So I've discovered the song on the side accidentally and realised that it pretty much sums up the whole chapter. But you can also choose one from the songs I listed in the gif on the right. They all helped writing the chapter :).
You should prepare yourself emotionally for this chapter.
Day 2
Saturday
My hand clenched in a fist, trying to catch as much sand as possible. I wanted to never let it go, to take it and hide it somewhere in a corner of my heart, but I always ended up watching it fly in the gentle wind.
I looked up at the grey sky, ignoring the drops of rain that inevitably made me blink faster and my make-up run down my cheeks. The weak waves of the ocean touched me regularly, making sure that every centimetre of my body was soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. I was cold, yes, but nothing in the world could warm me up at that moment. Well, almost.
I told myself that the few drops of warm water that slipped down my cheeks were part of the rain, but I knew they weren’t. They tasted like misery, sorrow, pity for myself. I wanted Harry to be there; he was the only one who could tell me that everything was going to be alright, the only one I would believe. But I knew that was impossible.
My fingers unconsciously moved up, gently pressing on my lips. I smiled weakly and I burst into tears.
***
“NOW!” someone shouted, uncomfortably loud. I didn’t have the chance to properly wake up, when I was attacked.
“WHAT THE F—“ I exclaimed, as I jumped out of bed when something cold hit me. When I looked down at the floor, I saw water dripping off my clothes and hair. I looked up in shock at the five boys that were dying of laughter.
“You should have seen your face!” Louis laughed, basically rolling on the floor.
“Seriously, lads?” I sighed, shaking myself at the several empty bottles left on the floor.
“What? You’re a heavy sleeper!” Niall whined, but ended up chuckling.
“And did you really have to throw several litres of cold water at me?” I scolded them, shaking my wet hair.
“I’m not even sorry.” Harry grinned, standing up and wrapping his arms around me from behind. I hit him playfully, acting nonchalantly, but actually I just hoped that he didn’t notice the shiver he caused.
“You’re all mean.” I pouted, folding my arms. “Did I really sleep that much?”
“Enough for us to go out in time and get you these!” Louis beamed, suddenly placing several bags in my arms.
“And preparing this.” Harry murmured, letting me go to bring a tray with pancakes and orange juice. A red rose stood proudly next to the meal. “I made them myself. Except for the rose.”
“What, why? What’s with these bags?” I questioned in confusion, placing them on my wet bed and starting to unfold the wrappers; three dresses, two pairs of shorts, several T-shirts, a jacket…
“You didn’t think that we would let you with only your dress these days, did you?” Liam eventually rolled his eyes, but his smile was playful.
My eyebrows knitted together, as my recently woken up mind was trying to process their words.
“So… you sneaked out of the hotel room in the morning, and went out to…buy me clothes?” I asked, blinking slowly.
“Pretty much.” Louis answered, throwing himself on my bed. The wet sheets didn’t seem to bother him.
I didn’t say anything for a minute, looking twice at every piece of clothing the boys had brought me. Why did they do that? Why would some guys go and buy random girl clothes for me? Random girl clothes that looked quite good?
“Zayn and Harry picked them. What do you think?” Niall winked. Zayn smirked quietly and Harry rolled his eyes.
“I… I can’t take them. I will never be able to pay you back for them.” I stuttered, hurriedly folding the clothes and putting them back in the bags. Harry caught my wrists and looked at me closely.
“You don’t have to pay anything back, April. They are for you.”
“Yeah, you’re family now. What’s ours is yours.” Louis shrugged, putting his arms under his head.
“Come on, please! Take them, alright? For us?” Niall pouted, trying to pull out puppy eyes.
“I—“ I started to say, but they didn’t let me finish.
“Perfect!” Harry said excitedly, grabbing a bag and pushing me towards the bathroom. “You should go change your clothes before you protest more.”
I laughed as he urged me enter the blue room, closing the door behind me. I shook my head, before deciding to take a quick, warm shower and only then change with whatever was in that bag. I tried not to think about the fact of how much I had been sleeping so deeply lately, or that the boys had gone out to buy me clothes. Instead, I focused on the smell of salt in my hair, enjoying the reality that I actually was at the seaside. I really was there, and I knew that I could allow myself to be happy about it.
