HAPPY BIRTHDAY D-SLICE!!! 25!!! HALF WAY TO 50! SHIT YOU OLD BRAH! Also trigger warning ⚠!!!
The texts kept coming every day.
You read them one by one but mostly ignored them, you tried to move on. You can't.
You are going to film a video later.
If you can.
Now it's 16th February 2016 and London is your home. You haven't made a video in at least a month. People were going crazy on twitter asking for content.
You caved in and began scribbling down ideas.
You look ashy and dead. You haven't eaten properly in months with all this drama clinging onto your guts and twisting your organs. Your eyes are sunken and red from crying. Your body looks feeble and thin. You look like a stray in a cage, your prison isn't physical it's mental.
You turn on the camera.
You breathe out heavily.
"God, I didn't think I would have to make this video. There isn't an easy way of doing this. Most of you know about this already. I was dating Dan... I... I, fucked up... Okay, it was all me. Don't blame Phil. I made a mistake, moving to London was a mistake. I dragged them into my shit excuse of a life and they've suffered for it. I'm a selfish bitch... I was a stupid fan girl when I met Dan, I'd idolised him and aspired to be like him. I decided to make videos 'just like dan' so hopefully I had a chance to meet him. Over time my channel grew and I was overwhelmed, my quiet haven had been filled, I was helping people. Dan watched my videos, I was shocked. He was a fan of me too, it felt right but I was wrong. I wish I'd just stayed in Manchester... I've ruined everything for us. For me, for Phil and Dan. They hate each other now. They fight and argue because of me. I don't know how to fix this other than by leaving but Dan would follow me. He says he still loves me. And you know what, I still love him..." You sigh, "I can't love him though, it's going to destroy Phil. They need each other more than Dan and I need to be together. I want you both to know that I'm a mess, that's how you know I cared about you. Even if I was just a fan girl... Bye Dan." You wipe a tear and turn of your camera.
You went to the bathroom sink and looked at your reflection.
"Disgusting little girl. So childish. So selfish. All she does is rush in and drag everyone down with her. Slutty little girl. 'falling in love' with all the popular boys. She just wants attention, she wants help. Her life is so hard. So difficult. No one believes her, they see right through her just as she does to them. No one knows how badly she wants it all to stop. How much she despises her own heartbeat. How selfish she feels for still breathing. If they asked her, she would do it. She would end it all to make them happy again. She thinks it would be worth it. She's right..." You cry into the mirror.
You look down at the sink. Tears trickled down the drain, gone. Just like that, you realise that your sadness is so insignificant compared to the struggles of the world. However your world is small and weak. It revolves around you. You are selfish.
You look over to the medicine cabinet. In a frenzy you fling open the cupboard and push all the products onto the floor looking for any pills.
You brush your hand upon a box. It's small and light. You open it and pull out the tray of pills.
Empty.
You throw it across the room angrily. You throw yourself to the floor and repeatedly bang your head against the tiles. Blood seaps into the cracks of the marble. A deep pain sears through your head.
"I love you Dan..."