Here is the next chapter. ONE MORE TO GO!! Thanks for your support. I will update the final chapter in a few days. In the meantime... enjoy! <3
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Well the time has come. It’s now three weeks later and I’ve decided to do the test. Yes I know I should have done it by now but I haven’t. I didn’t intentionally put it off. What with Sam working and me at Uni, time has flown and I didn’t think about it. While I am 100% certain it’s positive, I’m still nervous about doing it. In the back of my mind, one part of me thinks it could still be a false alarm. Once the test is done, that’s it. No turning back.
The advantage of putting it off has meant I’ve had been able to get used to these weird pregnancy symptoms. My tiredness hasn’t improved which has made Uni next to impossible. The solution? External study. It’s a godsend! I prefer to study with people but in my state I just can’t. It’s not easy studying alone but it’s easier than going out every day. It means I can take naps when I need them, which makes a huge difference.
I do have regular email contact with my lecturers and fellow students. They even have Skype linkups available if I need them. It’s really not that bad. So in between studying, weird food cravings (chocolate covered pickles are my new favourite food), sleeping and learning my house wife duties, it’s been an interesting few weeks.
Because of being so busy I've managed to keep my mind off of how much I miss Nancy. We still don't talk much, which is really hard. The rare times we do, I notice she’s still being very secretive about something. I’ve asked her what’s going on but she won’t tell me. I've persisted but every time I do I am greeted with a silence or an 'oh nothing'. I try to be angry but I can't because I haven't told her my news yet either so we’re both guilty of keeping secrets.
Now I'm about to start my fourth week of Uni and I'm feeling pretty good about things. I never got my enthusiasm back about Uni and now I've figured out why. It's not all about study anymore. If the truth be known I could quite easily forgo study all together and not get my degree. But I don't want to do that. I've worked so hard to get this far, I might as well go all the way. Besides I plan to get a job one day and I still want to work in journalism.
It'll take me four years to do this course and by then, my child will be old enough so I can return to work.
This thought chills me. I still can’t get through my head that in four years time I’ll have a child about to start kindergarten. Don’t get me wrong, I’m starting to get excited about having a child but it’s not sinking in yet. I’m not supposed to be a parent at 18, well I’ll be 19 by the time it’s born. I had planned to wait until I was in my early to mid 20s. Still accidents happen and I’m as prepared as I can be.
Well so I thought. Now I’m staring at the pregnancy test and my heart is pounding against my ribcage. There it is. A big fat positive. Isn’t it funny? We’ve known for weeks that this is most definitely happening but now that it’s confirmed, I’m petrified.
My reaction is totally unexpected. My breathing becomes laboured and the enormity of the situation hits me. My god, I’m going to be a mother! Feeling my legs weaken underneath me, I sit on the bathroom floor with my back against the wall.
Suddenly feeling dizzy, I place my head between my legs and take a few deep breaths. This is huge. This is completely life changing. This is crazy! God I shouldn’t be reacting like this when I’ve known for weeks!
The deep breathing has calmed me down somewhat and the shock starts to subside. I look at the result again and shake my head. This is unbelievable. How did it happen? After our last scare we’ve been extra careful.
Thinking back on the timing of it, I realise it must have happened the night or the morning after we were married. It’s too convenient to be any earlier or later than that. It still doesn’t make grasping the situation any easier. I’ve had three weeks of not thinking about it. Now I have no choice, I have to think about it.
Hearing the front door open then close again alerts me to Sam being home. He rarely comes home early so it’s a surprise. Sadly I’m in too much shock to give him my usual jump-in-his-arms-and-kiss-him-senseless greeting. Yes this has become a ritual every time he returns from work. Sadly it’s not happening today.
“Emily? Are you home?”
“I’m in the bathroom.”
A few seconds later he appears at the door. He glances down at me with a look of worry on his face.
“Are you ok?” He crouches down next to me.
Rather than saying anything I hold out the test to him. He stares at it for a few seconds then he releases a breath and runs a hand through his hair. Yep, pretty much the same reaction as me. It’s like being told you’ve won a million bucks but not believing it until you see the money in your account.
Jeez I seem to have some obsession with winning a million bucks.
Sam sits down next to me and places an arm across my shoulders. For a long while neither of us says anything. Finally it’s Sam that speaks first and he sounds as nervous as I feel.
“So it’s confirmed then.”
“Looks like it.”
“Where to from here?”
“I’ll go see a doctor I suppose.” I look up at him then say, “I’m scared, Sam. This is such an unexpected thing to happen. I know we were already aware of it but seeing it has confirmed how enormous it is.”
