This could be a long chapter (just warning)
Plus, trigger warning
•••
Year: 2011
Willow: 13
Phil: 24
Dan: 19
•••
*PHIL'S POV*
"See you soon Dan, have fun at uni tomorrow," I smile.
"Funny Phil. Funny," Dan sarcastically says as he puts his headphones on, walking away from my home, hands in his pockets, and from all the way over hereI could hear the sound of Muse blasting from his headphones.
Typical Daniel James Howell.
I went to my couch and sat down alone. This was the point I would usually edit my new video but something told me not to. I wasn't lazy... I was just being....
I was being lazy wasn't I?
Anyway, it's 2011, so I picked up my 3DS and began to play Mario Kart online. Dan wasn't online which I wasn't surprised about. Dan had to walk back to his uni block which was about 10 minutes to the tube and then half an hour from there.
But me and Dan were going to move in together next week. After we film PINOF2, we are moving into a apartment together. With us both enjoying and living the internet lifestyle and with us collabing so much, we decided to move into an apartment together nearby Dan's university. That way we can do even more collab videos.
Dan's studying law and I honestly don't know why. Dan hates law, he goes on about it a lot when we're on Skype together most nights. I feel as though he will snap one day though, probably before an important exam of something knowing Dan.
I'm winning my game of Mario Kart when my phone goes off. This causes me to drive into a banana on the track and I curse out loud.
I go to the phone and pick it up. It was a special ringtone I set just for mom. It was so I knew who it was and I had to pick it up.
Moms, so protective.
"Hey mom-" I begin.
"Phil help." My moms voice sounds panicked, stressed out even.
Oh no.
"Mom whats going on?" I ask. Worried.
"It's Willow... she's locked herself in the bathroom, she's crying and she won't let me in and I can hear things breaking... Phil what do I do?!" She cries.
I grab my coat in a rush and try to put my shoes on at the same time, "I'M COMING MOM!" I yell.
No no no no no!
I knew Willow was depressed. I know she has been going through a rough parch in her life.
And I know she cuts.
I manage to finish my chore of putting on shoes and coat at the same time, and soon I am dashing out the house, locking the door quickly as I race out sprinting at super sonic speed.
"PHIL!" I stop halfway up my street to see Dan jogging lightly towards me, "Hey, I left my coat at yours - can I go get it..."
"Can it wait Dan please?" I beg.
"Why what's up Phil..." Dan asks.
For fuck sake!
"Dan I have to go!" I yell, and run off, Dan yelling my name as I ran and ran.
Dan hardly knows anything about my family. He's never met them. Though he is next week at some point. That reminds me to ask mom about it...
Mom and Willow's home was nearby, a 10 minute run maximum. I get there and fumble with the keys and unlock the door, closing it again once I am and bounding up the stairs two at a tim, "MOM!" I yell, moving my long dark fringe out the way of my face.
"Phil thank god you're here," she pulls me into a hug, "I don't know what to do Phil I-"
I begin to bang on the door loudly, "WILLOW KATE LESTER!"
"W-what..." her voice was quiet and in between tears. Sympathy washes over my body.
"Let me in Willow, please," I almost beg.
"NO!"
Guess we're back to yelling again.
"WILLOW LET ME IN!" I begin to throw myself at the door. I had to get in.
I suddenly hear a bang from inside, "WILLOW?!" I yell/ask. No response. Panic and worry washes over me again as I try to force the door open, me screaming Willow's name and mom behind me, as of rooted to the spot in panic and sacredness.
I suddenly hear the lock of the bathroom pop and I burst into the room with no hesitation. I see our white sink filled to the brim with red water, 99.9% sure it was a mixture of blood and water. Above the sink was the mirror but it was shattered, with the words ugly, bitch, fat, gross, die written in her lipstick written onto it. Ornaments that usually sat around tbe bathroom neatly broken on the tiles.
I then look at my sister, unconscious sister. She was lying face down so I turn her over and almost in sync, me and mom gasp.
She had her eyes closed. Her uniform was on but her blazer was chucked to one side. Her shirt was un-tucked from her skirt and top button un-done and tie loose. Then there was her eye. It had a dark ring around it, as if she had been hit there many times and a busted lip too. Then my eyes wandered down the rest of her body. As I suspected, her arms were covered in dark red gashes that were deep and bleeding and in her left hand...
