We fought, made love then I would be pushed away, only to be brought back in. This cycle was becoming too toxic for me to handle but I can't let him go. Simply because I love him.
...
"You don't realise how bad things are right now" The softness in his voice made me crumble... For a moment
I've heard this excuse every time. This brown eyed tanned tall muscled man I love with my entire being is pushing me away. As I stare at him, many memories flood my mind. Beautiful memories of him over the last 5 years that I have known him.
We met at a house party of a mutual friend. That friend was his cousin who is my best friend. It wasn't love at first sight, I wasn't even interested. I was only there because she begged me to come and meet her cousin. I found him to be a really cool guy, a guy I grew to love with my entire heart.
And from the first night we got to know each other, for us then to finally hook up 3 years ago, our relationship has spiraled down for the last few months.
I would always see him with other girls, never touching intimately but they looked at him in such a way that all they wanted to do was rip his clothes off. He never told them to back off, it broke my heart every time yet I couldn't seem to let him go because I am too damn in love with him until now
Over the 5 years of knowing him, I began to realise that I knew him better than he did.
"If you push me away this time -"
"What? You'll what?" I'm standing in shock at his forwardness. I love him so much yet what this is right now isn't right.
I sigh and turn my head away slowly.
"No... no NO!" He yells reaching out for me.
I blink back the tears I was holding in. My heart torn, I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. I take a step back which only makes him step forward. With each step back he steps forward only for me to be pressed against the kitchen counter of my house
"I will not let you go... Things may be shit right now but you will not leave me" My open hand that was tapping against my pants was now grabbing onto anything to keep me from reaching out to him
"Tyson" I breathe out "I'm so madly in love with you that you can't see that you are hurting me, I need you to be with me and only me, whatever bullshit is going on, you are clearly not with me completely and I won't have half your heart"
"Wherever you go I will find you" He steps towards me and pulls me close. I press my hands onto his chest in an attempt to push him back but failing miserably "I love you" He whispers against my forehead where his lips are pressed "I love you so fucking much"
"I know but I can't keep doing this" I have thought long and hard on this for the last few weeks. My heart can't take it anymore
"I can't keep doing this" I sigh when I feel his fingers pull my chin up to look at him "If you leave, I will find you... You know me better than anyone and I know you better than anyone"
I pull myself out of his embrace, summoning all the courage I have to step away from him "If you let me go now, you will regret this"
"What is that suppose to mean Tyson? I love you too bloody much and you threaten me with that... You can't do that" Tears begin to stream down my face. The look in his eyes soften at my tears and I turn my head away from him
"Baby please" I choke back a whimper at his endearment. He has only ever called me baby or babe "My love"
The whimper I was holding in breaks free and this makes him sigh
"I don't need you pushing me away, I need all of you, but you would rather push me away and then make me come back to you when you feel like it, it's not fair" I step away once more.
"Fine" He says turning away from me and walking out the door. I refuse to cave in, in a sick way I wanted him to keep fighting for us, I wanted him to finally open up to me but he wouldn't surrender to me.
When the door slams shut, that's when I fall to my knees and cry against the wall.
...
"I wish you would come home baby, I miss you and Ella" My mother always cries for this.
"Mum did you forget my secondment is up so we're coming back?" I chuckle hearing my mum sigh
As soon as Tyson had walked out of my door 4 years ago. I didn't know I was already 3 months pregnant, I didn't know I would get a new job role helping to set up some franchises in another country. I haven't been able to go home since then but my family have been to see me.
I've emailed Tyson telling him about his daughter, tried calling but to no avail. I still love him but it hurts when he hasn't acknowledged his child.
I've been too afraid to ring his mother who I've been close to. Especially when I called her about Ella. She flew over to see me straight away.
"Claire will be happy to see Ella more often... Have you asked about Tyson?" I sigh
"I've called him, emailed him photos of Ella but if he doesn't want to acknowledge his child then so be it" I look at my phone to see another call trying to get through
"Ma I'll see you in a few days ok? I have another call coming through.. I love you"
"Hello?"
I don't hear anything for a while until i hear the familiar voice "Claire is everything ok?"
"It's Tyson honey"
"What happened?" I ask taking a hold of the kitchen bench
"He never wanted you to find out but the reason he-" I was interrupted by a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone and my newest friend Will wasn't coming around today either.
