The first three months of the new year picked up a lot of speed. Lafayette was initiating his new schools across the country, sending out advertisements as the schools were being built, and he decided that students who would help with construction would be eligible to win scholarships for college. Little did they know, just by helping would make them win at least a thousand dollar scholarship, but probably more than that. They were going to be done by May and ready to use in June. So students were quickly signing up. They were established as a campus and with different schools of certain areas, so it would really be like a college and getting kids ready. Also, his birthday was the 30th, turning 31-years-old. We only had a small party for him, just a few select friends. I got him a pan flute, another odd instrument to add to his list. My father's birthday was February 9th, and so I went and celebrated that with the family.
Alisha and Clovis had started dating, which shocked me because she didn't really date anyone. Though she said Clovis was different, and she was glowing every time I saw her. She said it was about time she settled down. She declared that she was going to live in the city, much to my pleasure because I loved seeing her, and she was going to try and become an actress. Even though she was sleeping with a director, he wouldn't play favorites but instead would help her with her acting and then cast her if she was sufficient.
On Valentine's Day, Lafayette had been so busy he didn't go on any dates but instead he fell asleep at nine o'clock, the earliest I've ever seen him sleep, but of course he woke up at four in the morning to work out. The fifteenth was the anniversary of when Marcus jumped from a building. He had been in a coma for nine years, which is insane to me. Lafayette pretended it was a normal day, but the natural glow he had wasn't there and he would smoke an occasional cigar, a blunt later on in the evening before bed.
Lafayette decided to take his company international. He had kind of done that, only taking some departments over to Europe, but his companies had done so well here in America he wanted to take them everywhere. He told me he wanted to do everything this year. That's all he said. He didn't tell me how far "everything" went but I didn't ask. He didn't beat around the bush. He wanted these companies built and ready to go in so many places in the world. He started with Lafayette Construction in all the countries, and so people would help build these companies and then they would employ them and start building the economy. He wanted to have that finished by December. He told me we were going to do a lot of traveling this year. Also, in March, Michael celebrated his 31st birthday on the fifteenth.
So, those three months were hectic, and Lafayette was all over the news. I was even in a few pictures, which made me feel pretty cool. And the New York Times even interviewed me. I said, "Mr. Jeff is a very ambitious man and all of his plans for this will get done and will be highly effective to the world." And hell yeah they used that quote. Lafayette said he wished I had said something like, "Faye is one hell of a man and he's about to fuck this shit up," but I went a more professional route.
When Lafayette said he wanted to change things this year, he meant it. He made a to-do list.
1. Cut off his parents.
2. Get the schools started.
3. Go international.
4. End the underground business.
5. Deal with Marcus.
Those were his main goals. He had many smaller goals he wanted to do, which he could easily do in between then.
I told him since Marcus's birthday was coming up it'd be a good idea to do whatever he had to do with him. I figured he'd just leave him a letter or something, but I guess not. He put it off and instead decided he'd cut off his parents and the rest of his family first. He said I didn't have to go and I was kind of relieved. I waited up for him in the flat, not sure what to expect. I bought a box of chocolate caramels for him, just in case, and rolled a blunt for him (he taught me how over the past few weeks, still not as good as he was). I didn't think it'd be too bad, but he came in with a bruise on his cheek.
I gasped and leaped out of bed, "Oh my god, sit down, sit down." I sat him down on the couch and took off his coat and shoes. I grabbed some pain killers. "What happened?"
"Well, I said I wasn't going to keep on paying for everything they wanted. If they ever needed money for bills or something, I'd gladly help, but I'm not going to let them spend my money on vacations or stuff they don't need. They all yelled at me, except for Clovis. He brought Alisha by the way. She'd try to start a conversation but they'd cut her off," he said.
"Who hit you?"
