Seth almost stumbled through the door into his room, quite emotionally drained and exhausted.
Luckily for him, Taylor was there behind him to grab his arm and keep him upright.
The boys hadn't said anything to one another since they had gotten inside, but Taylor had something that he needed to say. Something to get off his chest, he just knew that he could never find the right time.
"Hey, Seth?" He called out after the shorter male as he let go of his arm.
"Yeah?" Seth turned to look at him, wiping his eyes gently.
"Are you tired?" A silly question, he knew.
"No. I'm wasted." Seth laughed slightly.
Taylor laughed with him. "It's great seeing you so happy."
"You said that earlier."
"Then you should know that it's true."
Seth showed him a smile before turning in place and taking a few steps over to his bed, gently sitting himself down, but his roommate just stood there.
Taylor watched Seth's every move as he sat down, seeing just how tired he was. His train of thought was interrupted however, as he saw Seth gesture for him to sit beside the younger male. Slight hesitation crept into his mind, nonetheless he slowly made his way over and gently lowered himself into a sitting potion on Seth's bed.
With a slight yawn, Seth looked up at Taylor, his purple eyes distant and hazy. He was absolutely exhausted.
"You need sleep." Taylor told him in a low voice.
"You need sleep too. You look so tired." As Seth reached the end of his sentence, he yawned again, leaning to the side, now resting his head on Taylor's shoulder. Taylor felt his face getting hotter as a blush crept across his cheeks.
"Uh, Seth?" He said.
"Yeah?" Seth whispered back to him.
"Try leaning the other way. It'll be more comfortable."
"No. This is fine."
A gentle sigh escaped Taylor's lips as he glanced down at the boy beside him. The two remained still for a few seconds before Taylor decided it too difficult for him to be so close to Seth. He quickly stood up, forcing Seth off his shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Seth asked, standing up beside him.
"I can't do this. I'm going back out." Taylor made no effort to hesitate as he headed for the door, grasping the handle and opening it up.
"Wait," Seth ran to his side and stood still in front of the door, preventing Taylor from opening it further.
"What?" Taylor yelled, "what is it?"
Seth stood still for a little bit, thinking before he finally spoke, "I know you're trying to protect me and you're trying not to hurt me, but you're trying too hard. What makes you think that being close to me will mean I get hurt?"
Taylor was shocked to know that Seth had figured out what was going through his head, and yet found it entirely plausible at the same time.
"Well, who knows? I could screw up too, you know. Just because I've been there before, doesn't mean I can't mess it up for you. Get out of the way of the door, Seth!"
Seth felt panic rising as his pulse got even higher. Maybe Taylor was right. But he refused to believe so. He had been Seth's lifeline over the last few days, but all Seth had done was panic and add his own weight to the pressure on Taylor's shoulders. What made him so special? What made Taylor so special to the point where he was all Seth felt he had?
Seth reached out out towards Taylor's wrist and held him tight.
"I'm sorry Taylor," Seth said, sadness creeping into his voice, "I was so selfish. I tried to consider your feelings a little more, but in truth, all I could think about was my panic attacks, my problems. Not yours."
Taylor just stared down at Seth, his hand still grasping the handle of the now open door. He felt terrible for making Seth feel responsible, but maybe he was right. Taylor hadn't ever once seen Seth as selfish, but maybe he was just blind to that. Or there was something else. He considered himself more selfish than Seth could ever be.
"No Seth." Taylor mumbled, letting go of the door handle and instead, grabbing Seth's hand. Seth seemed shocked at the gesture, "I'm the selfish one. The one thing that I've not been telling you, I've kept back because I was scared of you thinking differently of me. That's my problem and I'm going to have to suck it up."
"Well then, tell me what's wrong," Seth smiled slightly, "it's the least I could do for you."
Taylor took a few seconds to consider before deciding to speak out.
"Seth, it's been a little awkward being your roommate for so long."
"Why? Don't you like being my roommate?"
"No. That's not it at all. I love your company," he paused briefly, "quite a lot."
"Taylor, if something's bothering you, then I want to help. If I've done something, I'd be happy to make amends for it."
"You haven't done anything... except been totally adorable. The truth is Seth, I've had a crush on you since we first met."
Seth fell silent in shock and his gaze fell to the floor. Of all the things Taylor could've said, he said that?
Okay, so Taylor had feelings for him, did this have to change things between them? Seth tried to convince himself that nothing would be different now that he knew. Thoughts flying through his head, he didn't notice that he began to squeeze Taylor's hand tighter. He looked up and locked eye contact with Taylor, moving closer than he already was, as they felt some sort of tension grow between them.