Sam gives me a half smile. “Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m petrified too. Yes it is enormous but together we’ll figure out what to do.”
“How did it happen, Sam? I thought we were always so careful.”
“We were but accidents happen.” He blushes then smiles sheepishly and says, “It’s possible we got a little too carried away at one point and forgot.”
I try to smile but right at this moment I feel like I’m facing execution. It’s not that bad, I know that, but the shock of it is still raw.
I’m silent for a while then say, “Please don’t think I don’t want to do this because I do. I guess I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon.”
Sam heaves a sigh then pulls me into an embrace. “Me either but think of the advantages. Our kid won’t have ancient parents.”
I grin up at him. “I was thinking that. Well I should make an appointment with the doctor. What are you doing home anyway?”
Sam stands up and pulls me up with him. “I didn’t have a class this afternoon and I’ve caught up on things so I decided to have an early minute.”
“Well good because I’m over study for the day. Let’s just do something together.”
Well that was my intention. It turned out the doctor was free this afternoon so I took the appointment. I wanted to get it over and done with as quickly and as painlessly as possible. It meant our afternoon together was limited but I got the initial appointment over and that helped me relax. The doctor confirmed I was four weeks pregnant. She was great and helped ease our initial fears. Sam quickly came to terms with it but it’s taking me a while longer.
At first I thought it was just the shock taking a long time to wear off. Then it twigs. It’s nothing to do with the shock anymore. I’m scared of my upcoming appointments. The doctor wasn’t backward in coming forward and explained in detail what future appointments would be like. Let’s just say that I’m not going to have any dignity left by the time this kid is born.
While I’m excited at the prospect of having this baby, I just want to get through the next few months unscathed.
Of course Sam doesn’t have a care in the world. He’s become like a kid all over again. He has a constant bounce in his step, a constant smile on his face and he keeps bugging me and asking when we’re going to tell everyone. He already knows I told Mum so it’s really only Dad we need to tell and Simon and Dani when they return. Yes that’s right, they decided to extend their stay in Mauritius. They haven’t given me any clue when they will be returning. Then there’s Nancy and Jason. I suppose that will have to wait until I speak to them next. Whenever that will be.
This thought makes me depressed all over again. My hormones are still all over the place and I’m always crying at the tiniest things. Having these thoughts isn’t helping either.
I make up my mind to ring Nancy tonight. I’m dying to tell her the news and I’m not holding out any longer. I’m going to demand she tells me what she’s keeping secret too.
“Well?” Sam’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
“What?”
“Can we announce it tonight?”
His eyes are shining and his face is as bright as a beacon. I have to smile at his enthusiasm. He’s looking at me expectantly and I just nod. He fist pumps the air then picks me up and spins me around. Wow, he wasn’t even this excited when we were married. Then again, bringing a life into the world is a pretty exciting and amazing thing to happen. I need to stop worrying about the next few months and just enjoy the here and now.
“Can I say it?” Sam asks when he’s put me back down. “Please?”
“Why’s it so important for you to say it?” I tease.
“Because I really, really want to tell everyone!”
I laugh and embrace him. “You’re so cute when you’re excited. Yes you can say it. Now I think I’ll start on dinner. We should head over later.”
Sam nods excitedly and busies himself grading some school work. I really am excited but for some reason I’m not as excited as Sam. I know I’m worried about the next few months. I don’t want to be but how do I stop?
Then again, they’re probably going to ease over the next few days. After all I have only seen the doctor today, things are still sinking in. Once time has passed it’ll be easier. In the meantime I’ll keep myself busy with study.
After dinner we sit down together to catch up on the news when I notice Sam has become really jumpy. It’s a sudden change from his excitement before so I’m naturally confused. If he doesn’t want to announce it he only has to tell me.
Something tells me that’s not it. When I question him he just kisses me and says everything is ok. Oh wonderful, now I have two people keeping secrets from me. Have I annoyed the devil or something?
Yes ok you can say it. I’m overanalysing and I’m freaking out. Two things I’m really, really good at. But if no one is telling me what’s going on, how else am I supposed to react? If Jason was here he’d tell me to pull my head in and stop being stupid. But he’s not here is he? He’s with Nancy and neither of them is talking to me. Well fine, I’m not going to ring Nancy now. She can wait for all I care.
God I’m really immature, aren’t I? Being hormonal also means I’m very unreasonable. Will I be like this for the whole pregnancy? Not only do I hate it but poor Sam has to put up with it too. I try not to be snappy, as is proven by my not sprouting off how I feel, but it still doesn’t help how I think. Perhaps I just need to continue bottling up my negative thoughts. There’s no need for people to know when I know perfectly well they’ve done nothing wrong.