"Gerard. His wife is pregnant now and he was asking me how he's suppose to pay for their kid. I told him to get a job. I mean, his wife has a job, and it's a pretty good job. Gerard has a college degree, too. He got his degree in engineering. Axelle has a degree, too. She was a nurse for a little while, but then she quit, too, because of me. Delphine didn't go to college. She married her high school sweetheart, and he became a reverend. It's not my responsibility to take care of them. I will help when needed. I told them I bought them houses so they'd move out of my place. Except for Clovis, I said he can live there because it's not too far from his work. Though they were pissed because the houses weren't big or lavish after I described them. They're regular two story houses, but still better than most. They're on the outskirts of the city, just for them, brand new and in a nice neighborhood. They don't have to pay any bills for them. I bought them all cars years ago and they don't have to pay for that. My insurance covers them. They don't have much to worry about, and if they want to go on vacation they have to make their own money."
"I'm sorry," I told him.
"Don't be. You didn't do anything."
"It doesn't mean I can't be sorry. That sucks, Faye. I wish you could just get along."
He leaned back against the couch. "We used to. I mean, all my life we'd bicker, but there were still good moments. It's just these past few years, six or seven years, things changed. I started to give them money and it just went to their head. They grew greedy. We'd fight a lot as kids, my siblings and I, but we still got along. Gerard would beat me up, but there was a time when some kid shoved me during recess and wanted to take some toy I had. Gerard beat the crap out of him and walked me home. Then Axelle was really one of the only ones who didn't care I liked guys. Dad was yelling at me after he found me and the neighbor boy. They were all sitting in the living room as they were yelling at me, not sure what to do. Axelle told Dad that he was overreacting. We're not even that religious. They say they're Christians, but they don't go to church or anything. Delphine is religious, yeah, but when Dad was yelling at me she didn't know why it was such a big deal. She used to adore me. I was her favorite older brother, and when she got pregnant, I was the one who drove her to the abortion clinic and I told her that her choice was completely valid. She was so young, only fourteen. Clovis never said much, but we shared a room when we were young and we'd tell each other about our days at night, to try and help us get to sleep. We had great times, all of us. It just went downhill. My parents were so mad when I dropped out, but when I first started making money, like only a hundred thousand dollars, they said they were so proud of me. I made my first million they said they were proud. I paid for their retirement they were thrilled. By the time I made my first billion they had changed. You're right. It does suck."
"Well maybe one day things will get better. How often do you really tell them how you feel?"
"Not often." He leaned his head against my shoulder, eyes closed, bruise shiny.
"I think you should just be honest. We're going to travel in a few months. Tell them how you feel, go travel, let them think, and when we come back things might be better. Just be honest," I said, echoing my mother.
"I can't go back there."
"Call them."
He looked at me, pondering it, and then sighed. "Alright." He grabbed his home phone and dialled his mother's number. "I'm putting it on speaker phone. In case I don't know what to say." He called and waited for her to answer. After three rings she did.
"What is it Lafayette?" she answered.
"Mom," he sighed. "I...I don't even know what to say."
"Then why did you call?"
"Because I'm pissed off Mom."
"You didn't call me to yell at me."
"I'm not going to yell at you. Is Dad there?"
"Yes."
"Well I wanted to speak to both of you."
"What is it Lafayette?" she asked sternly.
He shook his head, and I could see the anger and frustration written on his face. He looked ten years older when he was so stressed. If I were as frustrated as him I'd be crying. I nodded, to keep him going. "It's just...what do you want from me?"
"You're the one who called me."
"Mom, god, you don't get it." He stood up, carrying the phone with him. "I have given you so much. I paid for your retirement. I've bought you cars. I bought you a house. I pay for your vacations. Is that not enough? And you can't tell me it's not about what you buy me. Don't say it's more than that because if you want me to be a good person then what's your definition of a good person? I donate so much money to charities, more than any other billionaire in the world. I have brought America back into full swing. I'm going international to help others. I've created schools for kids that need it. I don't understand why you're not happy with me Mom. Remember on my ninth birthday how you couldn't afford to get me anything? It was after I went to the doctor and you were so scared about making me feel even more sad than I was so you worked so much overtime just to be able to get me a real ice cream cake. Do you remember having to work for a living? Do you remember how you were so worried I wouldn't amount to anything?"
