Chapter Soundtrack:
Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
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This Chapter Has Been Re-Edited
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Nova
Waking up, I didn't feel like moving. I stared up at the swirl patterns in the ceiling, feeling my stomach turn and twist, an agonizing torture.
I was anticipating a new day, one where I could either hide in my room or face the world and explain what everyone saw yesterday while Deacon and I held hands in the canoe for all the pack to see. It was harmless, but some probably wouldn't see it that way.
Yesterday had been a devastating event for my heart. Drifting near the Pack House without realizing it, the canoe had absentmindedly made its way directly in front of the back yard and everyone was staring at us.
He was staring at us, at me, with so much intensity that it had me shivering.
Thankfully, no one could see my face up close, red-rimmed, puffy eyes on display.
Deacon managed to snap me out of it, forcing me to help paddle us back to the dock, trees obstructing the view of the other wolves once we got far enough down the bank.
I think I'm just going to lay in bed today. I didn't want to have to face anyone. The embarrassment of not only being caught in an intimate position with my best friend but also having my mate taken from me by a one night stand was too much to bare.
Even though the pack was giving them dirty looks as I watched the festivities from my bedroom window that day, I was so embarrassed having to deal with my mate being taken away from me.
That mate of mine had a conscience about him and right now I hated that he did, but he wouldn't just leave her to fend for herself. He was too much of a good man.
If only he had just waited for me.
Now everyone knew the details, they felt pity for me I'm sure. The poor, seventeen-year-old, newly-shifted, Beta-blooded juvenile, finding her mate so soon, the Alpha's first-born son. Having to watch that wolf he brought back with him as she grew their wolf-pup in her belly. Everyone would give me the pity stare, I just know it.
The wolf that the Moon Goddess made for me had gotten another female pregnant during a heat-induced haze and now I'm sure she will bear his mark eventually. She will be my Luna one day, the position that was meant for me.
I didn't care about any of that, though, not the titles, I just wanted my mate. We were taught about the mate bond in school, how it overpowers every tangible feeling you could possibly hope for, how your mate is your gift from the moon, complimenting your personality. They were your other half, the person you will always be drawn to.
There's no escaping the pull of the mate bond. During a female's heat, their mate will break down doors just to get to them, which is why our parents have to keep us guarded. It's every male's kryptonite, their female's scent.
I would have to hide when my time came.
I don't know what happened with my mate's situation with that female, but I know I'm thankful that the Alpha and Luna live on another part of the property with their family so I wouldn't have to smell my mate and the other wolf.
It would kill me.
A knock on my door had me bolted to my position, afraid of who it might be, eyes going wide. I had been so lost in my thoughts, I hadn't even heard or smelled him approaching.
"It's me, Nova. Open up."
Deacon.
I rolled my eyes as I threw the blankets off my body and moved toward the door, my knees buckling slightly under my weight. I hadn't been able to eat still. Unlocking the door, he came in swiftly with dried blood all over his hands, cuts running up and down his arms.
"What happened to you!?" I gaped, looking him up and down, my hand covering my mouth as brows raised into my hairline. He looked awful, so I knew this had to have happened within the last ten minutes, a short enough time frame that the blood had not started to clot.
He shut the door and leaned against it with a smug smile on his barely scathed face. "I finally gave big brother a piece of my mind."
My mouth fell open but didn't say anything. I didn't want to know. He did seem pretty proud of himself. I needed to give him some sort of ego boost.
"You didn't have to do that, Deacon." I shook my head, watching his face fall slightly. My lips tilted upward and I couldn't help but smile. "But, thank you. For standing up for me. You really are the best."
His grin was back in a nanosecond as he walked to my closet and began throwing clothes at me in a hurry.
A dress pelted me in the face just before my hands could catch it. "Deacon, what the hell!"
"Get dressed. We're going down to eat breakfast." He smiled, poking his head out of my closet. Despite having just been in a fight, he looked pretty good. He must have won if he was so happy.
I shook my head, feeling anxiety creep up my spine. I didn't want to see everyone. I just wasn't ready.
"Yes." He ordered, standing in front of me as my fearful gaze met his. "And then we are going for a run after my training. You need it. Your wolf needs it."
