A few more weeks went by, and I continued to progress... Well, atleast, what's what everyone kept telling me. I didn't feel any different: The anxiety was still there, although, through Group Sessions, I started talking to more people.
I had grown kind of close to them, and I kind of enjoyed it. It had been so long since I had actually had friends. Friends were nice, to an extent. They often scarred me or upset me, but all the while they were still my friends.
Healer Green saw this and tried to encourage me to move forward.
"I think you should think about having a new partner for One-On-One Sessions." Healer Green proposed one day during lunch. By this time, I had found that I didn't need Lucius to enjoy my lunch, which meant that he could go home and see his wife and son for atleast an hour. I shook my head no.
"But I like Gildy..."
"And you can still talk to Gilderoy in your free time. I promise. But I think you are ready to expand your boundries a little more."
"But what if they don't like me..."
''What if I set you up with soemone from Group Session?" He asked. I thought for a moment.
"Not William?" The last thing I wanted was to be stuck with William for an hour. When ever I got upset at Group Session, it was usually because of him.
"If you don't want it to be William, I will not let it be. How about Ivy? You like her, right?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Will you be willing to have a One-On-One Session with Ivy?"
"Can I take Melvin?" I asked, hugging the Dragon. He nodded. "And Wolfgang?" As I found myself letting Lucius get farther and farther away, I was growing more attacked to the stuffed squid Narcissa had gotten me.
"Do you really need Wolfgang, Eleanor? Think" You spoke with them just fine vefore Mrs. Malfoy brought you Wolfgang?"
"You're right." I relucatnly admitted, putting th Squid down on my night stand.
"I know you don't want to give him up, but I'm affraid you will regress. I dont' want that to happen."
"What?"
"You've come a long way and I really want you to keep going. I know we've told you this a thousand times, but we're so rpoud of you. You're talking to people. You're branching away from Lucius. You're making friends."
"So?"
"So? Why, when you first came you wouldn't leave his side or talk to anyone. Now, you'll go to group session and you're even letting Lucius go home for a few hours. I predict if you keep this up, you will be able to go home in a few weeks." He smiled. I perked up.
"Really?!"
"Yes, but you have to work hard and prove to me that you can control yourself."
"How?" i really wanted out. I would do anything to get out.
"I'll tell you what: if you get to go outside to watch the starts two times in a row, then I promise I will get you permission to leave."
"But that means..." I trailed off.
"You must have and control yourself for two weeks." He finished. I gasped.
"But-But I haven't even gotten to do it once! That's not fair!"
"This is what I'm talking about. Remember you could get to go home. When ever you start to get upset, take a deep breathand remember if you control your self, you can go home."
I let that sink in. Home seemed nice. No Healers. No schedules. No people observing me. Nothing but what I wanted to do.
"O-okay. I'll go tomorrow, and I'll try."
"Great! Im eager to see the outcome! Now, you may go see Gilderoy, if you would like. I will inform Lucius of where you are when he gets back."
.......................
"Hi, Eleanor!" Ivy greeted at I entered Healer Green's office. I clutched onto Melvin and replied,
"Hi, Ivy..." It all felt so wired. I had never talked to her when it was just is. Infact, the only person from Group Session I had spoken to alone was Gilderoy. But I had to keep it together. This was Ivy. I knew Ivy. She wasn't going to hurt me. All she wants to do is talk to me...
I sat down.
"Wanna cracker?" She offered me one of the peanut butter crackers, just like the ones the Healers gave me, that were sitting infront if her. I shook my head no: I didn't know what she could have done to her.
"Now, Ivy, you know we want you to try and eat all of them. Healer Green reminded. Ivy sighed.
"They always do this to me." She explained. I looked at her, not understanding.
"What?"
"Trying to get me to eat."
"Oh, me too."
"But you don't have to worry about it. Look how thin you are. I, on the other hand..." She trailed off, gesturing to herself.
"What?" This wasn't making sense. She was defiantly thinner than I was, although I had lost weight since being admitted into the Hospital. Actually, I had a feeling if I were to raise up her shirt, I would see her ribs.
"I wish I could be that skinny." She continued. I felt my face turn bright red. Usually, my skinniness was not referred to as a positive thing.
"I-I don't understand..." My grip on Melvin got tighter.