He paused, but when she didn't say anything he continued. "This can't be because I like men. Why can't you just be thankful for what I've given you? I try so hard Mom, so hard to be a good person and to make you proud. I try so hard to be happy. What is it about me that you hate? Why do you and Dad and everyone else hate me so much?"
I wanted to take him in my arms and let him know how loved he really was. There was a moment before she answered. "I don't hate you Lafayette," she said, and her tone had changed.
"But you're not proud of me. There's something wrong with me though. All I've ever done in my life was so I could be happy because that's what you said you wanted from me. I was so ecstatic on my birthday to get a real cake and you said that the only thing you wanted in life was for me to be happy. I'm trying Mom. Why isn't that enough for you?"
"Honey, it's not that," she said quietly. I was crying.
"Then what is it Mom?" he asked tiredly, sitting back on the couch.
"We just...I suppose we're just bad parents."
He sighed. "You're not bad parents," he said. "I wouldn't have gotten to where I am without you guys but now..."
"We don't hate you, Lafayette," his father said.
"We just asked too much of you," his mom said.
He took it off of speaker phone and stood up, holding it to his ear. They continued talking for a long time, him walking around, speaking quietly. I went to the bed and slept, not sure what time his conversation ended. He didn't tell me much about his parents. He said he was going to talk to them after the summer, once all the traveling was done.
Things went on slower after that, thankfully, but not for too long. It was a few weeks later when Lafayette and I got in a massive fight. We didn't say as many nasty things like we had before but we were both stressed at the time because of other things we snapped.
I was busy organizing literally everything that had ever passed through Lafayette's hard drive, but I was mostly excited about my upcoming birthday, which was May 4th. So I was a little surprised to see Lafayette walk into the office pissed off. I mean, things had been perfectly fine as of recently and so I wasn't sure what he could be upset about. A frown was written on his face, anger boiling in his eyes. He pulled out a cigar, starting to smoke it. I wasn't sure what to do exactly. I stood up and walked over to him. He was looking out the window, glaring at everything.
"Lafayette?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He shoved my hand away. "Don't touch me."
"What's wrong?"
He turned to face me. "I took your advice Em. I decided to visit Marcus since it's his birthday." Oh. "And that sure was great," he said sarcastically. He stormed over to his desk and put his cigar out, slamming it into the ashtray. "You wanna know what the doctors said? They said he was doing pretty damn well, and they said he just might wake up sometime next year. Do you know what that means? He's going to wake up, having been in a coma for nine years, and he's going to be miserable. And then of course he's going to try and find me and who knows what he'll want from me? He'll see that things are so different now. He's still going to have the mind of a twenty-year-old."
"Faye, he-"
"Don't call me that," he snapped. "This wasn't suppose to happen. I had everything planned out. When he passed away I was going to give him a beautiful funeral and create a fund for mental health issues and-" He shook his head. "Every time something seems like it's going okay there has to be something else that comes along."
"It's okay, it'll-"
"It's not okay Em," he said, his voice shaking. "You can't say that about everything. Please, I don't want to listen to you right now. I already tried that and it didn't get me anywhere."
"Lose the fucking attitude, Faye."
He glared at me, and even though there was so much anger in his eyes, I could see so much stress on his face too, along with some fear and utter sadness. It must've been scary for him, because he wouldn't know what to say or do if Marcus ever woke up. With all the things going on in his life at that moment, with his parents and his work all causing him stress, this piled on top of it wasn't good. I felt bad for him, because he was trying to fix so many problems in one year, and yet he actually was trying to fix them sooner than the end of the year. Still, even when I saw all this, I continued to be dick when he really just needed a friend.
Everything we said about trying to avoid fighting went out the window. He was angry and I was being defensive. I should've been patient so he could've calmed down and talked it through. We should've done so many things, the both of us, to avoid a fight, but we didn't do that. It took time to actually make good changes. It seemed so easy, but in reality it never was.
