Song for this chapter:
Running low- Shawn Mendes
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"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." -Emily Brontë
***
Lesley's P.O.V
I watch Spencer and Adam leave and then walk back to the sofa. I can't believe I just agreed to him. But who am I kidding? Of course I'm not going to stand here and wait for them to come back. And I'm surely not going to let them decide what they will do with it. I get up and walk out. I wait till the elevator arrives to the floor and enter. As I reach the ground floor, I hurry to the gate but stop in my tracks.
How the hell do I even go there? Maybe Adam left his car keys upstairs. I hurry back to the elevator and press the button immediately as it's about to close. And when I stand straight, my blood runs cold.
A ghost.
A faint glimpse of a ghost.
"Dad?" My voice comes out as a whisper.
The elevator door shuts completely. I stand there, eyes wide. Am I going crazy? I watch as the floor changes on the elevator.
Without hesitation, I sprint to the stairs, taking two steps each. I arrive to the first floor, but the elevator is already in the second. I hurry up, the pain in my shoulder evolving. Second floor. Third floor. Fourth floor. My legs are hitting the concrete hard and I don't care. I need to make sure my eyes are deceiving me. As I reach the last floor, I stand infront of the elevator as the door opens. I suck a sharp breath in, preparing for what's coming.
Two eyes are staring back at me.
But those eyes are mine, reflected from the elevator mirror. My shoulders relax but a siren pain strikes my arm and I wince.
I wrap my good arm around it and hold it up, reducing the painful weight. I look up again but this time, the elevator door is closed. I look around, searching every corner. But there's nothing. There's no one.
My eyes are definately deceiving me. Maybe I'm hallucinating. But why would I hallucinate about my dad now? This time is the time I actually need him beside me, to help and guide me through my mistakes.
"I need you, dad," I say to the silence. When I hear no response, I sigh and slowly descend the stairs.
A minute later, I'm out of the entrance. I find myself walking in the warm air, my gaze always fixed in front of me. I can feel the frown on my face and the nagging pain in my shoulder. But I keep walking. And walking.
By the time I arrive to Spencer's apartment, it's already dark. I make my way up and debate if I should enter or not. Adam did ask me to stay behind and I don't think I'll be able to see the disappointment on his face when he sees me.
But I'm chocked up and seeing a ghost of my father somehow pressed the collar tighter. I feel hopeless. I just want to crawl to a corner and stay there.
I get startled as the door opens abruptly. I gasp. Adam is staring back at me and I regret ever coming.
"Lis?" He says and I can feel the concern behind his voice.
"What are you doing here?" He asks. I needed to see you. I reply in my mind but my voice fails to come out. Is this how it feels like to give up? Not finding the strength to actually speak?
"Lesley?" He searches my face and when I don't reply. He takes me in for a hug. I wince as I push him away. I want to cry or do anything that will take the pain away. I'm hurting. Everywhere is hurting.
"You're bleeding." His eyes widen. I look down to my olive shirt that is soaked in a darker shade. He instructs me in and guides me to the sofa. "We need to get you to a hospital. The bleeding stopped but I need to get you checked up."
Spencer hurries to my side but my eyes wander to the journal that's placed on the table. I want to reach out and read all of it, to study everything. But why should I? It just adds up for me to explode eventually.
"How did you get here?" Spencer asks. I walked. Why isn't my voice coming out? Why can't I find the strength to speak?
I inhale. "I walked."
Adam frowns. "You walked all the way here?"
I shrug. "It was a short walk."
"Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again." His voice comes out serious and I gulp down in return. I nod.
"Come on. Let's get you to a hospital."
I shake my head. "I don't want to go anywhere."
"I don't care where you don't want to go. I'm getting you checked up. End of discussion."
I don't argue. I just stand up and follow him out of the door.
"I'll come back when I'm done," Adam tells Spencer.
"No," he interjects. "Take a day off. Stay with her this night. She needs you."