So after I dried my hair and got dressed with a pair of shorts and an orange T-shirt, with ‘Summer’ written on it, I started imagining the feeling of throwing myself in the water and touching the sand under the waves.
But my reverie soon ended when I realised that the boys disappeared from my room, leaving the other bags of clothes untouched on my bed. Eventually, I found them getting ready in the main hallway, talking and laughing loudly. My eyebrows frowned.
“Where are you going?” I asked, as their laughs quietened a little.
“We’re meeting Simon to talk about today’s concert. He will give us some advice.” Niall spoke, looking at his image in the mirror before turning to look at me.
“I’m so sorry we have to leave you here alone, April.” Harry sighed, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.
“Oh, it’s alright. I’ll be around when you’re back.” I smiled, hiding my slight disappointment.
“We’ll be back in no time, you’ll see.” the curly boy said, kissing my cheek shortly and rushing out the door with the other lads.
I waved them goodbye and stood there alone after they had gone, counting two minutes in my head before I started wondering what I was supposed to do while I was waiting. My feet unconsciously headed towards the kitchen, leading me to the balcony that offered me the most beautiful image of the ocean. But soon after I spent a while there, gazing at the scenery, I realised that it wasn’t enough for me; I wanted to be like the people from the ground, to touch the sand, to hear the waves crash loudly near me.
Suddenly, I felt so excited that I could jump from the high floor I was at and land on the sand, but instead I chose to run out the hotel room and hurry down the steps. Unfortunately, it never occurred to me how much I had to go down before I reached the ground floor, so when I arrived there I was exhausted. But that didn’t stop me from sprinting out the door and running as fast as I could to the beach that was so close to me, and I didn’t stop until I felt the ground become unequal under my feet. I slowed down, but I didn’t stop until I found myself a few metres away from the blue ocean. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest, as I felt my whole body fill with happiness. I didn’t really mind the sneakers I was wearing when I sat down, making myself comfortable on the weird, golden surface. My hands drew semicircles around my body, as I giggled quietly at the touch of sand under my fingers. I grabbed some in my hand and looked at it closely, admiring its imperfect perfection under the shy rays of sun that got to me between the few clouds in the sky. Other than them, it seemed like everything around me glowed, as the perfect colours of golden and blue mixed up in a breathtaking combination. I smiled widely at the sight of the water, but I didn’t dare to touch it. It seemed so beautiful, so unreal, that I didn’t want to ruin its balance, even with the other people that were already swimming in it.
As I let my back rest on the sand and the golden particles get lost in my hair, I looked up at the sun, the sky. Then, I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sound of the waves. But I couldn’t remember what happened next; maybe I had fallen asleep, because it seemed like I had been looking at the blue of the sky that was now even more covered with grey clouds only for a few minutes when a voice startled me and I lifted my head and back off the sand.
“Hey.” Niall murmured, sitting down on my right. I soon realised that he wasn’t alone, as Zayn joined us quietly, making himself comfortable on my left.
“Oh, hi. How long have you been gone?” I questioned abruptly, wondering how much I had been standing on the shore, motionless.
“An hour or so. Why?” he answered, as I mentally slapped myself for dozing off. Again?! How in the world could I be so tired, after all the sleep I’d had recently?
“No reason.” I murmured, and neither of us talked anymore. A tensioned silence fell between us, as I felt them shift uncomfortably next to me. I didn’t want to force them to tell me anything, so I kept my mouth shut and consciously followed the rhythmical move of the water, as the waves got bigger, crashed into the shore, then returned only to create another wave. I was actually quite captivated by this when Zayn awkwardly broke the silence;
“We talked to Simon.” he murmured, his eyes fixed on the horizon.
“Yeah, I guess this is why you went to meet him.” I shrugged, playing with a hand of sand.
“And, well, we found out what the interview is for.” Niall trailed off, unsure of himself.
“So?” I urged him nonchalantly, although I was starting to get alarmed when he still didn’t continue. I looked at him questioningly, then my eyes set on an uncomfortable Zayn and back on the blond lad. I shook my head and sighed, before standing up and shaking my clothes off the sand. “Fine.”
