Zayn's POV
"Where are we going?" Genevieve asks, but I don't answer her. I can't; I can't seem to get Charlie's distraught voice out of my head as I weave through Manhattan traffic towards the Upper West Side. "Nothing can be as important as your and Adrian's afternoon together."
Will you just shut the fuck up.
"Hello, I'm talking to you," she huffs. and I see her turning to face me. "See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. You don't even give me the time of day."
It amazes me how she can flip her personality around, I think to myself as I feel a hand on my knee. "What the fuck, Genevieve?"
It slowly begins to creep up my thigh and I spazz, trying to shake her off without wrecking in the process. "I wish you would answer me," she sighs. "I bet if my name was-"
"Will you quit it," I grit, glancing at her briefly before flicking my eyes to Adrian. I really feel sorry for this kid-mainly because he has to deal with her on a regular basis. "I don't understand what part of I'm getting married you don't understand. I don't want to be with you; I'm never going to be with you. I. Love. Charlie." Christ.
She removes her hand and crosses her arms over her chest. "Will you just kiss me? We can get it out of our systems," she pleas. "There's tension, whether you admit it or not-whether you love her or not. I could feel it from the moment I walked into your office the first day. Plus, I know you want to see what it's like before you settle down."
As if I haven't kissed plenty of girls. I don't know how else to make myself any more clear. "I'm dropping you off home."
"What? Why?" she asks. Are you kidding me? It's like there's some kind of wall up.
"Because Charlie needs me." I make sure to look at her long enough so she knows that I'm gonna choose Charlie over her- always.
"And what about Adrian?"
"I'll figure something out. But this...I have to get to her."
"Oh bullshit."
"I'm not gonna fucking argue with you about this anymore. I said I'd figure something out. I don't know when, but I will." To be honest, this has taken a backseat for now because I'm almost sure I know what's going on with Charlie and the timing couldn't be an shittier.
"Oh please. You don't care about him!" she shouts, moving closer to me. "You think you're gonna see him when it's convenient for you? You don't see your other kids when it's convenient for you, do you?"
"Oh will you fuck off!" I scream back at her. "I live with them, for fuck's sake!" I swear I haven't been this mad in a long time. But it's like she knows every button to push and just how much to push them. And it almost always ends up with me saying something that I shouldn't have said and consequently feeling bad about it. "If you think about it, you're the fucking idiot that kept him from me. If he's mine, how come you waited so long? Huh? Why wait until he's two years old? What kind of sense does that make?"
"Oh, so you're doubting him again, right? Naturally. You just don't want another responsibility. And you don't want to admit that you're wrong. Why don't you stop being so obsessed with her, and put your kids first."
"And why don't you keep your nose out of my fucking relationship, yeah? A relationship that is apparently of so much interest to you, though you'll never be anything more than one of my children's mothers to me," I scoff. "You can't get it through your-"
"My cookie done." I stop mid sentence at the sound of the small voice. Looking in the rearview mirror, I see Adrian staring into his lap. He eventually meets my gaze-pouting, and I notice he's got specs of chocolate on his little cheeks and crumbs all over his lap and in the booster seat.
"Oh yeah?" I tell him, completely switching gears. I feel like a dick yelling in front of him like that. "Good job, buddy. Do you want a juice?"
He nods his head, and I master the art of steering with one hand and searching around the console for one of those organic juice boxes that I've usually got in the car for the kids. "Okay, here you go." I give it to him after managing to puncture the foil hole with a straw.
He takes the juice from me and continues to stare into his lap as I rest both hands on the wheel, gripping it until my knuckles turn white. I hate arguing in front of my kids and it really annoys me that I let that get so out of hand.
I see Genevieve roll her eyes from my peripheral vision. "Now he's upset, thanks to yo-"
I hold up a hand to stop her. I've had enough. "I think it's best if we don't make any more arrangements to meet with each other until the results come back." I don't want to make any more of an impression on him-especially a negative one, until I know I'm going to be a permanent fixture in his life.