Deacon was right about that. I haven't shifted since my first shift and I didn't even know how my wolf felt. She was stronger than me, I knew that much. All the emotions I was going through were constant and every now and then, I would feel her anger and aggression mixed with a longing sadness, but I couldn't feel her exact thoughts on the matter. I didn't know what she could be capable of. Especially with her being stronger than me right now. She could take over, I knew that was possible, but I made sure to spend hours in wolf form the first time so I could try my self-control over her.
There is always that chance, though.
How would she handle competition...
"I don't think that's a good idea Deacon..." I peered up at him warily, his blue eyes softening down at me. He bent a little, resting his hands on my shoulders.
"You'll be fine. You're strong."
I just shook my head, unsure of his words and unsure of myself.
His face suddenly turned hard, eyes narrowing as he stood straight. "Get dressed. No arguing about it. You have to face them at some point. I know you're not ready but you need to act like it. People will only talk longer if you're not showing your face. You're with me, I'll deflect anyone's stare. Use me as your shield. Now go."
I stared at this tall male, my best friend since childhood. He was my savior, growing into an adult male, but he didn't understand the feeling of having your heart ripped out.
He cared about what people thought about me.
He wanted me to be strong and I loved him for it.
With tears in my eyes, I nodded, clutching the dress to my body and turned toward the bathroom to change. Deacon was the only one who was really there for me. I'm sure my parents would be as well, but I was too embarrassed to really talk to them. Deacon looked out for me like he was my own brother.
My breathing began to increase, that familiar tightness in my middle as I thought of all eyes on me, talking about my unfortunate fate amongst one another, feeling his heated gaze on my flesh.
How would I take this humiliation? Seeing him with what should be me? Seeing him with a family?
But Deacon was right.
I had to do this. It has been two weeks and if not now, then when? I'd have to face them eventually...
Him and her. Them.
I can't even say their names.
Coming out of the bathroom in my favorite red-orange dress and my hair left loose in curls, Deacon let out a low whistle.
"Look at you, wearing a dress. It's my favorite one." His head tilted to the side as he scrunched his nose. "Ya know... Now that I'm looking at it, I think it may be too short." He was assessing me thoughtfully. His big brother ego had taken over.
Rolling my eyes, I slipped on my sandals. "It's quicker to shift out of a dress and I'm not changing. Let's go." I was secretly glad this dress was 'too short' in his opinion. That meant it would be way too short in my mate's opinion. I just wanted to show him what he missed out on, even if I was going to embarrass myself doing it.
Taking my hand, he pulled me out of my room and down the hall toward the dining area. The steel butterflies swarmed up from the shallows, beating their razor-edged wings inside my belly, giving me that feeling of panic as each blade sliced its way into my flesh.
I squeezed Deacon's hand unknowingly. He returned it, glancing down at me with those worrying eyes.
"I've got you, just focus. Take deep breaths. Hold them if you get close to him."
I actually don't think I could cry now.
I felt numb. Scared to death and deliciously numb.
The sadness was still there, but behind it, I felt angry. Angry at him for doing this to me. Angry at her for encroaching my territory.
Angry at the moon for giving me this fate.
We entered the dining hall silently, the chatter never ceasing, forks clinking against the ceramic plates. His scent was prominent, shielding the rest of the aromas from my senses. It almost brought me to my knees at how powerful his scent was to me, tickling my nose, giving me a calm yet painfully yearning sensation.
Upon sensing our smell, familiar faces glanced over at us but thankfully no one stopped talking. That would be nerve-wracking and I would stare at the floor .. Submissively.
I'm not submissive.
Quite a few eyes lingered over our intertwined hands. I felt a certain pair burn through Deacon, waiting for any image of my body to make an appearance. I stayed close to Deacon, not wanting to feel that overwhelming sensation of his eyes on me. I would surely react to it.
A low warning growl from Deacon had the lingering eyes going back to their business. I didn't look past his shielding form, but I could smell my mate two-fold as we encroached deeper inside the dining hall, moving in towards his line of sight.
My skin shivered in delight at the thought of his gaze on me. He was about to see me, but I focused and held my breath, keeping my sight trained on what Deacon was doing.
My throat closed up. Gripping onto Deacon's hand harder, we walked toward the buffet-style breakfast, set out on the kitchen island.
Deacon let go of my hand, grabbing a plate, keeping his focus on me above anything else. "What do you want?" He lowered his head toward me, peering down at me with a pointed stare and I was at a loss, wanting to melt into a puddle and disappear.
A male making a plate of food for a female was a symbolic gesture, especially if that male is higher up in rank. Deacon making my food meant something. Out of kindness or love, people would talk. And his brother would hate it.
