I know it's very hard for you, but I need you to try your hardest to asnwer me." Healer Green said. IT was the next week, and I was back on the brown couch in Healer Green's Office, with Lucius gently petting my hair and my eyes closed. "Before I do, I need to remind you that I would never make you answer something you aren't comfortible with telling me, or make you do anything that you feel you re not able to do. Do you understand?"
"Yes." I replied, trying to prepare myself. As much as I hated to think about it, I knew what was coming.
"Okay. Eleanor, I would like you to tell me about the battle." He firmly stated. I took a big breath. I needed to do this. I needed to tell him. If I wanted to get better, and, more importantly, make Uncle Severus, Vincent, and Scabior happy, I would have to try to do what they way. I let the breath back out.
"Well... I was in my room when I heard there was going t obe a battle..." I started. I could already feel myself starting to cry, but I was going to make it through it. "A while before, the Carrows-" I swollowed, thinking of the angust on Vincent's face when he was forced to hurt me. "The Carrows made Vincent Curse me. He Cursed me with the Crucio Curse. He really didn't want to, but I told him to so they wouldn't hurt him..." At this point, the tear finally spilled over.
"Would you like to stop?" Healer Green asked. I shook my head no, keeping my eyes closed. I had to push through this for their sake. I sniffed a couple times and wiped my face with my pajama sleeve..
"So, he Cursed me, and... And I was knocked out for a bit. When I woke up, he cared for me in my room... I had over slept. I slept through dinner. When I woke up, I sent him out for food, and he came back running... I didn't know what was going on. He said... Uncle Severus... Uncle Severus had jumped out of a window. Harry Potte was back... I...He... I was hurt. I was sitll sore, butI wanted ot fight anyway. Vincent told me no, but I told him yes... Finally, he... He gave in and helped me get dressed in my Death E- Robes. He helped me get dressed in my robes. Once we got out, the Battle had already begun.
"We went to find Draco and Gregory. When we did, we saw Pansy. She was scared, so we went her to the Great Hall, since it was a safe zone. Then we tried to go to the Astronomy Tower, but when we got to the bridge, there was... they were... The Snatchers were there!" I said this, begining to sob. I felt Lucius's strokes less and less. It was like I was spiriling away from everyone, but I had to keep going. where ever it took me, I had to keep going.
"Then?" Healer Grene patiently asked. I hugged Melvin before continuing.
"Then the bridge was blown up, and Scabior was on it... I watched him fall...I watched him... I watched when he...He..." I had trouble getting the words out. As much as I knew it, it felt absolutely terrible actually saying that Scabior was dead. That any of them were dead.
"He left his ring to tme. The ring he always wore .It was his father's... And I was sad. Vincent told me I needed to not let my feeling distract me, so... I turned the sadness into anger.
"So, we tried another rout to higher ground. On the way, they saw Potter. He ran into a room. A secret room. Draco followed him. All the boys did. I tried, but Vincent said I wasn't allowed. He told me he would be right back, and to be careful. We kissed and- He went in." I stopped, taking shakey breaths. It was getting very hard to breath.
"While he was in there, I... I fought off some people. And there was this..." I trailed off. I had been so worked up over everything else that I had forgotten that I hadn't only gotten things taken away from me, but I had also taken away things myself. I made someone feel exactly hwo I felt now .I took away his brother's life. Colin Creevey's face popped into my mind. He asked me not to kill him, for his brother's sake. He had to care for his brother...
I killed him! Did he have a girlfriend as well? Did I d oteh same to her as the cursed fire did to my Vincent and I? Did I...
It didn't matter. I killed him. I killed him." I killed him."
"I killed him!" I called out, opening my eyes. Tears started to slow violently down my face. Both men were surprised by my sudden outburst.
"Killed who, dear?" Lucius calmly asked. I frantically shook my head.
"I killed him!" I yelled. "I killed him! I killed him! I killed him!" I continued to repeat it. Healer Green got up from his seat and came over to me.
"Shh, Eleanor. Listen. It's okay. It'll all be okay. It's okay..." He tried to reason. I wouldn't listen. I wouldn't listen because he wasn't telling th truth. It wasn't okay. It would never be okay. I killed him! I was a murderer! I killed him!
"I killed him!" I sobbed. I didn't deserve any of this. Any of them. I was a low life murderer. I was a terrible person. Healer Green moved closer to me. I gasped.
Suddenly, everything felt closed in. I couldn't breath: I couldn't do anything. I needed out of there.
Before they could react, I sprang up and started running. I didn't know where I would go, or how, or hwne I would stop. All I knew is that I needed out of htere.
"Eleanor!" They both called after me. I didn't even lok back. I had to keep going .I had to get away.
I ran until I found an opened door. I ran through it and quickly slammed the door behind me. Then, I locked it. I let out a sigh of relief: Now no one could bother me. When I turned around, i saw I had ran into the Music Room. Luckily, no one was in there.
I walked to the middle of the room to the metronome and turned it on. Then, I sat on the floor and listened to its steady beat:
Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.... Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.... Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick...
It was so even. So... stable. Why couldn't I be more like it? I closed my ees and concentrated on its steady beat .I tried to match my breathing with it, with little luck at first: but after a few minutes, I succeeded. I got my breathing back to a normal pace. I opened my eyes and looked around.
I gazed at the piano: The urge to play again came back to me like last time I was in here. The only difference was I was alone. No one to impress. No one watching me like a trianed monkey. No one to judge me... Just me, myself, and I> I pulled myself off the ground, and, after turning off the metronome, sat down on the bench.
