Chapter Notes: Ava-Rain's POV
* * * *
- 'This fire rising through my being, burning, I'm not used to seeing you. . .' -
* * *
I felt his hands on my shoulder and the warmth radiating off of his body once he positioned himself behind me. I stared at the house in front of me and could not recall one moment in time when I had actually felt that I truly belonged inside of it. I grew up in that house, slept and ate in that house, but I had certainly not been nurtured in that house. And it's awful to say-to chalk up fifteen years as just some uneventful experience and belittle every sacrifice that my grandmother made for me-but the truth was those fifteen years were hardly worth remembering, let alone worthy enough to be celebrated or cherished.
The frowns had outweighed the smiles, the tears outnumbered the laughs, and the stormy days surpassed the amount of sunny days. There were more fights than agreements and more chaos than peace. But there were good days. Days when I did not have to hold my breath when entering a room. Days when I felt—even in the smallest of measurements—love, or something akin to it. They were rare but they had existed. The only problem was that those days and those memories I longed to forget the most because those days and memories hurt most of all. Those days and memories I would much rather have believed were mere figments of my imagination, that they were not real, because the scarce amount of good days and good memories only reinforced the fact that happiness was not infinite; it was not forever.
I pulled my hands out of the pockets of the sweatshirt Caleb had lent me, and dropped them to my side. My heart, which had been racing, slowly but surely started to retreat to its normal pace thanks to Caleb's comforting touch.
Caleb.
I still, for the life of me, could not understand or put into terms as to why I could not let him go. Why I couldn't stop clinging to him. When I should have been fearing this stranger, I was, instead, too intrigued and determined to figure him out. Whenever he touched me, it set me on fire and I wanted nothing more than to be consumed by the flames. When he stayed true to his promise and held me all night, I had not once pulled away nor had I fought against his embrace. I melted into it. The kid was a freaking mystery and although I should have been running in the opposite direction, it was impossible to even entertain the thought of being anywhere away from him.
At some point last night, he insisted that I stay at his condo. It came out of nowhere; I had been rambling on and on about some insignificant story, which I thought he had been attentively listening to, when he told me-not asked-that I was going to be staying with him. I was taken aback by it, heck, I was still thawing out from the stone cold shock. It had shut me up for ten minutes. Literally. He couldn't possibly have been serious. I mean, we may have treaded past the whole stranger-danger territory. . .sort of. . .but we still had not known each other and I just could not fathom why in the world he would want to help me out in that sort of way. Yet, there I had been, laying in his arms as I actually considered the idea.
When I found my voice, I attempted to shoot down his command but then he reminded me that my best friend and her family were miles away, leaving me with no place to stay. I had thought about calling Jennifer but had quickly terminated the idea. It wasn't because I thought that maybe she would reject me because Jennifer was a good person and a good friend. Honestly, she was. But she was also annoyingly entitled. That, along with her self-preserving motives and tactical manipulations through the use of her skillfully wielded emotions, made her an enemy of my dark and brooding nation. If I were to turn to Jennifer, she would undoubtedly accept me but not without a list of ridiculous conditions and expectations.
She would expect me to listen to her endless rants. She would expect me to listen to her drama. She would expect me to sympathize for her and tell her only what she wanted to hear. She would expect more than I was capable of giving because it would have required more patience and understanding than I could have conjured. Sure, it was hardly an unfair request because that's what friends did. They listened and offered advice. They always chose your side. They cried when you cried, laughed when you laughed and comforted you when you were down. I would have done that for Jennifer but she wouldn't have done it for me. My problems would be pushed aside to allow room for her problems. It would become about her and I just simply did not want to deal with that. So staying with Jennifer was out of the question.
I then offered up the idea to make my way to Kasey's cottage, a place I had been numerous times. I knew I would have been welcomed; I never felt out of place with the Helland family. But as soon as the suggestion left my mouth, I kid you not, Caleb replied with, 'that's not an option', and immediately followed up with, 'go to sleep'.
Mysterious, gorgeous, and smug. Just my luck.
And yet, there I stood, facing the house of doom, getting ready to retrieve some of my belongings. I was going to leave the nest and accept Caleb's offer.
I shook my hands to release the nerves and took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"I'll go in with you."
I turned and looked up at Caleb. He did not look at all content with me being out of his sight, even for a second. It was kind of adorable to see this walking, talking embodiment of confidence and strength so easily unsettled. Strange, but adorable. And adorable always trumped strange. . .right?
