This is No Control | Holding Me Ransom told from Harry's POV. This is the 4th book in the series, so please don't go any further until you have read the first 3 books!
(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - 1. Stop Me From Not Moving On)
June 2015
Stories. Tabloids. Rumours. Conclusions.
The Daily Mail. Hollywood Life. Sugarscape. The Mirror 3am.
All bullshıt, of course, but still poisoning the minds of the general public who read, comment and believe.
LOVE CHEAT HARRY... One Direction singer Harry Styles... at the centre of a new controversy... Portuguese model Sara Sampaio... reports of their relationship have never been confirmed... never been denied... sparking more speculation... a relationship with Jessica.
My heart jumps as I catch sight of her name in print. It's almost taunting me.
Jessica no longer follows Harry on Twitter or Instagram.
Thanks for rubbing that in.
Harry Styles... currently amidst rumours of infidelity... caught on camera kissing Victoria's Secret Angel Sara Sampaio... girlfriend Jessica Bradshaw remained in the UK... show Styles what he is missing... unconfirmed sightings of Bradshaw at Heathrow airport on Saturday.
"Where do they find this shįt?" I growl, and Louis looks up at me curiously.
"What şhit?"
"Fuckıng stories about me and Jess," I mutter, locking my phone and throwing it down on the table, but not before I have caught sight of her beautiful face gazing up at me from my lock screen.
I should change that picture, really, to save myself the heartache, but doing that would be admitting we're over and I'm not ready to erase her completely from my life just yet.
"Why are you reading stories about yourself?" Louis asks, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "Have the last five years in this band taught you nothing?"
"He's got a point," Liam says, matter-of-factly, from beside Louis.
Niall farts.
"Fucķing hell!" Louis moans. "Can't you hold it in?"
"I'm sure I read somewhere it's dangerous to do that," Niall responds absently, without looking up from his phone screen, and Louis pulls a face of disgust.
The door to the hotel conference room opens and Richard Griffiths, the co-founder of Modest, walks in accompanied by Gillian and her assistant Louise.
"Afternoon lads," he greets us, and we murmur our greetings in return. "Everyone alright?" he asks, taking a seat at the head of the table and looking at us expectantly.
"Yup," Louis replies, resting his ankle on his knee and jigging his leg nervously, while Niall nods slowly, finally tearing his eyes away from his phone and placing it face down on the table in front of us.
"Anyone want coffee?" Louise asks nervously from the table in the corner that houses a percolator and a tea pot.
We've all got full mugs in front of us, and we wait while she pours coffee for Richard, Gillian and herself, and then takes a seat next to Gillian at the opposite end of the table to Richard.
"Tour's going well," Richard begins, making the necessary small talk before we jump into the real reason why we're here. "Merchandise is selling fantastically. Zayn's departure doesn't seem to have affected your popularity, and that's partly down to how well you've maintained your stage presence and promotional work. Well done, all of you. You deserve a pat on the back."
He smiles round at us all. I force a smile back.
I miss Jess.
"So," he begins, clasping both hands together and leaning forward slightly on the table. "To the matter at hand. The next album."
He pauses, as though waiting for someone to offer some words of wisdom, but no one does. We all wait in silence, knowing what is coming.
"Obviously in light of the current situation and taking in consideration everything that's happened this year, we're all in agreement that 2016 will be a year off for you all, and there will be no tour. Your contracts with us are coming to an end and of course we are eager to extend them and represent you, either as a group or individually, but I wanted to take this opportunity to stress that there will be no hard feelings if you seek representation elsewhere, or decide at the end of this hiatus that you don't want to reform as One Direction. You boys have achieved global success in a very short timeframe; we really couldn't be prouder of you all. We all agree you have earned this break, and we hope you enjoy it, and that you want to come back whenever you're ready."
He smiles at us all again, and I look down at my phone on the table. In a weird way, it's almost a relief that we're taking a break next year. It terrifies me, but a little part of me is so drained from everything that has been going on, both in my personal life and my professional life, that I half wish it was starting tomorrow, so I could get on the next flight to Manchester and fall into my bed at Mum's house and sleep.
I wonder what Jess will say when she hears about the break. Will she care?
Why would she? Why do I care whether she cares? I'm fed up of thinking about her, missing her, dreaming about her. I wish I could switch off and think about something else, but I seem determined to make myself miserable.
I torture myself for the next ten minutes, remembering the softness of Jess's lips, the feel of her hands on my chest when she kisses me, and the pressure of her nails on my skin when we are making love; all of which I will never feel again.
I half follow the conversation in the room, as Richard discusses when the break will start and when it will be announced publicly, and then he drops the bombshell that Zayn is in talks with RCA Records regarding an album deal.
"What?!" Louis says in disbelief. I look round the table at the others, who all look as shocked as I feel.
"So all that shįt about needing to spend time with Perrie..," Niall begins, furiously.
"I don't doubt that was part of the reason he wanted out," Richard says, delicately. "But you all knew your type of music wasn't what he wanted to do, ultimately."
"Yeah but fucķing hell - leaving not even half way through the tour, letting us pick up the pieces of his little tantrum!" Louis spits furiously.
"What's done is done," Richard sighs. "Focus on the band for now, and what you want to do come March. Don't let this overshadow what a brilliant thing you four still have going on. The band is bigger than all of you, and it will be what you make of it. Keep your dignity, don't get drawn into public spats-" (He looks at Louis. We all look at Louis. "What?!" Louis huffs indignantly.) "-and most importantly, keep the fans happy. They're your key to success. But you don't need me to tell you that."