I began walking away from them with determined steps, pursing my lips together, when I heard a loud, exhausted voice call after me. I stopped, telling myself not to overreact. But then Zayn repeated his words and my blood froze in my veins.
“It’s a tour, April. A world tour. Everything we do now on the stage is watched and judged by our future sponsors.” Zayn spoke, his voice calm and articulate, pronouncing every word slowly as if he wanted to make sure that I understood everything; I felt like a little kid. “And can you imagine this?” he continued, “Travelling around whole Europe and a few states in America? It’s unreal!”
“Oh, um. That’s… That’s great.” I said, as my throat felt dry. I couldn’t turn around and face the two boys as I was still wondering if I was capable of processing their words.
“You do understand what that means, right?” Niall murmured, as I heard his voice getting closer as he walked to me. “We won’t be in London anymore, but kilometres away and normally with an ocean between.”
A pale of wind blew gently over us, so I used it as an excuse for the way my body started to shiver uncontrollably. Niall started to rub my arm, but I shook him off.
“April, we didn’t know…” Zayn began, standing right in front of me and waiting for me to look at him, but I couldn’t.
“No, um... It’s fine, really. I’m… I’m fine.” I breathed, trying to block their words out of my head, as pathetic tears were threatening to spill.
When I blinked, two drops of warm sadness fell on the sand, and when Niall put his arms around me I didn’t protest. Soon, my body was shaking violently in his embrace, but I was struggling to keep the sobs silent. I was just standing there, trembling, as tears continuously fell down my cheeks and on his shirt, and every time I told myself to stop and step away, more tears flooded my eyes.
“Shh, it’s alright. We won’t go, April, we won’t leave.” Niall murmured, caressing my hair, but I shook my head and eventually left his hug.
“No, no, you go, you definitely go. I just need some time. I’ll be fine, really.” I sort of smiled, wiping my tears with my hands.
“April, there’s not much time left.” Zayn sighed, watching me with sad eyes. “Talk to him.”
My heart ached at Zayn’s words, but I didn’t show it. Instead, I smiled again, nodded shortly, then turned around and hurried in the distance. I couldn’t go to the hotel because the rest of the boys were there and they couldn’t see me like that; I couldn’t see them like that. But when I was sure that I was out of the two lads’ sight from the beach, tears started to fall again, because it seemed like what Zayn had said was even more painful that the problem itself. I knew what he meant by ‘talk to him’, I knew that he was speaking about Harry. About my obvious obsession for Harry, my obvious feelings that made them feel pity for the poor girl, hopelessly fallen in love. But what was I supposed to do, when they were definitely right about everything? I loved Harry. And now he was leaving for God knows how long, but it was probably enough time for him to forget about me. If I had any slight chance with him before, after this tour everything will be gone; we’ll be two strangers or acquaintances the most. There was only one way to stop this; I had to ruin their concert, so they won’t get the interview.
I felt so guilty and selfish for thinking like this, but I couldn’t let them go. I couldn’t remember when the last time I went to the pool was and probably it won’t happen too soon, because of Daniel’s sudden confessions and the guilt I felt for him. And then, there was my grandma who was slipping away from me, and Liz who never even was my friend in the first place. The boys were all I had left.
Could I do it? Could I be so selfish? Because, after all, everybody knew what the only thing that could possibly ruin One Direction’s concert was.
Me.
* * *
Harry’s POV
I brought my phone up to my ear again, but, as expected, there was no answer again. I swore loudly and threw it to the ground, as I watch it hit the box where April stood the day before and crash on the ground. I caught my head in my hands and let out a long sigh.
“Still haven’t heard of her?” Liam spoke from behind, as I whispered an exasperated ‘no’.
“Look, I’m sorry I urged you to leave, but—“
“No, it’s alright, I understand. We had to be here in time for the concert. But I just can’t believe that she disappeared…”
“You don’t know that, Harry. She probably went out for a walk and forgot her phone at the hotel.”
“Probably.” I smiled weakly, but I knew that April wouldn’t do that. She knew how important this final concert was for everyone; she couldn’t have gone out and chosen to ignore my calls. Something must have been wrong, and I was going crazy imagining all the possible scenarios that could happen to her right at that moment.
“Five minutes.” I heard a voice say in my ear. The boys soon appeared after that and looked at me with sympathy.
