Anna's POV
It's been 5 hours and 37 minutes since I've been awake. Yes I've been counting. I want to get out of here. I don't know how long I was unconscious. But I need to get out of this hospital. I don't know why but they scare me.
Brendon left a few hours ago. A few nurses have came in to check on me. Other than that nothing has happened. I tried sleeping but I my mind wouldn't shut up. You should be dead.
Pretty sure I'm allowed out of here today since I'm physically fine. Just not mentally. But I guess the nurses don't care about that. I just need Patrick to come back so he can sign papers and whatever.
My wrists itch a lot from the gauze that is wrapped around it. I know I shouldn't scratch it but oh well. To late now. I sigh as the itch fades the more I scratch. I wasn't really thinking that I might open wounds.
A nurse comes in and sees me scratching my wrist. "Honey, don't scratch them, it will make them worse" She says sweetly. She's sickly sweet. Everyone here is. "It's itchy" I say plainly not caring if I bleed out and die. She sighs and walks over to me to stop me. I pull my arm away and she speaks. "Can I check to see if you opened a wound?" She says sternly this time. "Why?" I reply annoyed. I don't care if I did.
"Darling please s-" She starts but gets interrupted by Patrick, Brendon and Pete walking into the room. I sigh and let her do what she wants. There's no point on fighting while the guys are here. "What's happening" Patrick asks worryingly, seeing that the nurse was trying to calm me down. "Anna was just scratching her wrist and she wouldn't let me check it" My nurse says sweetly. I don't even know her name. Doesn't matter anyway. I probably won't see her every again so why would I need to know?
Turns out I did open the cut. Wasn't that bad though. Sadly. Before the nurse leaves she reminds me that I can leave today so I need to fill out the release form. And that she'll be back in am hour to unhook everything. Thank god. I can leave this hell hole soon.
"Pete could you go get Anna some clothes?" Patrick says awkwardly. "Ah sure" Pete says before walking about the door. Probably to go back to the hotel to grab my stuff.
Once Pete leaves there is an awkward silence. I reach over and grab the form that I need to fill out. I try writing but I wince as I accidentally push down on my wrist as I write. "Do you want me to do that?" Brendon asks noticing I was having trouble writing. I just nod. I don't think I've talked to Patrick since the night this all happened. That's probably why he's sitting awkwardly in a chair in the corner.
Brendon comes next to me so I can see what he's writing. "Anna what's your date of birth?" Brendon asks after writing the date that I came here which was the 2nd of November. I don't answer straight away so he asks again. Shit. "2nd of November 1996" I whisper. "What was that?" Brendon asks. I repeat it louder and he writes it down quickly, probably not thinking about it. Or just not saying anything.
Patrick's POV
Brendon is currently helping Anna out while I'm sitting sorting out Pete.
Pete- What do I grab?
Me- Idk long sleeved tshirt, jeans, socks, shoes... Bra and underwear
Pete- 😊 Okay
I hear Brendon ask Anna when her birthday is. I don't even know that myself. I start to listen in to find out when it is. She's hesitant on telling him. That's weird.
"2nd of November" I hear Anna whisper. Wait. That was the day all of this drama happened. I get up ignoring Brendon asking me what's wrong and run to a bathroom.
She tries to kill herself on her birthday. Because of me. I can't be in this hospital right now knowing that I caused this. I basically run back to the hotel and into my room. Petes in there still grabbing her stuff and jumped when I rush into the room in tears.
"Trick! What's wrong?" He says completely stopping what he was doing. "The 2nd of November is Anna's birthday" I say plainly not explaining what that means as he should be able to figure it out. Pete looks confused at first. "The day she tried to kill herself?" He asks still confused. I nod and cry harder.
Pete doesn't talk. He just walks to me and wraps his arms around me. Pete knows I need comforting right now. "Y-You should probably take Anna's stuff to the hospital" I say suddenly wanting to be alone. "What are you going to do?" Pete asks. "Have a shower then meet you back there" I say lying. "Okay just be quick and don't do anything stupid" he says obviously noticing that I'm not okay. I agree with him and he leaves after grabbing the rest of what Anna would need.
I sigh when he finally leaves. It's your fault Anna's in hospital. It's your fault she tried to kill herself. On her birthday.
I grab the blade which I took and hop into the shower. A few more won't hurt. I can't believe I'm doing this again. Is this how Anna felt when she did this? I need to stop but I can't. I'm falling back into the hole I was stuck in years ago. I need help out but I don't know who to ask. Pete would be a good person to ask but I'm afraid of his reaction. It killed him years ago, I wonder what he'd be like now. Maybe I should wait and see if I get better.
5 minutes and 5 cuts later I get out of the shower and get changed. Being careful not to make them bleed again. I can just hide them under my sleeves and hope no one will notice them. I rehide the blade before heading to the hospital.
I wonder when we'll start the tour again? We stopped it to be there for Anna. It's been 6 days since our last concert and people are starting to get suspicious. Asking why we cancelled concerts. I feel bad for the fans that won't get to see us perform because of the date changes but we needed to be there for Anna. We couldn't just leave her in a hospital and continue touring. We would all worry to much and I wouldn't be able to perform without mucking up or bursting into tears half way through a song.
I zone out the whole walk to the hospital. A receptionist greets me and I mumble a hi before walking to Anna's room. Everyone is there. Anna is dressed but still hooked up to a IV line. "So we're all here now!" Dallon says happily. "We need to head to the next country and continue the tour!" Joe says. "Let's get going!" Brendon says. Everyone leaves to head to the tour bus, except me and Anna. "I'll go get a nurse" I say awkwardly before going to get a nurse to take out her IV line.
