I swear everything moved in slow motion.
I heard the gunfire. I felt Sam get pushed back by the force of the gun. I heard the sound of the bullet piercing flesh, Luis's flesh.
I ran to him, catching him in my arms as he slowly fell to the ground. He lie there for 4 hours, slowly bleeding out in my arms. But there was nothing I could do.
Luis Black died that day.
I see him a lot. He comes to me in the wind, whispering in my ears and enchanting me with his words. I sometimes I think I'm going crazy.
But I realise I'm not going crazy; I am crazy, I've been crazy for a long time.
Right now I'm sitting on a rock in the middle of nowhere waiting for a sign of Luis. I have a journal with me and I write everything he says to me. Even in my imagination he's the same person he used to be.
And that was 12 years ago.
"Harper." He never greets me with hello, just my name. I turn to see him walking out of the trees and towards me, the same half smile on his lips.
"Hey Luis." I smiled as he sat down in the grass in front of me. "Nice day, isn't it?"
"I think so." He nodded, looking up at the sky. He was wearing his signature grey shirt and blue jeans, the clothes he was wearing when he died. "I was just thinking about the day on the fence. You were shooting and I was doing my weekly rounds to each station."
"I don't remember." I shook my head.
"You were picking off a few Lurkers, and I stood directly behind you." He said, picking up a stick and making circles in the dirt. "I kept thinking how lucky we were to have a shot like you."
"I was no good and you know it." I scoffed.
"No, you were brilliant." He smiled softly. "I was always jealous of you. Of your talents and your kindness. I never had that kindness."
"We needed you to be tough, you were our leader." I smiled. "That's the reason I liked you so much at the start. You were so confident and so worried about everyone. I admired how much you cared for Chicago."
"Is that the reason you kissed me on the roof?" He asked, looking up at me with a sense of amusement in his eyes. "You told me you loved me and I threw it back in your face."
"Don't remind me."
"Isn't it good to be reminded? Saves you from forgetting important things." He said. "I loved you Harper, I just didn't realise it yet."
"It took you a while." I said.
"Trust me," He scoffed, "It didn't take me that long."
"I know." I smiled.
"How's Noa?" he asked.
"She's going great." I said, "Turned 18 a few weeks back. I know you would've wanted to be there with her."
"It would've been nice – but I know she can survive a birthday without me. She's had 12." He chuckled softly. "Will's good too?"
"Sam's teaching him to hunt." I nodded. We found Will a few days after leaving the camp. He was hiding in some old mechanic store, waiting for Vixen. She never showed.
"How's Sam?" Luis asked. I knew he didn't want to talk about Sam, but he asked me every time just to show he cared.
"He's coping." I tried to smile, but it didn't come out. Sam hasn't been the same since the day he killed Luis. "You look good."
"You look old." He laughed. I was 39 this year. It was weird being old when he was still his 29 self. He was so good looking. Sometimes I couldn't believe how handsome he was. "You look hot though."
"If you take the wrinkles away." I smiled. I could tell what Luis really wanted to talk about, but he never had the guts to ask. It's the thing he felt most guilty about. The reason he feels bad about leaving me behind.
"So..."
"You want to know about Nora, don't you?" I smiled softly.
"You've told me everything there is to know about her, yet it feels like I know nothing." He shrugged. I closed my journal setting it aside. "I mean, I didn't get to be there when you found out you were pregnant; which is my biggest regret. So tell me about her, please."
"She's by far the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." I said, making him smile. "She's got your big brown eyes."
"Does she?" He grinned. Seeing him made my heart break; I wish I couldn't see him or talk to him sometimes, just because he looks so much like her. I hated being reminded of it.
"Her hairs long and blonde now." I nodded. "And she cut it like I did when you first saw me at camp."
"You looked so beautiful with that hair."
"She's smart, really smart." I said, my eyes beginning to tear up. I hated seeing the awe in his eyes, but also the pain of not being able to be with her; not being able to know his own daughter. "And I know you were always scared your child would turn out unintelligent, but she isn't. She's one of the most brilliant people you'll ever meet."
"Even for a 12 year old?" He said, holding back his own tears.
"Even for a 12 year old." I nodded as a tear dropped onto my cheek. He covered his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut to push the tears out so he could see. "She knows everything there is about you."
"Does – does she think I was a bad person?" He stuttered as he wiped under his eyes. "Does she hate what I did?"
"She doesn't care." I shook my head, reaching out and grabbing his hand. "She's your daughter Luis."
"She is." He smiled, looking down at his lap. I missed him so much. I remember when I realised I was pregnant I cried for days, because I knew looking at this child every day will remind me how much I will miss him.
"You were incredible Luis." I whispered, making him look up at me. "You still are incredible."
"I'm sorry I had to leave." He said, squeezing my hand. "I wanted to stay."
"You didn't have a choice." I shook my head, wiping the tears away with my spare hand. "I miss you so much."
"I know." He nodded.
"So, so much baby." I whispered, pressing his hand to my face. I had learnt to fool myself into thinking I could feel his touch on my cheek. His soft hands caressing my face one last time.
"Mum!" I heard Nora yell from the forest line. He let go of my hand, standing up and looking back to where he came from.
"I love you." I said. He looked back down at me, a small smile on his lips.
"Just before we went to the camp I told you, you would have me until I took my last breath. I was wrong. You will have me and continue to have me until you take your last breath." He whispered, leaning down and brushing his lips onto mine. I could see him kissing me but I couldn't feel it.
There was nothing more that I wanted then to feel his kiss. One last time.
I opened my eyes and he was gone. I cleared my throat, wiping under my eyes as Nora ran over to me out of the forest.
"Are you okay?" She asked. My heart ached as I looked over her small face, Luis staring back at me.
"I'm fine." I nodded, grabbing her head and lowering it so I could kiss her forehead. She giggled, pulling away playfully. "Has Uncle Sam cooked dinner yet?"
"Not yet." She shook her head as I stood up.
"Not yet? Why don't you tell his lazy bum to go get it ready then?" I said. She ran back off into the forest line where our camp was. I took a deep breath, looking behind me into the forest where Luis went. There he was standing there, watching us. Watching his family, his hand over his heart.
I placed my hand on my heart, nodding softly to him. He would always be right there, in my heart. Even if no one else can see him, he'll always be there. And for that, I will never be alone.