A/N I'm too mad that this will be the third tour I won't be able to go to because they decide to have their tour dates on the days I won't be in the state😤😤😤 and the one when I will be in the state technically I'll be on a damn cruise off the coast of Florida... Lmao story of my damn life
and even though I don't live over there but I do go to college in AR, for a world tour they sure don't like the middle eastern part of America cause they literally go all the way around those states lol even for the last tour... ugh I just need them to help me out a little bit here and let me see them...
But ANYWAYS.... ENJOY!!
It was a few hours later and I was going on stage in a half hour. But all I could think about was what happened earlier with Dinah. What she looked like half naked in my arms. The way she smelled. The way her body felt under my lips. I couldn't stop thinking about her even while on was getting dressed for my set.
When I had finally finished getting dressed and I knew I had to tell my girls what happened at least. Especially since it might become a regular thing. And I can't let her have that type of control over me if I still can't have her.
I left my dressing room to go searching for where Sierra and Diamond went. I went to Kehlani's dressing room first since her set was over and they could possibly be in there with her. But all that was in her room was her bags that her team had to get to take them to our last show destination.
I checked Fifth Harmony's room next since they wouldn't be in Tori's room because she's on stage. As soon as I opened the door I was met with laughter from all of them causing me to have a shocked look on my face. What topped it all, was that my ex and the Polynesian were sitting next to each other, toppled on top of one another, laughing at whatever joke was told.
"Hello?!"
Diamond yelled making me snap my head towards her.
"Huh?"
The other girls started laughing at my confusion before Sierra answered.
"You've been standing there just staring for a few minutes like a crazy person. What do you want?"
I guess the thought of Kehlani sitting and laughing with the girl I almost had sex with not too long ago was more shocking to me than I thought.
"Oh, um. I need to speak to you three."
Sierra and Diamond got up immediately knowing they were at least two of the three I wanted. But Camila didn't move making me furrow my eyebrows until I realized why.
"Oh, I, uh, meant Camz. I'm sorry. I mean you can come if you want, but it's just, I doubt you would want to hear what I'm going to talk about."
There was an awkward silence that happened making me get uncomfortable immediately.
"It's fine. I was about to go back to the hotel anyway."
Kehlani finished getting the few things she had in the room.
"I'll see you guys later."
She says to the group but more so to Diamond and Sierra, then pushed past me to walk out. I sighed, shaking my head.
"Whatever. Can you guys just come on before my set starts."
They nodded and hurried up.
"Camila, you need to be back in like 5 minutes."
She nodded at Lauren then left to my dressing room.
"And I would like to know what you're going to talk about."
"I don't know what you're talking about Ally."
I said closing the door hearing Normani and Lauren ask what she was talking about. I rolled my eyes, trying to fight a smile, as I walked into my dressing room. They were all on the couch across from my mirror so I went to sit on the desk that was holding it.
"Okay, listen. What I'm about to say can't leave this room."
They all nod and say okay, but I turn to look at Camila.
"It can't leave this room."
She furrows her eyebrows and says, "Okay.", louder.
"No, I'm serious. This doesn't leave this room. Not even for the girls. Especially them. You need to swear to me that you won't tell."
I could see the realization make it's way across her face as she understood I was serious.
"Okay, I swear."
I nodded and took a deep breath before speaking.
"Okay, so. Last night after you guys left the party, I remembered that Rihanna was in town and went to her hotel."
Camila's eyes narrowed and she cut me off.
"You made me swear not to tell that you slept with Rihanna? Really?"
I rolled my eyes, sighing.
"No, Camila. I mean yes you can't tell that either because Dinah can not find out."
"Why not?"
Sierra asked before Camila could.
"Because once I got back to the hotel we got into an argument about me sleeping around after Kehlani and her "boyfriend"."
I said making quotations with my hands when I said boyfriend.
"But eventually we stopped once she was asking about who the third person was that broke my heart. But I ignored her because I wanted to sleep a little before the show and she said she didn't sleep last night either. So we both went to my room to lay down. And I sort of admitted to her that... I loved her and I wouldn't be able to just stop talking to her just because. Then one thing lead to another and we kissed."
They all gasped and stood up, about to jump up and down, screaming. I cut them off before they could.
"Wait! There's more."
I said the latter a little lower knowing I was about to get in trouble. So, I avoided looking at Camila entirely as I spoke.
"We almost had sex."
"What the hell!? Foreal? How did that even happen? Or almost happen."
I was about to answer when Camila started talking.
"Um, no. Screw that. You were going to have sex with her while I was in the room?"