"I'll be fine. In and out, I promise."
He still didn't look too thrilled but he didn't push the subject. "I need to do this alone, okay? Just stand here and look mysterious and gorgeous or whatever." I knew for a fact that once my grandmother noticed that not only had I returned, but returned with Caleb, it would irk her nerves. Remember, appearances were everything to my grandmother. Just knowing that our nosy neighbours were most likely all stationed at their windows, gawking at the random boy posted up against his black Camaro, she would probably damn me to hell for making her come up with a reason to explain Caleb to them.
I turned to leave but he gently grabbed my arm and turned me back around to face him. Before I could even think, let alone speak, he took my face in his hands and gazed down at me. Damn my lack of self control and those perfect grey eyes of his for obliterating any and all rational and logical thoughts from my mind with a single look. Instinctively, my arms slid around his waist, as if it had become automatic to respond to his touch with a touch, to his hold with a hold.
"Twenty minutes," he said, his tone soft yet serious.
"I'm going to need thirty at most," I countered.
"Twenty," he replied firmly.
"Twenty-five," I smiled, challenging him and his self-appointed authority.
"Twenty, and then I'm coming in after you."
I dropped my arms from his waist and folded them across my chest. "You know, you hardly have enough brownie points to start dictating time frames to me." He only smirked in response and dropped his hands to my waist. "I'll see you in forty minutes." I pulled away from him and turned to head up the drive way. As irritated-but-not-really as I was, the smile tugging at my lips couldn't be refrained for very long.
"Thirty minutes!" He called out to me and my smile turned into a laugh.
Ava-Rain, I do believe you won that round.
I pulled out my house keys and unlocked the front door, quickly closing it behind me once I entered. I immediately heard the television from the living room but did not dare venture pass the foyer. Instead, I headed up the stairs and went directly to my room. Once inside, I pulled out my suitcase from underneath my bed. I rummaged through my closet, then my dresser drawers, and placed everything on top of the bed. I focused only on the things that I needed: clothes, toiletries, some pictures on my dresser of Kasey, Jennifer and I, and a picture of my parents.
Fifteen minutes later, I had everything somewhat neatly tucked away in the suitcase and headed for the door. During that time, a quick change into a clean pair of jeans and shirt to wear underneath Caleb's sweater was made. Before I opened it, I took a final glance at the room that had been my sanctuary of peace; the only place in the house where I did not have to pretend, where I was free to be myself. The purple walls that contained my secrets; the bed where I had dreamt the biggest dreams; the window that never failed to show me that there was life beyond those four walls and a world awaiting my arrival. Fifteen years of my life was spent in that room and all I could offer it in return was fifteen minutes of a pitiful and rushed goodbye, rather than a deservingly drawn out thank you.
Turning around, I pulled the bedroom door open and exited my room for the last time. I headed back downstairs and placed my suitcase next to the front door before swallowing my pride and walking towards the living room. My grandmother sat in her usual spot on the couch, watching her usual game show. She looked perfect and put together, as always, and completely unaffected by my presence.
The entry way was as far as I went, not yet wanting to venture any deeper into her territory than necessary. To be quite honest, I couldn't tell you the last time I actually sat down in the living room. With her. "I'm not sorry for what I said," I started, hardly expecting her to look at me but holding' onto the hope that she would at least make the situation less awkward and difficult by daring to hold my gaze. "But I am sorry for the way I acted."
She continued to stare at the screen, her face expressionless. "I'm leaving. I think it's for the best. At least for now." Silence. You'd swear that I was a ghost, talking to somebody that could not hear me because I had yet to realize that I was dead. She didn't even stir in the slightest, only continued to look at the television, more entertained by the strangers on the stupid show than her own granddaughter.
"Did you ever try to love me? Did you ever once just try and forget that I looked like her? Try and forget that you hated my father and remember that I was your granddaughter? Was I ever, even for a moment, good enough for you or worthy of your affection?"
Her silence had given me my answer.
I pulled an envelope—which had been sitting on my dresser for weeks—out of my sweatshirt pocket, entered the living room and dropped it on the glass table positioned between the couch and the television. "Happy birthday, Grandma." Inside the birthday card was a bunch of those scratch tickets that she always swore she would win big off of one day. Not that she needed the money thanks to the life insurance payout she received after my grandfather's death over twenty years ago. Apart from my mother, I think he was the only other person that my grandmother ever truly loved.
