Chapter Soundtrack:
Birdy - Tee Shirt
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This chapter has been edited. I had many mistakes the first go around
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Nova
Deacon finally managed to drag me out of the shower. I had given up on showering once my hair was washed. I had exerted myself to the point of exhaustion, just by washing my hair. I was weak from the malnourishment my body was going through.
That's when I had felt strong hands pull me up. I looked up, seeing Deacons light blue eyes and mess of dark hair, my mind playing tricks on me, thinking it was him, his brother.
I can't even think his name.
Once I was dried off, I managed to dress while Deacon turned away, giving me privacy, even though he's seen me thousands of times. It's how wolves are. We are used to it, but it's different when it's just the two of us and no other wolves.
I let him drag me outside into the late summer warmth, the hot, humid air surrounding me, caressing my skin every now and then with a breeze.
Deacon made sure to lead us through the woods beside the enormous Pack House, so we wouldn't run into anyone at the barbecue, which was still in full swing in the back yard.
He knew I didn't want to be seen.
I followed him meekly, my small hand in his large one. He had always been my rock in times of despair, always holding me up when I felt like falling. As we walked, I noticed how tall he had gotten over the years. I'd never really paid attention, but Deacon had really grown in the past two years. He wasn't as tall as his brother, but he was close, he would be a full-grown adult male before too long.
"Nova." Deacon's voice, deeper than ever, jolted me out of my thoughts. I realized I had been looking out at the large spans of water, deep in thought. Something hypnotic about how the surface of the lake reflected the deep blue sky above us, while the ripples made it seem like a lake of glass, sparkling in the light. I had been on autopilot this whole time, not even realizing we had arrived at the dock, I was lost in my mind.
No, I was loosing my mind.
Moments later we were in the canoe, floating across the warm water of the lake. We used to take the boats out all the time, just laughing, joking, having our moments. I have so many fond memories of it, but these days, I don't feel so happy.
Deacon and I have always been best friends. I didn't have many female friends because I just didn't like them, all they ever thought about were males and how much they looked forward to finding their mates.
Now here I was, wishing I hadn't found mine.
The females who wanted to be my friend knew I was friends with Deacon and that was the sole reason they came to me with their fake smiles of friendship. Either that or they wanted to befriend me to get close to the males in my family. Eden was the only female that I kept as a friend, I really wished she was here right now. There were a few females that I talked to, but I would never consider them friends.
We rowed lazily, listening to the stirring of the water and the drip from our paddles. The canoe bobbed slightly, reminding me not to wiggle. The sun had sunk into the western part of the sky, yielding a beautiful, pink horizon in the distance which gradually turned into the deep cerulean blue that hung overhead.
Like his eyes.
I shook the thoughts out of my head. I wasn't going to let him have that hold over me, not today.
"Stop. Let's rest" Deacon's voice brought me out of my thoughts once more, I wondered if I was annoying him by not paying attention.
Since we had come from the docks in the woods, further down from the Pack House, we wound up behind a line of trees that crowded the shore, blocking the bright evening sun. We were obscured from the wolves' line of sight as the barbecue went on, Deacon and I just hanging out like we always did.
Looking up at Deacon, I felt a pain in my heart I couldn't describe, looking in eyes that were similar to his brother's. I didn't want to talk about anything to do with my 'mate' situation. Deacon, however, wanted to talk about it, I knew he would.
"Nova. Say something." He urged.
"Something," I whispered, dipping my hand in the water, avoiding his gaze.
He chuckled, dipping his own hand in the water and flicking it up, splashing me with its warmth.
"Hey!" I narrowed my eyes at him.
A smirk played at his lips before cracking into a full-blown grin, flashing his brilliant white teeth.
"Hay is for horses." His smirk was still there.
Sighing, I flicked him with water. "I know what you're doing."
He shrugged. "Is it working?"
I shook my head, looking out at my reflection over the side of the canoe. If 'tragedy' had a picture beside it in the dictionary, it would be of me.
"Nova... Have you talked to him? Has he told you if he was going to mark her or not?"
Lifting my gaze to his, I frowned. "No. What would it matter? I'm sure he will. She's having his pup. Your brother is a gentleman, unfortunately." I grumbled the last, pouting over the fact that my mate was too busy worrying about doing the 'right thing' rather than doing right by me.
I willed myself not to cry. He was such a good wolf to stay by her side because of his mistake and it killed me that he had to go and do the right thing by this she-wolf. He wouldn't let her be without honor...