"I told her that I couldn't do it because you were there and that was a barrier we couldn't break..."
She raised her eyebrows at me knowing there was a "but" coming.
"But, she like grabbed my hand and put it in... places... and like looked me in my eyes with this look and asked me to break it for her--"
"And you were going to?!"
I raised my hands straight up, raising my voice with hers, officially giving up on trying to keep her calm.
"It's Dinah! She could've asked me have sex with her in front of paparazzi and we would have a sex tape out right about now."
Diamond and Sierra were laughing at us up until I said that. Then they made disgusted faces. Camila just rolled her eyes at me.
"I can't believe you."
I shook my head at her.
"Look, that's not the point. The point is I almost had sex with Dinah. She still has a boyfriend and after our argument I know she isn't going to break up with him. But if she comes at me like that again, I won't be able to stop."
"So, what exactly do you need help with?"
Diamond asked confused.
"What to do. I'm borderline obsessed with this girl and she knows that now. I can't have her dragging me around like some lost puppy who is going to say how high when she tells me to jump. I can't be put in that position again."
"I was like that with Kendall and that break up just about killed me. Plus, it might happen again and she's still with that no neck bastard. I even told her that I want her not just sex and she still didn't stop. I want to tell her that I'm serious and I don't want to be just a side chick. But if I get her alone and she makes a pass I'm going to forget why I even wanted to talk to her. I just need help."
As I was speaking I was getting faster and taking less breaths, leaving me slightly breathless once I finished.
"Okay, first things first, calm down."
Diamond said, then Camila added on.
"Yeah. Take some deep breaths or something."
I nodded my head, doing just that, as Sierra spoke.
"Next, again calm down. You act like you're not a singer."
She stopped talking making me confused.
"What are you talking about?"
She rolled her eyes and stood up again.
"You don't talk about your feelings, you sing about them. Everyone knows that. Even though most of the songs you have out are about sex, you just released one like a few days ago that basically says what you want to say. And the rest of what you need to explain is in a song on your album."
"I'm still not understanding what you expect me to do."
Camila groaned making me look at her.
"Jesus, I thought I was slow. You literally are the only one on this tour that has like an extra 15 minutes to just do whatever. Sing those two songs, dumb ass."
I held my hand up like I was sticking it in her face.
"Okay, first. Chill out with the name calling, okay? I'm stressed out here. And two, how is she going to hear me sing if you guys literally are getting ready up until you go on stage?"
She shrugs and leans back on the couch.
"I'll just tell Ally--"
"No the hell you won't. Especially not Ally. Over my dead body."
She rolled her eyes before continuing.
"I'll just tell Ally that you want us to watch the ending set. She'll force us to get ready faster and that way Dinah can see it."
"That's actually pretty smart."
Sierra said with Diamond nodding as well.
"Okay, fine. Hopefully this will work."
She nodded and took out her phone and started typing on it. I looked to Sierra and Diamond, giving them a confused look, and they just giggled and shrugged their shoulders. I looked back at Mila with my eyes wide. She finally noticed I was looking at her and made a confused face.
"What?"
"What do you mean ' what'? Go tell Ally so you guys can be ready."
Her mouth made an 'O' shape and she got up, apologizing as she left. I shook my head knowing that this whole thing I'd probably going to fail because of her. I looked at the other two as they finished laughing at her.
"We'll go make sure that they are all ready in time."
"Thank you."
I sighed out in relief as they left hoping any of this would actually work.
-----------------
Looking to the side, I saw it was still empty so I spoke hoping that soon they will be at the side.
"So, you guys know my music is usually about just having... relations."
The crowd did a mixture of laughing and what I can only describe as screams of orgasms.
"Yeah, yeah. Okay. But alot of you have been on my case heavy trying to get me to do more love songs because you liked when I did them. So I'm here to sing you two. One is on my album and the other I just released. I'm singing it for you but I'm also singing it to somebody specific."
One of the fans yelled,
"Did you find love again?"
As they held up a camera. I smiled and responded.
"You could say that. Alright here we go."
I took the headset I wore off and grabbed an actual microphone. I looked back over to the side to see it was still empty.
Baby I'mma be straight up
Don't waste no time
I know you ain't my, you ain't my baby
Do you think about us
Do I cross your mind anytime
I looked back over to the side, seeing Dinah standing there first.
