CHAPTER 34 - Stay Away From the Light
I started to stomp around the small deck of the boat but soon gave up on that idea, not enough room. So instead I lowered myself into the water and swam away from the boat in the opposite direction to that which Scott had swum. He was the one who owed me the apology and I wasn’t going to be the girl who hung off him and allowed him to walk all over me.
I lay back in the water and watched Aze and Adam having a huge water fight. They seemed so relaxed, laughing and fighting like this was normal – an everyday occurrence. Maybe this was for them?
Scott wasn’t with them and I didn’t want to know where or what he was doing instead I lay back in the water to look at the moon. I ground my teeth as my anger burnt inside me.
What was I doing? What exactly did I expect? I was paired with a Jock. All he seemed to understand was physical. We didn’t even really know each other but that didn’t seem to make any difference. He was nothing but walking hormones.
I can’t do this.
I do know you. I know you better than you know me, quite obviously.
Are you listening to me? Don’t I get any privacy anymore?
Well stop shouting at me then!
I tried not to think. I was too angry.
And I don’t just want the physical, I want it all. Can’t you see I want all of you? I might be a Jock to you but really I am just a man and you are the most beautiful, the most intelligent and the desirable woman I have ever known.
“And I can’t stop thinking about you or wanting you,” his voice whispered at me.
I almost sat up in the water I was so surprised. I didn’t hear him approaching. His hands reached for me just to catch me until I recovered my fright. Then they loosened their hold.
“Sorry, this is more private than our thoughts at the moment.” He looked at me as we both tread water. “What is really wrong?”
“I don’t know what you mean?”
“Yes you do. There is more to this than you are telling me. So what’s really wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” he laughed softly. “You can’t lie to me Natalie. I can feel your emotions.”
Ohh hell, I had forgotten about that. Damn. I would have to tell him.
“It scares me alright.”
His arm pulled me closer, “I would be gentle with you, I wouldn’t ...”
“Yeah thanks, thanks for that.” I shook my head. What was I thinking - of course his first thought was sex.
“Well, what did you expect me to think? Look I am sorry but you have to tell me or I am going to jump to conclusions.”
“It’s not that, well Ok that does scare me too, but not just that.” I released a deep breath and looked at his face in the moonlight. Jari said I had to trust him. That we could bring about this link we were suppose to have if we could be open and honest with each other. Well this was as good of a place to start as any.
“I don’t want to rush this Scott.” I felt the words fighting to come out. I knew that now I had started I was going to have to tell him it all, “I don’t want to miss out. I want to do this right. I know that we haven’t done anything normal but we haven’t even really dated and suddenly we are soul mates destined for each other. It sort of takes the romance out of it. If this is true then you are my first and my last boyfriend. We might as well get married now because this is it. If fate is right this is all I get. Don’t get me wrong. I love you and I am amazed and slightly awed that you seem to feel the same about me. But that’s just it. I am still trying to get my head around it all and how I feel about you. It’s all new to me. I know you have done it all before, but I haven’t.”
I took a deep breath.
“You are really scared aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“So you do want me?” he asked very quietly.
“Of course I do, but not in the first week, fortnight or maybe even three months of dating. I love you and I want to be with you, for a long time. Why do we need to do everything so quickly? We have time don’t we?”
Three months...?” He muttered quietly to himself, I could see him frowning. He asked slowly and carefully, “Do you want the whole white wedding? Is that what you mean?”
“What you are saying that we will be married within three months?”
“Umm, no,” he said very apprehensively, “I’m not ready for that!”
I laughed softly at him. “Neither am I. And no, I am not waiting until I am married. I am just waiting for the right time. Like for instance - not with both Fathers in my head, not with an audience, and not in the middle of saving humanity. This is not exactly romantic Scott.”
“OK, you are right. But please understand I have never had to wait for so long.”
“A week? Hmm well, Scott that doesn’t necessary say too much does it. I am sorry but you are going to have to work harder for me than you did for them.”
He laughed, “Ok you are worth it. I will have to have more of these cold swims then. Come on let’s get you out.”
With his arm around my waist we swam together back to the boat and arrived just as the food delivery Angel was leaving.
Aze helped me out of the water and had a blanket ready to wrap me in.
He had his jeans back on and his shoulder was almost completely healed.
There was a hungry silence as we sat where we could on the boat and ate Pizza. Scott wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
“Adam, is Samy your Qaddis?” I asked we ate. Adam stopped and looked away while Aze looked at him. “It’s just that Jari told me Egregore couldn’t be Watchers.”