Taylor, who with every breath felt himself being pulled closer to the shorter male by an invisible force, narrowed his eyes, moving his free hand to Seth's shoulder, unsure of whether he wanted to pull him closer or push him away. The boys just wound up standing in that position for a few seconds.
After a brief moment of silence and stillness, Taylor forced himself forwards, slamming his lips into Seth's as his arms found his way to his waist. Seth's eyes shut tight as he kissed back, wrapping his arms around Taylor's neck and tugging on the back of his shirt.
The two pulled apart for a second or two before drawing closer and kissing again. Over and over again.
Taylor slowly moved one of his arms from Seth's body, and instead to the door, slamming it shut.
***
The bright rays of sun broke through the darkness, through the gap in the curtains, of the university dorm room. Feeling the heat of the morning sun on his face, Seth stirred slightly, eyes opening.
The young man yawned, propping himself up on his elbows. As he did so, he felt a slight weight on his chest. Seth glanced down to see Taylor's hand on his bare chest. His heart skipped a beat as he saw Taylor, sleeping beside him in his bed, but he then smiled and grabbed Taylor's hand, holding him tight.
Taylor twitched suddenly, waking himself up. He looked up and saw Seth had already woken up, and with a smile, he pushed himself up onto his elbows, staring down at Seth.
"Hey." He said in a raspy and quiet voice.
"Hey." Seth said back.
"So, have you got an answer yet?" Taylor grinned with a slight laugh.
"Taylor, after what we did last night, do you really think I'll say no?"
"You make it sound like you didn't want to."
"I did and I don't regret it, but what I'm trying to say is," Seth paused, thinking hard about what he was doing, but he knew that he'd already made the right choice, "yes." He finished.
Taylor smiled at him and moved one hand from the mattress to Seth's face, brushing some of his black hair out of the way, leaving a place where Taylor could plant a kiss on Seth's cheek.
"I really, really love you." He smiled.
Seth just smiled back, now feeling bad. He had really strong feelings towards Taylor. He was in love with Taylor, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Why?
Taylor saw the look in Seth's eyes and smiled kindly.
"Don't worry," he said, "I know it can be hard to say it to someone for the first time. Wait until you can. Although..."
"What?" Seth asked, slightly concerned.
"Most people get the 'I love you' part done before the sex part." Taylor laughed slightly, earning a playful punch to his shoulder as Seth laughed with him.
Seth found his way down the mattress to lie against Taylor's chest, his arms around the older boys neck, as Taylor held Seth tightly in his arms.
In that moment, the two of them felt almost invincible, like nothing could hurt or upset them ever again. That was until Seth realised something.
"My classes start in thirty minutes." He muttered.
"Crap." Taylor said back.
Seth smiled slightly, moving up slightly and nuzzling Taylor's neck. "I never want to leave this position." He whispered.
"Neither do I, but I don't make the rules." Sadness filled Taylor's mind as he sat up straight, forcing Seth to do the same. He reached out and grabbed a shirt from his dresser drawers, pulling it over his muscular chest. Seth just sat still.
Upon noticing that Seth had remained still, Taylor smiled and leant in closer, kissing his lips, gently.
"I'll be here when you're done. You only have half a day anyway." He smiled when he pulled away.
"Yeah, that's right." Seth showed a kind smile, getting out of bed and walking over to his closet, searching for clothes for the day.
***
Seth took a seat in the usual classroom, only to be joined by Lilith a few seconds later. The girl looked as though she's just sprinted all the way across campus.
"You okay Lil'?" Seth asked.
"Fine. I just forgot my phone and laptop so I needed to go back to my room to grab them." Lilith smiled graciously.
In truth, Seth had missed his usual pointless conversations with Lilith. They were what kept him together, even if he only just got through each time, but today he felt like he had something else to hold him up. He and Taylor were actually a couple now, so of course it felt like he was keeping him together, but it was a sensation that Seth felt as though he should have already felt about his roommate. Just maybe not as strong as it was now.
"How could you be that clumsy?" He laughed as she showed an annoyed face. It was clear that she was joking.
"I've never seen you so happy," Lilith suddenly pointed out, "it's like, you're always smiling, but the look in your eyes. It's like your mind's not in the same place as your body. Not today, you're totally fine."
"A few things have happened recently," Seth smiled, "but honestly, I'd prefer not to talk about it today."
"Sure thing. Your secrets are yours to keep."
Lilith watched Seth throughout their lesson and all she could think of was how happy and focused he seemed that day. It made her glad that she could see him so happy... but so disappointed in herself that it hadn't been her that made him feel so positive.
With a gentle sigh, she looked down at her notebook and laptop. She'd hardly written anything. This time, she was the one who wasn't focused enough.