I know that you, you're taken
It'll never change
Cuz it's always been that way
But you know that you
Can't fake it
He can't give you what I got here right now
Girl I know what you want
No phones, we ain't even gotta talk
Camila and the rest of them piled over on the side. Her, Diamond and Sierra gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up making me smile before singing again. Making sure the last five lines of the verse and the chorus I was looking at Dinah.
Next time that he leave you all alone
I'm gon' come through, replace him
I'm gonna watch you get naked
I'm gonna tell you girl take it
Next time that he leave you all alone
I'll give you all the love he denied
I'm about to take his spot
Let your man know that
Mrs. Steal Your Girl is back
So let your man know that
Mrs. Steal Your Girl is back
I' back
I'm gonna watch you
Get naked
I'm gonna tell you
Girl take it
Let your man know that
Mrs. Steal Your Girl is back
So let your man know that
Mrs. Steal Your Girl is back
I'm back
As the song came to a close, the next started making me smile at the crowd as they screamed.
Don't play with her, don't be dishonest
Still not understanding this logic
Aye, I'm back and I'm better
I want you bad as ever
Don't let me just let up
I wanna give you better
Baby it's whatever
Somebody gotta step up
Girl, I'm that somebody
So I'm next up
Be damned if I let him catch up
It's easy to see that you're fed up
As I was singing to the audience, I turned to say the next few lines to Dinah so she understood that this was all for her.
I am on a whole 'nother level
Girl, he only fucked you over 'cause you let him
Her mouth dropped open slightly, realizing this song was also for her. As I sung I changed the pretense of the lyrics so she really understood that this song was about her.
Do all I can just to show you you're special
Certain it's your love that holds me together
Lately you said he been killing the vibe
Gotta be sick of this guy
Pulled up skurt
You got in the ride
My left hand was steering the other was gripping your thigh
Light up a spliff and get high
Shawty you deserve what you been missing
Looking at you I'm thinking he must be tripping
Play this song for him tell him just listen
I closed my eyes getting in the song and going to the opposite side of the girls on the stage to touch some fans hands. Once the Mariah Carey sample part came on I started walking along the edge of the stage so the fans could touch me as I made eye contact with Dinah.
Girl, said he keeps on playing games and his loving ain't the same
I don't know what to say-ay but
What a shame
If you were mine you would not get the same
If you were mine you would top everything
I looked away as I got towards the middle of the stage to see Nela in the crowd. Dinah hadn't mentioned him coming to see her so I'm assuming he was trying to surprise her.
He was nodding his head to the beat, watching me perform. I took this as the perfect opportunity to be petty and purposely added the word "She" to my lyrics and changing the word "girl" to "dude" as I looked him in his eyes.
Suicide in the drop switching lanes
And that thang so fire baby no propane
She got good pussy, dude, can I be frank
To keep it 100, girl, I ain't no saint
But he the only reason that I'm feeling this way
I made sure I turned back to Dinah as I made a cut throat motion across my neck as I sung "when you get space".
Giving you the world baby when you get space
Pen game get me laid, baby that's penetrate
Oh baby
Don't
The songs beat continued and as the beat went out, I knew when the next "don't" was coming but the crowd didn't. So, watching them try to time it and see when it happened was almost as amusing as the look Nela had on his face as I sung the song "to" him and he realized what was happening.
"I love you guys! Thank you!"
I said as I ran off the stage towards the girls side.
"That was awesome. You did amazing."
"It's still so cool watching you perform."
Diamond and Sierra both said as I hugged them both at the same time. I pulled back smiling.
"Thanks guys."
I turned to Camila and she winked at me before going to finish getting ready for her set. I turned to the rest of the girls to see Dinah walking off in the other direction. I frowned until I saw she was walking towards an upset looking Nela. I snickered to myself before looking at the other three.
"Hey, Y/N/N. You did great. But why exactly did you want us to watch?"
Normani said, then Lauren added on.
"Yeah, the three musketeers were a little choppy with the details."
I laughed at her but I answered.
"Well you guys never usually watch the end of my set because you're always getting ready. So, I wanted you guys to see it at least once before the tour ends."
Normani and Lauren nodded at me, believing what I said.
"Okay, well you really did do great, but we're going to go and get some of the chicken they just brought in so we have some after the show."
Lauren said before her and Normani basically raced to the buffet. I smiled at them and went to walk away but Ally grabbed my hand before I could.
"Oh no. They might buy that, but I saw you two this morning. You just wanted Dinah here, didn't you?"
I sighed before looking at her in her eyes.
"What do you expect me to tell you?"
She looked off behind me before looking back at me.
"Well, how does that make you feel?"