Was a empty pill bottle.
No. Anything but this...
She tried to overdose...
I took action and , yes even though it sounds gross , using my middle finger and my index finger, I put them down my sisters throat where she soon throws up the pills weakly but she was still in her unconscious state.
"MOM CALL AN AMBULANCE!" I yell and she begins the call on her mobile, tears spilling down her now pale and blemished face.
Poor mom.
I felt myself begin to cry. My sister... my sister was trying to commit suicide... kill herself...
Why would she do that to herself?
Paramedics arrive and help her unconscious, weak and limp body onto a stretcher and take it into the ambulance.
"You know," a male doctor comes over to me and smiles, "You saved her life by making her throw up the pills."
I look at him, "thanks..." I say. Though I wansn't happy. Yes, I was happy that I saved my sister, but the question kept repeating itself over and over again.
Why did she do it?
The paramedic saw I had zoned out from him so began to walk away to where they were taking the stretcher down the stairs.. I could see my mom. She was shaking a lot. I went over to her and pulled her into a tight hug, "Why would she do it Philly? What happened to her?"
"I don't know mom..." I whisper to her as she begins to weep again in my arms.
I stroke her hair as she carried on crying in my arms, "What did I do Phil?"
"You did nothing mom..." I say, still stroking her hair.
"I did Phil, I must have," she pulls away to look at me dead in the eye, "Otherwise she wouldn't do this."
The medic from before comes over, "We're about to leave... are you two coming as we need to get to the hospital as soon as possible."
"We're coming..." I say, taking moms coat and putting it over her numb body, "Come on mom."
•••
The ride to the hospital was torturous. They hooked Willow up to machines to keep her breathing and as soon as we got to the hospital, Willow was rushed off and a nurse walked with me and mom as Willow was pushed further and further out of sight.
"So do you know why Willow would do this?" She asks as we walk, she held her clipboard tightly and had her nails done professionally and acrylic; a gold to purple ombre colour.
"No idea," my mom says.
"Do you know what may have possibly triggered her?" The nurse asks again.
"No idea," my mom says again.
The nurse sighs, as if annoyed, "Young man. What are you to Willow Lester?"
"Her older brother," I say. God, this is the third time I told this bitch how I was related to Willow.
Surprised she hasn't had it written onto her fake nails yet. Make the nails she has actually worth-while.
"Right," she says, "So do you have a idea-"
"I have no idea because I only arrived after my mom called me about her being mad at herself in the bathroom - I'm more clueless than she is," I say.
"Right..." she says as she puts her clipboard down, "I guess we will have to wait till Willow decides to wake up," and then she flounces off into a ward.
"So where's Willow?" My mom asks me, "Where is she?!"
"It's fine mom... I'm guessing she's in here..." I look through the window and there she was, lying there, her chest moving up and down lightly as she breathed.
She's alive.
Me and mom are about to go in when I hear my phone go off. I sigh as I read the caller ID as Dan. I've already declined his call four times since I ran off from him earlier... and I go to decline it again when my mom puts her arm out to stop me, "Answer it."
"What?" I say, "Willow needs me..."
"I can look after her for a couple of minutes while you answer Dan's call. And anyway, Willow is asleep." Mom re-assures me.
I nod, "ok..."
Mom smiles at me, "That's my Philly," she says and enters the ward.
By now Dan's call had ended so I decide to call him back myself, "Hey," I say.
"Oh my god Phil thank god you answered. Listen, I have no idea why you ran off from me earlier but I really need that coat back... it's my roommates Elliot and he knows its gone and he's really pissed at me for using it so I need it back before he kicks me out..." Dan waffles on.
"Yeah about that Dan..." I rub the back of my neck awkwardly, "I can't bring it to you right now... or possibly not tonight..."
"Phil!" I hear Dan cry, "I'm going to be kicked out! Why can't you bring it?"
"I would bring it Dan... but I'm not home... I'm at the hospital..." I say. Shit Phil, you've dug myself in a deep hole now... He'll want to know about why I'm in hospital...
"Wait, why are you in hospital? Dan, what happened to you?" He asks, his voice almost panicked.