I wasn't the one for games, Deacon was just my comfort. Taking a short breath through my mouth, I met his eyes with a small smile on my lips.
"Just the usual" I whispered.
I could hear a low rumble from behind me. My mate didn't like his little brother tending to me. I don't even think I should call him 'my mate' anymore, but I can't say his name.
I felt his eyes on me again, roaming over my legs and up my body. An invisible tendril of his soul branching out to grasp every view of my skin available to him had Anxiety's deft fingers constricting around my midsection. I wrapped my arms around myself, attempting to keep my insides from spilling out. My body wanted and craved his touch. I could feel the wolf inside me stirring, my head tilting towards her mate as she nudged me, wanting me to go to him. It was hard to break through and regain control, but I did it. Deacon was oblivious to my situation as he made my plate and his.
Keeping my emotions in check, I straightened my back, ignoring that warming sensation.
"Follow me." Deacon nudge me with his elbow and I walked with him, sitting down at the opposite end of the table from him. Thankfully my view of him was obstructed by the other bodies sitting at the table and I didn't have to sit there feeling him watching me.
I wondered why his pregnant she-wolf wasn't here this morning.
"Thank you, Deacon." My eyes met his as he smiled down at me with warmth, his blue eyes just a few shades darker than his brothers. Both males could have been underwear models. It was ridiculous and unfair at how perfect their genes were.
If only he could have been my mate, I know I wouldn't be suffering. I could have gotten over the weirdness of being his. The bond would have made it easy, It tempts you into things.
We ate in silence, commenting on the food every now and then. Deacon always ate so quickly, swallowing his food whole as if someone would take it from him.
Males...
A hand on my shoulder had me jerking away, eyes glancing to my left to view the culprit.
Alyssa.
"Hey, Nova. I just wanted to say... I'm really sorry about everything. And if you need to talk, I'm here for you." Her words were sweet, kind, caring. She meant what she said and best of all, there was no pity in her gaze.
Alyssa was a peaceful she-wolf, older than me by a year. She had already found her mate. He just so happened to by my mate's best friend. One of them, anyway.
"Thank you, Alyssa, but I'm fine." A reassuring smile spread across my lips although it was fake. I never showed my teeth when it was a fake smile and people knew that.
She gave me that knowing look that said, "bullshiiit". She knew.
I may look okay on the outside, but I was anything but just ok.
After breakfast, Deacon walked me out of the dining hall through the back door, all eyes on us and a certain pair of eyes sending sensations through my body.
How can he bear this when I barely can? It grows as you mature. The mate bond. Surely it had to be eating him alive?He's older than me by four years.
Deacon and I trekked on through the forest beside the Packhouse, rounding up the hill toward the cliffs of lush clovers, which looked out onto our territory. Once I was safely at our secret spot, he pulled me close, giving me a tight hug. I took in his scent, letting it relax me.
We sat there for a moment in silence, overlooking the entire pack lands from where we sat. Our secret spot was high up on the cliffs where the stream at the top, fell down the rocks into a beautiful waterfall. The packhouse was just below, diagonal from us, across the lake. Miles of the lake was visible from this vantage point until it curved to the right into no man's land.
The woods to the right of the packhouse led uphill to thick pines and if you kept going, crossing the wide stream, you'd find our secret spot.
I watched the packhouse begin to grow busier as time passed, the males who were finished with breakfast were filing outside, ready to warm up for training. All the males trained to be warriors no matter what title they held. The higher the title, the more training.
Deacon sighed, straightening his posture as he looked over at me. "I have to go train, but I'll be done in two hours. Wait here if you want, or do something else, but no going back to your room. Shift, explore, we can run together later." He smiled softly, getting up from his spot on the clovers beside me.
I returned a tight smile as he backed away, giving me one last glance before taking off through the clearing and down the mountainside. The rushing water from the waterfall below drowned out all the sound around me. It was just me and my thoughts now.
Here, in our secret spot, no one would bother me. No one came to this spot unless they were cliff diving into the deep, turquoise lake below. It was a rock quarry a long long time ago. Some have been here, but it's a little ways to get to the top of the cliffs, so no one really put effort into coming here. I was sitting in a cozy little clearing between the forest of trees. No one would find me here, thankfully.