She said nodding her head to behind me. When I turned around I saw Nela with his back to me and Dinah opposite of him, going back and forth in a quiet argument. While they were arguing Nela turned and walked into what I assumed was Fifth Harmony's empty dressing room. Dinah sighed and threw her head back. When she looked straight again her eyes landed on mine. She smiled at me softly making me smile back before she walked after him and I turned back to Ally.
"Well, she's not mad at me. So, I couldn't care less that he's mad. Hopefully that means they'll break up."
I said shrugging the whole thing off.
"Even if he tells her that you basically just told him that she cheated on him?"
"So, he cheats on her I bet. And treats her like crap they need to break up."
She shook her head and looked at the clock on the wall before looking back behind me for a second then looking at me again.
"How about now?"
I turned around to see them hugged up outside the dressing room. When they pulled away, Nela went back to where he would be for the show. I rolled my eyes at that and turned back around to Ally.
"Well, it's not like I haven't been here before. I don't even care anymore."
She was about to say something else but I turned around and went to my dressing room. I had to pass Dinah as I did. She smiled widely when she saw me walking towards her. But her smile fell when I walked around her.
"Y/N?"
I stopped as I was about to walk into my room to look at her, raising my eyebrows slightly.
"What?"
"Okay, what did I do? I thought we were good?"
She said as she walked closer to me.
"It's whatever, Dinah. Go do your show."
She was in front of me by the time I finished speaking.
"No, what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
She grabbed my hand and pulled me into my dressing room making my eyes widened. She literally pushed me further in the room as she closed the door, making me stumble to catch my step.
"Damn. What's with all the verbal and physical abuse to me today?"
She ignored me and turned around to face me. I just looked at her and she moved her hand in a circular motion telling me to continue.
"What?"
I asked as I turned to get my clothes together that I was going to wear out the venue.
"What's wrong with you? Why did you just walk past me like that?"
"I thought you were looking at Nela."
She scoffed raising her voice slightly.
"That's bull. He was already gone when you were walking."
I shrugged, already done getting my clothes together but acting like I was still searching for something to wear so I didn't have to look at her.
"So, that's it? Your not going to talk?"
"God, what's with every one wanting me to talk today?"
I said raising my voice as I slammed my suitcase shut.
"What do you want me to say to you? What answer do you want me to tell you that will make you happy?
I said turning to look at her shocked face.
"I just want the truth."
She said softly, but my voice never changed.
"I'm not some puppet Dinah."
I said as I kept touching and moving things around even though nothing was actually getting done.
"I told you that I want you. You. But you keep running back to that... thing like he's the best thing that ever happened to you."
She didn't say anything in response making me continue my rant again.
"I mean he left you stranded in the middle of nowhere and you called me to come help get you out. I had other things planned but I put them on the back burner for you and you just keep running around with him."
I stopped moving abruptly as I was "packing" and ran my hands down my face. I turned to look at her to see she had this look of sympathy on her face making me scoff. I picked up my clothes to change and spoke as I went towards the door.
"Yeah, that look doesn't help at all. But it's cool. Like I told you and Ally, I seem to stay in this hell of a position so I guess I'll make myself comfortable. Because I'm done trying to prove myself to people who don't care enough about me to show it. But know that if you try to do that stuff again, it might go the way you want. But it definitely won't end like you want it to."
I turned around, leaving a defeated looking Dinah behind.
"Y/N?!"
I stopped before I opened the bathroom door to look at her. But as soon as she opened her mouth, someone running around backstage pulled her towards the stage against her protests. I rolled my eyes and walked into the bathroom just for Ally to walk into me in a rush.
"Oh, sorry Y/N."
"It's fine."
I walked around her but she stopped me again.
"Wait. What happened?"
"Well, like I said before, I've been here before. It's nothing new and apparently Dinah isn't any different from everyone else who leaves or hurts me. Happy? Turns out I actually have feelings."
I said. Once I was done speaking she looked confused.
"I'm not understanding. What exactly happened?"
I saw the crew in the back freaking out looking for Ally.
"Listen you have a show to do, like right now. And I'm tired of talking. Ask your friend what happened."
I let the door shut, going to turn the shower on. Right before I stepped in the shower, I wrote a tweet.
@Y/T/N : To the fan who asked me if I found love again at my show earlier and I said yeah.. turns out I was wrong.... so wrong 😞
A/N I write the most bipolar chapters lmao... I want to know what y'all think (or want) to happen next... who knows I might actually make it happen since I haven't finished the next chapter yet...
--STAY HAPPY BABES!!! ❤❤❤