I was shaken awake the next morning by Lafayette. "What?" I groaned.
"Come on. We have to watch the sunrise."
"Can I sleep after watching it?"
"Of course."
I sighed and opened my eyes. I sat up drowsily, just wanting to fall back asleep. I rested my chin on my knees, watching the wonderful sunrise that was the same as a sunset in reverse. Sure, it was beautiful, but sleep is a beautiful thing as well. Once the sun was above the horizon, I fell back on the blankets. Lafayette held out his hand but I smacked it away.
"You're gonna get burnt out here," he told me.
"I don't care."
He smiled down at me and folded the blanket over me so I was cocooned in. He then picked me up and carried me into the house. He walked down one of the halls and dropped me off onto one of the beds. "I'm gonna go eat and do some work. Wake up whenever you want."
"Alright. I'll never wake up then," I said. "I just wanna sleep forever." I rolled over, hugging the pillow.
"And never see me or your mother or father or anyone ever again?"
"No."
"Only in your dreams right?"
I smiled over at him. "Of course."
He tossed the blanket over me but I kicked it away.
"I don't like blankets," I protested.
"Fine. Spoon the pillow for all I care."
I laughed and watched him walk out. I eventually fell back asleep, enjoying the big bed. I completely forgot about the fact I wanted to tell him I loved him. I'm forgetful when I'm tired, but I was still feeling fine. Better than fine. I was feeling great. I was gonna tell him and that was going to be that. Maybe I should make it in a romantic setting or something. Then if he feels the same we can just have sex after. Man I really want to sleep with him. I woke up about two hours later and went into the kitchen. Michael and Emilio were asleep still so it was just the two of us. He was sitting at the table with his glasses on, going over some work. I found myself liking the setting. Walking in on him working in the morning, shirtless, an empty breakfast plate. I know we lived together but it was different. It was a flat. Not a house. And his office was right next to us and so he didn't work in the flat, he worked in his office. "Morning," I greeted.
"Morning," he replied. "There's some bagels on the shelf."
"Wanna make me one?" I asked, sitting down.
"Are you incapable of making one yourself?"
"Yes. Why not make it absolutely perfect for me?"
He peered at me over his glasses. I just beamed a smile. "Alright. Do you want cream cheese on it?"
"Yes. I would love a bagel with my cream cheese."
He smirked, standing. "A lot of cream cheese then?"
"Absolutely. I love the hotness of the bagel with the coldness of the cheese."
He put a bagel in the toaster, setting down a plate and pulling out the cream cheese. "We're leaving later tonight."
"Where to next?"
"Russia."
"Cool." I gasped. "Can we go to a bath house?"
He looked at me. "A bath house?"
"Yeah! They have awesome bath houses there."
"Okay. We'll go to a bath house."
"Wonderful. Even though I'm excited about Europe, I kind of want to make it go by quick. I miss my mom and dad. We should invite them over sometime when we get back. Sometimes I wish I still lived with them. My entire family lives within three blocks of each other. It makes me want to get married and have kids quickly so I can go live with them again, but then I think about some things I want to do before all that." I put my hands up. "But, I've done a hell of a lot of stuff I wanted to in the past few weeks, and then it'll be Europe. Then it will just come down to having sex in certain places."
The bagel popped up and he pulled it out, smearing cream cheese on it. "Like what places?"
"Like - everywhere. In a public place, under a waterfall, in a restaurant, in a hospital-"
"I can see you really want to do it in a public place."
"Yeah. It can just be oral or a hand job or something, too. I wanna do it everywhere."
He laughed and placed the bagel in front of me. "Enjoy."
"Why thank you."
"I'm gonna finish this work up. Go ahead and talk and I'll pretend to listen."
"Ah you're so caring aren't you?"
"Uh-huh. Go on."
"Being an ass doesn't look that cute on you."
"Well I don't really want to be cute. I'd rather be considered handsome or dashing."
"Still not succeeding."
"Oh thanks."