Told you.
"It's not me in hospital," I say, "It's my sister... she's in hospital."
"Wait... you'l have a sister?" Dan asks.
I laugh out loud, "Yeah..."
"So what happened to her? Broke her leg or something?" Dan asks.
"I wish..." I mumble.
"What?" Dan asks over the phone, "Did you say I wish?"
"PHIL!" I look towards the door where my mom stood, "Willow's waking up."
I sigh, "Dan I gotta go-"
"No Phil don't end the call again I-"
I ended the call on him.
I ran into the room and I saw my sister. Her eyes were like slits, but she was awake.
"Willow," I pull her into a hug, "I was so worried about you Willow..."
I hear her breath but she doesn't speak to me. I pull her back and she is crying, her eyes welled up, "I... I... I'm sorry mom..." she says, tears running down her pale cheeks, "I... I... I'm sorry Phil..." she says to me, more tears falling down her pale cheeks as she looks at me, "I'm so, so, so, SO sorry!"
"I just want to know one thing Willow," I say, "Why did you do it?"
She looks at me and shakes her head, "I can't say."
"Yes you can Willow," I say looking at her, "And you need to."
"I don't have to if I don't want to," she says, folding her hands over her chest.
"Yes you do Willow because this is really serious," mom says, sitting on the bed next to me.
"I don't want to though," she says, "It's a long story..."
"We have time," I say.
Willow sighs, "Fine I will..."
"Good..." I say.
"Tomorrow," Willow finishes.
"Willow," I say sternly.
"Fine!" She cries. She sighs and breathes in and out loudly, "I went into school in the morning. And I arrived at school... late..." she was hesitant to say this as mom often hates it if Willow is late to education like she did if I ever was late.
But mom stays quiet and Willow takes this as a sign to continue, "I was late to class and from there I had... Abi staring at me the whole lesson, a smirk on her face, it was as if... evil I guess... And Luke... yet he saw how Abi was eyeing me... he ignored it. He just looked back at her and I think... I think he was winking at her..." She says.
I stay still. Luke, I trusted him with my sister and here he is... potentially cheating on my sister.
"At break... Luke took me to the library... in the library... was that group... everyone except Benji but apparently he was off fucking Sophie Chess..." she laughs quietly, "But, then Abi hit me... in the eye," she pointed to her eye which was still a black-purple colour. "And... I... punched her... back..." she said.
I looked at mom and she looks at me. She didn't say anything about the fact of Willow punching another person.
And to be honest, I didn't care.
"Luke was appalled at me," Willow continues, "So he hit me and then suddenly the whole group was punching me and bullying me. It was awful so I left school again..."
"Where did you go?" I ask her.
"I walked around for a bit... and then I headed to your house Phil..." I pain of guilt washed over me, "But I never knocked because from even outside I could hear you and your friend making videos so I left."
"Willow... its fine... just knock..." I say.
"I know I should've now... but its too late to go back," she says. "I carried on walking around until I got bored. I headed towards home but thats when I was beat up again by them guys, this time being called the names."
"The ones written on the mirror..." I say and Willow nods.
"I got home and then everything happened." She looked at mom, "I ignored you and didn't show my face because I was scared for how you would react to it. I ran to the bathroom to lock myself away and then I began to smash things, yell things in self pity, anger, and devastation. And then I wrote the words and cried at myself and began to pull at my hair...
"Then I found the blade and the cuts came naturally as I filled up the sink with water... and soon I was seeing the drops of blood from my pierced skin drip into the water and expand and swirl around. usually, this calms me down but today it didn't. I cut more and more cuts hoping it would at some point but soon I couldn't see the swirls at all because the water was as red as it possibly could get...
"Then the blade broke and I could hear mom outside the bathroom talking on the phone... probably to you Phil." She looks at me, "And as I looked through the cupboard for another blade... I found the pills."
Oh no...
Even though I knew what will probably happen to her in the story, I'm too scared to hear it now.
"When I heard you Phil... I had them, all of them at once. The side effects kicked in really quickly and soon I felt as though the while world was spinning at 1000 miles an hour. I talked to you but soon everything was going mute. I had to yell to hear myself... and then I passed out and here I am."
