I hope you like this one!
Because some of you hated the last one... I guess I did a good job at pushing your buttons?
Well, sorry but I'll have you know that since I got to see Tom's handsome shaved face, (because now we can actually see his face!) which absolutely killed me and messed with my head on very good (and very, very bad) ways... I am more than excited and ready to get to writing! So it you have something to say about my skills (or lack of them) please do leave a comment so I can work on that! Because my writing is not perfect and I don't aim for that, but I don't want my stuff to be like every other fanfic out there.
Give yourselves some time to listen to this song, it's called like I would and I think this one is a lot better than pillow talk (I was a 1D fangirl when I was a teenager-like five seconds ago...) anyway, it's a really good song, listen to it! Chill, take the time! Trust me on this one!
So enjoy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jo
I looked at Lena and smiled when she turned to look at me.
"Seh!" She showed me her hands stained with yellow and pink paint.
I pretended to be surprised and opened my eyes very wide for her to see, I heard her giggle and ran my hand through her short curls.
"Mommy!" Günther ran in, waving a sheet of paper in his hand. I waited from the place on the floor and he came to a stop right next to me, handing me the bright yellow flyer. "Look, mommy!"
"What is it?" I took the flyer and read quietly. It was one of those adopt a pet campaign. I nodded and from the corner of my eye saw Rize napping under Tom's desk.
I had spent the last couple of days in the studio, either painting with Lena, helping Gün with his homework or working. Tom had taken Günther to the music store to get a guitar strap and some stuff he wanted for himself, or so I thought.
"Baby, I don't think we should get a pet right now..." I told him.
Günther put his small arm around my shoulders and tilted his head to the side, looking at me with a raised brow.
"But you think about it, mommy." He said, giving me a clumsy wink.
I wrapped my arm around him.
"Oh, you think you're such a big boy now, don't you?" I smirked. He nodded with pride and I giggled. "Did you get that guitar strap?" He nodded and jumped up when he got excited about it.
"Daddy got me an eccentric guitar!" He said. "It's really cool, but I can't play it yet because daddy says I am short for it."
I nodded and kissed his cheek, laughing quietly.
"Why don't you get that strap and show it to me?"
"Yes, mommy!" I let go of him and watched him run outside, almost hitting Tom on his way out.
"Hey." He said from the doorway.
I looked back at Lena.
"Hey." Lena was completely immersed on her little shapeless work of art.
"Do you want to go out of something?" He asked.
"Nah, I'll make something for lunch." I said and played a little with Lena's tiny ponytail.
There were a lot of short hairs falling out and curling on the back of her head, it reminded me of my granddad, he always used gel to keep his hair in place, but the curls on his head were completely unruly.
"Aren't you going out with Matthias or Sven or ...someone?" I asked without looking away from my little girl.
Tom sighed and grunted, I heard him clearly before Günther ran back inside.
"Look!" He showed me the black guitar strap with white stars printed all along it.
"It's so cool!" I told him.
"Yeah!" He agreed.
"Did you say thank you?" I looked at him and put my hand under his chin, he looked down with a pout and shook his head slightly. "Well..."
He walked up to Tom and tugged on his jeans, I watched him signal Tom to lean down and once he did so, Gün threw his arms around Tom's shoulders.
"Thank you, daddy."
Tom picked him up and smiled at him, shrugging once the boy was sitting safely on his arms.
"No problem, man." He put his hand up and Günther gave him a hi-five. "Now, Jo... We're going out."
"Where?" Günther asked.
"We don't know, where do you wannna go?" Tom asked him.
"Hmm..." I sighed and looked at Günther with his hand on his chin as he did when he was thinking. "I want wurstsuppe!"
"Yeah? I know just the place!"
"Yeah!"
"Go put that away, come on." I imagined Tom put Günther down, a couple of seconds later he was standing next to me.
"You should wash up too."
He offered me a hand. I looked at Lena still painting and pulled her up, sitting her on my lap and making her look up at Tom and then at me.
"It's lunchtime, love, go with daddy." I picked her up and made Tom grab her.
"Don't you need a hand?" He asked me.
I shook my head and found a way to stand up regardless of the small baby bump. I left Tom standing there with Lena on his arm and a hand extended down to help me up.
It had been almost a month since the last time I had a real conversation with Tom. I didn't know what to do about what I felt... on one hand, it made me so sad thinking that he could ever see us as a deadweight that kept him from doing all the things he wanted to do when all I ever thought was that I couldn't do anything without them. On the other hand, I kept wondering what he meant when he said that I should have married Matt, he was obviously wrong, I was never half as happy with Matt as I had been with him; I had been safe, yes, Matt made me feel like everything was alright and I never doubted where we were standing, and with Tom it was a constant shifting of directions and speeds.
I changed from the stained shirt to a black band shirt with black and white flowers printed across it. I put on a jacket and a pair of heels. I saw Günther coming out of his room with a cap on his head.
"Oh, Günni..." I pulled the cap off and turned it around to put it on his head correctly. "That's it."
