Edward was waiting back at my room and started to ask questions in French as soon as I was rolled in. He was pissed off and everyone knew about it.
I was in too much pain to even try to work out what he was saying but Arthur was already at my side promising to get me some pain relief. Everyone seemed to be rushing and not paying attention. In the end Arthur reached up and started the gas and air just to give me some relief.
"Deep and long breaths," he said holding the mask to my face.
At first I felt like it wasn't working and the next it became my best friend. It felt like forever before the doctor arrived. Edward was not happy as I couldn't lie down. My back was killing so knelt on the bed like a frog. I kept telling Arthur something was wrong. I could feel it, something was terribly wrong but I couldn't bear anyone touching me.
"She is in agony. What is going on?" Edward snapped in English.
"I am going to need her to turn around and lie down. We need to examine her," the doctor replied as another doctor joined him.
"She is too sore," Edward replied.
"She needs something stronger to relieve the pain before you examine her," Arthur added.
"Can we clear the room please?" the doctor replied. Nurses stepped out and even Gerard and Piers left. Arthur was watching the gas and air as Edward stood with his arms folded.
"I'm sick of being in pain," I cried. Edward reached out a hand even though he knew I would swat it away and didn't want to be touched.
"We believe we know what is wrong and given the recent issues I would rather it was keep in this room. My colleague needs to examine your fiancée in order to confirm my suspicion," the doctor said.
"Noooo!" I moaned. "They are not fucking touching me. I just want some pain killers and to go home. Edward please! Just take me home!"
"Oiii language!" Arthur said sounding like my dad. "They are here to help you, Edward can't do anything for you. He most certainly can't take you home. Lie down."
"Sorry I'm getting snappy but I'm in pain and I just want to go home. Please," I begged.
"Can we make her more comfortable first?" Arthur asked ignoring my pleading.
"I will take you home as soon as we get the all clear," Edward promised. "Lets get the diagnosis..."
"I know it means more surgery, I don't want to go through that again. I'm sick of it!"
"It's not necessarily more surgery," the doctor said silencing the room and getting my hopes up.
"Arthur what does that look like?" he asked flicking on a screen in my room and holding up an image. I couldn't be bothered to look as a pain in my back was increasing.
"Bloody hell," Arthur said sounding shell shocked.
I tried to look over my shoulder to see but instead looked at Edwards face. His anger disappeared and was replaced with pure shock... oh god I am dying! Was it cancer? Why can't my life just be easy?
"What is it?" I asked Edward but feared the answer as I was too scared to look at the screen in case I saw a huge mass. "If it's cancer you don't have to marry me I will understand."
"Baby," Edward said leaning over to me but never took his eyes off the screen.
"Mmm," I said thinking he was trying to comfort me and about to break the bad news. My heart stopped in panic.
"No, baby," he said pointing at the screen. He helped me turn on my good side to see what they were all staring at.
"Here," the doctor said moving his pen around some white and black bits. "This is the brain..."
The pain was back stealing my breath and concentration.... ahhhhh stop it, stop!
"I don't give a shit. I don't want to play dot to dot, I want some pain relief and I want to go home!" I said snatching back the gas and air off Arthur. I couldn't help but try to move into a less painful position.
The other doctor spoke in French to Edward who nodded like a dog, which annoyed me.
"Get me some drugs!" I snapped at Edward.
"You need to lie down, he needs to examine you," he replied.
"NO! Just get me some morphine or something. Pleeeeaaasssee!"
"Do you understand what they suspect is happening?" he asked.
"I don't care what they think. I want..."
As I rolled onto my back trying to escape the pain a doctor tried to touch my foot.
"FUCKING..." I kicked out at him.
"Victoria!" Arthur and Edward snapped together.
For the next few minutes no one touched me for fear of being next on my 'kick list'. As the pain subsided I lay there relishing the pain free moments until I felt the pressure and knew I would have to excuse myself and ask them to leave the room as I didn't need an audience.
"I need the loo," I said desperate for a number two and struggling to sit up.
