I keep thinking about what I would do to you,
What the best way to hurt you would be.
I realize that the statistics have truth in them,
For I long for the violence I will always see.
It scares me to think about making you bleed,
Seeing you suffer and feeling the joy in my veins.
You made me realize that violence is strong,
That there will always be a piece that remains.
I don't want it but at the same time I do,
I believe seeing you hurt would make me forget.
Maybe I should've done it when I had the chance,
Because now I'm living with a strange regret.
It is funny what a few words could make me do,
Or at least, what they could almost make me do.
I have felt disgusted after what I was thinking,
But you have no clue that I wanted to hurt you too.
It is strange to feel the anger through my body,
The need to spit in your face becomes stronger.
I think that when I am able to face you again,
That you wouldn't have a grip on me any longer.
Facing your fears is a saying I strongly believe,
For facing you would really mean it ended.
And you will fucking pay for every time,
Ever time your fist and my face befriended.
When I see you I will say I hate you so much,
I know I would no longer have to be afraid.
And you can be disgusted with me now, but,
I will laugh in your face every time you get laid.
Who is the loser now, dad, who is lying low now,
You deserve every fucking day you spend there!
These will be the most peaceful 5 years ever,
Now you can get beaten bloody and say it's not fair.
Maybe you will realize the terror you spread,
But we both know you will never change.
And even though you are locked up now,
The fear creeping over me is so strange.
What after those five years, what comes after,
What when my betrayal made you worse?
You still have so much influence on me,
I am so scared to end up lying in a hearse.
I honestly don't know what I'll do when I see you,
Will I have the courage to speak and swear?
I doubt it but I have to face you no matter what,
I have to know it ended right then and there.
I fear for tomorrow but I also can't wait,
I just need to get it over with, I know.
But I will never forgive you for what you did,
I promise you, dad, I will never let it go.
You don't deserve life.