I look at her, "Willow-"
"Right is she awake?" The nurses voice fills the room and I roll my eyes causing a small smile to spread across my sisters pale face.
I then see the nurse, "Ok Willow, I need you to tell me everything that happened."
"Well thats a long story," I say, causing a small giggle to leave my sisters mouth.
That's my sister.
•••
Dear Dan.
I'm sorry about tonight. I would have come seen you in person to come give this to you but my eyes are red from tears and shit. No way am I the man everyone believes I am.
Here's that Elliot-kid's coat. It's a nice colour and the fur hood is pretty cool. I'd buy you a coat like this for your birthday but your birthday is in summer and a coat doesn't seem appropriate.
This is only a quick note so I will see you later.
Call me when you need me,
Phil
I put the note on top of the coat in front of Dan's uni door. I had remembered where it was and here I was returning the coat to him.
I sigh and knock the door to let them come to the door and see the coat but I don't stay. I walk away with a bag of clothes over my shoulder as I head back to the hospital to my sister.
On route though, I see them. The bullies. They were sitting around a old-ish car listening to loud music and chatting.
I knew it was them.
I walk over towards them. I know deep down I probably shouldn't be doing this but they are the reason why my sister was in hospital.
"Hey look, it's Lester's older brother," one of the boys sneer.
"Yeah, It is," I say angrily.
"Oooo!!" The whole group chorus, "Someones on their man period," they laugh in fits.
"Yeah I am. At you," I snap.
The group look at one another, smiles plastered onto their faces.
"You did this to her," I yell, "You caused my sister to be unhappy and your the reason she's in hospital right NOW!"
"What happened to her?" Luke asked.
"Why would you care you cheating arse," I snap, "I trusted you with my sister and here you are, beating her up."
He shrugs, "I never really loved her anyway."
I stare at him, "Wait till I tell your mom," I say and begin to walk off.
I feel someone grab my wrist and suddenly I see Jack next to me. He's 16, oldest in the group and only 8 years younger than me.
"You won't tell his mom anything," Jack threatens and then I feel something cold and sharp against my neck.
I look down slowly and I see a knife there placed against my neck. I breathe heavily and then I feel it pressing into into my neck lightly.
"Hey!" The music stops and everyone looks up to see two people heading towards me. I breathe in and out as I see the two walk over.
One has brown hair brown swept into a fringe and another one had a coat I somehow recognised...
"Dan..." I say and he smiles at me.
What are you doing Dan?!
GO AWAY!
"What's going on?" The boy next to him was wearing the coat I gave to Dan about 5 minutes ago... I presume that's Elliot.
"Just sorting some stuff out," Jack snarls as the knife presses that bit more into my neck a bit more making me flinch.
"With a knife?" Dan questions, his eyes glued in my direction.
I watch as Elliot walks over to me and Jack. In one swift movement, the knife is halfway across the car park and I collapse onto the tarmac of the carpark, my neck screaming in pain.
"Stay away from my friends," Elliot tells the group before him and Dan haul me up and we walk away, Dan swinging my bag onto his back harshly.
As soon as the group is out of sight and ear distance probably too, Dan turns to me, "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING bPHIL? THOSE GUYS COULD HAVE FUCKING KILLED YOU!"
"I had to Dan," I say as Elliot gets something out of the pocket of his cost and presses it against my neck to stop the bleeding.
"You don't even know them!" Dan exclaims.
"I do..." I say, "But I wish I didn't."
"Who are they then?" Elliot questions.
"They're the reason my sisters in hospital-" the thought of my sister comes in my head, "THEY'RE THE REASON MY SISTERS IN HOSPITAL I HAVE TO GO!"
"Phil we'll come with you..." Dan says as I grab my bag off him.
"No I'm fine," I say.
"Phil please, you're being so secretive today-" Dan says but before he can carry on I was racing off again.
•••
BACK IN 2016
"And thats all I'm going to say," I say as I look at Ashley and Dan in front of me
"Phil you should have told me I-" Dan was cut off when we hear someone make a hissing noise in the bathroom and then a "ow..."
"Oh no..." I say, "She's done it again..."
•••
Told you it would be a long chapter.
Also, I need to know one thing for future reference... do you want me to involve smut in this book??
Anyway; new chapter soon.
Hannah x