A love like this

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We fought, made love then I would be pushed away, only to be brought back in. This cycle was becoming too toxic for me to handle but I can't let him go. Simply because I love him.

...

"You don't realise how bad things are right now" The softness in his voice made me crumble... For a moment

I've heard this excuse every time. This brown eyed tanned tall muscled man I love with my entire being is pushing me away. As I stare at him, many memories flood my mind. Beautiful memories of him over the last 5 years that I have known him.

We met at a house party of a mutual friend. That friend was his cousin who is my best friend. It wasn't love at first sight, I wasn't even interested. I was only there because she begged me to come and meet her cousin. I found him to be a really cool guy, a guy I grew to love with my entire heart.

And from the first night we got to know each other, for us then to finally hook up 3 years ago, our relationship has spiraled down for the last few months.

I would always see him with other girls, never touching intimately but they looked at him in such a way that all they wanted to do was rip his clothes off. He never told them to back off, it broke my heart every time yet I couldn't seem to let him go because I am too damn in love with him until now

Over the 5 years of knowing him, I began to realise that I knew him better than he did.

"If you push me away this time -"

"What? You'll what?" I'm standing in shock at his forwardness. I love him so much yet what this is right now isn't right.

I sigh and turn my head away slowly.

"No... no NO!" He yells reaching out for me.

I blink back the tears I was holding in. My heart torn, I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. I take a step back which only makes him step forward. With each step back he steps forward only for me to be pressed against the kitchen counter of my house

"I will not let you go... Things may be shit right now but you will not leave me" My open hand that was tapping against my pants was now grabbing onto anything to keep me from reaching out to him

"Tyson" I breathe out "I'm so madly in love with you that you can't see that you are hurting me, I need you to be with me and only me, whatever bullshit is going on, you are clearly not with me completely and I won't have half your heart"

"Wherever you go I will find you" He steps towards me and pulls me close. I press my hands onto his chest in an attempt to push him back but failing miserably "I love you" He whispers against my forehead where his lips are pressed "I love you so fucking much"

"I know but I can't keep doing this" I have thought long and hard on this for the last few weeks. My heart can't take it anymore

"I can't keep doing this" I sigh when I feel his fingers pull my chin up to look at him "If you leave, I will find you... You know me better than anyone and I know you better than anyone"

I pull myself out of his embrace, summoning all the courage I have to step away from him "If you let me go now, you will regret this"

"What is that suppose to mean Tyson? I love you too bloody much and you threaten me with that... You can't do that" Tears begin to stream down my face. The look in his eyes soften at my tears and I turn my head away from him

"Baby please" I choke back a whimper at his endearment. He has only ever called me baby or babe "My love"

The whimper I was holding in breaks free and this makes him sigh

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