I laughed and dug into my bagel. He continued to work and I talked but he actually did listen. He's too nice to not listen to people. Emilio eventually woke up and came into the kitchen, grabbing some food for him and Michael. Once I was done, I went into the shower because I was hot and sticky and sweaty due to the heat and lack of air conditioning.
I was getting out of the shower when I heard Lafayette say, "He seems more happy today."
"Isn't he usually always happy?" Michael asked.
"Well, he is usually chipper, but even more so today. Like when he gets up in the morning he's usually groggy and tired and doesn't smile or say much, but this morning he was all...bubbly. He's joking around more, smiling more, being really nice more."
"Did you do something that made him really happy?"
"No...he might have done something, though."
"Like what?"
"He kissed me." I covered my mouth. Fuck.
"He did?" Michael asked back.
"Yeah. I wasn't entirely asleep when he did it." Oh god...
"So?"
"Well, I don't know."
"So he likes you. Anyone can tell he likes you." They can? "He's probably getting tired of being just a friend."
"He's not-"
"He is. What're you afraid of?"
"I'm not afraid, Michael."
"Then why the hell don't you go in there and tell him that you totally wanna go on a date with? Why don't you go kiss him back? Huh? I know you're afraid of rejection, but I figured you would've asked him out months ago. He makes you laugh and smile. You do anything that'll make you happy."
"I do things for myself, not because they make me happy."
"That's such a lie!" Michael shouted, annoyed. "You're not happy."
"Of course I'm happy. I have all the money in the world, great friends, everything. I'm finally starting to get along with my family, too. Why wouldn't you be happy?"
"Because you're depressed."
Silence.
"You've been depressed since the day I've known you! You've always been sad, Lafayette. And I don't know why. Even before we became friends I saw you and you'd be sad. You take antidepressants. You say it's because you get stressed, but if that were truly the case then you could just take stress-relief pills. You go to a therapist because you're not happy. Everything you have ever done was because you wanted to feel good for once. You joined football and other sports, defended Emilio and I, became our friends, joined band, tried to be the best at everything because you wanted to feel happy but you didn't. You dated that guy in high school because you wanted to be happy, but you knew it wouldn't last. You went to college because you thought you'd get something out of it. You dated the girl in college for the same reason. You dated Marcus because you felt bad for him and figured if you dated then you could be happy. You made this company because you thought you could make money and help people and if you did that then you wouldn't be so sad. You donate money because you want to be happy. Everything you have ever done was because you wanted to make yourself happy but it never worked. You're still sad and I have no idea why you are. I don't know what happened or if anything happened. Sometimes it just happens without any reason, but you've been this way since I've known you. What's the problem!"
"Michael," I heard Emilio say.
"No. We've been ignoring this forever Emilio. I'm tired of seeing you pretend to be happy. You put on a smile when your world is crashing down, and you do it so no one will worry. I admire that about you, Lafayette, but it doesn't work. I can still see you're sad. I worry about you more than you know. When you're late I always think something bad has happened."
"Something bad?" Lafayette asked. "What? You think I'm gonna kill myself? After all the work I've done with everything in my life I would just kill myself?"
"I don't know! You don't tell us anything and I just..." He stopped, and I think he was starting to cry.
"Is this what you think Emilio?"
He didn't say anything.
"What the hell is this?" he asked. "A fucking intervention?"
"Well you can say that!" Michael yelled. "You're so in denial. I don't know what to do."
"You don't have to do anything. It's not your problem."
"But we're your friends," Emilio stepped in. "And we care about you and we don't want to see you be this way anymore."
"I'm fine. God, how did this go from Emerson to my alleged depression?"
"Because he actually makes you happy."
"A lot of people make me happy."
"Fine. He makes you happier. He makes you smile and laugh more than me, Emilio, anyone. Not only that, but you actually open up to him. The fact that you two have fought and gotten over it shows how much you've opened up to him. We never fight because you keep it bottled up. You've fought with him and made up. You asked him to move in with you so early after meeting him because he made you feel a little less shitty. If he's the one person that can actually make you happy then what's stopping you?"
Silence. The tension was incredibly thick, the question lingering in the air. What was stopping him? Talk about a million dollar question.
