Well here we are again.
Surprisingly I am really missing my want to write. I keep everything stuffed up inside me and it sucks. I miss the freedom writing gives me, but recently my A.P. Literature class has me going crazy and hating every moment that I spend writing...
I'm sorry I haven't really been myself lately.
I'll do my best to try and write like I used to. It's just I feel like you guys don't comment and miss me as much as you used to. It's just not as appealing as it was before.
You guys used to be more outspoken and more...I don't know, it's like everyone's left me.
anyways... this imagine is inspired by Little Mix's "Secret Love Song" from their "Get Weird" Album. I have been falling in love with this new album sooooooooo much omg I cannot explain my love for it.
Okay so this is gonna be like the girls P.O.V is in the perspective of "secret love song" and the boy's P.O.V is in the perspective of "Perfect" by 1D I'm so inspired by these two songs so much!!!!
ENJOY!;)
I was spoken for, engaged and he was the escape I had been longing for my whole life. The only problem was he was my soon to be husbands best man. My heart skipped a beat when he was around, it was impossible to ignore the tension between us. He was my opposite, the risk taker I could never be without help.
"I'm in love with my best mates bride" he whispered softly as we danced slowly together in the living room of his apartment.
"We can't keep doing this, we have to stop before we make a mistake" as if being together alone and kissing wasn't a big enough mistake.
"I can be the one you want tonight" Louis whispered softly to me, his lips brushing past mine. I couldn't do this to Zayn he's my forever and he's ready to be with me, to start our forever now.
"That's the thing Louis, You're in the moment. Where were you when I needed nothing more than right here and now?" I spoke weakly, a few tears leaving my eyes as we kissed softly. His lips weren't as soft as Zayn's, but his kiss was more passionate. I fell for his passionate side, but I kept thinking of Zayn, not a moment with Louis could make me forget my love for Zayn, no matter how hard I tried. I only compared the two men, to justify what I felt.
"I was looking for you" He whispered, my head shook and I pushed him away while sobbing.
"We can't do this! I can't keep hurting him, I won't keep hurting him like this! I can't look at myself without seeing some cheap slut, going for two guys" I cried out, pacing the floor with my racing heart beating in my throat.
"You're not a slut! We've never even slept in the same bed. We haven't done anything wrong, we fell in love is that really such a bad thing?" Louis mumbled, his hand finding mine and I
"It is when you're engaged to someone" I whispered softly, the tears slipping their way down my face.
"Y/n, what if I was ready now? What if I could give you forever?" I sobbed at his words, shaking my head.
"You can't promise me that, we can't work. We're too different. You'll get bored eventually and you'll want to live life more"
"I need get home, to my fiance" I whispered.
"Y/n don't go, please let's try this out. We can run away together and live out our dreams" he was on his knees and I shook my head, the tears falling from my face and I took one step out the door and never looked back.
***
"Love, what are you doing back this late?" Zayn's comforting voice mumbled as we lied in bed together. I thought of lying, but I spoke the truth.
"I was with Louis" I whispered.
"What?" he sat right up and looked more hurt than angry, my face fell, only to offer a sad smile after.
"Louis and I have been meeting in secret, we've been going out together" I whispered, distancing myself from him. His face fell and he looked so hurt it was painful to see. Zayn's tired face looked like one of a sad puppy dog, like he'd been betrayed and lied to about going out to a park. His brows furrowed before asking me a question, the look of both hurt and uncertainty washed over his face just before.
"You two have been meeting....do you make love to him like you do me?" he seemed so hurt asking, his question was asked with a weary voice and the pain laced in it made my heart sting. I began shaking my head quickly.
"No, no, no, Zayn we don't do that. We've never slept in the same bed. You were my first and you're still the only one" I my weak voice spoke, wanting so badly to hold him and touch his face, calm him down and make those wrinkles in between his brows disappear, but I couldn't. He was hurt and I'd only cause more pain by touching him. A wide eyed look of fear washed over him, his usually bright honey brown eyes seemed dull as he stared at me in worry.
"A-Are you here to call off the wedding?" he asked yet another painful question.
"No...I still want my forever with you" I sobbed hopelessly.
"I just can't live with lying to you. We've kissed, that's all. We've only kissed" I admitted.