“No, my Qaddis died.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know.”
“Look I really don’t want to talk about it. This isn’t the right place.”
“You should tell them,” Aze said quietly.
“No, that’s not my place.” Adam growled back at him.
“Well Adam, at least tell them what you have done since.” Aze shrugged.
“Can you be an Irin without a Qaddis?” Scott’s arms tightened slightly almost like the thought of it made him want to hold me tighter.
“Yes, it is difficult but possible. My EON isn’t as strong but I can do almost everything else but Judge. And because I can’t make judgements it makes my job very difficult. Of course Samy and I work together and which gives me some authority. But really this situation wouldn’t be like this if... well if things had worked out differently.”
“But isn’t Samy is Scott’s biological mother?”
“Yes,” he said bluntly and turned away from my questioning look.
“Why did you tell me she was dead?”
“It had to happen sometime. You were six and you started to ask a lot of questions about her and wanted to go visit her. Even to the point that you asked if you could go and live with her. It was the only way.”
“You could have told me,” Scott’s voice was low and I could feel the hurt he was feeling.
“No, I couldn’t have. I am Irin and to do that would be breaking my own rules. We all have to make difficult decisions. That’s part of the responsibilities. You will have to make your own very soon. Sometimes they aren’t the best decisions, but we do what we have to do. Then we must make the best of what we have.”
Aze silently got up and looked into the sky. Adam stopped talking.
Listen, can you hear it? Adam asked.
I listened and somewhere off I could hear the uneven beat.
Point where you think it is. Adam was obviously testing us.
I focused and felt Scott with me. Winding our thoughts together we pushed out our EON and concentrated on our hearing. I couldn’t see anything but the sound became very distinct. Scott and I both pointed to a spot in the sky off the rear of the boat.
Aze pushed his hands out in that direction and a beam of bright light searched the sky like a powerful spot light.
I spun around, I could hear it, another one coming from a different direction. I knew what that sound was – the uneven beat of damaged wings and not damaged Angel wings.
They were attacking from all sides.
I turned to tell Adam but he was directing Aze at the rear of the boat. Aze’s arms were stretched out with his hands were splayed. The beam of light that he cast penetrated the night sky. He spun it around illuminating where ever Adam pointed.
The sounds were getting closer.
I looked nervously at Scott. We should be doing something. We couldn’t just stand here.
He opened his mouth and shut it again. Without looking he rubbed one of his bite marks. His eyes were focused on me and he looked scared.
The night sky was punctuated with Aze’s light. How long could he keep it up?
They were still coming and one light wasn’t stopping them. They were fast enough to avoid Aze’s beam. They would be here soon. They would swoop down on us. They would take Scott away from me again. I couldn’t let them do that.
Daylight was hours away.
There had to be something that we could do to help hold them off!
I turned back to see Aze still pushing out the light. It didn’t look difficult. We probably couldn’t even do it, could we?
I looked at Scott, he shrugged. I shrugged back. We had to do something and it wasn’t like it was hand to hand combat. It looked safe enough.
The sky was full of sounds all getting closer. Adam was shout directions at Aze who was swearing under his breath as beads of sweat trickled down from his brow.
I looked at Scott again. He nodded at me. I raised my hands just as Aze was doing and I thought bright. I thought about what I needed to do and I pushed the thought out of my hands.
Then I felt Scott’s hands lace with mine and I felt the warmth. The sky was alive with bright white light.
The creatures were screaming. But I only felt the light. I only felt Scott.
The light tingled through us and bound us together. We were one. The light flowed from our joint soul, weaving its way through both our bodies into our linked hands and then flooding out.
It was so powerful it was exhilarating. I wanted more. I wanted more of him and I wanted to give more of me to him. I turned into him pushing our bodies together as we held our hands high about our heads. Scott kissed me and I surrendered totally to him and the light.
I was vaguely aware of shouting, of screaming, of angry and scared voices but they were peripheral and of no consequence. The brightness surrounded me, warmth and safe. Scott kissed me and our bodies pressed closer.
Sharp pain interrupted everything and penetrated my perfect place. My mind was ripped away, torn from the joy and the euphoria. Darkness and pain replaced the loving light.
My consciousness reached for Scott but I couldn’t find him. I searched again and only found the agony of separation. My mind spiralled with the need for him and the absolute desolation of not finding him.
I was falling, tumbling into the cold darkness.
All around me was nothing. I was falling into nothingness.