"What?" she says, shock evident on her face. "What do you mean-"
"And I think it's best that you don't work for me anymore."
I'll deal with Lou later.
//
I take the front steps two at a time, keys jingling in my hand as I push the door open. The house is eerily quiet and I thought I would at least hear Liyana, since Marley's still at school. But nothing, only the soft thud of my sneakers as I make my way across the hardwood flooring.
But as soon as I reach the living room, I find Charlie sitting on the couch with her head in her hands and Li sleeping next to her. "Hey, I'm here." She looks up with so much pain and sadness behind her eyes that I swear I can feel it too. She gets up and runs over to me, nearly knocking me over as she lands into my outstretched arms.
She's been this person so many times for me before- she's been strong when I haven't been able to, she's helped me get back to myself and she even took on some of my pain. She doesn't have to say it-I know what happened. I guess, as sad as it, it's also one of the best parts of us being together, feeling the other's pain.
She whimpers into my chest as I fold my arms around her neck and rest my chin on the top of her head- just cradling her into me, occasionally ducking to leave a kiss on her forehead. She doesn't say anything, and I don't force her to as her hands fist the back of my shirt. I'm not gonna make her talk about it; I pretty much know how she feels and I know she knows that. And I also know that all you need is someone to just be there with you.
There are most definitely a million and one things running through her mind and she's probably trying to sort them out; making arrangements, her mother, telling the kids, etc. "I h-have to go say goodbye. At my h-house. They're uh, th-they're waiting for me," she whispers after a while. "Y-you don't have to, but-"
"Charlie," it almost pains me to say. I lift her chin up and peck her lips, my hand eventually resting on the back of her head with my fingers nestled in her hair. She understands, returning the feeling in the form of a firm squeeze to my hip. Sure it's gonna open up some not completely healed wounds, and may make me have to revisit my shrink for a little while, but once again, anything for my babe.
I give Harry a call while Charlie's upstairs getting herself together and ask him if he can bring Marley home from school with him, explaining what's going on, of course. I make another phone call to El; we're bringing Liyana over to her and Harry's. I know Charlie doesn't want to deal with the kids right now. Not to be like that, but...you know. That's a completely different beast, especially with Mar.
"Ready," she sniffles, coming down the stairs. She grabs a hold of my hand, lacing her fingers with mine and I lead us towards the door, not entirely sure if I'm ready for this.
//
"Daddy, what we doin now?" Marley asks me as we walk down Broadway. I took on the task of telling Marley about Sam, and I figured we'd spend the day together-just him and I- before I break the news.
I could see that Charlie has been wanting to say it, but everytime I think she's going to, she doesn't. And that's fine; it's not exactly an easy conversation to have, and unfortunately, I'm no stranger to it.
"You don't like hanging out with me?" I retort, his little hand swinging in mine. So we made an event out of today; we've been to the museum so he could see the dinosaur exhibit, we went to the toy store so he could get a new car and now we're at The Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. to eat, which is one of Marley's favorite places.
"No, it's good. I likeded da dinosaurs. But we been to lots of places today. A-and we don't bring mummy or Li Li wid us. And I think dey like dose places too."
"I know, but it's just the boys," I smirk. But he still seems confused. "Is that okay with you?"
"Just da boys?" He peers up at me, trying to keep in step.
"Yeah, remember? Like I told you at home? Just you and me today."
"Okay." His eyes light up as he spots the eatery up ahead. He'd recognize it from a mile away, I'd bet. "Oo, we goin dere? We goin to da Gumby place? Please daddy, we can go dere? Please!"
"You got it. As long as you share your ice cream with me."
"But you can get your own ice cream too!" He giggles. Must be his polite way of saying fuck you dad, I'm eating my own ice cream. "Dey make a big one for you daddy."
"Fine, fine. You win. I'll get my own."
*
"So..." Fuck. "So, remember how daddy told you he has something really important to tell you?" I say to Mar as I nick a fry from his plate. I'm pretty sure he glared at me, even though he's well moved on to the ice cream that's got every fucking topping imaginable on the single scoop of vanilla. Charlie'd flip a shit, but hey, comfort food.
