Cait was waiting in the kitchen for me to come down .
“I was thinking that if you don't mind , we could go down to your house and pick up some stuff “She said casually , though she was obviously wary of my reaction .
I paused . I didn't really want to go back , with all Steven and Mum's things leering at me . “When ?” asked , trying to sound relaxed too , but she glanced at me , frowning , so apparently it wasn't working .
“Sometime today . After lunch , maybe ?”
'No' I wanted to say . Instead , I shrugged . “Yeah , maybe .” Cait nodded , satisfied with my response .
“What would you like for breakfast ?” She asked . I shook my head . “I'm not really hungry , thanks .” Cait sighed . “Look , Hazel , I know this has been tough on you but -”
She looked up , as I did , hearing yells from upstairs . “I'm coming !” She called and hurried away .
I watched her leave , then got up myself . This was only my third day at the Home , and I already wanted to run away . I grabbed my jacket of my hook in the hall , then walked outside into the crisp October air .
If I could live in this house willingly , by myself , with no other children of foster mothers , I have to admit it would be nice . It sat in the middle of the countryside , the nearest town was about five miles away . It was big , it had to be , to fit all us children , and it was homey .
Still , it was nothing like the place I used to live in . Sure , that was a flat above the local chemist with two bedrooms , it had mould growing in one of the showers , and every time you tried to open the front door it got jammed , so you were there for half an hour trying to open the bloody thing . But , it was home . And I love it , and would give anything to go back .
Now , I didn't want to . It felt like chaining a dog who hasn't eaten in weeks up to a wall , then planting a bowl of food centimeters out of their reach . So close , yet so far .
I couldn't go back home , but I had to . There was no way Cait would let me stay here , while she went and picked up my stuff . What did she mean by that , anyway ? My room could barely fit me , let alone any of my things from home .
I sighed . Why was it me ? I guess , we all have bad things happen to us sometimes , but did it have to be this ? Did my family have to die ?
It wasn't long before I heard Cait calling me , so I walked back from the bottom of the garden up to the house . “We'll be leaving soon” She said , “John's going to meet us there , so if you want to go up to your room and grab anything , do it quickly .”
I shook my head . “No , I don't need anything “I replied , and she nodded back at me . “Okay , get in the car so , and we'll be off .”
When we arrived at my old apartment , I winced . I hadn't been here in about a week but it looked exactly the same . I could see John waiting outside for us , glancing anxiously down the road for our car .
Cait steered expertly into a parking space by the curb , and got it . “Come on , Hazel” She said brightly . I slipped out of my seat and looked p at the block of flats ahead of me . I could see ours , with Steven's window facing out into the street . His curtains were closed , but I knew everything that was behind them without needing to go upstairs .
“Hazel !” John said when we approached him . “How's it been ?” I shrugged . “Okay , I guess . You ?” He beamed at me . Sometimes , I think he is a bit to enthusiastic . “Fantastic . Shall we go upstairs , so ?”
I nodded . I had the key , on a chain around my neck . Mum gave it to me when she started working , for when we came home and she wasn't there . Apparently , I was more responsible than Steven would ever be .
“True , that “ I muttered , as I shoved against the door . “Sorry ?” Cait asked .
“Nothing .”
The apartment was empty , and cold . All our furniture was exactly where we'd left , and I grimaced . In a way , I had been hoping that something might have changed .
I went into my room first . I shared it with Mum , and Steven took the last bedroom at the front of the house . “What do you want me to bring ?” I asked Cait . She shrugged , and glanced around . “Any personal items , really . The things you'd most like to see when you wake up in the morning , the things that remind you of home . The rest will be moved into storage .”
“Clothes ?” I asked . She nodded . “Yes . But mind , you might not be able to fit all of them in your closet .” I opened my drawers , and began packing . “That's okay” I said , “I don't have much clothes anyway .”
“Is there anything I can do to help ?” Cait asked . I nodded . “Yeah , there's some photo albums under the bed , could I bring those ?” She nodded . “Those would be perfect .”
There was silence for a few minutes , as we packed up my things , when Cait was finished with the albums , she went to the kitchen to make some coffee , and John came and joined me . We moved on to ornaments , books and diaries .
“It's hard , isn't it , packing stuff away like this ?” John said awkwardly , “Harder than you'd think .” I nodded , as I handled carefully the crystal swan Mum had won me at a fair when I was seven . “Have you ever had to do it ?” I asked , “For you , I mean .”
He nodded , surprising me . “When I was about your age , maybe younger . There was a gas leak , and we had to evacuate . Both my parents died in an attempt to save me and my sister .”
I blinked . “I'm sorry” I told him . He smiled at me . “It's okay . That's why I took this job , you know . To try and make it better for kids going through the same stuff I went through .”
“You're doing a good job” I told him . He thanked me , and glanced around . “Are we finished here ?” He asked . I looked around the room , and nodded . “What do we do now ?” I asked .
“Coffee's ready !” Cait called . “Have a coffee break ,” John said , laughing . “Let's put the boxes in the hall , quickly , before it gets cold .”
“Do you want some ?” Cait asked me , when we came in . She had already poured cups for her and John . I shook my head . I had never liked coffee , although both my mother and brother were addicted . “You take after your dad “ Mum had always told me . That was almost as much as she spoke of him . He had left when I was a couple of months old , and never come back . Social Services had tried to find him , but couldn't .
“You were saying earlier , about the rest of the stuff going into storage ...” I trailed off . Cait nodded . “Yes . That's for furniture , and big stuff like that . It's still , owned by you , technically , so it's just a safe place to keep it until you turn eighteen .”
“When?” I asked . Cait frowned . “Hmm ?”
“When will all the stuff be moved into storage ?”
“Oh ! Well , tomorrow , maybe ?”
John shook his head . “Can't do tomorrow “ he said .
“Why not ?” Cait asked .
“The charity thing remember ? They're coming over tomorrow .”
Cait nodded . “Oh , yes , I remember now . Well , how long will they be staying ? We could still ...”
John shook his head again . “I don't know when they're coming , or how long they're staying . They're visiting three other homes tomorrow , and we're the last .”
Cait turned to me . “We'll probably move your things into storage , the day after tomorrow , then . You don't mind , do you ?”
I shook my head . “No . So what's this charity thing ?”
Cait smiled mysteriously . “I'll tell you when we get home , love , it's not fair for you to know ahead of the others . Are you done your coffee , John ? In that case , we can get started again . The bedroom , or in here , Hazel ? It's your house , you get to choose .”
Not much stuff was to be taken down in the living room and kitchen . We rented the apartment , and most of our valuables were in the bedrooms . In Steven's bedroom , there wasn't much things of sentimental value to me , but a lot of things that reminded me of him . I took his guitar , CD's , t-shirts that he had often lent me , his alarm clock , and the photos he kept on his locker .