Anna's POV
Around 5 minutes after Patrick leaves he comes back with a nurse following. "Hello Anna" The nurse says professionally. I just sigh and she comes over to take out the IV. I look away since I don't really like needles. Eventually she leaves and I look over to Patrick. I haven't properly looked at him since the night.
His eyes are red and puffy. Nose red and stuffy. He's broken. I did this to him. I broke him.
"Anna.." He starts before his voice breaks and he's crying. I get up carefully trying not to reopen my cuts on my wrists, and walk over to him. He looks up at me and I see the hurt in his eyes. My eyes start to sting as I start to cry as well.
When Patrick sees that I'm crying as well he wraps his arms around me. "We don't want to keep the guys waiting, we should head back" I say pulling away a few minutes later. "Yeah" He says sadly. I grab his hand and he smiles as we walk out of the hospital
Once we're out I sigh, it's been to long being there. Though I'm not to sure if I'm happy that I'm out. I did try and kill myself. Am I glad someone found me before it was too late? I'm not sure yet.
Finally we find the bus back at the hotel. Just as we walk past to go get my stuff from the room Pete pops out from the door of the bus. "Already done it, get in here! We're ready to goooooo" He sings the last part and we hear Brendon, Dallon, Kenny and Dan all groan at the reference. "Seriously Pete?" I ask smiling. "Yup. I had to" He says moving to let Patrick and I through.
"Okay, now that you're all here we can go!" Pete says and I think he's done. "But Anna, we have some new rules" He says looking at me sympathetically. "And what are they?" I ask curiously even though I kind of have an idea on what they're going to be about. "First of all there always has to be someone with you on the bus, even if it's in a different room" Well that's not that bad I guess. "Patrick is going to check your bags and get rid of any blades that you may have on you" They're just trying to help. They're just trying to help. I repeat in my mind before agreeing. Then Pete continues. "When one of us is performing you'll be with the other group" Pete goes on with lime 2 or 3 more 'rules' to keep me safe.
"So basically never going to be alone?" I ask annoyedly. I know they're trying to help but they're not my parents. "We want you to get better, we miss the old you who was weird and energetic" This is starting to get annoying. "So by never letting me be alone, basically forcing me to get better?" I snap. "Only until you start to get better" Brendon adds. Maybe I can just act until they think I'm getting better.
"Whatever" I say before walking to the back of the bus towards the bunks. Nobody tries to stop me. Good. I jump up in my bunk and grab my phone. Instantly going to music and plugging my headphones in. Volume up and hitting shuffle. I rest my head against the pillow and take a deep breath. The tears begin to flow down my face as I hear the first few lines of 'Hurricane'.
"I led the revolution in my bedroom
And I set all the zippers free
We said no more war
No more clothes beneath me"
I hear Brendon sing before I remember the night. Patrick was all happy and flirty. He took my virginity. I kissed Brendon. Patrick got mad and pushed me against a wall and I ran to the bathroom to slit my wrists.
My eyes are closed as I try and get myself to stop crying. I can't hear anything but Brendon singing. I feel a light touch on my arm and I jump. My eyes open to see Patrick standing in front of me concerned. "Are you okay?" Patrick asks when I take out my headphone. I shake my head because I would lie if I spoke.
Patrick hops up into my bunk and I move to his lap. "I don't want to be alone" I whimper eventually. "You don't have to be, I'm here" He says softly before wiping my tears away. "Can we talk about what happened" Patrick asks. I shake my head. I don't want to talk even though I know it would help.
I pull up my sleeves and inspect my wrists. The cuts aren't healed yet, but they are enough for me to run my fingers over them without wincing. "I though I had lost you, I instantly blamed myself for yelling at you" Patrick says looking at my wrist. He quickly looks down at his covered wrists and sighs. "You cut really deep and lost a lot of blood. Brendon and I broke down while Pete was being all serious" He says with tears in his eyes. I don't speak, just listen to what he's saying. "You were unconscious the whole time, almost 3 days" He wipes his eyes and continues. "The whole time I was blaming myself, I was a mess. And so was Brendon" Patrick says looking down again.
"I did somethings I regret" He says honestly. No. Please don't. "What d-did you do?" I ask stuttering because of the tears. Patrick looks away, tear stained cheeks. I carefully grab his wrists and pull up his sleeves. He doesn't pull away or argue. I confirm what I was thinking, his wrists are lined with tiny thin cuts. All because of me.
"Why?" I ask. "I couldn't loose you, I was numb and needed to feel something. But I didn't want you to find out" He admits making my heart drop. It's my fault. Again I'm ruining people's lives. Then I notice faint scars scattered around his arms. "You relapsed?" I ask confused about the other scars. He nods and I pull him in for a hug. He relapsed cause of me.
We stay hugging each other, crying on each other's shoulders for a while. Eventually I pull away and yawn. Patrick looks at my with watering eyes. Before he can speak I press my lips onto his forcefully. He slows down the kiss, savouring it. When we pull away he places a small kiss on my forehead and smiles. "I've missed that" He says before sifting.
Patrick removes his tshirt and jeans. Leaving him in just boxers. I don't mind though. I do the same, remaining in my underwear and bra. It's just much comfier and its not like we haven't seen each other's bodies before. We both get under the blankets before moving closer to each other. I avoid touching his arms and he runs his fingers over mine. It's oddly relaxing.
"We can get better together" Patrick says smiling and kissing me lightly. "Alone, together" I say not wanting to get anyone else involved. "Let's be alone together" He sings quietly before switching off our light.
"Thank you for saving me when I couldn't save myself" I whisper. "Now we have to work together, it's going to be hard" Patrick replies quietly.
It's going to be hard but I think we can do it. I want to get better for Patrick. He needs me and I need him right now. All we have to do is try and we can somehow mange it.
For now sleep will help.