He hums in response, but doesn't lift his eyes from his bowl. Cheers.
"Well, I wanted to talk to you about grandpa," I start off light.
"Oh yeah! I was gonna go see him wid mummy and I forgotted! She gonna take me when we get home?"
Fucking shit. "Well. Can I tell you something?" He doesn't respond, so I keep going. "Grandpa...grandpa's not going to be around anymore, buddy."
"What? He goin somewhere?" Oh Jesus, and he already looks alarmed.
How do I even... "Remember how I told you all about Allah?"
"Yeah. He up dere..." He points to the sky.
I'll take it.
"Well, grandpa went to be with Allah. Well...yeah." I don't actually know if it's correct of me to say that, considering Sam wasn't Muslim. But since I already had a conversation about basic, basic Islam with Marley (which I think still went over his head-as would most three year olds), I figured I'd tell him that's where he went. "So that means that we're not gonna see him anymore."
Marley looks up at me finally. "He gonna come back?"
"No, buddy. He's not." He cocks his head to the side, pondering the information I've given him. It's such a heavy subject and I doubt he'll truly understand any of it, because I remember when I told Rai about our parents, she didn't get it, and she was four.
"How he get dere? He flyed up dere?" Marley asks.
"Yeah," I smile. "Something like that."
"Oh," he says, frowning. "I can go too? I say hello?" Fuck, I don't even wanna think about him...no. No.
"Well you know what?" I shake the thoughts. "If you look up, you can always say hello to grandpa. And he's gonna hear you. He might not answer, but he'll always hear you, yeah?"
He furrows his brows. "But I really really wanted him to see my cars. And we was gonna play when mummy bringed me over dere. He told me dat."
"I know, Mar, I know. It's shit, but. You can always think of grandpa, alright?"
I know he has more questions, I know he does. I can see them swimming around, his little brain working in overdrive. But he drops it for now.
Charlie's POV
The last few days have been really rough for me. I'm mentally, physically and emotionally drained. But it's been a bit easier having Zayn next to me. I'm especially grateful for him today, the day of my dad's funeral.
I think the worst part about this whole thing is that I feel like a terrible parent; it's (amongst other things) caused the last few nights to be sleepless. I knew exactly what I was doing to my children when I introduced them to my dad. I knew that he didn't have long, and being the selfish person that I am, I let them get used to being around him just for him to be ripped away.
And had it not been for Zayn, they'd probably still be clueless. I looked at them so many times and wanted to tell them that grandpa is no longer going to be around, but I couldn't- I knew it was going to crush my babies, especially Marley.
So Zayn told them-well, told Marley (Li's still too young to understand.) He took him out for the day to do all of his favorite things to ease him into the idea. Apparently, it went as well as it could have, though Marley immediately grilled me about my dad when he got home. I actually found it helpful for talk to Marley about it. Should have known my little inquisitive guy would have questions.
Now we're sat quietly in a limo- Zayn, Marley, me and my mom, on the way to the cemetery. My mom hasn't said two words to me, though I did take solace in the fact that she sat to my left in the church, with Zayn on my right, tightly holding my hand. We went back and forth about bringing the kids, and ultimately decided only to bring Marley. We weren't going to bring him to the cemetery, but Zayn assured me that he'll take him for a walk when they bury my dad. He doesn't need to see that.
I want to speak at the burial grounds- I couldn't do so in the church because I was just too distraught. But I've been mulling over what I want to say as I'm tucked away into Zayn's side, him humming a soft tune into my hair. I still don't know if I can put my thoughts into words. How do you sum up a person who has meant so much to you in a few short words?
I can feel Marley keep staring up at me from between Zayn and I, and I'm grateful that my oversized sunglasses hide my red, puffy eyes. I use the opportunity to stare at my mom, who's sat across from me. Her once vibrant curly brown hair is strung with gray now, and pulled up into a high bun. She sits, twiddling her thumbs, no doubt incredibly uncomfortable. Though she should be somewhat relieved. The limo is better than the original plan; all of us were just going to drive in Zayn's car.