"I don't have to deal with this," Lafayette said, and I heard him walk out of the room.
I didn't know what to do. Everything I heard was so new and intense to me. I put on my clothes and then walked down the hall to one of the bedrooms quietly. I gently shut the door and lied down on the bed, thinking over what I just heard. I mean, Lafayette was depressed and I never realized it. Everything he did in his entire life was him trying to make himself happy. Why was he like that? Was it because of his family or was it just chemical unbalance? I know that depression doesn't have to be the effect of an event. It often times is, but sometimes it just happens. When I tried to come up with reasons behind some of his actions or feelings I never once thought that he was depressed. When I was with him I didn't think he was sad or depressed. I mean, I couldn't read his face, but he just seemed stressed or tired. But then again, maybe he really did look sad, and I just assumed it was stress. I pressed my palms into my eyes, barricading the tears. My friend was depressed. How could I have missed it? Michael said it all. Everything he did, all of it, was because he wanted to feel better. I figured he dated the people he dated because he liked them, not because he used them to make him happy. I thought he slept with people for sexual pleasure, not because he wanted to feel good. The business, his friends, all of it. It was all to make him happy. The saddest thing about this, though, is that he still isn't happy. And honestly, I don't know what to do. I don't know what he can do either. I mean, he's done everything. He made amazing friends. He was the golden boy. He's made up with his family. He makes billions of dollars. He has helped millions of people by making the company and by donating so much money. He's tried dating. What was left? Other than...
"Because he actually makes you happy."
Me? Michael said I make him happier than anyone. But why? Why not his friends? They've known him forever. He just met me less than a year ago. I thought back over the months we've spent together. I thought he was just warming up to me, but now that I think about it he was pretty comfortable in the first place. It's not that he was getting more comfortable with me. He was opening up to me and he was smiling more, laughing more, spending time with me more. Even after we moved in together he didn't smile half as much as he smiles now. I hear him laugh now. I remember the first time I heard him truly laugh, and it was because of me. Thinking about it now, I can easily tell when he's putting on a fake smile or a fake laugh. He doesn't do that with me as much. After all these years he's perfected the art of fake smiling and laughing, but since I see his real smile and hear his real laugh I'm able to tell. Is he really happier because of me? What is it about me? Is it because I'm someone new? Is it because I'm something he's not? That's ridiculous. I'm everything he probably doesn't want to be. Right? Then again, I have a beautiful family while his isn't the most perfect. I don't have to worry about running a business. I haven't made my mistakes yet. I'm...able to look past things easily. I'm happy. Is that it? Is it that he wants to have the things I have, or is it that he wants me there to complete what he's missing? He's the image. Am I supposed to be the personality to the face? He's seen as perfect, but really he's not. Does he want me there because I actually have the perfect things for a perfect life? Maybe I just give him hope that he can one day smile at nothing. After what Michael said, he just might...want to be with me. I don't know what was stopping him if I really am the reason he's happy. I think...I think he really will want to be with me. He might actually want to be with me right now, and I'm not getting my hopes up this time. This is true. He wants to be with me, but something's stopping him. I don't know what, but eventually he'll overcome that and...he'll be with me.
I sat up, sighing. I got out of the bed and decided I'd pretend like I didn't hear what they said. I can do that. I walked down the hall and to the room Michael and Emilio were in. I put on that smile of mine once I entered and said, "Hello ladies. Are you ready to get the hell out of here?"
Michael warmed up, smiling tiredly. "Yeah. I can't wait to continue to travel with you Em. You've been the riot of this trip."
I found myself laughing, genuinely too, probably because I have been a riot. I guess I've been so happy traveling that I kept trying to make it better by being funny or silly or being free-spirited with it all. "Well just think. We're traveling to Europe now. We can sit naked in a sauna together, letting it all hang out. We have lunch on the Eiffel Tower. Have orgies in Rome-"
Michael and Emilio laughed, looking at me like I was insane.
"What? It'll be fun. Oh! And we definitely have to go on the London Eye. That'll be so freaking fun. Do you think we should get high in Holland?"