I watched the water of the stream flow down from the elevated grassy mountain behind me and down over the cliff, trailing over smooth stones on its course, dropping down a thirty-foot waterfall before splashing into the lake. It was a beautiful and peaceful spot, meadow flowers covered the clearing surrounding the shallow stream.
Sniffing around, I found the rock that held my scent. My rock. I lowered myself onto the cool stone beside the stream, away from the ledge, and took my sandals off, dipping my toes into the crisp cool spring water.
I allowed myself to relax as I lied down on my back with my head resting in the clovers, feet submerged in the tranquil moving water. The knots that had been twisting my insides for so long were letting loose. I sighed, feeling the calm feeling that's been so foreign to me. It was different not having to worry about anything here. This was a safe place where my mind could shut down and I could just feel.
I closed my eyes letting the sun graze over my eyelids in between the swaying branches as the wind blew softly, the only sound being the water trickling by my feet.
I took in the smells surrounding me, fresh pine, a deer or two, meadow grass, clover, wildflowers, the wet earth of the creek...
Peaceful.
A sensation came over my skin, feeling like the sun was beaming on me, urgent and persuasive. Tiny goosebumps crowded up my legs, over my thighs and slowly caressing the rest of my body before landing on my face, where I felt a current slowly buzz through my body.
I knew what that meant.
Opening my eyes briskly, I sat up so fast it made my head spin. I glanced around the small enclosed clearing, not seeing anything out of the ordinary.
But he was here...
Focusing my body on the sensations I was feeling, I located a set of silver eyes peering at me from the dark shrubbery just behind me, where not long ago, Deacon had disappeared from.
My eyes locked with his. His dark gray and white wolf inched out of the forest, his tail low and the front of his body sliding onto the ground, pawing closer to me as a whimper came from the wolf. He was waiting for my approval, begging me to allow him this one moment. Male wolves only ever do the submission stance if it is for their female, or when they have been bad.
I knew this wolf.
Slowly spinning around toward the male, feet tucked under me, I waited, signing that he could approach.
I clenched my fists as my heart raced and those steel butterflies erupted again. It was going to be hard to do this.
I did need to ask him regardless if it broke my heart. I needed to know.
"What are you doing here?" My voice was weak with dread.
The wolf inched closer again but I held my hand up. He retreated back into the forest slowly, a whine followed by the snapping of shifting bones, shielded from my view.
He came back out of the woods, standing tall with only a pair of jeans hanging from his waist, so low that the v-line of his hips was visible and I had to close my eyes to focus on reigning in my wolf.
We always kept clothes hidden in the forest.
His presence was so close to me. I wasn't able to shake the wisps of his soul that gravitated toward mine, my eyes lingered up his body as I let my lids flutter open slowly.
So strong.
Muscles staring at me, such strong abs - a six pack to be exact, his tanned skin stretched by them. Pecks made of steel shifted under his skin with movement.
His shoulders were broad, arms containing so much strength, cords of muscle, like steel cables under flesh, moving as his fists clenching. Unwillingly, my eyes traveled up to his handsome face, that strong jaw and prominent cheekbones, eyes as blue as the sky staring back at me.
His presence screamed warrior. An Alpha warrior. The future leader of the Crescent Moon pack.
I couldn't take my eyes from his. We were alone. Just the two of us, captured in a moment. The pain in those blue eyes was clouded with need, mimicking my own.
He inhaled, closing his eyes as a shudder ran through his body. I did the same. His scent allowed my mind to relax, but my body was going into overdrive from the buzzing sensation thrumming through my veins.
I felt him close the distance and I opened my eyes, widening them as my heart hammered out of my chest once he approached me with caution.
He stood tall over my shaking form as I sat still, peering up at him.
Green grass looking up into a blue sky was how I could describe our eye contact.
"Zaryn..." I breathed his name, watching as he shuddered from his name gracing my lips, his attraction towards me was pungent.
"Nova." His voice had the same effect. My fingers dug into the earth to steady me and keep the wolf at bay. His voice was like liquid ecstasy as it came out.
"I think we should talk."
Hope you like the changes made to this pre-edit edit chapter! I wanted to go in and fix a lot of things for editing LIKE THE FACT THAT THERE IS NEVER WINTER IN A YEAR IN A HALF?! lol. There are a lot of mistakes, but I like the book. I'm glad you all liked it as well.
Is seeing her mate on her own going to cause unnecessary pain? Ofcourse. But how will her wolf react?
XOXO
Heather