Adam looks at me one more time, as if he can see that my face is drained from life. He offers a week smile to Spencer and then locks his hand with mine.
I follow him down to the car. He buckles me in and jogs back to his seat. Seconds later, the car starts moving.
Silence.
I want him to say something but I don't want to hear any. It seems like each one of us is occupied in his own thoughts. But why aren't we sharing? Weren't we supposed to tell each other anything? I won't be able to tell him this without sounding like a lunatic. Maybe it's for the best if we don't.
"We're here." Adam snaps me out of my thoughts. I blink several times and clear my throat. He gets out and I follow him all the way in. He then explains to the receptionist about my case and she tells us to wait for ten minutes. We both nod. After what feels like forever, Adam breaks the silence. "You haven't said a word." He frowns. I look away staring at the white tiles on the floor.
"Lis?" He says and I wince from his voice.
"I'm okay. Just tired," I offer a weak smile. He runs his hand through his hair, obviously not buying my excuse.
"The doctor is here to see you." We both jerk our head back to the sound of the nurse. She instructs us in. The doctor changes my wound, orders from me to rest, talks more about things my mind isn't able to comprehend, and then we leave.
***
"Is this how it's going to be?" Adam says as I enter the apartment. He shuts the door close.
I gulp down. "What's going to be?"
I make my way to the kitchen and grab a cup from the cupboard. I hear his footsteps following. I pour myself some water as he enters.
He sighs. "Lis, your smart, don't act stupid with me."
I nib at my fingers. "I saw my father today," I blurt out. He doesn't say anything. He just stares at me with confusion. "Your father isn't longer with us, Lis."
"I know. I know," I shrug. "That's why I didn't want to say anything because I sound crazy. Don't I?"
He shakes his head and steps closer, his green eyes reflecting worry. "You don't. I've seen her, too," he simply replies. I let out a long breath of relief.
"Why did I see him, though? It's been almost more than a year. I do miss him. A lot." Wet tears threaten to leave but I swallow them back. He doesn't say anything. He just steps even closer and wraps his arms around me. I lay my head on his chest, allowing his heartbeats to fill my ears.
"I read some pages of the journal," he says. I pull away from the hug. "And?" I arch an eyebrow.
"It's not something I want you to read."
"Now, I definitely want to read it." I frown.
"It won't do you any good, Lesley." He cups my cheeks, lifting my chin to meet his eyes. "I promise you that I will make everyone pay for every tear you shed. I want you to finally feel safe."
He locks his eyes deeper within mine. "I'm safe when I'm with you. Just... don't leave me, again. Okay?"
"I won't." He crashes his lips with mine, sending shivers across my body. He lifts me up and places me on the kitchen counter, parting my legs and stepping in between. He stops and meets my eyes, waiting for assurance. I nod. I gasp as he unbuckles my pants and slides them down. I help him and then his shirt follows.
"Your shirt is staying. Taking it off and replacing the shoulder strap will take much more time and I don't want to wait." He smirks and I bite down on my lips.
He grabs me from my waist and his hand skim down my body. He stops when he reaches my hips and slides his hand under my panties. I arch my back under his touch. He rubs his fingers and I moan.
"So raw and wet for me," he says. I blush. He leaves a trail of wet kisses from my jaw to my neck. I bend my neck back, giving him more space.
"What do you want, Lis?" he says, torturing me under his touch.
"Adam," I moan.
"What do you want?" He repeats between his heavy breaths.
"Please," I beg.
"Say it," he orders.
"I-I want you," I say. His smirk stretches. He retreats his hand to dig out a condom from his wallet. I watch as be places it along his length and locks his eyes with mine. I look away as I blush, feeling caught.
He steps closer as he tries to hide his smile. "I love you," he whispers.
"I love you," I whisper back. He plants a small peck on my lips, leaving a lingering feeling. And without hesitation, he fills every empty space in me, making me feel full.
As if, he filled a part of me that was missing.