He shook his head, in disappointment, anger, and sadness. "Get the hell out of my office," he said. "Don't bother coming back."
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"Go. I'll throw all your shit out on the curb for you."
He fired me. He kicked me out.
I grabbed my phone off of my desk and stormed out of the room. I didn't answer any of the questions Michael, Emilio, or Vince asked me. I went downstairs, called a cab, went to the train station, and started back home, not sure where to go. Once I was on the train, sitting in a corner, I called Mom.
"Hello?" she answered.
"I'm coming home Mom," I told her.
"Okay. What's the occasion?"
I sighed. "I think I just got fired Mom."
"What? Goodness what happened?"
"We got in a fight Mom."
"Oh peanut. You'll have to make up sometime."
"I don't know, Mom. It was pretty bad. He said he'd put my stuff on the curb for me."
"You're just angry. I threaten your father all the time. When we first moved in together, I told him I was going to burn all of his stuff. I threw his clothes out a window before. You have no idea how crazy I was when I was pregnant with you. It's a good thing you're gay. You won't have to deal with periods, pregnancy, or menopause."
I smiled, rubbing my watery eyes. My mother always managed to make me smile when I felt like shit. I made it home and she told me to get some sleep. So I went to my old room and tried to sleep but really couldn't.
That's when I realized how stupid I had been. Faye had been stupid too but it was frustrating how much you didn't want chaos to ensue and yet it still did. I wanted to be a normal, mentally healthy, mentally capable person who could just be calm and react to anger without getting defensive. Anyone who said it was easy to make changes to your character and personality and overall being was privileged.
I replayed the scene over in my head and I couldn't stop thinking of how gorgeous his hazel, green eyes looked, even when they were filled with anger and even when he was yelling at me. Why did they look gorgeous? Because they had been watery. He wasn't exactly crying. His eyes were just getting watery. That's when I realized this was horrible. I covered my face. "I'm so stupid," I said quietly. "Mom!" I shouted. "Mom!"
Mom came into the room, flipping on the light. "You're not eight anymore, Em. You can't yell for me whenever you want."
"Mom should I call him?"
She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you want to?"
"Yes! I have to apologize! He was almost going to cry and sure he was mad but I could've calmed him down. I could've hugged him and let him use my shoulder! Why did you raise such a stupid son?"
"For one thing, you're not stupid, you just did a stupid thing. I don't raise stupid. I slap it across the face until it learns his lesson. But you don't have to apologize. You have to talk things out Emerson, and then you both apologize. But, it's late. Call him tomorrow alright?"
I nodded.
"Alrighty rooty."
"Why are you yelling?" Dad asked, entering the room.
"His boyfriend and him got in a fight," she whispered, as though I couldn't hear her.
"He's not my boyfriend Mom."
She snorted. "Okay. He might be one day."
"I know, but not now."
"So he is gay?"
"Oh my god. He's bisexual damn it!"
"Don't use that language with me."
"Well don't tell anyone!"
"I wasn't! Do you want me to slap you across the face until you learn your lesson?"
"No," I mumbled.
"She has to save her slapping for something else tonight," Dad said.
"Oh god, you guys are sick."
"Goodnight sweetie." She pulled the blanket over me and turned out the light, closing the door.
I thought about what Lafayette was doing. I knew he was feeling guilty. He was a dick but I was a dick and here we were again - in this cycle of being mean to each other only to feel bad about it.
This was all just one big defense mechanism that was too complicated for me to really think about. I just knew it was. We weren't in a relationship, but everyone said there was a point in one's relationship where you would fight a lot because it was the make it or break it point. Would we make it, or would we break it?
God, I was falling for him. Shit. I was falling for him? Oh damn. I can't be falling for him. I already have a childish crush on him, that's as far as this should go for now. If I fall head over heels for him then I'll be miserable considering he is so caught up in everything else he can't even look at me like that. He can't look at anyone like that! But...I've already totally fallen for him.
