"You aren't going?"
"I need to pack up her stuff" I muttered, sitting on Evangeline's bed.
"But-"
"But nothing Xander" I snapped, "I've been outside her room for almost two weeks. She gave orders not to let me in the room, she's terrified of me. How can I get her to remember me if I can't go near her?"
He was silent, "I'm sorry"
"It's going to suck packing her stuff up" I admitted.
"You don't have to"
"She'll be discharged in a bit. They're done watching her and there's no chance she's coming back to live with me"
"I can do it myself"
"No" I shook my head as the door knocked, "Can you get that?"
He nodded his head and left the room. I was tired, I hadn't had a goodnight's sleep in ages. It didn't feel like I'd ever have a proper one again. The room still smelled like her after all this time, everything was exactly the same way it was when she left.
I looked at the boxes that lay around, ready for everything to be packed. My eyes went to her wardrobe that held all her clothes. I tried to force myself off the bed but my body was reluctant to move.
My eyes flickered to her pillow, the pillow I had slept on.
That night she had that panic attack, the night I honestly thought I was going to have to bring her to the hospital. The moment I held her, her whole body relaxed. It worried me at the moment, scared that someone so fragile could relax when she was touched by me.
Usually people would tense up and panic if I went near them. She was the opposite. I couldn't help but allow my thoughts to return to that moment;
My eyes stayed planted on the white ceiling. It wasn't it's clear white color in the dark, it was a dark grey. I felt her body jerk beside me again and I turned to look at her.
Her eyes fluttered and her breathing seemed to quicken. I reached out, putting my hand on her side for the third time and instantly at my touch her body stopped moving. Her breaths slowed and she relaxed.
I turned away. I wasn't tired anymore. I was, but I wasn't. I needed to stay up and watch her, make sure she was okay.
I was happy about what happened tonight.
I'd been scared. She had been so calm after that night, as if nothing happened. I hid all my razors and every pill in the cabinet. I was relieved she hadn't noticed.
I'd jump up whenever I heard a loud noise, terrified she'd do something. I didn't know how someone could be so calm after something unless they planned to end it, planned to go somewhere where they could forget their problems.
I forgot how tough Evie was though. She always came through. Her fragile state, her innocence, no matter what, she always toughed it out in the end. She was amazing.
Finally, tonight she broke down. She was accepting what happened and understanding it. IT scared me when I came into the room. Her face was pale, her eyes red.
Her breathing was out of control and she looked terrified. She hadn't even realized she had been screaming for help because she was surprised to see me.
I knew she was ashamed.
She felt as if she had been weak, it was obvious. She hated asking me for help and it was my fault. How I treated her and made her feel when she first arrived here.
It was understandable why she was worried. All the apologies tonight. Little did the little devil know, her coming here changed me for the better.
She jumped again and my brow furrowed. I reached over, placing my hand on her side. Instead of her body relaxing she mumbled something and rolled into me.
My whole body tensed up as she nuzzled into my chest, a small smile appearing on her face. She said some unrecognizable words against it. Her small arm sprawled across my chest so I was trapped.
I let out a sigh, not even trying to escape this time. I didn't want to startle or wake her.
After ten minutes, she hadn't moved or jumped in a while I finally allowed myself to relax. Gritting my teeth and rolling my eyes, I wrapped my arm around her, ignoring the smile returning in her sleepy state.
"Night Eves"
Thinking back to that moment hurt me. How even though she was asleep, she smiled when I held her. As if she knew it was me.
Now even though she saw me, she didn't know who I was.
I was worried of hurting her when I got attached but in the end it was both of us. I hurt her by injuring her, I was hurt... I don't know. It was a pain that I never felt before.
That little maid had me wrapped around her finger.
I had no right to call Xander whipped.
It amazed me. How someone so sensitive and innocent was able to control me...
I, on the other hand, was not able to control myself around her. My mind flew back to the morning before it all happened.
The little surprise scene in the shower. I had allowed her to leave the room when she offered 'help' because I didn't want to hurt her.