I stormed towards the front door, dropped my keys on the table in the foyer, grabbed my suitcase and exited the house. Caleb was by my side within seconds, taking the suitcase from my hand and slipping his free hand on my lower back as we approached his car. He placed my suitcase in the trunk of his car then walked me over to the passenger side, opening the door for me to get in then closing it once I settled inside.
"Are you okay?" He asked as he slid into the driver's seat and started the car.
"No." Normally, I would have lied and said that I was fine, even though I knew that neither of us would believe it. But I felt no need to lie to him. Just like he had assured me the previous night, I did not have to pretend with him.
I was not okay. I was angry. I was hurt. I was sad. I was relieved. I wanted to smile, and cry all at the same time. I was free, yet still shackled. I was as vulnerable as I had ever been—a feeling I absolutely dreaded—but I was prepared to accept and embrace it. This was just another piece of the puzzle of my life, and you could not have the good without the bad nor the beauty without the ugly.
Ten minutes into the drive, Caleb's phone rang. As hard as I tried not to eavesdrop, the last thing I needed to do was wallow in self pity and continue to allow my overwhelming thoughts and emotions kick my butt. So the only alternative was to focus my attention elsewhere. The irritation in his voice was hard to miss, and when he assured whoever was on the other end that he would arrive shortly, I knew that we were going to be taking a detour.
"Would you mind if we made a stop? Or I can take you back to the condo if you rather just be alone for a bit."
"No, it's fine." If I was left on my own, I would drive myself crazy and probably even talk myself into going back to my grandmother's. Or worse, called Jennifer and told her everything. At the moment in time, I would have sooner welcomed any distraction than have to hear the pity in my best friend's voice.
"It's a bit of a drive." He added. "Feel free to sleep. If your snoring becomes too intolerable, I'll turn on the radio."
My eyes darted in his direction and that smug smirk of his greeted me. "I don't snore!" I said and playfully hit his arm as my lips curved into a smile.
Caleb retaliated by lifting his right hand off the stick shift and giving me a gentle push. I immediately gazed down at the spot on my arm where he pushed, then looked up at him with feigned shock. He tore his gaze from the road and looked at me with satisfaction proudly displayed on his face.
"There it is," he smiled softly. His attention returned to the road for a couple of seconds before being drawn back in my direction. Again, he lifted his hand but that time it was to gently cup my left cheek, and the warmth from his touch soared throughout my body.
I could only assume that Caleb had been referring to my smile or laugh. Maybe even both. And it completely boggled my mind as to how something so little held a great deal of power over him, how my smile and laugh were capable of righting some sort of wrong. It didn't make any sense, yet, there I was, already formulating a plan to smile and laugh as much as possible in his presence because whatever it had done for him had a similar impact on me. As if we were linked, connected; as though my happiness was synonymous with his own.
About forty minutes later, we pulled up to a mansion that could only be described as breathtaking, and even that was putting it lightly. It was freaking amazing. A stone fountain adorned the center of the neutral toned brick driveway. Where normal, mundane houses had front lawns, this beast of a house harboured a sea of neatly mowed grass that covered every inch of the land for miles and ended where a mass of trees off in the distance began. The entire exterior of the brick house was white, with the exception of the ash gray roof tops.
In complete awe, I stepped out of the car and took in the sight before me. I was so captivated by the beauty, not only from the house but also from the surrounding scenery, that I only vaguely remember feeling Caleb's hand on the small of my back as he led me closer towards the house. As we climbed up the thirty or so steps, my eyes studied the humongous columns adorning the path towards the front door. Just when I had been convinced that the exterior definitely could not be topped, I was stopped dead in my tracks when Caleb opened the front door to reveal the exquisite foyer.
"Oh my gosh, Caleb," I whispered. My eyes jumped from wall to wall, then from floor to ceiling with no intention of settling any time soon. "Who lives here?"
"The house belongs to my family."
His family?
If I thought my eyes were in no hurry to settle, they had managed to do so when they landed on Caleb. If the house belonged to his family, then that must have meant they were home. . .right? Would I be meeting this said family? Would they like me? Did they already know about me? Was I underdressed? Would it have been rude to suggest waiting in the car?
"I'll be right back. Stay here." Before I could protest, Caleb walked off then disappeared out of sight after turning a corner.