But he'd let me be humiliated. It was too late to go back on his word to her now, she was already here.
"Nova. What exactly did you and my brother talk about the night he came home? What did he say?" Deacon leaned forward, taking my hands in his, probing for answers with sincerity in those blue eyes.
I remembered that night well, it haunted my dreams. The day a wolf finds their mate is supposed to be magical, but this night was one I wanted to forget.
It was the night of my shift-celebration. My seventeenth birthday had been last week and I had shifted successfully, my wolf making her appearance after hours of bones snapping and moving, realigning to fit my wolf. Alpha Blake had thrown a shift-party for me like he does with all newly shifted wolves, everyone in the pack was invited.
I was having so much fun with Deacon and my family at the party when Deacon's brother pulled up. He had just arrived home from his summer away at Blue Moon territory and the entire pack had wandered to the front yard to greet him, he's the Alpha's son after all, and Crescent Moon's future Alpha. I knew he was coming home that night because Luna Penelope had told me and I was feeling excited to see him and show him my wolf.
I had always had a crush on him. Deacon and I were joined at the hip, but his brother was the one that had always caught my eye, even at such a young age.
When I had made it to the front yard with Deacon, I watched as his brother got out of the truck, his frame larger than it once was. He had packed on muscle this summer while training and he looked good.
That was when it hit me and the world tilted on its axis.
His scent.
It was intoxicating, making my wolf go crazy inside my head, howling and pawing at my mind. My heart rate picked up and right away, I knew.
His head snapped up, eyes wide with knowing, taking the air into his lungs as he searched the crowd. His gaze locked onto mine, his sky-blue eyes focused onto my grass-green ones and it was like fireworks going off on the fourth of July.
The first emotion evident on his face was the shock, mirroring my own. How could it be that we grew up together, part of each other's family, never knowing we were mates? There were no clues aside from the fact that I harbored a crush on him.
Then, a smile began to creep onto his lips and I found myself returning it. How could I be so lucky to find my mate so quickly and it being someone I already knew, someone in my own pack who I had memories with?
He was happy.
I was happy it was him.
Everything went quiet, it was just me and him, staring into one another's eyes, taking in all the feelings that had enraptured us. The warm tingling sensations that moved all the way from my legs to my head, buzzing through my fingertips. My head was swimming but in a good way. He would make a great mate.
We were broken out of our reverie by the truck's passenger door slamming shut. A tall, lanky blonde walked around the corner, unsure brown eyes scanning around the pack as curious glances were made her way. I peered over at her then back at him. His smile disappeared, replaced by a look of worry and fear.
That was the moment I felt like something was off about her, but I wasn't sure exactly what it was.
A few wolves asked if the female was his mate, but no one said a word until I walked up to him, closing the space between us, his scent entrapping me.
"Mate," My voice rang out, claiming him with my words, wondering if he felt me. He had to because he had smiled at me, he had a reaction. He knew what I was to him, he had to.
Why did his frown turn upside down so quickly? He had smiled, he was happy. He knew I was his, that much I had been sure of. The air around us seemed to crackle like static and I felt this overwhelming sense inside me, telling me to mark him as my mate. It was my wolf.
The strange female's eyes went wide at my verbal claim and everyone behind us began cheering about my being the future Alpha's mate. "They will make strong pups," They said.
That might have been true, but not now.
I didn't take notice of my surroundings, still caught up in the feelings that finding your destined mate brings. The woman who had gotten out of the truck was barely able to hold my attention, I was too focused on him, my mate, whose once happy expression transformed into one filled with tension. If his clenched fists and tense jaw didn't give it away, it was his bright blue eyes which were avoiding mine.
I felt hurt. I hadn't understood why he was reacting that way.
The Alpha dispersed the crowd back to the party, a hardness in his eyes as he glared at his eldest son. I was still confused about what was happening until that blonde female's features crumbled once the pack had left us alone and tears streamed down her face. Luna Penelope took the female inside before sending me an apologetic smile, sadness in her eyes. Pity.
Now I know why, but at the time I didn't
Alpha Blake said he'd give us a moment. He already knew. They both did, that much I was now sure of. I was just happy to have a moment with my mate, to ask him what was wrong and why he looked so sad. We had grown up together, he should be as happy as I. I wanted to know who that female was and why she started crying.
