It took a lot of hard work and dererminaiton, but after a few more tries, I finally did it. I got through a whole week with out hurting anyone. This was a joyious thing, because it meant one of two things: One, I got to go star gazing that night and two, I was halfway to freedom. All I had to do was make it one more week, and I could go home. I was so close I could practically taste it.
I was so excited when I woke up and saw my behavior chart. A coudple weeks ealier Healer Green had ung up a chart showing two weeks worth of days. Each day I went with out being violent towards people, I got a little silver sticker put on the day. Today, seven starts were all lined up in a row.
"I get to go out!" I cheered. Not only had I been stuck at St. Mungo's, I hadn't even been allowed to go to the back yard. I had been pinned up indoors for who knew how long. I hadn't laid eyes on a calender or anything that would show the date since I had woken up from my coma.
"You do!" Lucius grinned. "I'm going out during lunch to get things for you to use tonight."
"And Gilderoy?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow. After all, that was part of the deal.
"Yes." He laughed. "We told you he could."
the smile on my face couldn't have gotten any bigger. I knew my Uncle was up there being proud of me. the yall were. they had to be. Lucius was, so why wouldnt' they?
And I actually enjoyed the feeling of people being proud of me .It flet good: Like I was actually accomplishing something. I continued ot stare at the gleaming stars on the chart.
"Eleanor?" Lucius snapped me out of my thougth. "I'm going to get you some breakfast,okay? Will you be fine here?"
"Uh-huh." I nodded. "When you get back can we Floo Narcissa and show her my chart?"
"Of course we can." He gave the top of my head a kiss before turning to go out the door.
.................................................
The day went on as usual, except for the excitement that hung around me. As promised, we Flooed Narcissa when he got back, and she was very proud of me; just as I hoped she would. The reset of the day I kept teh feeling, which meant that I was too distracted to get a productive Therapy Session; the same went for Group Session. Even everyone there could tell a differencei n my demeter.
At dinner I couldn't wait any longer. It was so close. I was filled with so much excitement that I didnt' want to eat. everntually, I had to force myself to, because Lucius said that if I didn't, I wouldn't be allowed to go.
When I finished, he took the empty plate, which had once held a peanut butter sandwich, away from me, and smiled.
"If you will change out of your pajamas and into one of the cardigans Narcissa has brought you, we can go." He barganed. I looked at him, a little surprised.
"But..." I trialed off. "I din't want to change out of my pajamas. It was enough to change out of them and into another pair. It would be ten times worse putting on 'day clothes', expecially since I was so comfortible in my pajamas.
"It's too cold to go out in just your pajamas." he explained. I shook my head.
"Why can't I wear a jacket.?"
"You don't have one." He replied. "You have a coule sweaters and cardigans."
"Get me one, then."
"I'm not going out at seven to get a jacket when you have perfectly good clothing here."
"Go get me one!" I repeated, getting angery.
"Eleanor." He warned. I made sure to lower my voice before speaking again.
"Please..."
"No, Eleanor. If you want to go, you have to put on something warm that Narcissa has brought for you."
I let this sink in. Was getting dressed really worth it? It definally wasn't. I mean, I would just have put my pajamas back on when I came back in Why even bother?
I was just about to say 'forger it' when I remembered another very important aspect: Gilderoy. I couldn't not do it becaues of him. He had already been told that he could go, so I couldn't let him down. It wouldn't be fair to cancel just becaues I refused to get dressed. That would be the stupidest reason ever for him to have to go. So, ultimately, I had only one choice;
"Yes, Lucius..." I sucked it up and forced myself to go to the closet across the room. Honestly, I had never used it. I had only seen Lucius do it. I opened it up and peered inside. Hanging among his fancy-smansy clothes were clothes of my own: Sweaters. Cardigans. Dress pants. Pencil Skirts. Undershirts. Lacey bras and panties. The list went on.
I ran my hand across the expensive fabrics until I came to a gray sweater with a curvy looking "E" embroidered on the breast. I decided this one was good enough, so I pulled it down and moved onto some pants. After a few minutes of looking I came across a pair of dark washed jeans. I'm pretty sure it was the only pair in the whole closet, and it was the only pair of pants I was going to wear. The rest of them just weren't... me. Nor did they looked comfy.
So, I changed right in the closet, not caring that Lucius could see. Once I was dressed, I grabbed a pair of black flats (the most simple pair of shoes in there) and headed out. Lucius eyed me and grinned.
"There? Now don't you feel much better now that you have something one besides those dirty pajamas?"
"Hm." I didn't say yes or no. Instead, I grabbed his hand and tried to pull his towards the door. "Can we go now?"
"Yes." He stopped me to grab a bundle of blankets and a basket before letting me continue. One the way we stopped at Gilderoy's room, knocking on the door. He answered, broadly smiling.
"Elle!" He exclaimed, going in for a hug. I took a step away: I loved him and all, but I didn't want hugs from anyone but Lucius. They creeped me out. How in the world did wrapping your arms around someone and squeezing become a sign of affection.
"Maybe you should try holding her hand..." Lucius hinted. He knew it was okay from people I trusted to hold my hand. Gilderory awkwardly grabbed a hold of my hand and squeezed. I stiffened, but also grinned, looking him over. He had on a pair of black slacks and a light blue sweater that made his eye color pop.
"Is that better?" He asked.