“She isn’t in the back.”
“Or in the dressing room.”
“I couldn’t find her.”
“She’s probably on her way…”
“On your positions. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…”
I sighed, as we placed ourselves just behind the curtain. I mouthed them something along the lines of “it’s alright, we’ll talk later”, but I wasn’t sure that they understood. The instrumental of our first song began almost at the same time with the amplifying of the fans’ screaming. From the very first step I took on the stage, as I was the first one that appeared in front of the public, I made sure that I acted impeccably. I hit every note as good as I could and joined the boys whenever they started socialising with people, waving at them, winking or shaking hands. We danced around through every song, and while I looked like I was having the greatest fun in my life, in reality I was deeply concerned that my worries for April were visible on the outside. What if I didn’t act natural enough? What if I looked sad? I couldn’t be sad; I was living my dream with my four best friends, right? That was how we were supposed to look like whenever we went out in public. But all I could think of was April, walking all alone under the clouded sky that was getting darker by the minute. What if it rained? What if she got cold? What if she got lost?
When we skipped a song in our usual playlist, I started to get even more worried, more upset as I thought about the plan I had made with the boys for our concert. When I decided that I wanted to be honest with myself and the world, without actually making a big scene out of it. But that plan included April, and as the songs kept getting us closer to the end of our final representation, my hopes for her comeback were starting to slowly fade away. I was going through such a moment of disappointment when we finished singing ‘I want’, the final song before the other two left, that I forgot about my surroundings and almost bumped into Liam as he started singing his solo in ‘Moments’. On the spur of the moment, I got the idea of making my sudden loss of balance as something I intended, so I turned it into an awkward, completely inappropriate spin. And then I caught a pair of eyes that were staring at me with a mixture of guilt and insecurity sparkling in them. I almost forgot to sing my part because of the shock, but as I was singing, I inevitably started walking towards her. She panicked, mouthing a ‘no’, but I continued walking to her, as I sang the lyrics for the second time;
“If we could only have this life for one more day
If we could only turn back time”
And when the chorus began again, I did something that reminded me of the past days. My hand stretched out towards her, until I got hers in mine.
“You know I'll be
Your life, your voice your reason to be
My love, my heart
Is breathing for this”
The audience was probably wondering what I was doing there, facing the curtain and singing, but I refused to move until the song was finished and the crowd went wild. With my other hand, I covered my microphone and whispered a ‘trust me’ to her, as the chords of our last song started playing loud and clear. April’s jaw dropped and she looked at me with terrified eyes.
“Ladies and gentlemen…” I spoke loudly for the crowd, as I turned back to them, with April’s hand in mine.
I didn’t need to say anything else, because at the sight of the short girl, wearing the long, white dress I had chosen for her earlier that morning, people went mad, and the screaming got louder than ever. Most of the fans present there obviously knew who she was, so I guessed that they knew more about April and I than either of the two of us did
But that didn’t matter. Although she opposed at first, when Liam was singing his part, she gradually started following me when I started to sing;
“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah.”
And then, both of us were caught under that first spell that initially fell over us when she came on the stage during More than this, just like now.
“When he lays you down
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this.”
I didn’t know how or why she suddenly showed up, what was with the guilt I saw in her eyes, but it couldn’t matter less at that moment. With a quick move, I dragged April closer to my body, and as my hand slid around her waist and hers on my shoulder, we started swinging around in a rhythm that was too slow for the song, but people seemed to enjoy it. I knew everybody was watching us, including Simon, Mrs. Jennings and the rest of the jury, but if I could ever find another perfect moment like the first one, that was it. And the small smile that stayed on April’s lips until the end of the song made it feel like it was worth it.
I wouldn’t have realised that the song ended if it weren’t for the crows that started screaming, cheering, and clapping their hands loudly, as Liam announced the end of our concert. We were given clear instructions of ignoring any plead that asked us to sing again, so after a few minutes in front of the fans, we returned backstage quietly, as I entwined my fingers with April’s. As soon as we got behind the curtains, we all hugged, laughed and cheered. But she acted a little cold, distant, even though she smiled with us, and never let go of my hand. There was something weird about her, something about the reason why she had been nowhere to be found. I wanted to find out what that was, but we soon broke apart to go drink some water or do anything else. When I picked up my bottle from the ground, my body froze when I heard a voice incredibly close to my ear.