[But he got us a limo, claiming that if he was driving, he wouldn't be able to hold me if I needed to be held. Heart eyes.]
My mom sniffles, and even more than being uncomfortable, she's probably consumed by her thoughts. I don't know what's going to happen, but I would like to mend our relationship. She's the only person I have left besides Zayn and the kids, and she's my mother, for crying out loud (and not to mention, I'm the only person she has left). It sucks that it took the death of my father to realize that, but it is what it is and we need to move on.
"You alright love?" Zayn mumbles. I shake my head to the best of my ability while carding a hand through Marley's tuft of hair. He's got Zayn's phone, scrolling through the pictures I think, which are mostly of him and Li.
"Shit, wait. Hold on buddy," Zayn says, chuckling, before grabbing the phone. Or so I thought the pictures were mostly of him and Li... I'm mortified as I see a picture of me- one that's not exactly child friendly. "How about...we look at something else," Zayn rushes, quickly glancing at me.
"How are you feeling mom?" I muster up the courage to ask as Zayn tries to set Marley up with something else to do on his phone.
"Fine," she snips. Why does she have to be so fricking difficult...
"Mom, seriou-"
"I said fine, Charlie. Don't push me-not today," she interrupts, turning her head to look out the window. I drop it, though I know she's anything but fine.
"Grandma, you was crying, so I don't think you okay," Marley says, startling everyone. "When my mummy cries, she is sad."
"Don't call me that," she says to Marley, frowning. I feel Zayn tense beside me, and I know he's trying not to curse her out, for my sake.
"Mom," I try to reason with her, but she glares at me.
"I don't call you grandma?" Marley looks upset, but more confused than anything as his brows furrow. "But my mummy said you was-"
"I don't care what your mom said! Don't call me that!" she snaps, and I can see Marley's lip quivering. No one ever yells at him, because honestly, he never really does anything bad. He curses sometimes, but we don't yell at him, just correct it.
"Hey!" I belt. "D-" But I'm too late, given that Zayn's stiff as a board next to me.
"Don't you ever talk to my fucking kid like that. What the fuck did he do to you?" Zayn spits. "Just because your kid was out there fucking and ended up like you and you had no idea, doesn't mean he's the one to blame!" A tear rolls down Marley's cheek now and it pisses me off to no end. I feel like I should be somewhat offended by Zayn's words and I know this is going to go way too far, but I can't find it in myself to stop him from telling her off.
"Just because she lucked up and found somebody rich, doesn't mean-"
"You mean, because she found someone who actually loves her, but continue," he says, and I can see it all over my mom's face-his words cut deep. "Now why don't you do yourself a favor and whenever you feel like throwing the pregnancy in her face some more, record it and play it back," he scoffs. "Since you throw it at her so fucking much."
"Oh fuck you," she says. "I'll never like you."
"Cheers," he responds. "Grab a ticket and join the rest of the assholes."
"Enough!" I shout, startling everyone to the point where they shut the hell up. That's the point, though, isn't it?
The limo has come to a stop, which I'm sure no one realized. I slide out without a second glance behind me, making my way over to the plot with my arms folded across my chest, hugging myself. I think I hear Zayn calling after me, but I ignore it.
It feels surreal standing here with everyone else, waiting for them to lower my dad into the ground. I think I've finally come up with what I'd like to say; all the inspiration I needed was in the limo and I didn't even know it.
We're asked if anyone has any final words, and I step up to the casket. I see my mother directly across from me, but she just maintains her gaze on the Cherrywood.