They laughed again, and they exchanged a look I couldn't read, but I think they calmed down and figured things would eventually be okay with everything.
"Where is Lafayette?" I asked.
"I dunno. Somewhere in the house."
I ventured through the house twice because I couldn't find him. I went outside and didn't see him anywhere either, both jeeps still in the same place. I sighed, looking at the curvature of the Earth before me, trying to think of where he could be.
"Looking for someone?"
I turned around, but didn't come face to face with Faye.
"Up here."
I looked up and found Lafayette peeking over the side of the roof. "And they say white men can't jump," I said.
He smiled, giving that same expression Michael and Emilio had, one of a calmed down person who knew things were going to be fine. "There's a ladder around back."
"Ladder? I hate ladders."
"Just get up here."
I walked around back and climbed up the ladder slowly, me hating ladders for some odd reason. I walked onto the flat roof and plopped down next to Lafayette as he sat on the edge, his legs hanging off. "Is everything okay? The three of you seem kind of off?" I asked.
"Yeah. We just had a small quarrel. I don't really wanna talk about it. It's nothing important."
I nodded. "You know, I love the word quarrel. You can write an amazing song using the words quarrel and squirrel."
He smiled over at me, shaking his head.
"I'm weird. Surely you should know this by now."
"I never thought you were this weird."
"Just imagine what I'm like in bed." I had to laugh at myself. I was being so stupid, but at least he was laughing.
"There's a difference between kinkiness and weirdness, Em. You like a little S&M, but liking things involving animals is weird."
I laughed louder, leaning back against the ground. "I don't like animals. Sure, they're sexy, but-"
He laughed, and I couldn't finish my sentence either due to my laughter, my gut hurting.
"What would I do without you Em?" he asked, putting his hand on my knee.
"You'd probably be better off."
He shook his head at me. "I highly doubt that, Em. I really do."
-
-
-
-
Europe was really wonderful. We went to Russia, sat in a bath house, checked out St. Petersburg, and said "fuck you" to their anti-gay government. We went to old World War II sites in some middle European countries, realizing how lucky we are and how lucky we wouldn't have been back then. We explored old Greek buildings and rode in a gondola in Venice. We saw the Coliseum and the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We saw the Lourve, the Arc de Triumph, the Eiffel Tower and danced in Spain. We rode the London Eye, toured Big Ben, saw Stonehenge, kissed the Blarney Stone and got drunk in an old-fashioned tavern. I took pictures and bought souvenirs, wanting the memories to last and wanting to finally go home. And so we did. We made it back to New York and I realized that I had explored so much of the world and yet I've hardly explored America.
"We need to tour America. Not now, but in the future," I told Lafayette. "I wanna see it all. I really wanna go to Montana."
"Montana?"
"Yeah. It's really barren there, kind of. Like, when you think of a no where state it's Montana. I wanna see the tourist attractions and everything."
"We'll go eventually."
"Wonderful."
"When do you think you'll be back?"
"I think I'll stay the night."
He nodded sullenly. He was driving me to the train station because I told Mom I'd visit her the day after we got back. It was August 6th, and she was dying to see me. So I told Lafayette goodbye and hopped onto the train. Mom hugged me the second I got off and dragged me with her. Dad hugged me as well and Mom was talking a mile a minute, telling me how I was so tan now and how she saw all of my photos. It felt really great to be home because it was just like before I moved out. Dad and I would play MarioKart on the couch while Mom would be making us dinner. Her and Dad would trade places so he could finish the supper and Mom would always knock the controller out of my hand. We'd all pause to eat in the living room to watch The Simpsons and Jeopardy and then I'd eat some snack as Mom and Dad finished the game. We'd tell about our days, and that night it was all about my traveling. Then Dad and I would call it a night, him sleeping in their room across from mine, and he'd usually be asleep in a matter of minutes. Mom would come in and we'd have what she calls "girl talk," and I've gotten used to it by now so the fact she calls me a girl doesn't bother me.
"I discovered something about Lafayette," I said, sitting on the bed with Mom.
"What's that?" she asked.
"Well, it was like a huge bombshell. I mean, I've known him for this long but I never realized it."