“Can I have a word with you, Harry?” he asked blankly, gesturing me with his head to follow him to the hallway that led to his private room.
I gulped. Simon.
My hands were shaking nervously as I was stepping a few metres behind him, trying to make sure that neither the boys nor April saw me break from the group. I knew what I risked when I did what I did with her, when I took her to live the moment with me and bring the first one back, so I was ready to face the consequences of my actions, because it was worth it. But I was still nervous enough to feel like I was moving with incredible difficulty on an endless path. It felt like such a long time that, when I was stood close enough to Simon I already had my speech prepared to defend myself – or at least a part of it.
“Simon, please, let me expla—“ I began with a pleading voice, but after watching for a second with a neutral expression on his face, he opened the door to a small room that was pretty much covered in different shades of red; pale red walls, almost pink carpets and some bright red roses on a table. There was also a white couch where a girl with long, brown hair was seated, looking into a small mirror she held in her hand. I felt more and more confused.
When she noticed us, the tall girl stood up with a big grin on her face that looked a little too forced. Her brown eyes, circled by prominent make up settled on me with what I thought that was interest, and something more, something stronger.
“Finally! I thought I would go crazy locked up in this little room. But I see it was worth it.” she exclaimed, burning me with her eyes when she pronounced the last sentence.
I narrowed my eyebrows in rejection, overwhelmed by her way-too-sweet character. But I also noticed some things about her that made me feel like I had met her before, I just couldn’t remember when; maybe it was just my imagination. I wondered why Simon had brought me there with that girl
“Thank you for your patience, Miss Page.” our manager spoke casually, before turning to me with a small, cold smile and a dead glare in his eyes. “Harry, this is Melanie.”
As I was stretching my hand out to shake hers, a sudden image of April’s house appeared in front of my eyes; her running down the streets to find me, a night that was interrupted, all because of…
I removed my hand quickly, grimacing at the brown-haired with my most diabolical look. I knew who she was.
“What are you doing here.”
Because I spoke through gritted teeth, what I said didn’t sound like a question, but more like an accusation.
“Well hello to you too.” the girl rolled her eyes, before running some fingers through her thin hair.
“Oh, forget it, Melanie. Your acting is not good enough for you to fake so much innocence.” I growled, as fury started to boil inside of me. “Simon, what is she doing here?!”
“Hmm, you did you job pretty well, my dear. Very believable.” the man told Melanie, completely ignoring my question.
“Job? What job?! What the hell is this girl doing in your room?” my questions were starting to come uncontrollably, but I forced myself to control them. “Damn it, Melanie, what are you doing here?”
“How could your girlfriend miss such an important concert?” she spoke sweetly, sprinting to me and proceeding to pinch my cheeks, but I automatically stepped back.
“Um, excuse me? You are not my girlfriend.” I said calmly, pretty sure of myself, but at that moment both Melanie and Simon burst into laughter.
“Calm down, dude. I’m dating my own boyfriend. This is just for keeping the appearances.” the girl said, sounding like herself for the first time, with coldness in her voice and apathy in her eyes. But that was before Simon snapped her back to the reality, giving her a disapproving look.
“You screwed up with that Bennett girl for long enough, kid. I warned you about the consequences, didn’t I? I gave you the chance to step away while you could, right after the magazines incident, but that doesn’t mean that I ever stopped keeping an eye on you. Watching how you kept dragging more and more attention to you and her. ” Simon said, starting to act rather uncomfortable as I felt my blood freeze in my veins in horror; but he straightened his back and continued with a cold, determined voice, “Tomorrow, at the interview, you will deny every single rumour about you and Bennett. You will publicly your long term relationship with your loving girlfriend, Mrs. Page.”
“Wait, like… like…?” I stuttered, trying to find a word for it, but my mind was too paralysed to even think anymore, so Melanie was one step ahead of me.
“A beard?” she completed with amusement in her voice. “Don’t be so shocked, honey, it’s just business. I’ve been training for this job since I moved in with April.”
“You did what?!”