"Hold on Claire someone's knocking at my door"
"Ok let me be quick while you answer the door" I walk towards the door as she continues "The reason why he was pushing you away was because he had a brain tumor, he thought it would be easier for you to hate him so he didn't have to watch you suffer through his treatment but he never got to go through with it, he kept putting it off because he couldn't let you go until the night you broke up with him he got into a car accident which pushed the surgery forward, they got it all but he lost his memory and couldn't remember you" I had tears in my eyes as I try to wipe them before opening the door
"Until now" I say
"Umm yeah until now, Olivia are you ok?" I stare at Tyson who was staring back at me with so much hope in his eyes, he puts his hand out gesturing to the phone. I hand it over and watch him talk to his mother.
So much emotion was flowing through me, I was glad Ella was taking her afternoon nap. I step back clutching my chest and trying to take a hold of anything that gave me support.
He had a brain tumor, he was in an accident and lost his memories of me
" Livy baby" I gasp for air while I let the tears fall from my eyes. You can't comprehend the amount of pain I feel knowing the one man I felt was the one love of my entire existence could have died and no one would have told me. That this man, the one man that can break and put me together would have left me alone to raise a child that never knew or got to meet her father.
I've never stopped loving this man who approaches me into my small two bedroom apartment, reluctantly reaching out for me.
I look up into his eyes and his pain reflects my own
"Baby I'm sorry" He whispers
I cry so hard, it comes out as cries of anguish that are pulled out from the bottom of my very being.
I can barely hear the sweet words being whispered in my ear as I'm being cradled. It wasn't until I hear the cries of my 3 year old, do I stop.
"Ella" I whisper. I step out of his arms suddenly feeling the loss of his warmth all too quickly. I wipe the tears that were falling from my face before heading towards her room "Stay here" I manage to say
Walking into her room I had to steady myself. I have to pull myself together for Ella.
"Mama" She cries. I pick her up soothing her tears. She must have had a bad dream.
"Mama I wanna dwink peeze" I smile as she rests her head on my shoulder
"I have someone you need to meet my little beauty" I can feel her tighten her hold around my neck. I grab her blanket and walk back to where Tyson awaits.
I hear his intake of breath as he watches me approach with Ella in my arms.
"Is this?" I nod my head "I forgot everyone, not just you but when I saw photos of us, I had this feeling inside of me that I couldn't just let you go" I sigh as I feel our daughters head move to take a look at her dad "I finally remembered my email account details and cried seeing all her photos, photos of both of you together... I have missed you my love"
I've only seen him cry once before, that time was when his best friend died and now. His tears break something inside of me, maybe the wall that I was using to shield my heart.
"Mama who dat?" I smile making our way over to where Tyson sits
"This my little beauty is your dad" I see Ella look at me then look to Tyson, she has a frown on her face before tilting her head at him. He smiles doing the same and this makes her smile too
"Is this mama's love?" She asks. I chuckle softly nodding my head
"Yes baby this is mama's love and I am his love" I take a look at Tyson who smiles directly at me
"What about me?" We both laugh
"You are our little beauty and when you get older, one day you will have a love but not now" Tyson says. He looks to me and I smile nodding my head.
"You want to go to your dad beauty?" She quickly shakes her head and my head quickly snaps up to look at Tyson who looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"Maybe later mama?" She whispers
"Alright later" I kiss the top of her head "Would you like to stay for dinner Ty?" He smiles nodding his head
"I'd love that"
We laughed and cried and they finally bonded. The sight of them filled my heart with joy so when it was time for bed, Tyson picked her up and tucked her in then to meet me in the kitchen with a cup of tea in hand
"I don't expect you to want to be with me right away but I would like us to be a family" He says sitting opposite me "You've barely said anything tonight"
I chuckle, trust him to notice "I've been watching mostly" He nods his head "I was going to force you to meet her when I got back home, after all that we had been through I never thought you'd deliberately avoid her but now I know why, I wish you would have told me, I would've helped you with the recovery even if you didn't remember me"
"I didn't want to see the look on your face when you had to watch me suffer and knowing that if I didn't make it you would be heartbroken"
"That wasn't your decision to make" I whisper "I have loved you from the first moment I knew"
"I've loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you at my cousins party" I inhale sharply at his words. He has never said anything about that night when we first met. Tears escape my eyes whilst I look down at my cup. I try hard not to sniffle but that failed.
His hands are on my face wiping my tears and all I do is sigh at his touch. The warmth of his fingers as he clears my face of any tears.
"Livy baby, now that there is nothing in the way of me pushing you away, is there a chance we can start over?"
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I am making this a 2 part short story because I love the idea of this. Plus I need time to put my other ones together as well.
Thanks for reading peeps.xx