"Well no- I just.. It's.. I don't know.. It's just tha-"
I sighed.
"No, in fact it would be so much fun to go with you, but.. the nice you, and that's the problem. I don't know which you it would be and I like the nice you so much but.. the 'mean' you scares me. A lot."
He put his head in his hands.
"Fuck."
"What's the big thing? Why don't you just stop being mean to me?"
"Don't you think if it was that easy then I would?"
"Well no, I figured you hate me."
"I don't hate you, Gem- Look, it's complicated."
"Of course it is." I mumbled.
We continued watching the movie for about five minutes before Luke left for like ten more minutes and came back into the room with two tins of beer.
"Your parents just left, I told them I'd drop you home later."
"O-Okay."
He lifted the remote, paused the tv and handed me one of the tins.
He then sat cross-legged on the floor in front of me and let out a sigh.
"When I was a kid.. My uh.. My parents were all about Ben's grades and Ben's extra curricular activities and Ben's love life and Ben's plans for the future and Jack's sports and Jacks studies and everything was all about the eldest kids because they were older and their grades 'mattered' more than mine did, and then between the stupid rule about eating in the kitchen as a kid and them spending so much time on Ben and Jack I had no one to go to for anything."
He paused for a minute, tapping the top of his tin repeatedly, just staring at the ground before he spoke again.
"I- I didn't know what to do when I had a problem, or a feeling or whatever. I had tried to talk to them before and they'd shot me down so I just bottled everything up." He shrugged.
"Luke that's awful!"
"Yeah I know. So I shut everyone out and moved out and sometimes I try to let people in and show emotions then I freak and push them away again and some people I physically pushed away."
"Your parents don't seem like that."
"Yeah, when the three of us left they realised how short the time they had with us was."
"You know they love you, Luke."
"Yeah I do. And I push away the ones I love so I can't feel neglected by them-"
"Because you're neglecting them."
"Exactly. So I don't hate you, I just don't know how to show any feelings and mikey gets that, calum gets that and justin gets that. That's why we get along so well."
I sat down beside Luke on the floor and rested my head on his shoulder, taking in all what he had just told me.
I had completely forgotten Dylan was staying with his family until he walked into the livingroom and planted himself down on the sofa.
"Ugh she's here." He groaned.
"Do you wanna go somewhere else?" Luke whispered and I nodded and we got up and got into his car.
"Do you want me to drop you home or do you wanna come to my apartment for a bit?"
"Erm.. yeah I'll go to yours, I don't exactly feel like going home." I laughed.
Luke parked his car on a curb and we walked up a lot of stairs before reaching a red door, the door to Luke's apartment.
It was a cute little tidy apartment and as soon as we went in, we kicked our shoes off by the door and then Luke handed me another drink.