For ten minutes, I was tortured by my paranoid thoughts that a family member might appear at any given moment. I tried—truly, I did—to will myself to stay put like Caleb commanded, but the silence and paranoia became too unbearable. Against better judgment—or, rather, against the voice inside of my head that attempted to remind me that it was rude to roam around a house that wasn't yours unless invited to do so—I went searching for Caleb.
I headed in the same direction that Caleb had went, turning the same corner that he had turned, which landed me in a hallway. When I heard Caleb's voice, I followed it and soon, found myself in a room with what I first thought was just a ceiling to floor window. It wasn't until Caleb's voice had gotten louder the closer I got to the window that I realized, upon closer inspection, the window also acted as a sliding door. As I neared it, I imagined a backyard as beautiful as the front yard, with a similar sea of grass cascading over even more acres of land. But when I approached the open door and stepped out, my breath caught in my throat.
About fifty feet away from me stood Caleb and two abnormally gigantic wolves. Instantly, the night I was attacked replayed inside of my mind and memories of the wolf and its glowing amber eyes temporarily clouded my vision. When I managed to blink the memories away, I zoomed in on the scene in front of me. The wolf from that night had been ridiculously and unusually huge, but the two gray wolves off in the distance were much larger, dwarfing Caleb with their height.
Caleb.
Without a second thought, my body moved in Caleb's direction. It was my fear for his safety that had controlled me until I heard him speak to the wolves.
He was talking to them? Why was he talking to them?
That was when I noticed that there wasn't a single indication in his body language that alluded to him being afraid. In fact, he actually looked. . .annoyed?
I stopped immediately then took a step back as a new realization washed over me. It was crazy, yet every fibre of my being believed it to be true. It was ridiculous, yet I knew there was no other explanation: wolves and mysterious, gorgeous boys will both tear you to shreds.
"Enough!" The sound of Caleb's voice forced me out of my terrifying thoughts, stilling me in place when I wanted nothing more than to turn around and run as far away from him as possible. "Both of you, that's enough!"
I couldn't do much else but watch as Caleb got in between the two wolves. It was only then that I noticed that the beasts were facing each other. And as they growled and snarled at one another, the only thing keeping them from ripping each other's throats out was Caleb. His arms were outstretched, his hands flat against their necks as he kept them separated. As in control as he appeared, not even my fear of the truth nor my fear of him could suppress my fear for him. I wanted nothing to do with him, yet I wanted to run towards him and pull him out of danger. I wanted to yell and hate him for making me trust him, yet my feet begged for my approval to move in his direction.
Approval which I had granted.
But I had only managed to take a couple of steps when one of the wolves turned its head and looked straight at me. If my heart was only racing before, then I was pretty damn certain that it had just stopped and restarted when Caleb's gaze followed the wolf's line of sight and landed on me. My presence seemed to have caught him off guard, and it was the first time that I had ever seen Caleb's control falter. The wolf, whose fur I only noticed then was a shade or two darker than the other wolf's, began to make its way towards me, and, I kid you not, the ground beneath me shook with every step that it took.
"Rickon, enough! As your alpha, I command you to stop! That's a direct order!" Before Caleb had gotten all of the words out, the lighter wolf managed to work its way around him, leaped over the darker wolf and positioned itself in front of me. The impact of its landing caused the ground to shake, which resulted in me stumbling right onto my butt. The lighter wolf turned to face the darker one and crouched into what appeared to be a protective stance.
Wait, what? The wolf could not have possibly been protecting me, could it? Could it?
"Ava-Rain, listen to me. I need you to go back inside! Please, go back inside." I couldn't see Caleb at that point, but by the tone of his voice, it had not been a suggestion but a command.
Before I knew it-before I even had the chance to force myself to get up-I was lifted onto my feet from behind. Surprised, I turned around and came face to face—or rather, face to neck—with one of the guys I had briefly spotted with Caleb that night at the club. He had full, jet black, medium-length hair that was a cross between wavy and curly. His dark green eyes held genuine concern as they stared down at me. He, too, was beautiful, but where Caleb was hard and masculine, this boy seemed to possess a certain softness to him. It wasn't necessarily a feminine softness, he was just. . .soft.
"Are you okay?" He asked, and his hands, which were still firmly planted on my arms, held me steady. His eyes quickly scanned over my body, as if he were checking for a sign of injury, before retreating back to my own.