I remember glancing back up into my mate's eyes, it was just the two of us. His beautiful orbs roamed down my body and I felt his gaze on every curve and dip. My scent was driving him crazy and every instinct was telling him to mark me as well. He wanted to. His eyes were darkening by the second, a sliver of gold shining through. His canines slid out as I felt a delicious shiver run over my flesh.
At the time, I had just brushed the female off as a relative I'd not met or a female needing help. I decided her outburst of tears was due to the fact that she was having mate problems and had come here for a break. Perhaps seeing us find one another had troubled her soul.
I was naive.
"Weird huh, being your little brother's best friend's mate?" A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I held my hands behind my back, teetering on the heels of my converse. I was nervous.
I didn't know if he was happy anymore. He just stood still, despair written all over him as he inhaled.
Frowning, I reached my hand out, brushing against his, testing the waters.
As our hands touched, an intense sensation rippled over my skin. I gasped at the exhilarating feeling. My knees crumpled, unable to withstand his touch and the effect it had on me, but he caught me with his strong, rough hands, steadying me as he gazed down at me with sad eyes, though his lust for me permeated the air.
He ripped his hands away from me as if I were hot to the touch. I felt confused and alone. Why wasn't he reacting like he was earlier?
He dropped his head, shaking it slowly as he spoke.
"I'm so sorry Nova. I didn't know..." He whispered, backing away from me, eyes peering up to watch me beneath long ebony lashes, his dark brown hair had fallen over those brilliantly bright eyes, a major contrast against his olive skin and dark looks. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen.
My smile fell, watching him retreat and I suddenly became self-conscious, the wolf inside me whimpering in defeat as my lip trembled. I felt like I was going to cry.
"D-Do you not want to be my mate?" My tone was uncertain, my voice soft and wavering.
I felt the pain he was in, our souls trying to touch one another. It wasn't like being marked and mated where you could feel your mate's feelings. It was different, like our wolves were trying to sync up.
His lips pursed as he shook his head swiftly. "Goddess, I do, Nova. If I had only known.... We've grown up together, of course, I would want you as my mate." It was a painful whisper as we both stood two feet away from each other. I had to look up at him to see his face while he fought his hands not to reach out and embrace me like they wanted to.
A moment passed where we just watched one another, not moving. Sadness enveloped me because I knew then that something was terribly wrong. He said he 'would' want me as his mate, not that he did want me. He finally broke the silence with his admission.
"But - something has happened, and now it's tearing me apart, now that I know you're my gift. It's going to break your heart and It's breaking mine too." His eyes scrunched closed. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry, Nova." He pursed his lips and looked away, not being able to meet my gaze. A lone tear ran down his structured cheek bone as my heart sank and panic rose.
"W-what is it?" It was barely even a whisper.
I knew then, that it had something to do with that blonde she-wolf.
He peered back at me with despondency. "I made a mistake, Nova. I couldn't control myself." A sob left his mouth and he looked away once more. A male doesn't cry, especially no Alpha blood, they were taught this at birth. I knew this had to be so very bad for him to do this in front of me.
The tendrils of his scent were grasping at me, urging me to go to him, but I waited for his words.
"The she-wolf. Her name is Grace and.... She's pregnant.... with my pup." He never met my eyes, he couldn't.
I gasped audibly as pain constricted my heart, grasping its ugly hand around it and squeezing with all its might. Not being able to breathe or stand any longer, I had fallen to my knees as I clutched onto my shirt where my heart lie beating beneath. My lip trembled as I kept chanting, "No... No... No.."
The tears were unstoppable as I broke. He stood, watching with a torn expression as I collapsed on the ground, rocking back and forth on my knees as I cried to the moon with my forehead touching the ground.
I felt him sink to his knees quickly, reaching out for me. He felt the desolation, eyes pouring their saline solution as his arms grabbed me, holding me tight against his chest. Having him touch me didn't help, It was like waving something in my face that I'd never have. The electric energy between us was so real and my wolf wanted out. She wanted to go ahead and mark him, take him as ours.
"I didn't know, Nova." He whimpered, sniveling just as much as me. We were both full-blown crying."I didn't know you'd be the one, or that I'd find my mate so soon. She was in her heat... I was weak. My wolf took over. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice croaked with emotions as he continued to cry with me, wrapping his arms around my body tighter as we rocked together, his tears falling on my shirt. I fought my wolf hard as she threatened to surge forth, crying out my pain for him to witness.
I believed him. He didn't want to be in this situation. He would have wanted me, he did want me.