"What is it?"
"He has depression, Mom."
She looked perplexed. "He's depressed?"
"Yeah. Like, I was in the next room over and Michael and Lafayette are fighting big time. Then Michael just points out the elephant in the room. Lafayette is depressed and he goes to a therapist. He takes anti-depressants. The biggest thing though is that everything he has ever done is because he was trying to make himself happy. The reason why he did he everything was so he'd be happy, but apparently it hasn't worked. I mean, I don't know what happened. I don't think anything happened actually. I remember in high school my psych teacher said that there's a chemical release in the brain that causes depression. Michael said he's been depressed since they were in middle school, so you'd think if it was an event he'd be over it by now. I don't know, though. And, you know, don't tell anyone. I wouldn't be telling you this if it didn't pertain to me."
"How's it pertain to you?"
"Well, Michael said that I...make Lafayette happier. I was thinking over the months we've known each other and...I dunno."
"You make him happier."
"Yeah. I can honestly say I do. I'm not trying to make myself feel special or anything. It's just true."
"Well tell him what he means to you."
"He knows, Mom. I kissed him when I thought I was asleep but he wasn't. He just knows I do have feelings about him. He said he was taking the year off from dating. Maybe he's taking the year off to clean himself up and then he, you know..."
"Will date you."
I smiled stupidly. "I don't know. I want him to, and he might. It's like I'm going to wait for him to finish his list, and if he hasn't asked me on a date yet then I'll go for it. I'm definitely willing to wait. I'm pretty certain I'm in love with him."
"Oh really?"
"Yes really."
"Well, just be there for him and continue to be his friend and he'd be stupid to not throw you down on the bed."
I laughed. "I'm really sure things are going to be fine. I really think so."
"Well I hope so." She got off the bed and kissed my head. "Good night peanut."
"Night Mom."
She left the room, turning off the light.
I pulled the blanket over me because Lafayette normally did. I lied in bed, kind of wishing I didn't stay the night because I'm nothing more than a hopeless romantic and I missed Lafayette. I was so used to his scent lingering on the sheets and his warmth and body and everything. Wow. I really am smitten. I grabbed my phone and flipped through some of the photos I had taken on our trip. I didn't tweet half of them actually. There were a lot of Lafayette I didn't tweet because he was either naked at the beach or in the sauna or he was in bed with me. I skimmed through them all, feeling ridiculous for missing him already. I was with him 24/7 for the past two months, but the second I was gone for a few hours I missed him. I called his work phone, hoping he wasn't asleep or busy. After a few rings he answered.
"Hey Em," he greeted.
"Hey," I replied, sighing.
"What's up? You can't sleep?"
"No. I'm so used to sleeping next to you it's weird. It's like the first day you move out, you know? When I moved into a college dorm I couldn't sleep at all."
"Hey, why did you drop out of college?"
"I couldn't afford it. I dropped out, rented a place, and I told myself I didn't need college to publish a book. You don't need it, but it helps. I tried writing, but then I got distracted and I forgot about it."
"I really want you to continue to try."
"I dunno. I'll get around to it. Do you think you could give me a bonus?"
"A bonus? What? Em, I haven't even given you a check in months. I just gave you a debit card of mine. Why do you need a bonus?"
"I wanna pay for my parents' retirement."
"Oh, well you don't need a bonus. I'll just take however much money they need out of the bank."
"I kind of wanna pay for my entire family's retirement, but I don't think they'd want me to do that. I think I'll just get their houses and cars repaired and set aside some money for them. Since I'm in town I'm gonna visit all of them and offer them any financial help. Thanks, by the way, for letting me use as much of your money as I want."
"It's fine. You don't spend millions of dollars, so I don't mind."
"Would you mind even if I did spend millions of dollars?"
"Probably not. You're using the account that doesn't have the most money in it."
"Oh, I see how you are. Hey, tell me about your day."
"Well, once I got back to the office I had a surprise visitor."
"Oh, and who was that?"
"Daniel Shipley."
"Who's that?"
"Remember the neighbor boy I used to sneak away with?"