"No lie down," Arthur said pushing me back on the bed.
"I'm desperate!"
"It's is normal to feel pressure at this stage," the doctor replied.
"I need a... poo," I whispered harshly to him.
"No you don't," he said turning towards me and smiled at Edward.
"Why are smiling at each other I am in pain and I need to loo," I said feeling the doctors moving my legs to bending position. "Oh for goodness sake!" I said embarrassed as they had removed my underwear.
"I am not using a bed pan and you are not all staying in here!"
"She is not listening to a word anyone is saying," Arthur said shaking his head.
"Lie still please," Edward said trying to stroke my hair out of my face. "They need to do an internal examination."
"I need the loo or do you want me to poo in his hand!"
Edward cracked up laughing with Arthur.
"Fucking hell!" I yelled as someone started to give me an internal examination. "Noooo, owwww."
"Give me that gas and air," Arthur said pulling it away. "Let your head clear for a minute and listen to Edward."
Edward was too busy watching the doctor intently. The doctor spoke in French and Edwards eyes shot open in shock again.
"Oh god, is my womb ruined from that surgery?" I asked half way to panicking again.
"I need you to focus," Edward said turning towards me. "You've been sucking up that gas and air so much you are not listening to what we are trying to tell you. It is very important."
"I'm sorry," I said trying to get myself to focus.
"Here, take some oxygen," Arthur said putting a mask on me. My head went woozy for a minute but soon started to clear so I could focus on the news.
"How many fingers am I hold up?" Arthur asked.
"Not as many as he is down there," I said wishing the person would stop prodding about down there.
"Can you try to concentrate on what Edward has to tell you?"
"Yeah," I said and stared at him bracing myself for bad news.
"Baby," he said pointing at my stomach. Then gave it a very gentle rub.
Baby... it took a few seconds to realise what he was saying.
"We... are... pregnant," he said using the phrase I always wanted to hear.
I couldn't speak, I was took busy looking at everyone in the room. I was definitely hallucinating.
"You are in labour," the first doctor said. "Your abdomen has been stretching to accommodate the baby. You are sick as the walls are resisting and pushed the baby up higher so you are unable to keep it down as the stomach is compressed."
There was silence as they let it sink in. Edward pointing at my belly and nodding as the penny finally dropped.
"But I've been having periods," I said automatically as the shock was taking hold.
"It can happen. Plus you have had several surgeries. You have been dehydrated and malnourished so breast milk should come through after the birth."
I looked at Edward and heard myself say 'huh?' as I just couldn't get my head around it but a pain snapped me out of it.
"What are we going to do?" I asked him as the pain grew stronger. "We're not ready."
He spoke to the other doctor in French and turned back to me.
"The baby is coming, it can't be stopped. It's too stressed. He wants to know how far along we are," Edward said looking as worried as I was feeling. "Erm... how far?"
"I don't know," I said as nurses were called back in the room.
"Gerard!" Edward called.
Gerard walked over politely averting his eyes from the doctor at my feet. Edward spoke to him in French. Gerard looked from my stomach to the doctor and back to Edward. His dark skin visibly paled. He left the room.
"Edward I am too small," I said worried as I didn't have a big space hopper belly. Just a distended one even a cushion up my top would look bigger.
"Shhhh, don't worry. They have a great specialist section here and Gerard has gone to tell my mother and Uncle as they are outside waiting to see you."
"STAN!" I yelled looking at the door.
He walked through the door.
"How long was I was gone? I lost count," I asked desperate. "I told them I had my periods. Didn't I!"
He didn't answer as he looked from me to the doctor and realised what was happening. He started to talk to the doctor and Edward as I struggled with another pain and Arthur passed me the gas and air back.
"They are going to move us to an operating theatre as a precaution and the specialist will be there waiting for the baby. We are any where from 7-8 months which is really good news for the baby," Edward said as I sucked on the gas and air.
The doctor yelled something in French at me.
"Don't push!" Edward said.