Then I saw hurt on her face when I rejected the offer. She hid it by being angry and storming out of the room. Just seeing her like that, seeing her trying to seduce me, it worked wonders and after arguing with myself I chased after her.
I'd been ready to be shoved out the shower or been screamed at by her but instead she melted at my touch. The feeling I got, every time she weakened at my touch was amazing. Knowing I could do that to her, was such a turn on.
Not anymore.
At my touch, she'd probably cry. She wouldn't let me within one mile of her.
Thinking of these memories just made me feel worse.
Then a smile appeared on my face at her little out bursts toward Cynthia. It was partially an outburst because of anger and it seemed a hint of jealousy. Seeing her turn savage and attack Cynthia was amazing.
I saw the shock on my father's face and he looked to me. I just returned the shocked look with a proud one. I had never been so proud and amazed of someone and my father noticed. He just raised his eyebrows and bit back a smile.
Seeing how surprised she was at her own outburst was funny. I, of course, had purposely put that hickey there. In case she ran into anyone, such as Nick.
Nick....
I needed to get her out of my mind. Thinking back to all those times only hurt me more. Ugh, I was going so soppy.
"Woof woof woof" I glanced up to Xander who made bark noises, raising my eyebrows.
He held Poppy the second in his hand. The plushie that Evie had gotten for me. I turned away with a groan.
"Who was at the door?"
"Cynthia" He commented, "She's gone, don't worry"
I shook my head. I hated that girl so much.
"What's this? I didn't know you had soft toys. Especially one with three legs, a little tribute to Poppy, eh?" I rolled my eyes at all his questions.
"When I bought Evie her phone, she didn't know what to get me in return so she stitched up that dog and gave it to me" I almost smiled at the memory. Her present ideas never ceased to amaze me.
"Oh... sorry" He must have not realized who it was from. He could be dumb sometimes. I glanced up to him and held out my hands, indicating I wanted him to throw it to me.
He did so and I caught it easily. I examined it before raising it, "Can you give this to her?"
"You don't want to keep it?"
"I'd rather she have it" I mumbled. I still had the picture frame, and I knew Evie had a thing for plushies.
"No"
"What? Why?" I scowled.
"You give it to her, yourself" He shrugged.
"Are you an idiot?" Yes he was, "Reminder; she ordered the hospital not to let me withing a meter of her"
"I'm sure Ivy will let you in for a second. When she's asleep, just leave it beside her. So you can see her up close"
"You really are an idiot" I sighed, rubbing my thumb over the fabric of Poppy the Second's ear. I never would forget when Evie made up the name. I don't know why but it was the funniest thing and although I told her it was a stupid name, I stuck with it.
"You're going to go anyway"
"I know" I sighed, annoyed he had brought up the idea. If it gave me a chance to see Evie once more, without her shouting at me I'd take it. Even if she was asleep. I'd ask Ivy what her reaction was when she got the present.
I wouldn't let them tell her who it was from though. The jingle of keys pulled me from my thoughts, my eyes met Xander's.
A smile was on his face, "Let's go"
"Now?"
"Yes"
I debated on it and as much as I wanted to say no I couldn't. I stood up from the bed and followed him, keeping a tight grip of poppy the second.
"Hey, where are you going?" Milania stood up from my couch, glancing to both of us heading toward the door. Her hand was over her bump. It always was.
"Bringing him to see Evie" Xander informed her.
"What? But-"
"He's just going to give her that" He nodded to the plush.
"I'll come" Milania waddled over but Xander shook his head.
"She'll probably be asleep. Wait here" He wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on her lips, "I love you"
"I know you do" She grinned before catching me at the corner of her eye. She pushed Xander away, her eyes flickering toward me and Xander understood.
I sighed, "I'll be outside" They always were careful around me, not showing affection. I think they made me feel worse but honestly them feeling bad for me, that was what I hated.
After a minute, Xander came outside. He didn't say sorry or mention anything back there because he knew me.
Xander had parked his car behind my new one. My old one was a wreck after all.
The car wasn't the only thing I destroyed that day.