"Oh, right."
"Well, he normally lives in Iowa, but he was visiting his hometown and wanted to visit me. So he stopped by."
"That's cool. What did you guys do?" I asked.
"We just talked about what was happening with us. He was sent away to a military school in Iowa once his parents found out. Though there were quite a few gay guys at that military school and so he was fine actually. A lot of people actually knew about all the gay guys there but not many would beat them up or anything. Apparently none of the guys there wanted to be there, and so they were all in the same boat and got along. He really liked it and once he graduated he joined the Army. He was stationed in various places in the Middle East but then he lived in California for the past three years."
"Nice. So is he hot?"
He laughed. "Does that really matter?"
"No. I just want to know. I like to know what people look like and if they're attractive."
"Well he's quite attractive."
"How long is he looking to stay? I'd love to meet him."
"I don't know. He said he follows you on Twitter and so that's how he knew we were back from our trip."
"Oh that's awesome. I think people follow me because you don't have a Twitter and I'm the closest thing to that."
He laughed. "I'm not a Twitter fan."
"Don't worry. I've got it covered." I yawned. "I don't want to forget this."
"Forget what?"
"Just...talking."
"Well it's a good thing we talk all the time."
I smiled, closing my eyes. "I'm really about to fall asleep."
"Want to hang up?"
"No. Just keep talking. Tell me a story and then once I don't answer hang up."
"Alright. Let's see...Oh. Let me tell you about how I became friends with Vince and Donald. They lived next door to us and when we were kids and when it was summer we'd all stay at home while our parents were working. We'd play in the backyard and Vince and Donald were teachers so they didn't work during the summer. Our ball would usually go flying into their yard and sometimes they'd be there drinking lemonade and eating snacks. They'd let us come over and eat some of their snacks and were really nice. As we grew older, though, Dad told us not to hang around them. My siblings didn't, but I did. They'd see me and Daniel sneak into the shed, holding hands. They heard my dad shout at me when he discovered us and invited me over. They told me that liking guys was fine. Once I became friends with Emilio and Michael then their house became our little safe haven. We'd go over there often and stay the night sometimes, too. A lot of time we'd also..."
That's when I fell asleep. Mom woke me up the next morning and I told them how I was going to pay for their retirement and how I was going to have the house and car repaired. I went to my other family members' houses and offered them some help. They all agreed to the house and car repairs but they said they didn't need the money, and if they ever did then they'd let me know. I went to the train station and rode back to the city. Lafayette picked me up and we went back to the office.
I didn't end up meeting Daniel until, like, a month and a half later. He had traveled up north to see some old friends, but came down in mid-September. He sure was sexy. He was really buff, had a pouty, cute lip, nice eyes, and nice hair. He was sexy, and even stronger than Lafayette, but I really liked blondes. And Lafayette was a dirty blonde. They were very different looking, and Lafayette was more my type. Of course, I could just be saying that because I'm in love with him, but who knows?
"You must be Emerson," he said, standing up from the couch.
"That's me," I replied, shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you, too. Lafayette has told me a lot about you."
"Yeah, he usually complains about me."
He laughed while Lafayette said, "All the time."
"Excuse me, will you?" I asked, going into the flat. I went in and changed, but I also wanted to know if they were talking about me, so I stayed near the door and listened. It was pretty hard, but I managed to get the jist of it.
"Why would you want to go on a date with him?" I heard Lafayette ask.
"He's incredibly cute and sexy."
"Yeah, but you don't know him."
"Which is why I want to take him on a date. That's what people do."
"I don't think you'd like him. He's, you know...he just has...problems."
"What kind of problems?"
"Well, he's emotional."
"I'm fine with that."
"He spends a lot of money."
"He works for you. He probably has a lot of money to spend."
"I think he likes someone already."
"This isn't junior high."
Wow. Jealous much? I finished changing and went into the office. I sat at my desk and asked, "How long do you plan on staying in town Daniel?"
"I don't know. I was wanting to kind of move back to town. My army days are over and I've missed my family, so I think if I find a place to stay then I'm permanent."