I hadn't realised I was.
"Ahhhh," no I couldn't do it I had to push. They could all fuck off.
"No!" the doctor said.
"Don't push!" Edward said as the doctor yelled something else.
"Edward I have to!" I growled.
He spoke to the doctor. "You need to pant or breathe through it until they are ready or it could put the baby in danger."
"Oh god," I said as I felt the next pain grow.
"Those pains are close together," Edward said to Arthur.
"They need to get her into the theatre. You haven't got long and it is the pain of the contraction along with the pain of her scars and surgeries stretching," Arthur replied. "They want this over with asap as it is putting them both at risk."
Edward started to talk to the doctors again.
Edwards mother appeared. The minute I saw her, another woman, a mother, a friend... I burst into tears and put my arms up for a hug. She rushed over.
"I don't know what is happening or what to do," I sobbed.
"You'll be fine. Just listen to the doctors and do as they say," she said getting teary herself.
"I'm not ready!" I cried.
"The baby is ready and a miracle," she said smiling. "You can do this. You and Edward are having the baby you both wanted and prayed for. Listen to the doctors and let them tell you what to do. Don't push until they tell you as they might need to do something to help the baby and if you push it could prevent that. Think of it like this," she said making circle with the fingers of one hand and attempting to push the fingers of her others through. "If I squeeze this hand it stops the fingers from sliding though, when you push at the wrong time you are stopping the baby from getting through."
It made sense. I felt another pain growing. "It's coming again," I said panicking.
"Copy me," she said and started to take deep breaths and pant as I squeezed her hand. "Edward pay attention!" she yelled over to him. "She has to breathe through them."
He looked over and nodded.
"He is arranging pain relief," she said as I wasn't able to understand what he was saying and why he was over there and not holding my hand the dickhead!
Five minutes later I was having an epidural and Edward was again the love of my life.
"Is that better?" he asked as I sat on the end of the bed leaning against him.
I nodded and enjoyed every moment of fading pain. I knew there was a chance of C-section so they were numbing me ready but I would give natural a bloody good go. His mother had explained what she had felt and how to tell the difference between pain, pressure and when to push. I was sucking up all the knowledge I could in the short time we had together. She had even brushed my hair up out of the way and wiped my face down with a flannel. Who'd have thought the woman I met on the barge that day would be my life line to mother nature and the grandmother to this baby.
"We are going down to theatre now," the doctor said as everyone started to move and the wheels of my bed were taken off the brakes.
"Don't go home," I said to Edwards mother worried in case anything happened and he was alone.
"I'm not going anywhere," she promised as everyone shouted good luck.
"I'm going to get some scrubs on. I will only be a minute," Edward said as I was rushed through the theatre doors.
I looked across to the people with the incubator as I pulled onto the surgical table.
"Are you the baby people?" I asked.
"Yes," one of them replied.
"You're here to save my baby?" I asked.
"It's just a precaution," she replied.
"I've only been pregnant five minutes," I said and started to cry. "It's too early."
People bowing and curtseying noted Edwards return. He nodded to acknowledge them before sitting beside me on a stool, taking my hand and comforted me. I was terrified. I didn't want to say 'what if it goes wrong' in case I spooked us.
"You need to listen to me and do what I say as I'll interpret for you," Edward whispered as he stroked my hair.
I nodded.
The doctor returned dressed in green and gloved up.
"They are just watching the baby. He put a monitor on the baby's head," Edward whispered to me.
Everyone was quiet and watching. The doctor spoke to Edward.
"We will try for a natural birth first as it is better for the baby to have the fluid pushed out of the lungs via the birth canal," Edward interpreted. "He said you can push on your next contraction. Push down into your bottom like you are going to the toilet. Catch your breath and push again. You have to do that to stop the head from going back in."
I nodded.
"I know you are scared. I am too but I know you can do this," he said kissing my fingers as he held my hand tight. He was right I was absolutely terrified.
The doctor said something and Edward looked at me.
