Zahara
"You wanna use a sperm donor for your next baby?"
I looked up from my phone to see him looking at my computer screen, I don't remember telling him he could pry his ass into my business.
"Why are you on my computer?"
"I asked a question first, but since you wanna be smart you told me I could make my self at home"
"That means you can get something to drink, make yourself some food or get a snack. You can pretty much have whatever you want in the kitchen, you could even shower or wash your clothes. But my computer and my phone.. those are off limits"
"Well my bad, I just wanted to look at some of the programs you told me about. I'm not trying to use my data, my sprint bill is already too high"
"Understood"
"So about my question.."
I rolled my eyes and put my phone down on my pillow. I purposely avoided this question but he has to be the one to bring it back up.
"Possibly, one day"
"How long have you been thinking about that?"
"Not long actually, maybe a week or so"
"Why?"
"To be honest, within the next year or two I want another child. I'm twenty four already.. and every man I've been with has proved themselves to be unstable and immature. I've put myself in so many risky situations by making dumb ass choices so I'm over relationships and anything close to it. So I'll just go to a sperm bank get my baby and move on with my life. A lot of people won't agree with me using a sperm donor but I don't care"
"You think I'd judge you?"
"You might. I mean you judged me before, plenty of times actually"
"I'm not judging I just don't think you should just give up on love"
"You're missing the point, I never said I gave up on love. I just don't have time to be lied to. I've been single for close to a year and I'm good. I don't need a man nor do I want one, if the right guy comes along and he sparks my interest I'll see how it goes. But just as fast as that nigga walked into my life I can walk his ass right back out"
I don't even know why I'm talking to him about any of this, my business is mine and it belongs to me and only me. I don't really give a fuck about anyone's opinion of me or what I choose to do. I'm not against love or dating, I'm just not looking for that right now. I attract the same type of men, the ones that know exactly what they want from the jump but play the game as if they're interested in me. Don't waste my time, I would rather them tell me they wanna fuck up front to save time. You can do everything under the sun to impress me but when it comes down to it I'm not gonna fuck just any guy. So I would prefer if they just saved my time and theirs. The last dude I actually cared about left me looking stupid the entire time. That hurt but I took that lost and I'm moving on.
"Okay, I'll take your word for it. But I don't think you should use a donor, the kid wouldn't even know it's father"
"Not all donors are anonymous, some of them agree to be known once the child turns eighteen. Yeah it's eighteen years but that opportunity is there.."
"How do you know they won't wanna know their donor sooner? What do you tell the kid if they ask for their daddy at age five? Oh you have to wait thirteen more years to see your father, I mean donor because he'll never play that role"
"At the end of the day I never said my decision was for sure. And if I chose a donor to father my next child that's my business and only mine. Now you can excuse yourself from my bedroom, goodnight"
"I didn't mean to make you mad or offend you-"
"Oh believe me, you didn't. I'm just done with this conversation"
He got up from the computer, grabbed the pillow and blanket I gave him and left the room without saying anything else.
:
Justin
I held Zari's hand as we stood in the kitchen staring into the pantry looking for an early morning snack. I slept on the floor in her room because Zahara told me I couldn't sleep on her couch. It's for sitting not sleeping, I could have gone in the guest room. But she forgot to mention she has clothes everywhere in there, it's basically a room and a closet.
"What do you want little mama?"
She pulled on my hand and stood on her tippy toes and pointed to the chocolate chip cookies. I took them down and closed the door, she smiled and waddled over to the refridgerator. I opened it up and filled her cup and my glass up with cold milk and grabbed the cookies. I placed my finger to my lips and told her to shh.. and she looked at me like I was crazy but I'm assuming she got it because she started copying me.
"Shhh!"
"Yeah shhh, we can't wake up mommy"
I handed her the little pink cup and we tip toed into the living room where the tv played an episode of one of the little shows she likes. I sat her on the couch before sitting down myself and placed the blanket over the both of us. Once I opened the cookies I handed her two and took a few for myself.
"Mommy?"
"No, let her ass sleep" I covered my mouth and shook my head. "My bad, I meant let her sleep.. okay?"
She nodded and laid her head on me and sipped her milk after each bite. She eats just like Zahara, loud and has to take a sip after each bite.
"Do you want the whole neighborhood to hear you eating cookies?"
The look on her face was priceless, I never noticed how much she looks like me. This has to be what everyone was talking about and not once did I catch on. I honestly didn't see the resemblance until today, it's her eyes.
"You know I'm your daddy right?"
Her big brown eyes lit up and she smiled from ear to ear, I helped make a beautiful ass baby. I didn't even want kids but I ended up with a daughter and for some reason I'm kind of happy I have her. I never thought I would actually slip up and make a baby. But the day has come and I'm now a father, who would have thought I'd be the one to get someone pregnant. Knowing I was constantly saying I wasn't having any kids, I don't even like kids that much but I love my baby.
"So.. what's your favorite color?"