"Well, I didn't think I'd have to be doing this this soon, dad," I start, tugging on the sleeves of my sweater. "But I guess the big guy upstairs has other plans for you. I remember being a little girl, waiting in the living room for you to get home from work on Sundays. You designated it our day, and as you know better than anyone I'm sure, I always picked reading as our activity. What got me was that no matter what kind of day you had at work, no matter how tired you were, you always made time for me. Even when I stopped waiting downstairs-which was a little later than I care to admit," I laugh softly, "you always brought me a new book to read that you thought I might like because, and I quote, 'I loved books more than I loved most people.' I guess my point is that even when I grew up, nothing changed between us. Even when...even when some unplanned things happened to me and you were upset, I knew you still loved me. You always loved me; from the minute you walked in through our front door and claimed me like I was your own to the minute you took your final breath, you loved me. And I could never express how much that means to me, dad. You're the only father I've ever known, and the only father I want to know, and even when I get married and need someone to walk me down the aisle, it's going to be you. Sure, you won't be there physically, but as I carry myself towards the man of my dreams- the second man to always love me- you'll be with me. I'm gonna miss you dad, but your kiddo knows there are great things in store for you up there." I clamp a hand across my mouth to quiet the sobs that are threatening to spill out.
I feel an arm slide around my waist and I already know who it is without having to look up. So it's really no surprise when I fold both arms around his slim waist in return, and weep into his black button up shirt while he holds me with his free arm.
//
"You need anything, babe?" Zayn asks me as I'm curled up on the couch. I haven't been able to make it upstairs yet, even though we've been home for about two hours. He gave the kids baths and has already put them to bed.
(I think it took him a little longer than normal to put Marley to bed, since he was still so upset due to my mom. And I know it pissed Zayn off all over again watching his son cry. I may or may not have heard him in the hallway after putting Mar to sleep, saying some curse words I've never even heard before.)
"Can you cuddle me," I mutter, attempting to kick off my boots. He gets down on his knees in front of me and takes them off one by one though, followed by helping me slide out of my skirt. I don't even bother covering myself up as he helps me take off my sweater, undershirt and my accessories. I'm left in just a bra and panties; he undoes my bra, before handing me his t shirt to put on, which I do manage to do.
He undoes his black slacks before slipping on a pair of sweats and climbing over me. I'm instantly warm once he pulls my back to his front, but I squirm around in his grip, eventually facing my front to his. "Love you," I tell him, licking his nose.
He immediately scrunches it. "So it wasn't only the kids. It was you, too! You know...why my nose ring got infected."
I smirk, mouthing at his jaw. "Today made me realize something."
"Mhm," he says, his eyes fluttering closed.
"I really want to marry you. Like, a lot a lot. And I can't wait to be Mrs. Malik cause I love you. You're my best friend, Zee-honestly, and I don't know what I'd do without you." I feel the tears threatening to spill, but I hold them back, especially as he opens an eye to look at me. He pokes his lips out for me to kiss and I do.
His arms fold around me, pulling me closer to him. "Oh girl, I'm blushing."
I grin. "Really. So I think we should shoot for like, January. I'd love a Winter Wonderland. In fact, I'm gonna get El to help me start looking for venues and coming up with a date." I begin nipping at his collar bone, running my tongue over the Friday? tattoo. He's so gorgeous.
"As long as it's not the twelfth, that's fine by me. I told you-whatever you want, Shamu. Seriously. If you want ten receptions, you got it."
I feel myself blush a little at his words. "Why? Don't wanna get married on your birthday?" I grin, going back to nipping at his neck. "That'd be so cute. What a great birthday present."
"Nah, that's like, so cheesy, gosh." He stretches his neck for more access. "Mmm..."
"Hmm, enjoying my mouth on you?" I giggle, tangling my legs with his. "Perhaps you'd like my mouth somewhere else," I murmur.
"Always," he grins, skimming a hand down my back and resting it on my butt. "You know, there's no one else I'd rather have leaving love bites all over my neck."
"And there's no one else's neck I'd rather leave love bites on."
A/N: Hiii, I know. I'M SORRY, but I've been a bit sick. And there's a final separating me from winter break! Only one!
Which means more frequent updates after this week!
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter- I know it's a little sad, but there are some cute Zarlie moments, so yay for that :) Please vote, comment, etc.
And see you soon :)