I nodded in response, although I clearly was not okay. His gaze then turned on the scene behind me, and just as I, too, was about to turn around to look, another guy rushed past us. He, too, had been at the club, the one who had talked to Kasey. I literally felt the breeze hit my face as he stormed past us and was only able to make him out briefly. He was also tall, had short brown hair, and, due to him being shirtless, a perfectly well toned and tanned body. He shot a glance in my direction, and although his brown eyes only met mine for no more than a millisecond, that one look was enough to make me feel like I had not belonged.
"You two are acting like a bunch of pups!" He shouted. In the next second, he disappeared behind the light grey wolf.
"Come on, let's get you back in the house." The guy in front of me took my hand and led me back inside, carefully and tactfully positioning me so that I faced away from the doors and the scene behind me. It was obvious that what ever I had just stumbled upon, whatever was taking place outside, I was not suppose to have witnessed.
"You guys have wolves?" I asked him once his eyes held contact with mine. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it and folded his arms across his chest. I possibly could have misread his reaction—you know, due to the shock and fear coursing through my veins upon the two large mutant wolves fifty feet away from me—but I swear he looked a bit. . .guilty?
"Um, I think you should, uh, wait here for Caleb. Oh, look at that, here he is. Bye!"
In the next second, he brushed past me and Caleb appeared. Without a look or even a single word uttered, he took my hand in his and led me away from the sliding door and back through the same path I had taken from the foyer. But instead of leading me out of the house, he dragged me up the spiral staircase next to the left of the front door. His grip on my hand tightened as we ascended the stairs, as if to ensure my chances of escape remained minimal.
I wanted to yell at him, yet I had kept my mouth shut and my lips tightly sealed. I wanted to wiggle out of his hold, to stop and demand him to let me go, yet I continued to allow him to lead me through the second floor without protest and obeyed his unvoiced demand that I not fight him.
For years, I had kept myself in the dark and lurked in the shadows of my own home. I had secluded myself to my bedroom, kept my thoughts to myself and remained silent through the urges to yell and scream. That was me, that was what I had become. A nobody. And I was fine with being that person; I was content with her. But within the past two days, that girl had stepped out of the shadows and embraced the light. That girl found not only her voice, but the notion that she did, in fact, have a place in this world. That girl, for the first time, had finally believed that she was somebody.
Caleb had done that, hadn't he? With a dazzling look, a warm smile, comforting words, kind eyes and open arms. He gave me the courage to speak up, even if it resulted in getting kicked out; even if it meant my throwing caution to the wind to do something completely incomprehensible and foreign—acting upon my God given right and obligation to stand up for myself. And by doing so, I had been set free.
Only now I felt that girl—the new me—receding like waves on the beach, disappearing little by little. I felt the familiar and comforting caress of silence as it lurked its way back to the surface, and the newfound source of light began to fade as the clutches of darkness fought to reclaim me. Freedom was not, in fact, free, and mine-I was soon going to learn-had came at a cost.
I was going to be torn to shreds.
We entered a room at the end of a long hallway. Given my earlier admiration of the house, I probably would have assessed every nook and cranny of the room. But my eyes remained solely on Caleb. He closed the door behind me and gently backed me against it. "Are you okay?"
His face was inches away from mine and his grey eyes darkened while they stared directly into mine. I felt his breath against my skin, brushing over my lips with each exhale. The hand that had held mine was now gently placed on the side of my face. He looked worried, but I was convinced that it was more for his treacherous self than any sort of genuine concern over my well being.
"Ask me." He said when it became obvious that I was not going to answer his question. "I know what you're thinking, so ask me, Ava-Rain."
Oh, so not only was he a kidnapper and a liar, but a mind reader as well? A kidnapping, lying, mind reader, who, in his spare time, drives up north to tend to his abnormally large wolves?
"Can you blame me, Caleb? I mean, what am I suppose to think? A couple of days ago I was almost mauled by a wolf and woke up in your bed. And all I know about what happened that night was what you told me, which, by the way, wasn't exactly much."
That's your fault, Ava-Rain. You chose to believe him, to trust him, to not find a hard object to hit him over the head with and run for your life and pray that you never saw him again!
"Ava-Rain, I swear—"
"Just tell me. Just. . . .please. The truth, Caleb. Why were you in the forest that night?"