“You just didn’t think that I was there on holiday, did you?” Melanie chuckled and sighed happily, “I still remember the day when the Management forced poor, little granny to have me there, otherwise her daughter would have found out about the old lady’s disease – and her own.”
I couldn’t speak anymore; I just stared at the two people in front of me, almost positive about the fact that my jaw was slightly dropped. I remembered the night when April found out that her grandmother was sick, possibly dying, with a painful certainty. But then what was with “and her own”? Her own what? Disease? What disease? April was not sick.
“Melanie. We haven’t discussed this.” Simon hissed, frowning at her, before turning his attention back to me, “Anyway, tomorrow, at the worldwide broadcasted interview, Melanie will be your girlfriend. Are we clear?”
“What? No, I obviously won’t do that.” I protested weakly, feeling like a little child. But Simon snorted, putting his hands in his pockets.
“Oh, yes, you will. Because if you don’t, and continue ruining everybody’s image… I’m afraid One Direction will be over.”
Over, over, over. The word echoed in every single corner of my being.
“Good boy.” He then said, putting up a fake smile as he placed his big hand on my shoulder. “Now go tell the other lads that you got the interview. Tomorrow, 10 am. “
“We never even had to compete for it, did we…? It had been all planned out. Since the magazines.” I spoke, with a torn, dry voice, as my eyes were set on my feet. But Simon shrugged, and before pushing me out the door, he repeated his favourite words;
“Business, kid. Now you may leave.”
“Bye, honey!” Melanie yelled through the closed door, leaving me alone in that dark hallway.
I staggered back to April’s box, our usual point of meeting before and after the concerts, dreading the moment I had to face them and act like everything was alright. Could I even do that, after everything I had just been told? I didn’t even want to think about them at that moment.
Unfortunately, the boys’ voices got to me sooner than I would have liked, but I knew I couldn’t act strange, especially with April around. So when they all hurried to me in expectancy, I put on a surprised, amused expression on my face.
“WHAT DID HE SAY?!” multiple voices screamed at the same time, each pair of eyes fixing me with interest. April stood between them, but I couldn’t even look at her.
“We got it. We’re going to the interview, guys.” I spoke, trying to put as much excitement as possible in my voice, but luckily I didn’t have to worry about my facial expressions when the boys started yelling with happiness and jumping on me. I wanted to laugh with them, to be happy with them, but it was like I had turned into a cold stone.
When a small body pressed on mine and I felt a gentle pair of hands hug me behind my neck, I had to gather all my power to stop myself from bursting into tears. I hugged April tightly, moving my hand on her back and on her long, blond hair, as I was starting to fear that this would be the last one.
“I’m happy for you.” she whispered in my ear, and my heart ached when she let me go.
“I think we should talk.” I murmured to her sadly, as she nodded calmly.
“Indeed. Tonight.” April mouthed to me, and I had to mentally slap myself when I remembered the night I had been planning for her in what seemed like forever; maybe since she told me that she had never been to the seaside before.
I agreed with her with a small smile, before allowing myself to get lost in the group hug. Panic started to cloud my mind as I thought about that night. My last chance. To do what? I wasn’t too sure. I wanted to tell her everything, how I felt about her, how she had always been on my mind since we met and many more; basically everything I felt a little while ago, when she came with me on the stage again. But I also didn’t want to do all these and then pretend I had been lying to her the whole time.
God, how was I supposed to survive tonight?
April’s POV
Two statements. Two, painfully true facts had been haunting me since we got back to the hotel room and until the present moment, tapping my foot on the balcony floor in my black dress that had some white models of random, yet elegant stripes and staring at the sky that looked much more darker than it should have because of the clouds, now fully covering it. Two facts. Two statements;
1. Something was wrong with Harry.
2. I didn't do it.
And I knew what 'it' I was talking about; the plan of ruining One Direction's concert, of course. I never respected it, but I felt happier that I didn't, that his eyes stopped me, just as I was on the edge of pretending to trip on their stage. Everyone was going to be shocked and worried and if I had been so lucky, they would have stopped the concert for a while, thing that would have cut off their chances for the interview. But when I saw his worried eyes, definitely wondering where I had been, why I left him.. how could I be even more ungrateful than that? How could I do that, and then admit both that and my runaway were because I was so selfish? So my plan didn't succeed. Sort of. And I would have never interrupted, if he hadn't come to me and bring me on stage. My mind was yelling at me not to go, but then I was charmed, locked under the same spell I realised that got me since that first concert.