I found myself doing what I hadn't in a long time: playing. I played and played, pounding out my emotions on the keys. Sadness was represented by dissonance, and anger with fortississimo. My foot stomped the pedal. My fingers poinded. My feelings flowed out in a river of music. By the time I was finished, I felt much better than when I entered the room.
"Bravo." Someone applauded behind me. Surprised, I turned aorund to see who the intruder was. "That was lovely. Will you play something else?" Healer Green requested. I slid down and shook my head no before looking down at the ground. "You play very well. " He came the rest of the way to me and got down on one knee, so we could be at eye level with each other. He was acting as if nothing had ever happened. "Here. You dropped Melvin." He handed me the stuffed dragon. I don't know how I hadn't noticed before. I grabbed it and gave him a hug. We fell into the silence.
"You know, you've left Melvin behind a few times. Do you think you may be ready to leave him in your room a little more often?"
"No!" I squeezed the dragon.
"I think you could do it if you tried. I know he meant a lot to you, but you have to let go. When you get to leave, you can't carry him around with you everywhere like you have been doing."
"Yes I can!"
"You know better than that." He sturnly replied. I looked back down at the ground: As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. "How about you go back to your room? Lucius is waiting for you."
"Okay..." I got up. It was so wierd that he was saying nohting about the fact that I had ran away from him. He took my hand and lead me through the halls and into my room.
"Eleanor, there you are." Lucius looked up from more paper work. He seemed to be doing a lot of it lately. "Are you okay?"
"Uh-huh." I slowly made my way to the bed and sat down on it. I made sure to hold on extra good to Melvin.
"She was in the Mucis Room." Healer Green informed. Lucius nodded. The Healer looked down at his watch. "I'm terribly sorry, but if you would excuse me, I have another session to go to."
"Alright. Thank yo ufor your time."
"Of course. It was no trouble, as always. If you ever need me, you know where to find me." TheHealer answered Lucius before turning to me. "You're doing very well, Eleanor. Remember what I said about Melvin. I would really like you to try." He headed towards the door. "I'll talk to you tommorrow. Bye?" Once he was gone, Lucius turned to me.
"Eleanor, that was very bad of you."
"I didn't mean to..."
"I know, but... You ran otu of the room, Eleanor. You can't do that. You know you can't do that. I'm affraid we can't let you stargaze again. You're just going to have to try again next week."
I bit my lip. That was not fair. I couldnt' help it! And I didn't hurt anyone! This whole situation was making me upset.
"Healer Green didn't say I was bad." I crossed my arms, matter-of-factly.
"Eleanor, that because..." He started, but trialed off. I stiffened.
"Because why?"
"Nothing." He turned back to his paper work. I got up and looked over his shoulder.
"What?" I fourcefully demanded.
"It is nothing, Eleanor."
"Tell me!" I yelled. Lucius turned to face me.
"OKay. I didn't want to tell you, but I guess I'm going to have to. There is a reason we've been asking you to behave better lately. The Ministry has passed a new bill that says that any patient in government care, which includes Hospitals, must listen and go by the rules, otherwise, you will be fined. Since I am your caretaker and you are not considered to be in the best mental health, I am responsibile for you and, there for, will be the one fined."
"But you're a Malfoy! You have all the money in the world!"
"Not quiet. You see, the fines aren't a stright number. Each fine, defending on the offense, is twenty five percent of your savings, or more. If you do not behave for the wrong Healer, you could make us lose our fortune." He explained. I teared up: It wasn't fair. It was as if this law was made for me.
"But I'm not being that mean!" I exclaimed. Lucius shook his head.
"This was passed more so for the people who are being sent to Azkiban and are refusing to follow any Ministry orders, not you. But sadly, you also qualify for this."
"But I didn't mean to!"
"I understand that, and so does Healer Green, that is why he didnt' say anything: But I would really appreciate it if you would try your hardest to do as they ask. I know it's hard for you, especially since when you have an episode, you can't control it, but you can try to keep yourself calm so you won't have an episdode. Or you can tell us if you are starting to get worked up so we can see if we can correct what ever problem that is causing it."
"But I don't know whe nI'm going to get upset..." I stiffened Wasn't that what Bipolar Disorder was? Rapid mood swings.? He wrapped his arms around me.
"I know, love. And although I'm asking a lot of you, are are behaving much better than you were. Now, will you try to bahave for Narcissa tommorrow when she comes to visit? She misses you very much and is very eager for when you get to come home."
"Really?" I asked: I couldn't believe it.
"Yes, really." He looked at hte clock on the wall. It read eight forty five. "Oh, my. Look, it's fifteen minutes after when you go to bed." He pointed. I looked to see that he was correct. "How about you go put on your pull up, " (It kind of bothered me that he didnt' call them 'night pants', but I decided to stay quite. Atleast now I was in a Hospital for being 'mentally ill' and could get away with wetting the bed without looking as pathetic.), "brush your teeth, and try to go to bed so you can be well rested for when Narcissa visits?"
"Yes, Luciius." He let me out of his grip and I went to do as I was told. When I came back. he had my Night Combination ready for me, stopper already removed. I took it and drank it all.
"Goodnight, dear." He said, pulling back the blankets for me. I crawled in bed and he covered me back up before handing me Melvin.
"Goodnight, Lucius." He put his face over so I could kiss his cheek. He patted my head before I laid it down on the pillow. Unforutnitly, as soon as I closed my eyes, my thoughts turned back to the Battle, and the horrid memory I had fogotten about until today.