We went downstairs and found Tom already sitting in living room with Lena on his lap. He had taken the elastic off and was now just trying to get her to wear a lilac headband with a bow on the top.
"Maybe if you tilt it to the side." I said and leaned down to fix it. Lena seemed to like playing with Tom, anytime he fixed the headband she reached up and pulled it out of place again. "Or maybe not."
I giggled and picked her up so we could get moving.
"When's the next doctor's appointment?" Tom asked once we were in the car. "Tomorrow?"
"Today." I said and looked out the window. "You can stay with the kids."
"No, I'll go." He said. "I'll give Angie a call, she likes playing with Günther, right?" He looked up at the rearview mirror and I heard Günther's laughter.
"Yeah, she sucks!" The boy said with a big smile on his face.
"I thought she always wins?" I let out.
"Yeah, a man should let the girls win sometimes." Tom said.
"Did you ever take that advice?" I muttered and looked away. "Baby, is your sister alright? She's very quiet..."
"She is playing with teddy." Günther informed me.
We went to a small restaurant and I watched Tom talking to Günther while I got Lena to sit on one of those kids' tall chairs. For some reason, Gün was very enthusiastic about wurstsuppe, I thought he had been kidding, but he had not, I watched him eat a small order and smile after the first bite.
"He is just growing up." Tom said and I nodded while I tried to get Lena to eat a small piece of bread.
"When are we going back? I miss Jimmy..." I rolled my eyes at Günther's comment.
"I don't know man, maybe in a few months." Tom said to him and looked at me at the same time.
I shrugged and smiled at the boy, ignoring Tom's glance when I turned at Lena afterward.
If there was something that bothered Tom was when I acted as if he wasn't there, and although I tried to keep things normal, I couldn't help to turn away from him or say something I shouldn't say without thinking. He had hurt me, no matter what logic I used, he had said very awful things to me and I couldn't simply forget it.
A little before we left the restaurant, Tom called Angie, who was with Bill – to nobody's surprise – and asked her if she could watch the kids while we went to see the midwife. Of course, she told him to bring them to her's and Bill's place, so we drove there after lunch.
"Hey, how are you, little K!" Angie asked Günther as soon as she saw him.
The boy recognized the house and immediately ran off to ring the doorbell. I watched Tom practically run after him while I pulled Lena out of the car in her baby carrier. She had a dummy in her mouth and looked at me with the headband covering her left eye. I fixed it carefully and when I turned around, Tom was speaking to Bill.
I waved at my friend and brought Lena over, handing Bill the baby carrier with my little girl in it.
"So, can you tell if it's a boy or a girl by now?" Bill wondered and the way his eyebrows raised and he took a quick look at Tom, I knew that they had not been talking about the baby when I walked into their conversation.
"Five months, Bill. Yes." I said. "I'm sure you'll be the first person we call." I smiled at him and then at Lena too. "We have to go find out, though... so, thanks for watching them!"
"It's not a problem," Bill waved his hand on the air once, "they're not too quiet, but they wouldn't be kids if they were."
"I guess you're still a kid then!" I joked and we laughed.
I cleared my throat and asked Bill to say hi to Angie for me before saying goodbye and going back to the car.
In only a couple minutes, Tom was back in the car too. I turned on the radio and fixed the seatbelt around the baby bump before looking up at the front of the road.
I felt Tom's stare for a moment and then I pointed at the ignition.
"We're gonna be late." I said.
"Is that really all that worries you?" Tom asked with contained anger.
I took a deep breath and nodded.
"No, that's why I need to get to the doctor's office." I pointed out.
"Okay."
The whole way to the doctor we were quiet, we didn't even speak a word to each other once we got out of the car. We sat down in the waiting room and forgot to worry about Tom, at the moment I was more focused on speaking the midwife about a little issue that had me concerned since at least last Monday. Tom was leaning forward in his seat, his hands were intertwined and he was looking down as he rested his elbows on his knees.
"Josephine Kaulitz?"
I straightened up and Tom instantly put his hand on my knee, giving it a light squeeze before standing up and offering me a hand. I turned to grab my purse and fixed my shirt with my other hand instead of taking his hand. We walked through the small hallway and into the ultrasound room. We already knew how things were during those appointments, so I sat down in the examination table before laying down and wait for the instruction of uncovering the belly.
"How have you been?" The midwife asked.
"Well... everything is very... calmed." I said. "The baby doesn't move a lot yet." I said and the woman with dark hair nodded. She fixed her glasses on her face and turned to Tom. "There's...something," I was almost scared to say it, especially because I couldn't get off of my head the fact that Tom could be very mean. "I've noticed some spotting."
"How much?" The woman turned back to me and leaned forward on her chair.
"Nothing too heavy... but I... I didn't have that with my other two kids." I said.
"Okay, we'll check on that." She said.
"What? Wait," Tom leaned on the side of the examination table and put his hand up, "What is that? What does that mean?"
"Small bleeding? It can mean a number of things, but let's not get ahead of ourselves." She said and turned on the machine before asking to see my belly.
