~ Rosabelle ~
Part of me felt awful for sneaking out like this in the middle of the night. But if I was going to learn to fight it meant that he would want me to shift. I needed to know what happened when I did. I crept down the stairs and out the back door with minimal noise. Out in the yard, I shivered with cold and nerves. Looking around I waited in the absolute silence until I couldn't any more or my imagination was going to get the best of me. Quickly I stripped to my undergarments and set my clothes on the porch step.
"Okay I can do this," I muttered rubbing my arms and closing my eyes. I concentrated really hard on the image of my wolf. I frowned and opened one eye. Nothing. I was still a human. "Okay, help me out here wolf," I muttered closing my eyes again. I could feel her energy pick up slowly. "Come on," I urged. She whined projecting images of her hesitancy to me. "It's not a joke, I actually want you to come out." She let her presence come forward in my brain and I scrunched my face focusing on her image. When I opened my eyes again I was a wolf. Thank you, god. My wolf yipped excitedly. let's go. I urged her and she took off running. The scents and stretching muscles were pleasant. I forgot everything as we moved over the uneven forest floor with ease. My ears flicked as a sound of twigs snapping sounded to my right. I slowed and listened while my heart rate picked up and fear filtered through my body. When the sound repeated again I froze. What if they came back? I didn't know how to fight? Why did I come out here all alone? Oh god! What was Troy going to think if I never returned? What was the last thing I said to him? My wolf snarled silencing my fears. I breathed deeply scenting the air: bunny. It was a bunny. Oh god. I couldn't do this I was terrified of a bunny and I was part wolf. I could not be a wolf in front of anyone ever again.
************
"I regret this," I huffed flopping on the ground while wiping sweat off of my brow. Troy stood over me panting and pulling off the boxing hand pads he was wearing.
"We don't have to-"
"I am doing this." I raised my left arm groaning at the pain and pointing my index finger at him. "I need to do this." I sat up holding out my hands for him to help me up.
"Okay," He pulled me up. "But you don't have to." Rolling my eyes I stretched my back putting my hands in my lower back and leaning back on them.
"What's next?" I asked raising my arms above my head and stretching out the muscles.
"Well..." He hesitated and I became interested. "I think that it would be beneficial to learn to fight as a wolf." I dropped my gaze.
"Oh. I thought that we would only go over how to fight as humans today," I answered. I didn't want him to see what being a wolf did to me. It was embarrassing. "I don't think I'm ready for the rest yet."
"Wasn't the whole point to train so you could defend yourself no matter what?" I didn't like where he was going with this.
"Yes, but not today." I turned away. "I think that I know more than enough for now." I started to walk back to the house. He stopped me with a hand on my arm.
"As your trainer, I have to say that you haven't even started training." I opened my mouth to protest. "And as your mate, I have to say that you're avoiding this for some reason. The question is why?" I turned my face away.
"I'm not avoiding it, I just don't think it needs to happen today." I crossed my arms over my chest and cocked my hip. "I think we're done I need to go let Balto out before I go into the school to talk about online classes." I pushed up on my toes and pressed a quick kiss on his lips before I left.
Back in the house I let Balto out of his crate and walked to the front door with him. He turned and looked at me as I let him onto the grass. "Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not avoiding it. I just don't .... feel like it." I paused thinking about it. "I just don't want him to see me like that. I mean come on, I went out last night... you know you saw me leave. Anyway, I was terrified of a bunny. A bunny." I nodded at him as he cocked his head like he was listening to what I wanted to say. "I can turn into a wolf and I'm terrified of bunnies." Balto's head dropped and he sniffed the ground while I sat down on the front step. Once he was done I brought him back into the house and jogged up the stairs heading for the ensuite bathroom.
Showered and clean I walked out into the bedroom wearing a towel around my body. Troy sat on the edge of the bed waiting.
"We need to talk." Uh oh. that familiar argument sentence starter.
"I will once I get home." I walked passed him and into the closet.
"Why don't you want to be a wolf?"
"I will talk about this later, I'm sorry I'm late," I called from the closet while I dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater. I walked out and kissed his cheek taking my purse and heading downstairs to my jeep.
In the car, I started it and sighed knowing that there would be an argument when I got home.
**********
"Well everything looks to be in order, You should get a password and username by email to log on to the class sites."
"Great thank you so much for doing this," I gathered the books and papers in my hands looking everything over. "So, how will my exams be administered?" I asked Mr. Calvin who was sitting at his desk looking over my files on his desktop computer.
"You'll have to come in on a set date to be determined by when you finish your modules, to do the exams, but any quizzes or chapter tests can be done online. You'll come to them when you submit your modules." He answered pushing his square-framed glasses up his nose and looking at me.