She looked at me and took a bite of her cookie as if I hadn't just asked her a question. And then I remembered the fact that she's only one. I reached into the bag of cookies and held one out so she could take it."Oh yeah, you can't talk yet. Here just have another cookie instead"
I turned around when the hall light turned on, Zahara walked by with her shirt up rubbing her stomach while yawning. I looked down at Zari hoping she didn't start crunching loud as hell on her cookies. Zahara went into the kitchen and went straight to the pantry like we did and grabbed some cheez-it crackers. She has to be half sleep because I'm sure she would have noticed us sitting in the living room with our snacks.
"I better not find cookie crumbs in my damn couch either since you wanna have my baby eating cookies at six in the damn morning. Plus I work in a few hours so she's all yours until I get off.."
"Are you for real? I gotta watch her?"
"Do you not want to? I can drop her off with my dad like I've been doing"
"Nah she's good with me. What time do you think you'll be back?"
"I work eight to four thirty so I'll be home around five. Do you honestly think you can do it?"
"Yeah.. I'll be okay. But can you tell me what to do?"
"No. You have to learn your own way of parenting. I'm not going to drill you with a list of things you need to do. You will be choosing her clothes for the day, washing her up and feeding her. However I will walk you through changing her diapers, I'm sure you don't know how to do that. I had to learn and now you do too"
I was kind of happy about that but also scared at the same time. I don't know anything about watching kids.. I see Boston's kids for a few seconds but not enough to actually watch them. I usually play with them, and then they go back to their owners.. I mean their parents.
"Okay.. I'm cool with that, a nigga gotta learn some how"
"Alright, well pick your cookie monster up and follow me"
I stood and picked Zari up and tried to follow her but she stopped me and pointed to the tiny mess we made. "After you clean that up"
I tried handing Zari to her but she shook her head no. "You have to do it on your own, figure it out"
She left me and the baby standing there while she went up the steps. I picked up the cookies and my glass and told Zari to stay put. I walked into the kitchen and placed my cup into the sink and put the cookies back where I found them. By the time I got back into the living room Zari was gone and so was her cup of milk.
"Zari?"
I happened to look around the corner and there she was halfway up the steps. I rushed up after her afraid that if she stumbled she would come falling down the steps. And if that happens I know for a fact Zahara will beat my ass and no one has ever given me a run for my money but I know she would over Zari..
When I caught her I picked her up and shook my head. "You can't do stuff like that, what if you would have fallen? When I say you have to stay put that means stay where you are"
Again, I don't know why I keep talking to this child as if she knows exactly what I'm talking about because I'm sure she doesn't. "I seriously have to stop talking to you as if you're able to speak back.."
"No you don't, how do you think she's going to learn.."
Zahara came speed walking through the hall with only a towel on and a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. I kind of got stuck seeing her in basically nothing at all. I really should have taken the chance to fuck her but I had to mess it up by talking.
"What are you waiting for? Go get her clothes out for the day and wash her up so you can feed her breakfast"
"I'm going.. I just wanted to sneak a peak of that as-"
"Watch it. You had your chance, you blew it"
I didn't realize I was still standing at the top of the steps until I heard the bathroom door shut and the shower turn on. Instead of wasting more time I headed straight for Zari's room to pick out her clothes. After breakfast she'll probably go back to sleep if she's anything like me. Who gets up at six in the morning.. especially a child, never mind they're the main ones getting up early anyway. Begging to play games while being picky about what they should eat for breakfast. Oh wait that's only Boston's kids, they're both cute little nightmares. I grabbed a grey t-shirt out of the dresser and some of dark blue joggers so she could wear the navy blue, white and grey Jordans I saw in her closet. She can match me, we'll be twins today and every day after that. I might have come prepared.. just maybe.
After I fixed breakfast for the three of us like I thought my baby fell asleep at the table. I was able to get a shower and put on my clothes on once she was sleep. It's a bit difficult to do things and chase after her at the same time. She runs off a lot..
:
I heard Zahara saying bye after giving Zari a kiss this morning but I was half sleep so I really didn't hear anything after that. I'm not an early morning person at her, so the nap I took was very needed. Especially if I'm going to watch my daughter and do a good job doing so. After being in the house for a while I decided to take Zari out with me. Zahara never said I couldn't take her with me plus her car seat was in the garage.
A few young girls smiled and whispered about how cute me and my baby girl looked. I dressed her just like me and I did her ponytail, even if it is a little messy.. It looks cute on her.
"Is that your daughter?"
"Yup"
"Mmm.. she finally let it be known. That's nice but I hope you know she doesn't look like you"
I leaned down and covered Zari's right ear because the other one was against my leg and stuck my middle finger up and smiled. "Ha, suck my dick bitch"
And with we kept walking, the first store we went to was the jewelry store I had to get her a gold diamond chain and the matching little bracelet. When the lady at the counter in the store put the necklace on her Zari smiled so big it had to hurt her little cheeks.