The next morning I woke up and stayed in bed. I was glaring at my phone, Lafayette's number written across the screen. Call him. Don't call him. Call him! DON'T call him! CALL HIM! I knew I was going to call him, but I didn't know what to say. I'd probably make things worse knowing me.
"Yes, he's right upstairs in his room."
"Thank you Mrs. Lane."
Lafayette? I sat up and looked out the window. Sure enough, there was a blue jaguar sitting outside. Oh god. He's here and he's going to tell me how stupid I am.
"You can just walk right in and wake him up."
Walk right in? I'm naked! I jumped out of bed right as the door started to open. "Don't come in!" I shouted and locked the door.
"Emerson! Are you out of your mind? You wanted to talk!" Mom shouted.
"I'm naked Mom! God! Who lets people waltz right into their room?"
"Don't talk to me like that young man. And who cares if he sees you naked? It'll just lead to make up sex and that's the best kind. Right dear?"
"Of course!" Dad shouted.
"Thank you for being amazing parents. Really. You guys aren't embarrassing in the slightest," I drawled, pulling on some pants. I threw on my tank top, unlocked the door, pulled him inside and shut it. "Can you not eavesdrop Mom?"
"Alright. You'll just tell me about it later!"
I rolled my eyes and looked at Lafayette. Right. Apologize. What to say, what to say...? I didn't say anything. I just walked over to him and hugged him. "I'm sorry I was such a dumbass yesterday. I somehow didn't see how upset you were. I'm so stupid. I'm sorry. Really, I feel so shitty right now. I'm here for you. Remember? You said the only thing you wanted from me was to be there for you? Well I'm here!"
I heard him chuckle. He grabbed my arms and released the hug. "You don't have to be sorry. And you really need to stop calling yourself stupid Emerson. I know it's an insecurity of yours but you are not stupid. I was the one acting like an ass."
"That's fine though! You're stressed! You're trying to fix everything now so you have every right to be an ass!"
He smiled at me. "Emmy, you literally just said a while ago that we can't excuse our fucked up minds for our fucked up actions." He raised a brow at me. "I apologize Em. I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's just really hard lately."
I nodded. "I accept your apology," I said, trying to sound mature but my voice cracked at the end. "I apologize for not being patient with you."
He nodded too. "We'll get through it," he said putting an arm around my waist. "One day, we'll both be normal functioning human beings who can learn to relax and be calm and patient."
"Let's just forget about it all. It's something we can both let go. You can let it go right?"
"Of course, Emmy."
I laughed, relieved. No more fighting. No more fighting. No more fighting. It was easier said than done though.
"Honey, I have some Trojans for you," Mom called from outside the room.
I groaned in utter embarrassment. I opened the door and said, "Damn it, Mom, I am not going to sleep with him." I grabbed the box of condoms and shut the door. Then I realized I grabbed the box so I shook my head and threw them to the side. "Well then."
"Let's get back. I have a meeting later today."
"Don't you ever take a day off?"
"I don't do vacations much," he said.
"No, not a vacation. Just one day off. Just one little lazy day," I insisted, hands on my hips.
"I've never taken a day off unless it was for a holiday or something similar."
"Well today's the day."
"You can take the day off. I have lots of stuff to do."
"Which is why you're stressed..."
"Yes, yes it is."
We didn't leave immediately though. We lied in bed and talked about what would happen if Marcus did wake up. Instead of fighting, getting irrational or stressed, we actually talked about the problem and tried to find a solution. Who knew talking about things could prove to be so beneficial?
After our problem-solving-cuddling session, we ate lunch with my parents, Mom trying to convince us that letting out our sexual frustration was beneficial, and when I was mortified enough we went out to the car.
"Emerson?"
I looked up and to the source of the voice, coming from the neighbor. Mrs. Jameson, Kenneth's mother. I smiled bright. "Hi Mrs. Jameson," I greeted and walked over to the hedge fence.