It’s nearly eight so I suppose we should go over to see Mum and Dad. I’m about to mention this to Sam when I notice he’s not only jumpy but he keeps looking at the front door every two seconds. Something is definitely up. Alright that does it, I’m determined to find out what’s going on.
Standing up and stretching I say, “I think I’m going to sleep. I’m really tired.”
“No you can’t!”
Sam says it so quickly it confirms my suspicions. His face reddens slightly and he looks away from me. God he’s such a bad liar.
“Why not?” I ask. “You know how tired I get.”
His face crosses with guilt. “We were going across to your parents, remember?”
“Ok well why don’t we go now? Then I can come back and sleep.”
He tries to inconspicuously look at his watch then back up at the door but I catch him. I fold my arms across chest and look at him with a raised eyebrow. Something tells me he and Nancy have been making plans for something behind my back.
I sit down next to him. “Ok what’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
His face flushes red again and I laugh. “You are a really bad liar, Sam. If you weren’t so jumpy tonight I wouldn’t have had a clue you were up to anything. Now you’ve just dug yourself a hole so before you fall in, would you like to tell me what’s going on?”
Sam’s face crosses with guilt and he opens his mouth to respond when a knock sounds at the door. Who could that be? The speed Sam jumps up though says it’s someone I’m not supposed to know about. I jump up too when he stops me and looks at me pleadingly.
“Please just stay here.” Sam begs. “Just trust me on this. Please?”
The poor guy looks so desperate I give in and sit back in the chair. I feel like a right old git now though. I’ve been annoyed that he’s keeping secrets from me but it’s been for my benefit anyway. What if the same could be said of Nancy? Ok from this moment I refuse to let my hormones get the better of me. Yes they’re undergoing some strange changes at the moment but I’m certain I can control them. Right? It can’t be that difficult.
My attention is taken by the TV. There’s an animal program on and it’s showing a pig who has just given birth to a litter of piglets. There’s no volume so I’m just watching the picture. The scene is like Charlotte’s Web all over again. There is one little runt who is being pushed out of the way by the other piglets and forgotten. Even the mother is snubbing it. God it’s so sad, that poor piglet! I want to scoop it up and cuddle it. It can be my own little pet and I’ll call it Wilbur. Although if I do that I’ll need a pet spider called Charlotte, won’t I? I don’t really like the idea of having a pet spider. Then again, they could be good friends. If I give them their own piece of the house, they won’t bother anyone.
By this point I’ve unknowingly inched off the couch and am sitting directly in front of the TV, eagerly watching the scene in front of me. The piglet continues to try and push in to get some food but it’s too small and continues to go unnoticed and pushed out the way. The scene changes to the farmer picking up the runt and taking it away. Oh good, maybe he’s going to take it to a surrogate like mother. Perhaps there’s a mummy pig that lost a litter of piglets and so they’re taking the piglet to her so she can look after it unconditionally. Yes, that’s what’s happening.
I feel myself well up at this. What a sweet story! It’s Charlotte’s Web with a twist. Rather than being sent to the slaughterhouse, it’s given a chance at real life with a mummy pig. I’m about to turn the TV off with this knowledge when the scene, which has changed again, catches my attention. The farmer is in a vet’s office with the runt and they’re talking. The vet takes out a syringe and while the farmer holds the piglet in place, the syringe is injected into it. Perhaps it’s some sort of immunisation? No it can’t be that because the piglet isn’t moving now. Maybe they have to operate on it?
Suddenly the screen turns black and a caption appears which reads ‘runts often have a very short lifespan and very complicated medical problems. It is common practice to euthanise these animals’. I gasp and stumble backwards, a tear involuntarily sliding down my cheek. They killed Wilbur!
“Oh my god!” I cry, standing up and running from the TV as though it’s on fire. “I can’t believe they did that!”
Suddenly I tune in to my surrounds and I’m shamelessly reminded of my own thoughts only moments earlier. So much for not being emotional. I’m hormonal at everything, even to the point of crying when a piglet, who, let’s face it, wouldn’t have lived long, is put down.
Realising my cheeks are surprisingly wet, I touch my fingers to one side and realise I haven’t just shed one tear, I’m full blown crying. Dammit, I really need to gain some control of my emotions.
Hey, who’s laughing at me? I’ve become aware of stifled giggles behind me so I spin around expecting to see Sam laughing at me but...
It’s not just Sam.
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