"It's coming. You need to push hard," Edward said looking nervous. "Take a deep breath," he said as the pain started. "Chin on your chest and push down into your bottom." He took a deep breath with me.
I pushed so hard I felt like I was going to burst. I heard the praise as I felt the burning between my legs.
"Again, quick," Edward said and again took a deep breath with me.
Five minutes later I was still pushing with each contraction. I could see the concern on the baby teams faces.
"Push!" Edward said as nurses took a leg each and pushed it back to my chest. My side was in agony but I ignored it. I was getting this baby out. I could the feel the head trying to get out. I was not giving up. The was horrific, it was like be constipated with the biggest, sharpest poo you had ever felt in your life and there was an audience waiting to applaud the minute it popped its head out... ok it was a baby but right now it was impossible to envisage.
The doctor spoke.
"They are going to have to help," Edward said looking reluctant to tell me how.
"Cutting me," I said.
He nodded.
"Whatever they need to do. Don't worry about me just save the baby," I said trying not to watch as a huge silver thing was handed to the doctor.
"Here you go," Edward said preparing me for the next pain as they would see it on the screen before I felt it. The edge was taken off the contractions but I could still feel them.
I pushed but nothing could prepare me for the sting that caught my breath and stopped me dead in my tracks.
"PUSH!" the doctor yelled.
"Come on you can do it," Edward said as I tried to push through the pain.
I felt a pop between my legs and knew the head was out. It felt huge!
"Ok wait," Edward said in a panicked voice as the doctor told him to look over. He looked and paled. "Push on the next one," he said holding my hand but still watching the birth. The doctor nodded, "Quick!" Edward said egging me on. "You are right there." I pushed and another pop was enough for me to know I had done it. "You did it!" You did it!" Edward said rushing up to kiss me.
The room became silent as everyone watched the baby care team. I couldn't see the baby. Edward stood and moved so he could see but stayed out of the way.
"They are using suction," he said.
He started mumbling to himself in French. I knew he was pleaded for the baby to cry the same as I was but they had told us before not to worry if they didn't as it could be that they had put a breathing tube in.
"They are pressing breaths in," he said staring ahead.
A tiny weak cry echoed throughout the room. It was not a relief as it was silent all too soon and obviously struggling.
"They need to help with breathing," Edward translated.
"Is it a boy or a girl?" I asked realising I had no idea.
"Erm.. I don't know. I didn't see," he said quickly but continued to listen to the doctors. He asked a nurse standing nearby. "Boy," he said making my heart stop. All of a sudden it was very real. Our baby boy was fighting for his life.
I could hear suction and machines bleeping. Then another cry and another. He sounded so weak and tiny.
"Congratulations, you have a son. He is tired and small," the English speaking doctor said coming over. "So he is having a few problems breathing but that is normal with a premature baby. We are going to take him to the unit and take that pressure off him for a while whilst he recovers. He is breathing on his own but we will help keep his airways open as his lungs are quite sticky so he needs that help. We will bring him over to you for a cuddle first and then up to the unit. He is doing well at the moment just a bit shocked."
My heart was in my mouth as they carried over a tiny bundle and passed him to me. There was no weight in my arms at all. Edwards arm draped around my shoulder was heavier as he leant in with me to see our son. He had a tiny face barely the size of a china doll but I could already see he was like his father. I looked at Edward and smiled. He gave me a kiss as he fell in love with our baby too. It was immediate. Amazing and a miracle.
"Hello baby," I said staring. "You're a beautiful surprise." I was crying tears of happiness as I pressed a kiss to his tiny head. "Here," I said passing him to Edward as I knew they needed to take him away and we had only a few seconds with him.
Edward took him so gently. He gave him a kiss and spoke to him in French. It was heaven to watch.
Our baby cried as though giving out to us about his traumatic birth before he was taken away and Edward went with him as Arthur came in to sit with me. I was having stitches. Each one worth it. We had a baby... a baby!
I was a MUMMY! I thought ofmy own mother and sobbed my heart out. E^FC