"I'm sorry. I-I don't know what else to say" I mumbled. Zayn was quiet, his brows furrowed in concentration, pondering over something.
"Go, be with him" His voice sounded so weak and pained.
"what?" I sobbed, my body shaking and falling to the floor in a panic. I was having a panic attack at the worst of times, my heart was beating in my throat , thoughts rushing through my head and as I looked to the floor I felt the warm embrace of Zayn's body. The shaky breaths I was taking were calming down and I fell back into his body, sobbing quietly in his arms and feeling the warm tears of his fall to my own skin.
"I don't want to keep you here if you want Louis. I'll respect your decision" He whispered in a raspy voice. He was warm and held me tight, almost like he was begging me to stay, like he some how felt like I'd leave.
"I chose you, my forever is with you, Zayn every moment I spent with Louis was spent thinking of you and how much I knew it would hurt you to find out about it. You want me forever and I want to be your forever" I whispered to him as he held me close. My cheek was pressed to his chest, listening to his steady heart beat is what always calmed my panic attacks.
"I'll let you go if I have to, don't worry about hurting me" he whispered softly caressing my hair. I smiled into his chest and shook my head.
"I made my choice six months ago when I said 'yes'"
"If there's one thing I know it's you. I know when you love, you can't stop. Ride it out, go with him for as long as you want. For both of us"
"Zayn I'm yours. I always will be, you need to know that"
"I do love, believe me. I know I'll always have you in my heart" he whispered, warm tears were shared in the kiss between us and it was like falling all over again. We discovered each other's bodies like it was my first time. Zayn knew he was my first only after taking my virginity. I was so terrified of telling him before. His body was warm and his heart beat against my chest.
"We'll always have this. I'll always be your first" Zayn breathed.
"You were my first everything Zayn" I whimpered. His hands held me close our movements leading us to our end.
"I love you" he whispered softly. His moan was different than his usual moan after we would finish. I assumed it was because of what would happen after tonight.
"I don't want you to leave" he whispered while we cuddled.
"I can still stay" I mumbled, my heart ached for Louis. How could I go back to him after what I did.
"You have to go, for us remember?" He chuckled weakly.
"You should go back to him. If I let you stay any longer I won't let you leave" I got up and pulled my clothes back on, packing up a few things to stay with Louis. What would I tell him?
'Hey Lou guess what Zayn gave me permission to do you without any consequences'
....
"Y/n?!" Louis' eyes looked red and puffy and his straightening posture suggested he was happy that I was back. It was when his eyes went down to my bag that he looked worried.
"Don't tell me I messed it all up with you and Zayn" he begged. I shook my head and gave him a sad smile.
"I told him everything, can I come in?"
"Of course" he shook himself out of his surprise and let me through to explain everything to him.
"So you're here for me?" He asked, his bright blue eyes staring me down in my seat on the sofa. I nodded, feeling slightly weaker around him, there was nothing reasonable about holding back now. Zayn was practically telling me to fall for his best friend to see which one I want to really be with out of the two of them. I couldn't stop Louis from making a move and I'm not too sure I could if I wanted to because truth be told. I was lying to myself to say that Zayn didn't leave my mind. I thought he didn't, but when Louis would kiss me or touch me. I only compared the two, now there was nothing to stop me from doing what came naturally. It was almost as if Louis heard my thoughts, in seconds he had me on his lap, his hands finding my chest. I trembled in his hands and he smiled up at me.
"Just relax baby, and I'll make you feel better" he chuckled, Louis was so dominant and his movements were confident, he knew what he was doing. I sighed as he lied me down, his fingers working to undo my jeans. My moans were loud and his tongue was fast inside me as soon as he got my pants off. He was messy and quick to get to my center, pushing my panties to the side and getting to work.
Louis' hands held my thighs open and I cried out, Zayn was never this demanding or forceful. I felt like I was being controlled, used for pleasure and I loved every second. Louis took what he wanted and knew what I'd like. His teeth dug into my thigh as his finger replaced his tongue.
"Zayn" I gasped, my mouth speaking before I could think. Louis wasn't phased by my outburst, his teeth only bit harder, his finger going deeper.
