THE rage in Ainie's eyes was so outrageous, it made Elaine shiver in fear. Kahit kailan ay hindi pa niya nakitang magalit ang kanyang mama lalo na't hindi pa siya umuwi kagabi nang sabihin ng papa niya na bumalik siya.
Sapo-sapo ni Ainie ang kanyang noo at tsaka ito pumikit ng mariin na tila parang pinipigilan nito na sumabog sa inis at galit. Ang papa naman ni Elaine ay naka-upo lamang at pinapanood ang kanyang mama. Magkasiklop ang daliri nito habang nakapatoong doon ang baba nito na tila parang hinihintay nitong magalit ang mama ni Elaine upang may magawa ito. That was her father's role: he always stops her mother from hurting her physically. Kalmado lamang lagi ang papa niya ngunit kapag nagsalita ito ay palaging mayroong tono sa kanyang boses na hindi nagugustuhan ni Elaine.
"Ainie, let it slide. It wasn't Elaine's fault that Kael don't want to marry her." Sa wakas ay binasag ng papa ni Elaine ang katahimikan. Napatingin si Ainie rito.
"It wasn't her fault? Kung siguro ay malinis ang intensyon ng anak mo, he could've married your daughter." Elaine gasped at her mother's spiteful voice. "He is a good choice for Elaine's spouse. Sayang iyon! He is good at their business and he's taking care of their company even in low position. Not everyone can do that! He is a gifted child. I want a better man for Elaine lalo na't hindi pa siya nakakatikim ng matinding trabaho dahil lahat ng pinasukan niya noon ay nag-resign siya kaagad. Sino ang bubuhay sa kanya kapag wala siyang trabaho? She can't expect us to feed her until she dies."
"I know she can go on with her life without us. She didn't grow up to be so dependent, Ain. She's your daughter, for goodness sake! Can't you trust Elaine's decisions? Don't you trust her? 'Cause based on what I see you take her happiness away, and I've had enough. I want her to grow up without getting strangled, without getting pressured. Elaine is already 26, Ainie. She can go on with her life without us, but she is still choosing to be with us because she believes she can patch things up with you." Enrico shook his head as if he disapproved everything Ainie had said.
"So, it's my fault now? Kung siguro hindi syinota ng anak mo iyong Baltazar na iyon, siguro hindi ganito ngayon! Your daughter liked Kael. She hoped for Kael tapos no'ng handa na 'yong lalaki, bigla siyang nag-iba ng tipo. At ang ipinalit pa, 'yong mahirap. Sa tingin mo, sinong nanay ang gustong makitang maghirap ang anak nila? Wala, 'di ba? That's why I want a decent man for her! 'Yong kayang ibigay ang lahat ng pangangailangan niya, lahat ng luho niya." Inayos ng mama ni Elaine ang buhok na kumawala mula sa pagkakatali habang makailang beses na humihinga nang malalim. "How I wish Elaine grew up like her brother, Elias."
Natigilan si Elaine nang marinig na naman ang pangalan ng kanyang kapatid. Elias... Her brother that is a man full of principles, the successor of Carbonel, the one who is great in everything. Why didn't she grow up like him?
"Kung siguro kagaya ni Elias si Elaine, she had already made her name shine. She may be successful in her own path. But no, she didn't. She's nothing but a big disappointment."
It is a big blow to Elaine upon hearing from her own mother that she is a big disappointment. Bagamat alam na niya 'yon, masakit pa rin pala talagang marinig. Her eyes began to fill with tears but she blinked several times just to stop tears from falling.
Damn! She's so weak.
"I wish you weren't my mother." Ani Elaine na nakapagpasinghap sa mama niya. "I wish I grew up from different family. Sana hindi ako ganito ngayon, sana masaya ako sa mga desisyong ginawa ko, eh 'di sana nakuha ko pa ang gusto ko. Because you know what? What you want from me is different from what I want. I am just wishing for a simple life that you can not give to me. I am wishing for something you can't give to me: support. And do you know where I found that support? Someone you wouldn't know who will support me. That's why I wanted to be with him. That's why I chose him. And the biggest regret of my life is choosing you over him because I thought... I thought you —"
Elaine gasped for air as she felt a slap on her right cheek as the sound echoed across the room. Wide eyed, she looked at her mom. Her jaw clenched as she touched her stinging cheek.