And now Harry was acting strange because I couldn't control my choices, because I didn't think twice before making a decision. I was supposed to meet him outside the hotel, by the entrance, in.... minus ten minutes. Damn. I was late. But the real problem was, could I really go out there and meet him, after everything I had been planning to do not only to him, but to his career?
"Feeling nervous?" Louis' voice startled me, as I had just got back in the room.
I still felt uncomfortable around him, because I knew that he had become very close to the person that had been lying to me for such a long time. Yet, when I say his guilty smile, I knew that he was aware of that, of how much I wanted to avoid the memories that he was now the symbol of. So I tried to smile back.
"A lot." I lied, walking up to him, but stopping a few metres away. I wasn't actually nervous; just worried, guilty and psychically exhausted.
"Anything special planned for tonight?"
"I'm not really sure, I guess we'll just take a walk." I shrugged, hurrying the conversation.
When Louis looked down at his feet, I thought that he had finished what he had to say, so I started walking towards the door; but he grabbed my wrist to stop me.
"Look, April, I know you don't want to hear this right now, but I'm sorry, alright?" he began with a determined voice, almost with a hint of exasperation and irritation. "I know what Liz did was completely awful and you don't want to hear anything from her anymore, but can you please stop pretending that she hasn't been your best friend since you were two little girls and give her a chance to explain herself?"
"Louis, I---"
"I love her, April. I really do. And you know that this fight is hurting you both, so, please. Try to forgive. I know I'm suggesting the impossible, but please, try?"
I couldn't even focus on the rest of his words, as I blinked quickly. He loved... what?
"I'm sorry, I'm late. I have to go." I spoke, as I went out the front door and headed for a lift without once looking back. I, just.... He did what?!
Louis loves Liz. He loves her. Louis Tomlinson is in love with my best friend. No matter how I turned it around, it still sounded incredibly weird. But why was I so shocked? Because a member of Liz's favourite boyband fell in love with her? Or was it that even though they had known each other for a shorter while, he already had the courage the admit what I was afraid of saying to Harry?
I had to shake my head slightly to clear my thoughts when I got to the lobby because I didn't want to think about Liz at the moment, but that wasn't too difficult. When the doorkeeper opened it and my eyes were laid on the scenery in front of me, my mind went completely blank.
I saw the cold sand in the dark, only that it was glowing with candles. Ironically enough, I remembered a dream I once had that began just like this; but now, the small lights weren't placed around randomly. They formed a path, which I immediately started to follow. As expected, I found Harry at the end of it, curled up on the sand with his knees at his chest as he was watching the waves. While I still had the courage, I silently approached him and put a hand on his shoulder.
Harry jumped up a little, but when he met my eyes he immediately stood up and gave me a shy smile.
"Nice candles." I awkwardly commented, as Harry responded with the same tone.
"I'm happy you liked them. I had been planning that part for a while."
With that, he offered me his hand and, entwining his fingers with mine again, we started walking on the shore, as close as possible to the ocean, as I noticed that several candles were still guiding our steps. We walked for some time, either in complete silence or making occasional comments about common things, like the weather, the candles or the quality of the meals at the hotel, although we hadn't really got the chance to try much of it. Nothing about the concert, nothing about my runaway, nothing about the tour they would hold after tomorrow's interview. I wonder if he ever intended to tell me about it.
I hated that distance between us. I hated that he was so cold, so worried, and I hated that we were both hiding things from each other. This wasn't us.
At some point, my hand left his and he didn't protest, he didn't even look at me; but he stopped and looked at the sand, then at the ocean, and back at the sand. I rolled my eyes.
"Seriously? Is this what you call 'spending time together'?" I asked sarcastically, warning myself that I was on the verge of pouring my nerves on him. I ignored it.
"I'm sorry. I didn't imagine I would be so tired." Harry shrugged, pressing his lips together.
"Don't even think of giving me stupid excuses. The boys told me about the interview!" I snapped, rasing my voice at him. His face paled in the light of the candles, but he quickly recomposed his expression with a sour smile.