Please don't say it! Please don't say it! Please don't say it! Tell me that I wasn't attacked by one of your wolves. Tell me that this is just one big misunderstanding. Tell me that I'm not crazy! Please, just be anybody other than the person that I'm beginning to think that you are-another person who only offered me kindness out of guilt. Please. . .
He continued to stare at me and I prayed to the high heavens that my tears would not betray me by spilling over. He dropped his hand from my face, lowered his gaze as well as his head, as though he had been defeated. The calm, cool and collected Caleb was disappearing; the hard and rugged boy who always seemed to have it together was allowing control to slip through his fingertips and I didn't really understand why I was so affected by it. I mean, yes, I was angry at him and felt betrayed for reasons still unconfirmed, but the sight of the deteriorating Caleb before my eyes just didn't sit well with me. In that moment, I wanted to hate him, but I was damn near ready to fight to bring my Caleb back. The urge to take his face in my hands and tell him that he lowered his head to nobody was stronger than any anger and hurt I felt towards him.
"I tracked you there," he looked up at me. "To the forest. That must sound crazy but it's the truth."
"Was. . .was the wolf that attacked me yours? Gosh, I can't believe I'm even asking you that! That's crazy, right? I sound completely insane for asking you if you knew the wolf, right? Of course you didn't. . .right? But then again, you have two enormous wolves in your backyard! Wolves! Nobody has wolves!" I was able to push past him and walked to the middle of the room, keeping my back to him.
"Ava-Rain," he whispered. The softness in his tone made it difficult for me to think clearly because it targeted my very soul with its caress. "Ava-Rain, look at me. I swear to you, I swear that the wolf that attacked you was not one of my own."
I turned to face him and crossed my arms over my chest. "And what does that even mean, Caleb? Not one of your own? Are you telling me that those two wolves are indeed yours?"
"In a sense. But I can explain—"
"In a sense? As in, you're some sort of Kevin Richardson wolf whisperer? If so, then okay. That's. . .that's fine. I guess."
No it is not! No it damned well is not!
"What the hell am I saying? Of course that's not okay!"
I turned away from him again, suddenly not wanting to look at him. I knew that if I did, then I would see something. Something I did not know but something I felt every time we looked at each other. Something I didn't understand. Like why his touch affected me, why I felt like we were connected. Like we were a part of a whole. If I looked at him then I would be forced to feel that something. And if I felt it then I would be convinced to forget all of my anger and pain and allow myself to be consumed by that unknown. To be consumed by Caleb.
"In the sense that I am Caleb Brandt," he spoke, and the hairs on the back of my neck that stood up alerted me that he must have been close. "Heir of the four elements, alpha of my pack. The two wolves that you just encountered were two of my deltas, Rickon and Declan. This house is our den, home to all of my pack members, and we, Ava-Rain, are werewolves."
I released the breath I had not realized I was holding and turned to face him. Werewolves? I scanned over his face, searching for a curve in his lips or the slightest trace of a smile because there was no freaking way that he could have said all of that and maintained a straight face. "Werewolves? Caleb, werewolves don't exist! They're just some stupid myth that Hollywood gets rich off of. They're not real. There are no such things as werewolves!"
He was crazy. Clearly, more crazy than I was. He was crazy and his two friends downstairs were crazy.
I needed to go. I needed to get as far away from him as possible. I should have listened to Kasey, but instead, I did everything she told me not to do and look at where that had gotten me. I brushed past him and headed for the door, but just as I managed to pry it open slightly, it was pushed close. I turned around and came face to face with my Caleb—my dark and mysterious Caleb—who commanded and demanded attention without having to utter a single word.
He placed his hands against the door on either side of my head, locking me in place. "Look at me, Ava-Rain. Forget what your mind is telling you to believe. Abandon all reason. Forget what you've been told to believe, what's real and what's fantasy. Forget that for just one second and look at me. I've never once lied to you and I don't plan on starting now."
"I think once you pull out the 'I'm a werewolf' card, that's justifiable cause for me to think that you're lying, Caleb!" I tried to push past him, wanting to be anywhere other than trapped by his warm body, which was practically pressed against mine. But my attempts were useless. He only remained rooted in his spot, so close that every breath he released I had inhaled as my source of air.