"I haven't seen you in a while. Your mom tells me you got a promotion?" she asked.
"Yeah!" I said. Lafayette walked over and smiled warmly at her. "Yeah, this is my boss, Lafayette Jeff. I mean, he's not just my boss, but - no, I mean, he's-"
"I'm a good friend of Emerson's," he said for me. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Jameson. Emerson has told me about you a few times before."
"Oh you have?" she asked, happy to hear that.
"Yeah, I told him how you started a PFLAG group here."
"That's right, a few years ago."
"Once I came out to my parents they joined."
"You mean once they realized you weren't a drug addict?" he asked.
I laughed, nodding. "What do you have planned for PFLAG this year?" I asked.
"Well, June is pride month, and so Dan and I are going to go to the city parade once that rolls around. We're going to hold up a banner saying 'Our son killed himself eight years ago because of our bigotry. We regret it everyday. We can't let it happen again.' We'd love it if you come on down. Your parents are walking with the group."
I looked to Lafayette and said, "Well, we had planned on traveling over the summer for business-"
"But we'll still make it," Lafayette interrupted. "Traveling can wait."
She smiled. "Wonderful. It was nice seeing you again Em."
"You, too," I replied.
"Very nice to meet you ma'am," Lafayette said.
She smiled warmly and waved us goodbye.
I drove back to the city, because I recently got my permit and Lafayette wanted me to get my license soon. I didn't see why, though. If someone wasn't driving us, then he would drive because he knew the location of where we were going. I didn't really like driving either. I was lazy and didn't pay attention. I always wanted to look around at all the people and things going on. I think Lafayette preferred to drive, too, because he always liked to inspect me inspecting people. He thought it was interesting how I was so interested in people. But, he said a license would be handy. Yeah. Like if we ever get in a fight again I can drive back to my parents' house.
We went back to the office and he was scrambling around, going through his paperwork. I filled out some of the simple forms he had to have, but I'd occasionally look at him, observing him. After a while, when it was getting late, I asked, "Do you ever plan on coming out?"
He glanced up at me, too caught up in his work to realize what I said. "What?"
"Do you ever plan on coming out?"
He leaned back, biting the end of his pen. "Yeah," he said simply.
"When?"
"I don't know."
"What's preventing you?"
"I don't know. I've always been private."
"Yeah, but, you're so respected and famous. You'd be a great LGBTQ figure."
"I know, but-" He shrugged. "Maybe I just don't want to."
"Okay."
"What?"
"Nothing. I don't want to push you out of the closet." It was stupid, but I wanted him to come out because maybe one day if we ever got together then, you know...I could gladly hold his hand in public or let every person know he's mine. It was so stupid, but the fact I was thinking about it was only worse. I was becoming so much more enamored with him and it was driving me nuts. I need to find a distraction. Why the hell can't I fucking go up to him and kiss him? Mom really started to convince me of that sexual frustration stuff. Ever since our fight New Year's things had been going really well besides the one fight we just had, and maybe it wasn't a bad time?
The phone rang and I answered it. "Mr. Jeff's office," I answered.
"Hello, this is Liam O'Hara.. Is Lafayette available?"
"One second," I said. "A Liam wants to talk to you. Is that alright?"
"Hm? Yeah, of course."
"Alright," I said into phone. "Let me put you through."
Lafayette answered and pressed the button to lower the curtain. He hadn't lowered the curtain in ages. I heard him chuckle and I tried to remember who Liam was. I looked him up on Facebook and once I saw his profile picture I remembered him. He was a cute, young guy with freckles, auburn hair, and green eyes. His profile said he was twenty-four. I remembered him from previous parties we had gone to. Yeah. I remembered him. Lafayette and him hooked up over Halloween after the party.
Oh my god. I'm stupid. Obviously he wasn't interested. Why make a move when he's making moves on others. Unbelievable. How stupid could I be? He clearly wasn't interested. Clearly!
I sighed, leaning back in my chair. Yes. I need a distraction. A very big, sexy distraction.