I pulled the shirt up and tried to be ready for the cold cream put on my belly. In a couple of seconds more we could see the image of our little baby, up until then we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, but Günther was already excited about the possibilities and I wasn't going to take that away from him.
"I don't see anything to worry about in here." She pointed at the baby. "It's a very small baby, Mrs. Kaulitz, you need to put up more weight."
I saw her write something in the chart and then she kept looking at the screen, she turned to us and asked if we wanted to know the genre.
"Yes." We said at the same time.
"Alright, see this?" She pointed at a weird shape in the screen, I felt Tom lean forward to look at it. "It's a boy." She smiled.
I smiled and looked at him on the screen. Tom leaned back and without warning grabbed my hand. I looked down at our hands for a second and then I turned back to look at the screen.
I got weighted and after a little conversation got an order for some blood and urine tests. We left with a little less of a worry, but when we walked back to the car it was clear that Tom was angry.
He opened the door for me and I got in, he closed it and walked around the car to get in too. We sat in the car in silence for a moment and I asked him to start the car, but he put his hands on the steering wheel and shook his head.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked without looking at me. I put my hands on the small bump and looked down at them. "Oh, I know... because you don't tell me anything!" I heard him hit the wheel. "I know I did something shitty, okay? But I told you a hundred times that I am sorry and I am trying here, Jo! I am really trying!"
I heard the rant in silence and waited with patience.
"I am here now, am I not? Doesn't that matter at all? Jo, you can't just shut me out!"
I nodded my head and turned to him, for the first time in weeks I looked at his face.
"No. I can't." I stared at him with a straight face. "Even if I wanted to, but you don't get it... all I want is some space." I said as calmly as I could. "Maybe you should play some shows."
"Is that what you want?" He asked me, I shrugged. "Jo, you're pregnant!" He complained, "I cannot leave! –Not right now!" He seemed to be pleading.
"I know you mean well, but I... I don't know how I feel about you." I told him.
"We're in love. You love me." He said. "That's how you felt before, that's how you always feel! You would do anything for us!"
I nodded.
"Yes, I would...and I already did, Tom." I looked away. "I already did it too many times. It's time you do some of the hard stuff, because I am tired. I adjusted my life to suit yours, I keep giving myself up for us to work! I take every fault for you, but you know what? I am not taking this one."
"I've done everything, Jo... I don't know what else to do!" He grunted.
"Well, I don't know..." I put my elbow on the door and leaned my chin on my palm. "But your everything is not doing it."
"I don't want you to be alone right now." He said. "We're having a baby! –A boy!" Tom looked down. "I don't care how much space you need, I am staying!" He said firmly and looked at me. "I will stay."
I nodded, without meaning to, I rolled my eyes too.
"I mean it. I was scared, maybe that's why I listened to Sven, but I know how it is. I know how much you do for me, for us. I will do it too. I never thought I would have what I have now... I worked my ass off for the band, all I thought I wanted was a career, but I also got you. And we have Günther and Lena and..." he pointed at my belly, "I never dreamt of that, I never planned that and then I had it and now..."
"Are we too much?" I wondered out loud, it made sense. Tom was a family guy, but he was never very into kids, his family had never been so big.
"Yes." He nodded. "You had nine months to get used to the idea, it literally grew in you." He shook his head, "but for me it was... so quick! I didn't even know how to be around a kid... then I blamed you for everything I didn't know how to do."
I was so surprised I couldn't hide it, I put my hands on my face and tried to cover the tears that fell freely down my cheeks.
"Jo? Are you okay?" I didn't answer because I was making the math in my head.
I heard him open the door and the next thing I knew was that someone had opened the door on my side. Tom pulled my hands away from my face and looked at me.
"Are you okay?" He was honestly worried. I cleaned my cheeks roughly and looked down sheepishly.
"All this time I was thinking you hated me for stopping you from going further with your career!" I explained in a rush.
"No, I made you believe that..." Tom put his hands on my knees. "But I just wished I knew how to handle things as well as you do."
I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, I had to ask.
"So you don't want ...out?" Tom chuckled bitterly and leaned down kissing my forehead.
"Never." He held me and I wrapped my arms around him too. "I would die without those awful jokes." I squeezed his back with my hands. "Without my thong girl."
"You idiot..." I giggled.
"Are we okay now?" He pulled away and saw me nodding. "Good, because I need to get you fat now."
I smiled.
"That's the easy part."
"No, the easy part was getting you pregnant!" He said humorously, "all I do is touch you and BAM! Baby on the way!"
"Shut it." I whipped my tears with relief and felt a little more like joking now, "you stud!" I heard Tom's loud laughter.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you very much for your paranoid comments, your heads up over instagram and reading through my rambling for the last couple of days... you guys are lovely! <3
So yeah, thanks for reading, voting and leaving a comment!
SUPER HOT SHAVED TOM VIBES!
but let's not forget about Bill's fab hair: AND ALSO VERY BEAUTIFUL BILL'S HAIR AND MUSIC VIBES!