The tingles from his touch were like nothing I have ever felt, but the pain in my heart won the battle for my attention.
"What are you going to do?" My voice cracked as I peered up at him through wet lashes, his face so close to mine.
"I have to do the right thing, Nova." Was all he said while gazing down at me with a brokeness about him and eyes of desperation.
What is the right thing? What could that possibly be?
A hand covered my mouth as my face scrunched up, a muffled sob made its way out despite my attempts and I ripped away from his hold, falling back onto the gravel driveway on my ass.
I collapsed, falling flat to the ground and rolled over, my forehead touching the small pieces of gravel while my chest was wracking with deep, powerful sobs. My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces with just one sentence and I was lying there broken.
His hand found my back, sending those currents through me. "I'm sorry. I wish... I wish I could go back. I don't want this, but there is nothing I can do, Nova. I'm so sorry." He cried to me shamelessly, soothing me with every stroke he gave me.
But it was too late for that.
"Just go to her." It was the last thing I said. His hand stilled on my back as if my words had shocked him to his core. He retreated slowly, watching me as I turned my head to see his tortured expression.
"Nova, I-"
"Just go," I whispered, closing my eyes while the pain coursed through me. I hurt far too much at that moment.
"I'm sorry." He whispered one last time before walking away from me as I lay there bleeding out internally from the broken heart I had just received. A mate bond is fragile when it hasn't been completed and right then and there, my wolf was ready to chase him down and claim him while I simply wanted to crawl into a hole and never wake up.
My mate.
My everything – starting his future with another female.
--
I broke out of my memory of that fateful night to Deacon snapping his fingers in my face. "Nova! Are you going to answer me?"
I tried to shake away the gut-wrenching feeling that pounded inside me as my stomach tensed.
"Yeah. Sorry. I was trying to remember. All he told me was that he was sorry, but he had to do the right thing, nothing more." The last word came out a whisper.
I was being torn apart from the inside out and I couldn't hold the feelings in, not for long.
Deacon turned his head toward the open water, anger and rage taking over.
"I'm going to kill him."
I couldn't blame my mate fully, except for the fact that he should have held out for me. A female's heat is something no male can withstand and that night I found my mate and had my heart broken all in the matter of a few minutes, he had informed me that the blonde she-wolf had been in her head. He couldn't control himself.
Deacon's sharp eyes came back to me, locking their hardened focus on my frail form. "You need to talk to him. Alone. Ask him his plans. It has to be you, Nova."
I felt the ache inside me radiate as my face contorted to sorrow. Shaking my head back and forth, a small cry came from my lips. "I can't. I can't face him, Deacon."
His hand grabbed mine. "Then we will together."
I peered up to see the determination in his eyes. He would walk through hell or highwater for his best friend, I would do the same for him, but this is something we can't do together.
That's not what I wanted. Deacon shouldn't hate his brother for something that he couldn't help and I didn't want to know my mate's plans. He would only break my heart even further. This was too much for a newly shifted wolf to handle. It was hard enough trying to control myself and keep from wolfing out when I felt extreme emotions.
Deacon held my hand tightly in his as I pulled back the tears. Loud voices echoed off the water and our heads jerked in the direction they came.
My mouth fell open the moment I noticed we had drifted to far and now we were staring straight into hundreds of pairs of eyes of wolves from the pack barbecue up on the shore.
We were sitting in the canoe in plain sight while the entire pack was looking out at the lake, at us.
But the only eyes I felt were the ones that I couldn't stop thinking about.
He was there, watching me. His burning gaze traveled down my body to where Deacon's hand held mine and I dropped it. Risking it, I peeked through the curtain my hair had made and saw my mate sitting there with his pregnant female, his jaw locked tight as his eyes narrowed.
Everyone knew Deacon and I were best friends, but this seemed a little too intimate for my liking. I knew what they were all thinking.
"We need to get out of here." Deacon held my gaze just as whispers and gasps echoed from the shore and carried out onto the water where we could hear the gossip already taking place.
"Let's go. Hurry, Deacon" I plead, shielding my face from their watchful eyes.
I could only imagine the gossip that would start up tomorrow. I didn't bother taking another look towards my mate. It was useless anyway and it would only hurt me to see him with blondie.
I could tell that he was angry by the look on his face. Well, he has no right. None at all.
HOPE YOU ALL LIKED THIS REVISED AND EDITED CHAPTER! It's going through major editing as well though.,
XoXo,
H.N. Von Ward
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