"Okay. You see, apparently I have an eating disorder." She started. I took a breath; things were starting to making sense. I really wanted to ask what had happened, but I wasn't sure if it was a good thing to do. Luckily, I didn't have to because she continued. "I used to be really fat, and then I decided that I needed to eat less. That turned into just not eating. I lost a bunch of weight, but I still didn't look the way I wanted. Then I started passing out. My mum put me in here and hasn't been back to see me since. It kind of agrivates me because everyone here tries to get me to eat, but there is no way I'm letting myself get fat again."
I eyes the honey girl. It's funny that I had never noticed how small she really was. It kind of scared me. She was like a walking skeleton. I could see why they really wanted her to eat. I mean, I really wanted her to eat.
"Anyway, are you sure you don't want a cracker? I have plenty?" She pushed one towards me. I looked down at it. She was the one who needed to eat, not me.
"Why can't you eat it?"
"Because, I've already had, like, two." She explained. That made absolutely no sense.
"Don't make her eat your food, Ivy. " Healer Green said. Ivy rolled her eyes.
"Fine. " She pulled the cracker back.
"So, what made you get locked up here?" She asked. I flinched. I hadn't asked her because I didn't want to be asked.
"Umm..." I looked down and hugged Melvin.
"Come on, you can tell me. " she coxed. I shook my head no.
"Ivy..." Healer Green warned. She ignored him.
"The Profit says that you're Uncle was killed? Is that it?" I looked down as I began to cry. "I had him for Potions when I was in school." She added. I squeezed Melvin.
"Ivy, that is enough."
"What? I'm just asking questions. I'm curious. "
"If she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't have to. What did I tell you before?"
"Fine." She crossed her arms. "If I can't ask about that can I ask about that?" She pointed to Melvin. "You take it to Group Session, too. What is it?"
"A dragon..." I dryly replied. She rolled her eyes again.
"I know a dragon. I mean, why do you always have it with you? I mean, I think you're a little old for toys..."
"It's not a toy, it's Melvin!" I snapped, offended. Who was she to judge me? "And he was a gift!"
"There we go! I'm finally getting something out of you!" She smiled. I ignored her and continued, my anger taking over.
"A gift from my best friend! My best friend who is dead! My best friend who helped me pick out my wedding dress! And cared about me and kept me safe! My-my-" I suddenly stopped and slid down into the chair, starting to sob.
What had I just done? Now she knew. I didn't want anyone knowing my business. I didn't want her judging. I didn't want-
"Elle?" She softly asked. I turned away from her. She got up from her chair and came to me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you..." The side I saw of her from my first real Group Session came out. When I tackled William, she was comforting the crying Jena. She was trying the same with me. "I'm sorry..." She put and hand on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me." I slapped it away, then covered my face. She took a breath to speak again, but was Healer Green beat her to it. He bent down so we could be eye level.
"Eleanor." He pulled my hands away. I stiffened. "Would you like to go back to your room?"
"I..." I thought for a moment about he had told me the day before. Did this count at misbehaving? Could this ruin my chances of going home? I needed to know... "Am I being good?" I asked. He smiled. "Of course you are. I can tell you're trying to control yourself, you were just pushed out of your comfort zone. Do you want to go?"
"Uh-huh." I nodded. He took my hand and helped me up. He turned to Ivy.
"I'm going to take her back to her room. Stay here and try to eat." He instructed, then started leading me down the hall. All the way, I silently cried, while getting an urge to punch something.
This made me feel even worse, so I started crying harder.
"Is there anything you want to tell me?" He asked, although he didn't sound angry or anything. I let out a whimper.
"I want to punch something really had, but- but I don't want to break anything!" I explained as best I could. He nodded.
"You're doing very good. Do you think you can make it to your room?" He asked. I nodded. "You're doing very well. You are controlling yourself, that is good." He encouraged until we got there.
Lucius looked up and checked the clock.
"You're early." He noted. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, she just got a little upset." Healer Green explained while leading me across the room. He took Melvin and laid him in the bees before picking up my pillow and held it up. "Elle, I want you to punch this pillow as hard as you can, okay? Focus all your anger on the pillow." He asked. I nodded.
Taking a deep breath, I put my hand in a fist and pulled back. Then, I starred at the pillow. Throw all my anger at it. Put all my strength on it do I wouldn't hurt Healer Green or Lucius or anyone else. Finally, I threw the punch.... Then again... The again....
I continued until I didn't have the urge anymore. Healer Green put it back on the bed. I immediately grabbed Melvin.
"That was very good." He said. I smiled. I actually felt proud of myself.