We discuss the new tracks we're writing for the album, and Richard tells us Drag Me Down will be released as soon as Zayn's signing is confirmed. It seems a petty move, but if we don't release something soon it will no doubt be leaked anyway. We prefer to be in control of our releases. No pun intended, Louis Tomlinson.
After Richard has left we sit around the table with Gillian and go through our schedules for the next couple of weeks. She tells me Karen wants to see me back in London to sign some paperwork and catch up, but I dig my heels in. I don't want to go back to the UK yet. The longer I stay away, the better. I don't want to be in London, where all I can think of is what I have lost.
"You should have signed it last time you were there," Gillian is insisting.
"Can't she just email it to me?" I grumble.
"No, I've been told you need to go through some details of your contract with her, and she needs to do it in person," she says briskly. "It's only an hour away on the plane, and your house isn't far from the office is it?"
"No," I sigh moodily. "Alright, fine. When does she want me?"
"As soon as possible," Gillian replies. "Give her a call and speak to her."
I feel Louis' eyes on me as I stand up and leave the room to ring Karen, and I get the feeling everyone is probably talking about me as soon as I am out of earshot. I'm not exactly surprised. I've been a miserable bastard since I got back from New York, and I'm taking my mood out on them all. It's not fair on them, but I can't pull myself out of this funk.
I feel like I'm floating in some sort of limbo, without purpose, without direction (no comments please.) Everything seems meaningless. Everything reminds me of Jess, which reminds me of what I did and how I fuçked things up royally.
Karen answers on the third ring, snapping me out of my trance.
"Harry." She sounds almost happy to hear from me.
"Hi," I mutter.
"How are you?"
Wow. Concern. It just gets better.
"Alright."
"Really?" she asks, softly.
I don't answer. I can't. I might break.
"Jess is getting hassled by the paps-" she starts.
"What?!" I snap, feeling my heart lurch. "Why?"
"They want to know what's going on," she explains, although this isn't necessary. I know exactly why they are hassling her. I was stupid for thinking they might leave her alone. "They want her side of the story. They've only got the pictures of you and Sara, nothing concrete. Although everyone's going to town because she unfollowed you on Twitter."
I feel a sharp twist in my stomach at this reminder. I still can't believe she did that. I also can't believe she deleted me on Facebook, but befriended Louis and Gemma. Talk about a slap in the face.
"She hasn't spoken out, so far," Karen continues.
"She won't," I say, flatly.
"You don't know that, Harry. We need to be prepared for her to sell her story. She didn't sign an NDA."
There is an air of 'I-told-you-so' in her voice. It irks me.
"She won't sell her story," I insist, a little louder. "I know she won't. I trust her."
"Have you spoken to her?"
"No," I reply, forcefully.
"Don't you think you should?"
"I don't want to."
"Harry," she says patiently, but I interrupt her.
"I've got enough to deal with, with the speculation from the press," I say, shortly. "I get it, alright? The world thinks I'm a prick for doing the dirty on my girlfriend. It just fits in with my womaniser image, so why would anyone want to look any further into it? Let them all fuckıng hate me."
I sound angry and bitter. I am angry and bitter.
"They don't hate you-"
"Well they should!" I snap, furiously. "I couldn't keep it in my pants for one night! I deserve everything they're saying about me, but it doesn't make it any easier to take! So let them print their pictures, and their hazy facts, and rehash old comments taken out of context from Taylor, Kendall, Nadine, Lucy, Emma, Cara, and anyone else they can find! I'm past caring!" My voice breaks, and I cough to disguise it.
There is a long pause on the other end. I bite my lip and swallow the lump in my throat.
"If you just call Jess and say you're sorry, and tell her about what you took that night," Karen begins gingerly.
"Why?" I rage. "So she can be even more disgusted than she already is? Stop interfering, Karen! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of everyone's well-placed comments telling me what I should and shouldn't do! It is - was - my relationship, and I will handle this in my own way."
I'm breathing heavily by the end of this, and she gives a soft sigh.
"I've just got your best interests at heart."
"And I appreciate the concern," I lie though gritted teeth, "but I would be much happier if I was left alone to deal with all of this."
"OK," she says quickly. "OK. I don't mean to upset you. I know you love her and you're hurting-"
"I don't love her," I say, abruptly.
Silence.
"I don't," I insist. "Look, can we drop this? Gillian said you want to see me. That's why I'm ringing."
"Yes," she says, and normality instantly returns. "I need to discuss some points with you regarding your contract, and I need your signature on a couple of documents."
"Fine," I mutter. "When?"
"Wednesday? I'll text you with a time once I've looked at my diary."
"Whatever," I murmur. "Let me know."
It's not like I have anything else to do.
I return to the conference room, just as the others are standing up to leave. Louis is staring down at his phone, and glances up at me thoughtfully as I enter.
"What?" I mutter.
"What did Karen say?" he asks.
"I'm seeing her on Wednesday."
I can't be bothered to elaborate.
He nods. "Cool."
There is a strange atmosphere in the room, like something is going on that I'm not party to, but quite frankly I don't have the energy to worry about it. It's taking everything I have just to get through each day at the moment. I don't have space in my head for anything else.