"Lou" I whimpered. His chuckle was cocky and arrogant.
"You think I care? I don't, he let me take you and I'm going to do everything I can to make you want to stay" he growled. I gasped, my thighs tightening and Louis' hands left them to let me squeeze his head. I locked my ankles together and felt my climax nearing.
"Baby I'm so close" I whimpered, Zayn always sped up and let me ride out my high on his warm tongue and I hoped Louis would do the same, but he took one long lick from me and kept his tongue still on my pulsing center. My hips were desperate and I wiggled them, working his tongue against me. His hum made my hips stutter, shaking against him as I continued to work myself on him. His lips wrapped around my soft nub and he moaned louder making me feel it more than I heard it and his tongue flicked at it, sucking on it and slipping two fingers into me.
"Louis!" I cried out, tears falling down my cheeks from the intensity of the moment. He was so much more forceful and made me work for what I wanted and craved for. I shook hearing his jeans become undone.
"I want to feel you baby, let me?" He begged, his erect member stood ready and brushed against me. My legs wrapped around his hips and brought him closer. I gasped at the feel of him, it was so perfect the tip of his member had slipped inside me and I moaned as soon as his entire girth slipped into me, warming me and stretching me out. I was so wet and slippery Louis only moaned and got to work moving. His thrusts weren't as powerful as Zayn's, but his body was so powerful, bringing us up so I was straddling him.
"Ride me baby, I need to see what I do to you" he begged. I slowly lifted myself on him, my back arching and my head lulling forward as I felt myself move with him.
"I love you so much" he breathed out, kissing at my neck and forcing a moan out of me. I was so focused and the feel of him was like nothing I've ever felt before.
***
His warm arms were wrapped around me as I laid there, still. I had been so deep in thought I didn't hear him ask his question.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I mumbled, turning to look at him in his bed. He looked so fearful, different from his earlier mood. His confidence seemed to disappear after the heat of the moment was over.
"Do you regret everything that happened?" So many things were going through my mind, regret was not one of them.
"No" I spoke confidently with a small smile.
"I'll admit that it really confuses me, I mean in a weird way I'm taking my pick from two amazing guys. Who seem to be okay with whatever decision I make, I just don't know how to react. I'm sort of going with the flow of my feelings, trying to feel the moment and decisions" I rambled on and he listened carefully, like every word I spoke was the reason for his existence.
"Well Zayn and I have never been in this position, but I'm sure we both love you too much to be angry. Trust me it's confusing to me too, but I know I love you and that's all that matters to me" Louis explained, his lips kissing mine.
"I can't tell you how good it feels to kiss you" he mumbled, his lips against mine and his hands traveling their way across my naked body under his sheets. The love making session lasted what felt like hours and it was close to dawn.
"Lou, I can't. I'm too sensitive" I whimpered when his fingers went between my thighs.
"I'm sorry, I can't control myself around you now that I know you can try making it work with me" he whispered, kissing my neck and nuzzling close to me. Louis preferred to hold me rather than be held like I sometimes did to Zayn.
"I love you" he whispered.
"Did you mean it?"
"What?"
"When you said you didn't care?"
He was quiet for a few moments.
"I mean it when I say I'm going to do everything I can to make you stay"
*5days*
"Louis" I moaned, his hand pushing me down to the kitchen counter. His hard member pressing into my panty clad center. I whimpered, biting on my bottom lip as he tugged them down with his sweats and slipped into my wet heat. My heart beat was in my throat and my fingers dug into the counter as his thrusts started, going deeper and faster. The knock on the door made me whine out and Louis chuckled, pulling out of me and lifting my panties up.
I had been here for a few days and kept in contact with Zayn. I only planned on being here for a week, Louis knew and he was desperate to make me stay, doing every little thing to keep me falling for him. I had planned on taking one week by myself to think and go through all options before making a decision. I was making a decision to change the lives of two people I was madly in love with, I was going to think it through clearly and ensure my heart was set on one soul to be with.
"Zayn" Louis voice was almost bitter and cold, but more hurt and regretful. I blushed, my heart racing and my eyes wide. My body was covered in nothing but one of Louis' shirts and my panties.
"I see I came at a bad time" Zayn gritted through his teeth bitterly, he only got aggressive like that when he drank.