"Okay, well that sounds great. If I need help I can get that online as well?"
"Yes, and you can come into the school at any time during the week if you're really stuck." I stood up from the chair and nodded.
"Well thank you so much for meeting me. I appreciate all the help today." He nodded and smiled.
"That's what I'm here for," He stood up as well and I shook his hand before leaving the office. "Good luck with your studies." I smiled and left his office walking out of the school with all of my things.
"Rose?" I turned around surprised to see Jozelle walking from the parking lot.
"Hi," I responded stopping to talk.
"How are you?" I swallowed.
"I'm fine, how have you been?"
"Worried about you. If you need to talk to someone I'm always here." She touched my shoulder. "I miss you." I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"I'll come over one day and we can all catch up." I touched her hand with mine. "I have to go, I'm late but we'll talk more later, okay?"
"Yeah, sounds good." She nodded. I started walking back to my car.
In the car, I dumped everything on the passenger seat and rested my forehead against the steering wheel closing my eyes. How the hell am I supposed to be normal? I can't even have a conversation with my oldest friend without wanting to cry.
I started the car and drove home.
At home, I got everything out of the car and fumbled with the door trying to get in the house. I could hear Balto yelping at the door as I tried to turn the knob shifting my papers and books in my arms. They started to fall and I tried to shift the stack back into position. I over shuffled and the entire stack fell to the porch. "No..." I moaned throwing my hands up before kneeling on the porch and picking everything up. I opened the door and then stood up with all my papers in hand walking into the house. Troy sat on the couch drinking a beer and watching some program. I dropped my keys on the floor as I was walking in and huffed in frustration. Gritting my teeth I dropped the stuff next to Troy on the couch.
"Can you not hear the dog barking?" I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Yeah, I heard him." He shrugged. "He's been barking all day."
"Yeah? Well did you hear me struggle to get in the door without dropping everything which I did by the way... so thanks for the help." I intoned starting to pick up all the papers again intending to go upstairs.
"I didn't hear you over the damn dog so sorry."
"If you'd gotten up to see what the dog was barking at you'd know." I sassed keeping my head down.
"What?" He sat up putting his drink down.
"Did I stutter? The dog crate is right next to the door if someone was trying to break in he'd know." I gestured to the door. "Not that it matters if you don't go see who's at the door," I muttered.
"What did you just say?" He stood up stepping into my space.
"Don't pretend you didn't hear me." I shuffled the papers trying to figure out where they went. "damn it," I hissed trying to figure out which pages went with which booklets. He gripped my arm so I looked up at him.
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to reorganize the papers I need to put back together because they fell all over the porch." I pushed his hand off my arm.
"That's not what I meant. I meant what are you doing right now? Why are you acting like this?"
"Because you don't even care that someone could have tried to break into this house and if you didn't want to listen to the dog why the hell did you get him?" I shrugged and stepped away crossing my arms over my chest.
"I got him for you!" He shouted throwing his hands up. "I do everything for you and you just come here and yell at me or ignore me to go talk to other people."
"How dare you!" I gasped reaching up to slap him. He caught my hand in his grasp and pushed me back against the living room wall.
"Wanna try that again, Sweetheart?" He intoned. I breathed angrily.
"I do not ignore you. I did not yell at you." I answered instead.
"What's wrong?" He asked putting his other hand on my waist.
"Nothing." He narrowed his eyes tilting his head. "Fine, everything." I rolled my eyes.
"Come here," He led me back to the couch and sat down pulling me with him. His arm wrapped around my shoulders pulling me into his body. I rested my head on his chest and watched the football game happen. "What happened today?"
"Nothing happened. That's the thing." I sighed as his hand moved into my hair playing with it in a soothing manner.
"Well, then why are you so angry?"
"I think I'm somewhat entitled to be angry given everything."
"Mhmm..." He murmured absently and I looked at the beer on the table and back at the TV where the game was still on. He continued to scratch my scalp with his hand in an absent manner as his attention turned back to the game. Such a typical man, I thought. My eyelids dropped and I listened to his breathing while he watched the screen.
"Good morning," his voice vibrated against my ear. I raised my head off his chest and looked around the football game was still happening and his beer was still sitting untouched where he'd left it on the table.
"I wasn't sleeping," I protested on a yawn.
"You were," He insisted. "You've been out for the past twenty minutes," he laughed and I rubbed my eyes confused.
"But I just blinked," I insisted straightening up a little.
"No, no. Its okay, just sit still." He soothed keeping me close to his side.
"Someone has to let Balto out." I sighed not moving.
"I think he can wait a while," He hummed leaning his chin on the top of my head.
"But...puppy...so small." I murmured closing my eyes as he rubbed his hand in soothing motions over my arm.