"So, what are you going to do now? Run away again?"
My mouth opened and closed, as no words came out. It took me some time to speak again, only that now I was filled with frustration.
"I ran, because I heard it from them, not from you. Did you even intend to tell me about it, or where you going to send me a postcard from The States?"
"I didn't even know about it until today!" he shouted, putting his hands on his head. "Things got so damn complicated, and you won't understand it."
"Oh, really?" I snorted, facing him. "Try me! Let's see how stupid I am."
"I didn't say that you were stupid." he rolled his eyes, but still didn't look at me.
"You know why I ran today, and only showed up in the middle of your concert?" I heard my voice raise with every word that came out of my mouth, but I didn't try to control it. "I wanted to interrupt your show, I wanted to make you look so bad that no one would ever want to send you in a world tour anymore!"
"What? Why?" he seemed confused, as he spoke on a slightly calmer tone.
"Because I didn't want you to go! Because I can't stand the thought of not being with you, because you're basically all I have left!" I yelled at him, before taking a few, short breaths. "So you either tell me what you are hiding from me, or I'll be out of your life, for good. I won't wait several months for you, Harry, just for nothing."
Eventually, his eyes of a very intense shade of green set on me, filled with guilt and hurt. I waited for an answer, or at least any sound, but nothing came out. I was sure that a tear slided down my cheek at that moment, because when I spoke, my voice broke;
"Just like I thought." I whispered, and started walking away from him, with a broken heart and a mind that kept screaming 'I told you, I told you not to fall for a celebrity! I told you, I told you, I told you!'.
"April."
"What?!" I screamed, tears already running down my face. Then something strange happened so fast, that I wasn't even sure if it was real.
He suddenly caught me in his arms, and with a determinated move, his lips connected with mine. My eyes were closed, but I was frozen. Yet, when I felt him so close to me, I couldn't help but kiss back those lips I had been dreaming about for such a long time. It was a lustful, passionate kiss, as it felt like we both had been waiting for this. My heart and mind went crazy, and all I could think of were Harry's lips on mine, all I could hear, smell, touch was Harry. I was just getting lost in the kiss, when he stepped away as sudden as he started. He looked at me with a sad smile.
"I... I'm sorry. I think that was a mistake."
What? No, no, no! A mistake? That was the most beautiful thing in my life! I wanted more, I wanted back in his arms, I wanted him. Why couldn't I have him?
"I'm really sorry." he whispered for the last time, rubbing my arm gently, before walking past me and drifting off into the distance.
That was not fair! I was supposed to stop him, to run after him and kiss him again, to tell him that I would wait for him no matter what, but I was frozen in shock. I couldn't move. Was I even breathing? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that something terrible and wonderful happened at the same time, and I was just bewildered by the speed of last minutes' events. And now, what? Would he really leave me there alone? Did he really think that our kiss was a mistake? Then why did he do it in the first place? What did he mean with 'I'm really sorry'? Was he sorry about our kiss, or about something bigger, scarier, something that I wasn't capable of facing yet?
Tears fell in waterfalls on my cheeks, as my knees gave up. Soon, I found myself shaken by sobs on the cold sand, with no one around to hear or see. Most of the candles had been blown off by the wind that was starting to make the falling night colder. So I just stood there, trembling because of the crying and the lack of warmth, because of the broken heart and everything that had ever gone wrong in my life.
I felt terrible. Sad. Torn. Broken. Useless. Horrible. Rejected. Miserable. Exhausted.
But the worst was that I was all alone.
**********
I officially declare this the longest chapter in the history of Reason to be.
Oh my Goddd, I worked so hard on this! I hope you liked it, although I might have probably made you hate me ;D. But don't worry, things will get better! Well, sort of...
Since this chapter included more scenes (e.g. the April/Niall/Zayn moment at the beach, the concert, Harry and April, etc.) I want YOU to tell me in the comments which one you liked best! ^.^ In order to upload the next chapter, I said that I would lower the goal to make it easier for you, so I'll ask for at least 5 comments and 5 votes on this one! And I promise that, once the goal is reached, I will reply to each comment :)
I can't wait to hear your opinions towards this chapter <3
~Lilly~