"So your family doesn't mind you're gay?"
"No, not anymore. They got around to it."
"Nice. You should make an It Gets Better video."
"Maybe I should. What about you and your family?"
"They've always been fine with it," I said. "I used to sneak away to gay clubs and my parents thought I was a druggie, so I kind of had to come out of the closet so they wouldn't send me to rehab. But everyone was fine when I came out. My family is really nice."
"Em," Lafayette said, standing. "I have a meeting. I'll be back in an hour. Maybe you and Daniel should grab some dinner together." With that, he leaves. One second he's trying to convince Daniel not to take me on a date, and the next he's setting us up.
"Well, how about dinner then?" Daniel asks.
"Alright." I stood up and grabbed my phone and wallet. We go down to his car and we drive to a small diner with a 50's vibe to it.
We sat in a booth and ordered our food. The waitress brought us our drinks and that's when I started to ask Daniel questions.
"So what was Lafayette like when he was a kid?"
"Uh, mature. He was incredibly mature," he said.
"I can see that. Was he a happy-go-lucky kid?"
"No. Not really. He was always serious, even when we weren't doing anything bad. We'd just be sitting on the porch and he'd never really play."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I had known him for a while and he was always like that. He wasn't like most kids. He'd sit around by himself a lot."
I nodded. So, Lafayette has basically been depressed since he was a kid. God, since he was what - eight? "Nothing traumatic ever happened to him?"
"No," he said. "I know he had depression when we were kids, but the doctor said nothing had triggered it. It was just the chemicals in his brain." Well that explained everything.
I nodded, and I stopped talking about Lafayette for him because I didn't want this to be a date where'd I basically let him know I liked someone else. After dinner, he took me to the hotel he was staying at for the time being. There wasn't any room at his parents' house and so he had to stay in a hotel. We sat on the bed, drank some wine, and then started making out. I felt bad about kissing him because I was in love with someone else, but damn it. If Lafayette can sleep with hundreds of people the I can fool around with one. Daniel is an incredibly generous guy. He is willing to get none but give a lot, which is a nice change from the other douchebags I've hooked up with. He gave me a blow job and he has a really nice tongue. The tongue is probably my favorite body part. If a guy doesn't know how to use his tongue then I'm really turned off. It had been a few months since I had gotten any, and so just one blow job felt wonderful. But as for afterwards...
He sat up as I zipped my pants, expecting him to do something else. Instead he asked, "So, how long have you liked Lafayette?"
"What?" I asked.
"Come on, Emerson. You like him. You stared at him so lovingly today. You talked about him a lot. You moaned his name as you came-"
I gasped, covering my mouth. "I did?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Oh my god. I'm sorry. Really, I - oh god."
"It's fine. I think he likes you, too. He really didn't want me to take you on a date."
"I'm sorry. I really am."
"Don't worry about it. Want me to drive you home?"
"Yeah. Take me to the office."
He nodded and drove me back to the office. He said to let me know how it goes with Lafayette and gave me his number. Well, at least I made a friend still, even if it was in an embarrassing way. I went up to the office and into the flat. I showered and then changed into my shorts and bathrobe. I jumped out of my skin when I saw Lafayette sitting on the bed. "I didn't hear you come in," I said.
"I came in a couple of minutes ago."
"Oh." I didn't know what to say so I just sat on the bed.
"How was dinner with Daniel?"
"Fine. He's a nice guy."
"Got another date?"
"No. I think he realized I'm not his type."
He nodded. "Well, go ahead and get some sleep. We're gonna be busy tomorrow."
I sighed. "Alright. What're we doing?"
He looked down at me. "A lot of stuff."
I smiled. "That explains a lot."
He smirked and turned the light off. He pulled the blankets over us and I fell asleep much more quickly than I had the night before. Though I was disheartened the next morning when Lafayette wasn't in bed next to me. I sat up and stretched. I went to get out of bed but to the side of me there was a tray with breakfast on it and a red rose in a vase. A little note was leaning against the plate. I picked it up, smiling.
It read:
"As your one year anniversary of being my assistant, how about we take that day off?"