I think is too much"
She picked the other song. On her way back I noticed that she was fighting an internal battle. Maybe that song was really important to her. And as she said, it was too personal.
After a few seconds of indecision on her part, she passed me the paper. After reading just the first few line I understood why she didn't wanted to use that one. It was too personal.
I was reading it from the paper but then she started to read it out loud. At that, I closed my eyes and got lost on her voice. She was telling a story, not any story, her story.
"Nobody knows, nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry, if I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows, nobody knows, no
Nobody likes, nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life made a choice
But I think nobody knows, no no
Nobody knows, no
(Chorus)
Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows, no
I said nobody knows
Nobody cares
It's win or lose, not how you play the game"
She took a deep breath. her voice trembling and breaking a little.
"And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name"
She stopped. Those last two line meant something, something deep. She couldn't continue and she was full out crying. She snatched the paper away from my hands and went sat down on her bed, lifting her knees up and resting her head on it.
I walked towards her, not knowing if she was going to explained. Not knowing if she ever was going to trust me enough to tell me what has gone so wrong in her life? It broke my heart to see so much pain on her eyes. And even though she has said a few things here and there I know there's was more. Danielle was shattering into pieces right in front of my eyes. And I didn't know how to make it better. I was clueless.
I was fighting my own battle. The one with my hands. Because I all I wanted to do was to wipe away her tears, I wanted to hold her face while looking into her eyes and tell her that everything was going to be okay . I wanted to hold her close to me. I wanted just to hug her never let go.
Closing my hands into fists I asked, "What's wrong Danielle? You know you can trust me. All I want to do is help."
She nodded her head. "I know you have good intentions and all you want to do is help, but I can't, I just can't I'm sorry."
I tried to convinced her, but she was done. We talked about other things. I asked her why she didn't get therapy for her phobia.
"Have you ever go to therapy Camden"
" No"
"He made me draw a house a tree and myself. Let me tell you, art is not my forte. When I drew myself, I made a person with huge thighs. He said that my anxiety was probably due to having distorted self image. I told him that I just wasn't good at drawing, but he never listened."
"Seriously? He said that ?" We laughed at some of the ridiculous stuff he told her. I give her credit, that shrink sounded awful.
"Yes. The windows in my house were too high, meaning that I didn't want to let anyone in. That one hit close to home , but I told him again that my drawing skills were as good as a three year old drawing her first shapes. Oh and I'm glad I didn't drew myself as a stick figure because that's another story"
She told me some of her others experiences with the psychologist. By the end of the conversation we had come to an agreement that she was going to try therapy again. I volunteered to help her until she find the right one. One that she was comfortable with.
"But you are not going inside with me!" she said arms crossed in front of her chest.
"I know that silly. I will be patiently waiting outside until you are done. After all, you helped me master the calculus monster, so now we are even."
We went back to reading song. Even though she faltered a few times, she read until the end.
"But I think nobody knows, no no
Nobody knows, no no no no
Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?
And I've lost my way back home
And oh, no no no no
Nobody knows
No no no no no no
Tomorrow I'll be there my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone
No no no
Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleep
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
Me"
I had a pretty good idea how to play the song. The vibe I was getting from the lyrics was just raw pain and sadness. A slow sad melody was in order. We were going to be good for the first presentation. After that, we had three weeks to make more arrangements and play around with the melody.
Mr. Ellison came home just as I was about to leave. We talked to him about Danielle going back to therapy. Pleased was an understatement. He was ecstatic! I just couldn't imagine how he really felt. Not being able to hold his own daughter when she was sad, scared, or when she cried. She was his only child. They only have each other and Martha.
I couldn't joined them for dinner because I needed to spent some time with my parents. I didn't wanted to give Charles, Aka my father, motives to guilt trip me and manipulate me.
Before I left the Ellison's, Danielle called Nick. We planned to meet tomorrow after basketball practice, at a little tiny diner on the outskirts of the city.
She wanted the meeting to be at her house. But I thought it was a good opportunity to get her to go out again. With a little bit of persuasion, I convinced her to go to the diner. It was a tiny hole on the wall diner. I told her that Nick was going to be there, I was going to be there and we were going to keep her safe.
Matt was another story. I didn't wanted to think about how this revenge plan on was going to work. Why did he needed help from someone on the football team? Nick agreeing meant that Danielle was going to spent more time not just with me but with Matt well. And that as crazy as it may sound, was a good thing.
A little bit of Matt's craziness was going to work wonders for Danielle. He was going to make her laugh. And that right there was going to be priceless.
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Thanks to all the new fans i really appreciate it all of your comments! Read comment and vote if you guys like it! If you ever talk to me in the chat thingy and i dont talk back Im sorry My computer is on all the time but Im not always in front of it, but I always write back even if is a few hours later. So do you guys ever think that Im ignoring you. Thanks again!
The Songs used in this chapters : "Save Me" by RBD "Nobody Knows" by Pink. Love Pink by the way!