"Yeah." I said. "That's better."
"Let's go, everyone." Lucius interrupted, ushering us down the hallway.
It wasn't until we were half way down the hall that I realized that I didn't exactly know where we were going. I mean, if I knew how to get out of this place, I would defiantly be trying to run away every day. That is probably why they had never let me go outside before: They knew I would try to leave. Now that I was so close to freedom, I didn't need too. All I had to do was behave the next week, then I could go anyway. It was their plan all along.
After going down several hallways and twists and turns, Lucius led us to a single door at the end of the walls. I reached for the handle, my heart beating a million times a minute. Before I could touch the metal, he stopped me.
"Wait." He said, then pulled a key out of his pocket. Figures. They wouldn't' just leave a door to the outside open in the Psych Ward. Once the lock clicked he pocketed the key and opened the door. My eyes widened at what I saw:
The sun was just now setting, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink. The clouds looked like wads of cotton candy, reflecting the beautiful tones of the sky. I stepped forward and looked around.
It was beautiful. So beautiful. The outside world I hadn't seen in how ever long. The air smelt so clean. The grass looked so lush. Who knew all of this was in the back yard of this horrible place. I guess it had to have a perk somewhere. All of it was so overwhelming that I began to cry. Lucius put a hand on my shoulder.
"Is everything okay?" He asked, converned. He was mistaking my happiness for sadness.
"Y-yeah." I shakily replied, wipping away the tears. "It's more than okay... It-It's wonderful!"
I stepped away from him and instantly let myself fall to the ground, laughing. The grass was so soft, and just a bit moist from the dew that was falling. I rolled around, letting the feeling of nature take over. This is what I missed the most: The feeling of organic material. That is what I grew up to. A lot of times, I didn't even have shoes, so I didn't have a barrier between my feet and the ground. I was used to that. It was a familiar feeling that felt so welcoming that I wanted to feel it again.
Much to Lucius's displeasure, I slipped the expensive flats off of my feet and threw them to the side. Then, I stood, letting the grass slip inbetween my toes. Gilderoy joined in my laughter and took his shoes off as well. He looked awefully funny in his nice, high quality clothing, standing in the back yard of a hospital, shoeless, but I did't say anything. I proably looked the same.
Lucius frowned at both of us and stepped forward.
"Eleanor, the both of you are going to get filthy. Here, sit on this." He took a telescope from his bundle, laid it in the basket, and unfolded the blanket it had been wrapped in. Then, he spread it down on teh ground and patted it, signaling for us to sit down on it instead of on the ground. I shook my head.
"Lucius..." I argued. Gilderoy, instead, sat down where he was told and silently watched me.
"If you want to stay out, you must listen to me." He explained calmly. I sighed and sat, but still refused to put my shoes back on. He didn't say anything about it. Instead, he grabbed the basket he had and put it inbetween Gilderoy and I. "I got the two of you come pumpkin pastries, if you would like them." He smiled, then sat on the other side of the blanket.
He pulled out a book and began reading. I looked at the pumpkin pastries as Gilderoy began eating one after the other. After the third one, he stopped and looked at me.
"Oh..." He swollowed, "Do you want one?"
"No." I shook my head and laid back, putting my handsbehind it as a pillow. "I don't really like sweets..."
"Okay." He shrugged and ate another one.
I starred into the stars that were just starting to appear in the ever darkening sky.
I remembered back when I was younger and still with my father, I would often look up into the sky, wondering what it was like to be a star. Stars didn't have to run from bad people, but yet, they could if they wanted to. The sky was limitless, so there was always a place to hide. Yet, stars just... didn't. To have no schooling, I was a pretty bright kid, because I noticed that they were always in teh same place every night. The constilations were alawys the same. I always knew where to look to find one. That's what fastinated me: They had the chance to hide, but they didn't. They used what they had to shine out, and let eveyrone else see them. They didn't hide. I envied them.
"Elle?" Gileroy asked. I flinched.
"Huh?" I hadn't noticed that he had laid down beside me.
"What's that star over there?"
"What one?"
"That one." He pointed. I saw he was pointing to Poloris.
"Oh, that's the North Star. It's the brightest one in the sky, you know? It's like, if you're lost, you can always find it. It doesn't even move from that spot. It's always there."
"Oh..." Was all he could stay. We went quiet again for a few minutes. "You really like stars, don't you?"
"Well, not just stars. Astronomy. I love looking at the sky. It's beautiful, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"I guess that's why I named my dog Orion." I let out a little giggle. Gilderoy lookeda t me in confusion. "That's a constilaiton. See? It's that one..." I pointed to the cluster of stars. It was named after some hunter in Greek Mythology. It's suppose to look like a person, but I don't really see it. I don't see many of the shapes they're suppose to be, but I like looking at them anyway. It has Rigel and Betelgeuse in it, too. They're blue-white and red supergiants. "
"Did you just say beatle juice?" He asked. I shook my head.
"No, I said... Never mind." It was too much to explain to him.
We fell into another silence. I started to relax. This night was perfect, absolutly perfect. I was so glad that I had decided to get dressed and go out. To miss this would have been terrible. And I got to spend it with Gilderoy. My best friend Gildy.
With out thinking, I reached over and grabbed his hand. He never looked over at me, but he gave it a small squeeze, showing that it was okay.
I smiled.