"You will never understand a mother who only wants the best for her child."
"I don't want the best. I just want what's good for me. Sometimes the best isn't what we need." Elaine watched her mother's reaction but she remained her stoic expression. "Thanks for wanting the best for me but no thanks."
"Ungrateful!" Umamba ng isa pang sampal ang mama niya ngunit nahawakan agad ni Enrico ang kamay nito. Tiningnan siya ng kanyang papa na tila parang nagsasabing umalis siya muna roon. She closed her eyes as she turned her back on them. Kahit naman hindi nila sabihin, aalis talaga siya roon at wala na rin siyang balak bumalik.
"WHAT are you doing?" Jacob hugged her from behind. Parehas nilang vacant kaya nasa apartment siya ni Jacob.
"Drawing," sagot niya at saka niya ipinakita rito ang ginuhit niya.
"Ako ba 'yan?"
Tumango siya habang tinitingnan ang kabuuan ng kanyang ginuhit. Nakatagilid si Jacob doon ngunit kitang-kita ang numero nito sa jersey shirt nito at ang malalaking letra ng apelyido nito.
"Ang ganda," anito na tila manghang-mangha sa nakita. "Akin na lang 'yan, Elaine. Ipapa-laminate ko para hindi masira."
"Baliw!"
"Seryoso ako. I never thought you were good at this. Wow! Just... wow! You're so great, Elaine. So great it makes me damn happy because I am given a goddamn chance to know you more." He continued to stare at the art in front of him while Elaine stared at his face in the angle that focuses on his chiseled jaw. She took her time to memorize his features.
She wants to draw him again.
"Bakit hindi ka nag-fine arts?" Tanong nito sa kanya.
"Ayaw nila mama, wala raw akong mapapala kapag 'yon ang kinuha kong kurso. And besides, kuya took his own career so, as every businessmen's child, kailangang mayroong magmana but I doubt na ipamana nila iyon sa akin. They want my brother to have the business because mom thinks he is more eligible than me. But I am still pushing my luck, though I don't think I can compete with my brother. He is great in every field kasi. I grew up wishing I am like him."
"Can he draw?"
"I don't think he can."
"Be proud of it, you can do something that he can't." Jacob held her face as he looked directly in her eyes. "You are great. They may not see it but I can. I can see your perfection because you're the only one I see."
"I'm not perfect, Jacob. I make wrong choices." She chuckled. "Tingnan mo nga ito oh, nagkamali ako sa shading ng panga mo rito." Itinuro niya ang parte kung saan nadiinan niya ang pagdikit ng graphite sa papel.
"I don't care. You're still the best artist for me in this goddamn planet."
NAPANGITI na lamang si Elaine sa alaalang iyon. Six years had passed so fast since that day. The day that she told him the yes he had waited, the day the she told him she loves him too. The days that had come so fast. She heaved a deep audible sigh as she put down her duffel bag next to her.
Bago pa lamang siya umalis ng bahay nila, binalak niyang tawagan si Camille ngunit nang maisip niyang maaaring mahanap siya kaagad ng kanyang mama roon ay hindi na lamang niya tinuloy. She wants to check-in in a hotel but she left her cards at home! Dala niya ang ATM Card niya, ngunit ang nadala niya ay 'yong bank account na sampung libo lang ang laman. Wala siyang nagawa kundi i-withdraw iyon dahil wala siyang pambili ng pagkain kung hindi niya iyon ilalabas.
Ang mahal naman kasi sa hotel. There are motels kaya lang hindi niya gusto roon. Kung si Brooke naman, paniguradong wala na iyon sa siyudad. She knows her friend travels a lot. Wala siyang nagawa kundi ang magpakawala ng malalim na buntonghininga at tumingala sa nagdidilim na langit. Bad day for her, huh? Mukha pa kasing uulan. Hassle lalo na't nasa waiting shed lamang siya ilang kanto mula sa subdivison nila.
Napapikit si Elaine nang maramdaman niyang may pumatak na tubig sa kanyang braso. Napamura na lamang siya nang magtuloy-tuloy iyon hanggang sa lumakas ang ulan. Her mouth fell agape as she tried to protect herself from the rain. Nasa waiting shed na nga siya pero nababasa pa rin siya! Damn that direction of rain. Kahit saan siya pumuwesto ay mababasa at mababasa pa rin siya.
