I wake up with a pounding headache,and my eyes ache as well. I stumble into the bathroom and take some medication for my headache,and look into the mirror.
Then it hits me,I remember last night. How Brian blurted out about me liking Matt. Shit. I sigh and look away from the mirror,and decide to just take a shower.
A hot shower usually helps to take away my stress. After I'm done washing my hair,I begin to soap up my body,but I feel a big hard lump on my right breast. What the fuck is that? I brush it off,whatever it is it'll probably just go away.
But it's so weird,it's just a...a lump on the side. Whatever. Like I said it'll probably go away soon.
When I get out of the shower I throw on sweatpants and a tank top,and do my makeup,but just throw my hair up into a bun.
God my head still hurts. Like a boulder is on top of it. I turn to look at the time,to see that it's a few minutes past noon. I have the day off work today,so I won't have to worry about going in.
My stomach growls and I sigh,I guess I should eat something. I jog down the stairs,and slide on the hard wood floor into the kitchen. When I swing open the door to the fridge I look inside and try to figure out what I want.
Pizza? Nah I just had that last night. Hot dog? Ugh god I'd probably throw up. I sigh and just end up pulling out some lunch meat,and grabbing my loaf of bread,walking towards the counter to make a sandwich.
I make and bologna,salami,ham and pepperoni sandwich,adding some mustard onto it too. I grab the bag of Doritos and plop down on my couch,turning on the tv.
Halfway through my show,and after I'm done eating my sandwich I hear a knock on my front door. Of fucking course. I get up and open the door,and almost choke on my spit to find Matt.
"Hey Mattie what's up." I ask calmly as I let him into the house.
"Nothing Stevie,just came to check on you." He says and I give him a confused look as I sit back down on the couch.
"Check on me?" I ask and he nods,sitting down on my other couch.
"I just thought it was weird you left early last night,I couldn't find you this morning and Zacky told me you left last night." He says.
"Oh,well don't worry I just....I had a headache." I say and look away from him.
"Zacky told me you have something you need to tell me." He says and I feel a lump in my throat,and I regret eating that sandwich.
"What...no,no I don't I don't know why he's say that." I say as I get up off the couch,and rub my arm. But then I mentally slap myself. Why are you so stupid! He's gonna know your lying!
"Stevie come on I know your lying to me." He says and tilts his head.
"I'm not lying." I snap.
"Yes you are Stephanie!" He yells back. Shit. Matt can have a short temper and when he loses it,sometimes it's not very pretty.
"No Matt I'm not." I say sternly back and he sighs frustrated.
"Stephanie stop I know when your lying what are you hiding why can't you just fucking tell the truth." He says as he gets up off the couch to stand in front of me.
"It's not that big of a deal Matthew just drop it! God!" I yell while crossing my arms.
"I just don't see why you have to lie to me!" He yells and I take a step back. I hate it when he yells at me.
"Matt stop it okay Jesus if I don't want to tell you I don't want to tell you!"
"Oh so you were lying to me,there is something you need to tell me!" Shit.
"Ugh god Matt why can't you just let it go!"
"Why can't you just tell me?!"
"Why is it just a fucking big deal?!" I yell at the top of my lungs,throwing my hands in the air,and he shakes his head.
"You know what whatever I'm sorry for even coming here." He says angrily and heads for the door.
"Matt wait." I say as I rush over towards him,my anger calming down.
But it's too late,he slams my door as hard as he can,causing me to jump. Why in the hell was he getting so mad? I run my hands through my hair, choking back my tears.
I should've just told him. I should've told right then and there my feelings for him. Then we wouldn't have yelled at each other. Who knows where he went.
I grab my car keys off my kitchen counter,and slip on my shoes. I dash out to my car,and drive off to Zackys.
When I get to his front door,I knock as loud and as fast as I can,praying that he'll answer the door.
"Jesus Stephanie what." He says as he opens the door rubbing his face. I can tell he still has a headache.
"I need your help." I say as I walk into his house.
"What is it?" He asks and I start to pace in his living room.
"Well first of all, why the hell would you tell Matt I have something to tell him!" I yell angrily,but clench my jaw to calm down.
"I just wanted you to tell him Stephanie I want you to be happy." He says and I roll my eyes.
"Well thanks Zachary but me and Matt just yelled at each other so that people in freaking Russia could here us." I say and cross my arms. His face softens,and a look of pitty forms on it.
"I'm sorry Stephanie what happened?" He asks as he walks over and hugs me,and I begin to cry on his shoulder.
"I lied to him,and he got so angry with me,but then I yelled back and it just kept going on." I say and he sits me down on the couch.
"What did he do after you guys were done fighting?" He asks and wipes away my tear.
"He slammed my door,and stormed off somewhere." I say and he nods and looks at the floor.
"You need to tell him Steph." He says and more tears roll down my face.
I shake my head and close my eyes,biting my lip.
"How Zacky?" I ask.
"Just let it all spill out Stephanie,you've held this in way too long,you have to tell him. You can either find him and tell him today,or let him cool off for a day and tell him tomorrow. But it has to be soon before this gets worse." He says and I sniffle,and nod.
"I'll do it tomorrow." I say quietly. But that's what I always say.
"Do you want to stay here tonight? Emma should be here soon." I nod.
"Thank you Zachary." I say and he pulls me into another hug.
I head up to one of his spare bedrooms,and lock myself in. I pace around the floor,tucking hair behind my ear and biting my lip.
I finally just flop onto my side on the bed,and stare at the wall. I try and clear my mind,and calm my breathing,but it doesn't seem to work much.
A little while later,I hear a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" I ask and wipe the tears off my face.
"Your best friend since the 7th grade." Emma's voice says through the door and a small smile appears on my face.
I head over to the door,and open it and she instantly hugs me.
"Zacky told me about everything. It'll be okay Steph. But are you really gonna tell him tomorrow?" She asks with an arch of her brow and I shrug my shoulders.
"I plan too,but think about it Em,I've wanted to tell him so many times but I've never been able too how is this any different?"
"Because if you don't,you could put your friendship in jeopardy."
I shut my eyes tightly close. So if I don't tell him we could just keep fighting and grow apart until we lose our friendship. OR. I could tell him and maybe,JUST maybe he could like me back. But then we could lose everything. Ugh god I hate making decisions.
"What should I do Emma?" I ask and open back up my eyes,biting down on my bottom lip.
"I'd tell him Steph. I'll be in the same area as you guys,if that'd make you feel any better,but you need to be the one to tell him." She says and I sigh.
She's right though,I am the one who needs to tell him. Why did I hold this secret for so long? Why couldn't I have just spilled it to him already?
"I hate fighting with him." I say and she nods.
"It'll happen,you guys will probably fight again soon,but you'll pull through." She says and I smile slightly.
When we head back downstairs Zacky pulls us into a group hug,and kisses my forehead. Then he of course kisses Emma on the lips,and I pretend to gag.
After Emma and I watch Mean Girls I grow tired and head back to the room I locked myself into. I begin to change into cloths Emma lent me,but when I do I feel that damn lump again.
What the hell is it? I sigh and just finish pulling on my t shirt. It better freaking go away soon I don't want a huge lump.
After I'm done I crawl under the covers,and stare out the window at the bright moon on the dark black sky,with stars all around.
Tomorrows the day. The day I'm gonna tell him. But how? I've tried to so many times but it just won't come out. Hey Matt so I've liked you for about 10 years now. I roll my eyes and look up at the ceiling. I really hope I'll be able to do this tomorrow.