"You've been drinking mate" it was almost like Louis set off an alarm in Zayn's mind and in the blink of an eye both men were on the floor, fighting over me. Both of them were hitting each other over and over. Zayn hit Louis square in the jaw and Louis hit back to bust Zayn's lip. Blood started flowing from Louis' nose after and Zayn was hit in the gut, being put on the floor as soon as Louis climbed on top of him I pulled him off, trying my hardest and begging with sobs and crying for them to stop.
I had finally gotten Louis off Zayn and I held him close, his warm hands cupping my bum and bringing me to straddle him, holding his head to my chest while he sat up. I had to lift myself to stand on my knees in an awkward position because of how much taller the dark haired boy was to me. Louis was pacing and glaring at Zayn.
"How is it I get attacked and he's the one being held?"
"Tomlinson, I'll kill you if you touch her again" Zayn panted out, his body was trembling and his fingers were running up and down the backs of my thighs. I had to choose now, before they asked me. I had to start thinking now.
"Don't make me beat the living hell out of you and then fuck her in my bedroom" Louis muttered back. I loved them both, but they couldn't be treated like this any longer. Zayn was kind and soft, his heart was two sizes too big and he loved giving me what I wanted. We both loved connecting and surrendering ourselves to each other. Louis was dominant and confident in the heat of the moment. He takes what he wants and shows me what he can do to me. Both of them love me and want a decision. I had to pick one and be with him forever. Did I really want to marry Zayn or was I just settling because I wanted more and was too eager to wait?
Did I really love Louis or was it all just sexual attraction?
"I mean it Tomlinson, she's mine, everything on her body belongs to me it always will" he mumbled, caressing my bum. I was too focused to notice and Louis was too cocky to admit defeat.
"I took her virginity I was her first" Zayn whispered loud enough for Lou to hear unintentionally... I think.
Louis was quiet and so was Zayn, both men fixated on me and I had come to my decision.
"Zayn, I-I can't be your wife" I stuttered out with a small sob. His eyes welled up and he held me closer.
"No, no, no, baby please don't do this to me. I want you forever I don't care what you did with him. I just want you" he sobbed and I shook my head, burying it in his neck.
"Zayn, I can't because I don't love you enough to be your wife" I broke down, crying for the pain I was causing him.
"I'm so sorry I put you through everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I was just so caught up in finding someone I was too blind to fall in love with you. I fell in love with a different type of man I didn't dream of. You're amazing in so many ways, but you're not the one who can keep me forever" I breathed out, letting my tears fall and my sobs be heard.
"You're gonna find a girl who's better and more in love with you than I am" I whispered between sniffles.
"And you're gonna give her this ring" I sobbed, taking the beautiful piece of jewelry off and placing it in his hand.
"I love you" he whispered.
"I love you too"
"Mate I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen" Louis spoke sincerely. Zayn still had his hold on me and to my surprise he stood with my body in his arms. He set me down and kissed my cheek, holding me close and closing his eyes.
"Take care of her Lou. She deserves the world, if anyone knows that you do"
"I will" Louis responded and the two seemed to be somewhat back to normal only a little more hostile than usual.
"Good bye beautiful" Zayn whispered, kissing to top of my head and walking out.
"I'm sorry we put you through this" Louis mumbled, holding me from behind.
"I'm just glad it's over and nothing's been too damaged" I spoke back and turned to be held by him. The soft grunt was heard and I was careful of where to touch next.
"Let's go to the bathroom and take care of that, yeah?" I smiled, he nodded and chuckled as I took him and cleaned up the blood in his nose. Louis' warm hand took hold of my wrist and he looked so deeply into my eyes.
"I won't be hurt if you want to go back to him now"
"Louis I don't, thank you for the support but I love you and him both I just want you more than I wanted him" his lips kissed the palm of my hand and I smiled, caressing his cheek and leaning in to hug him.
"I love you" he whispered.
*****
So it's been a while...
I'm sorry guys I got a job and everything's happening all too fast and I never have time anymore. I feel like the shittiest writer like I got really good and now I just suck.
Well I hope you liked this one.
See you next Sunday..... Maybe?
Hopefully??...
~Jazzibooxx