Napayuko na lamang siya nang tuluyan na siyang mabasa ng ulan. Kung minamalas nga naman. Bakit ba kasi walang taxi na dumaan? Eh 'di sana hindi pa siya nabasa ng ulan! She could have found a place to stay in. Kahit isang mumurahing hotel lang. Napamura siya sa inis.
(Please play Pagbigyang Muli by Erik Santos)
She continued to look down until she saw a black leather shoes in front of her. She slowly look upwards, stopping on his face making her gasp in surprise. Jacob was standing in front of her wearing business suit as he casually stare at her face. He forced a smile when Elaine just looked at him.
With him being in front of her, she doesn't know what to say! Ni hindi nga niya pinaghandaan ang sasabihin niya kung sakaling magkrus ang landas nila dahil wala naman na siyang balak magpakita kay Jacob.
"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Tanong niya rito nang hindi pa rin ito umimik, maski naman siya ay hindi rin umimik ngunit nairita siya sa katahimikang bumabalot sa kanila.
"I should be the one asking that." Anito sa mahinang tining, pinanood niya itong itingala ang ulo na tila parang iniiwasan ang kanyang mga mata. "What are you doing here?"
"Wala kang pakialam!" Asik niya rito at saka niya itinulak palayo. Anong karapatan nitong tanungin siya kung ano ang ginagawa niya roon gayong mas nauna siya roon?
"Napadaan lang ako then I saw you." Narinig niya itong nagpakawala ng buntonghininga. "These past few nights I've been sleepless thinking of the wrong choices I've made, the wrong words I've spoken. And I want to say sorry for those. I know I'm an ass for being like that. I regret saying those to you.
"It's been rough for me since you're mad at me and you know I can't take it when..." he trailed off just to swallow the lump in his throat, "when you're mad at me."
"It's hard for me to take in all your revelations, Jacob. I can't just say I'm happy because I am not. And I'm not just angry with you. I am far more than angry because for a year, you fooled me. You made me look like you bitch. And I can't take it. Ang gago mo. Ang baboy mo."
Nanatiling tahimik si Jacob at hindi makatingin nang diretso kay Elaine. Napatawa nang pagak si Elaine habang tinitingnan niya ang payukong si Jacob. Aniya, "Alam mo, ayoko nang makita ang mukha mo. Ayaw ko na ring marinig ang boses mo. Alam mo kung bakit? Everything that is you reminds me of how foolish I am for falling for you. Every decisions that I've made for you may have completed me in the past but breaks me right now. Putang ina mo, Jacob. Putang ina." Hindi inasahan ni Elaine na mayroong bibikig sa kanyang lalamunan kaya napatutop siya ng kanyang bibig. Sa bawat paghingang ginagawa niya ay parang mas lalong sumisikip ang kanyang dibdib. Hindi niya kayang pigilan ang mga luha sa paglandas na kanyang pisngi. Ipagpapasalamat na lang siguro niya ang ulan dahil hindi halatang lumalandas ang mga luha sa kanyang pisngi.
"I know... I know..." His voice was so tired and very low. Nanginig ang mga tuhod ni Elaine nang makita niyang unti-unting lumuhod si Jacob sa harapan niya. "Marami akong nagawang mali and God knows I regret every single bit of it. Take me back, Elaine. Please, take me back.
"I promise I'll be loyal. I promise to be with you... just take me back. I'll never leave you. I'll never lie to you ever again. I'll be good. Just be mine again."
Elaine just watched his shoulders shake. Parehas na silang basang-basa dahil sa ulan at parehas silang walang pakialam doon. Tanging nasa pagtangis lamang ni Jacob ang buong atensyon ni Elaine. With her hands covering her mouth, she sobbed quietly.
"I'm a fuck-up. I admit it. Alam kong nagpakagago ako pero hindi ko na 'yon uulitin. I know all my mistakes and I will never do those again. I want to be yours again. I want us back together. I... I... I need you, Elaine. I need you so bad I might break. It's so damn difficult. Please, I will do everything you want. I will give you everything you need. I'll be your slave, your bodyguard, your everything! Tell me, I'll do it. 'Cause I am so damn desperate."
Tumingala si Jacob at nagtama ang kanilang mga mata. Her heart began to beat erratically as he smiled weakly at her.
"One last chance, please? One more and when I fuck everything up again, leave me."