"You're not making any sense, you know that right?" I hummed an affirmative answer as my breathing evened out.
I woke up to the commercials lying down on my side on the couch. I raised my head and looked around. One of the throw pillows rested under my head and a blanket covered my body. He really did do everything for me. My feelings always came first. I listened but didn't hear anything coming from around me.
"Troy?" I questioned looking around the room. There was no answer. I scrubbed my face with a hand and then sat up pushing the blanket off. I went to the front of the house where the dog crate was and blinked when the door was open and Balto was nowhere to be found. I opened the front door and walked onto the porch looking around. Neither the dog nor Troy was in sight. I walked around the house to the backyard and saw a very interesting sight.
Balto was bouncing around a familiar smokey grey wolf with dark tips on his ears who was laying on the ground with his face in between his paws and his tail thumping against the ground. He nipped and growled at the much bigger wolf who simply laid there and moved his massive head back and forth. His ears perked up as I sat on the porch step and he picked up his head with a soft whine. My wolf answered him in my mind willing me to change. I tried to push her down but she persisted until I couldn't stop it anymore and just accepted her presence. When my eyes opened Everything was sharper again and I stood up trotting over to my mate and puppy. Balto whined hiding behind Troy's frame and I realized he was afraid of me like this. I laid down on my stomach and whined pulling my ears back and crawling forward. My mate stood up and walked over to me. He bumped his muzzle against mine and then sat down next to me. I waited with patience keeping my eyes off of Balto until he decided to come to me. I yawned while resting my head on my paws. As a much smaller wolf than Troy, I didn't think I was nearly as intimidating. I settled in for the wait opening my eyes when a small snout bumped mine. He snuffled around my muzzle throwing me side glances as his little body moved. I waited longer with even breaths letting him acquaint himself with me as this being instead of a human. I didn't turn my head as Balto circled my body coming around to face me again. I waited and he cocked his head sitting down in front of me. I lifted my head slowly and whined thumping my tail against the ground. He wiggled his butt and jumped up placing kisses on my muzzle. I huffed a soft bark and placed a lick on his face. He panted showing me a puppy grin. I stood up and looked at my mate sitting tall with all his alpha pride. Safe. My wolf purred and I agreed.
How was your nap? The familiar sound of his voice in my head made me remember the hospital when he came for me. My human self wanted to cry.
Good. What were you two doing?
Playing around. He's less annoying in wolf form. I huffed a laugh as my human side rolled her eyes.
He's not annoying. He's a baby. I chastised lightly looking down at Balto's red form bouncing over the grass in front of us. Wanna go for a run? A peace offering.
You never have to ask that twice. He stood up and shook out his fur.
What are we going to do with him? I nodded to Balto.
Easy. He trotted over and picked up Balto in his mouth. I blinked at him and watched as he took Balto over to the porch placing him at the top of the stairs. He left Balto there and came back. You're just going to leave him there?
Why not? He hasn't figured out the stairs yet he'll be fine. Come on. His head nudged my side and I took one last look at Balto and went with him. We started at an easy lope heading for the trees. Flashbacks hit me of the day that we first had sex. We were so happy leaving that house that day. At the edge of the trees, I stopped filled with panic.
What's wrong? His voice filled my head and I recognized it but I couldn't unfreeze and respond. Safe. I'm safe with my mate.
I can't move. I don't know what's wrong but I can't do it. I continued to stare at the darkness of the undergrowth waiting for something sinister to pop out of the trees. I took a step backward and then another. I could move backward it seemed but into the trees was dangerous. I can't do this I'm sorry. I thought it was okay but its not, not right now. I turned around and ran back to the house once there I changed back to a human and ran up the stairs letting Balto into the house with me. I went up to the bedroom and breathed heavily trying to shake off the sense of panic. The lump in my throat came back and I tried to swallow it down. I heard the door downstairs close. Blinking away my tears and clearing my throat I stood facing the window. The soft knock on the bedroom door and his familiar tread came next.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," I whispered crossing my arms in front of my chest.
"Do you want to talk to someone else about it?"
"No," I clipped out the word so fast he almost didn't finish his sentence.
"Babe, this isn't healthy."
"I am more than aware that it's not healthy, what do you want me to do? I can't fix what happened to me. Do you have any idea how affected I was every day when I woke up if I slept at all?"
"It wasn't exactly a picnic for me either, Babe. I spent a lot of time not sleeping as well." I turned and faced him.
"I know. I'm sorry, I just don't have an explanation for what happened." He held out his arms and I walked into them letting his comforting scent and presence soothe me. "I don't want to be broken anymore," I whispered against his chest.
"I know." He murmured against my hair. "I know." I sighed and pressed closer to him. I pulled back and looked at him. My heart broke, but I needed to tell him what I was going to say next.