I closed my eyes, as if that would have somehow made him disappear, as if the darkness would offer me sanctuary. Instead, it only heightened the rest of my senses. His body was no longer just supplying me with warmth, it was burning me, wrapping its scorching embrace around me like a cocoon and making me yearn for more of its heat. And his scent—the intoxicating scent that belonged to him alone and could never be duplicated or found bottled in a department store—wormed its way inside of me, filling me down to my core, branding me. With every breath he released, the sound filled the entire room in a soft rhythm, lifting me, cradling me, rocking me in its soothing lullaby.
I did not know how—I did not even know why—but I managed to force myself out of the trance. Slowly, my eyes opened, waking me from my state of ease and throwing me back into the cold depths of reality.
"This is not how I wanted to tell you. And this is certainly not how I wanted you to find out. But I swear that I'm telling you the truth, Ava-Rain. Do you want me to shift right here and now to prove it to you?"
"No!" I yelled, not really expecting it to come out so harshly. "No, thanks. . .because that's impossible."
He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy.
"What do you see when you look at me?" His voice hardened as his eyes penetrated mine, daring me to look away. "Tell me, what do you see?"
I looked at him—took a good and honest look at Caleb—willing myself to see him for the dark and mysterious stranger that he was and had always been. I hoped to see the perfection and beauty melt away until he morphed into the lie that I needed to believe he truly was. Instead, I simply saw Caleb. The light as well as the darkness. The good as well as the bad. The truth as well as the lie.
"And when I touch you," he placed a hand on my face, "what do you feel?" He slowly leaned his head in closer. Even if he had not held my head in place, I don't think I would have been able to turned away, nor conjure the strength to deny my body from the sinfully pleasurable caress of his lips as they brushed their way from the corner of my mouth and along my jaw up my cheek before residing against my ear.
He was killing me and I was letting him. Caleb was killing me, and stupid, crazy me liked it. Wanted it. Begged for it. For him. Caleb was my death, worming his way inside of me; sucking the air from my lungs and the blood from my veins; breaking my soul out from its tightly sealed and heavily armed confinement. He was obliterating my thoughts, capturing my dreams and destroying my mind second by second until I was mere fragments of what I once was.
"That burn," he whispered into my ear, "you feel it, don't you?"
I do.
"Deep down, you feel that flame growing bigger, burning hotter."
I do.
"And it's because of me, isn't it? I do that to you, don't I? You burn for me, Ava-Rain."
I do.
Caleb was the flame and I felt him burning me from within, forcing out the bad, the negative, the insecurities, and torching their shelter to the ground. He was restoring me, killing me and resurrecting me from my own ashes. I could not fear him because he was a part of me. From the moment we had met he had left his mark. And it wasn't until then that I was able to understand the hold he had over me.
I had not realized my eyes had been closed until they reopened, releasing a flood of tears. His free hand took residence on my other cheek and he wiped the trail of tears away with his thumb before leaning in and resting his forehead against mine. He didn't speak, but I knew he was begging me to confirm what could no longer be denied. I guess my dreams of wolves turned out to be much more than just dreams. Perhaps they were premonitions? A warning? I didn't know what to call them, but what I did know was that there was something very real out there in the universe responsible for bringing Caleb and I together; a force that had attracted two complete opposites to each other like an ionic bond.
And that earlier something I was too afraid to acknowledge, it was a truth; an impossible and incomprehensible fact that had been implanted within me without my knowledge or consent.
"I'm your mate," I said firmly and matter-of-factly, without a shred of doubt in my mind. Caleb was a werewolf: a being that was not suppose to exist in reality; an animal that represented fear and deemed as being evil.
"Yes," he whispered softly.
I reached up and touched his face, causing him to pull his head away slightly so that we could look at each other. My fingers continued to explore, trailing down his nose, brushing his cheeks, grazing his lips and his defined jaw line. He remained perfectly still and allowed me to touch him without protest. "Wolves and mysterious, gorgeous boys. . ."
I placed a hand on his chest, just over his heart-the chest that I had laid on; the heart whose beat I had fallen asleep to. It was that very body that had protected and shielded me, that had kept me warm and made me feel safe. That was Caleb. He existed. He was not evil. He I could not fear.
And there was no possible way for me to know what being Caleb's or anybody's mate entailed—obviously—nor did I truly think that I was cut out to be his. But Caleb was, indeed, mine. And even if it was the stupidest and most irrational decision, I was going to choose him. I would always choose him; of that, I was certain.
Pulled by an invisible force far beyond my control, my arms slid around his waist. I may not have feared Caleb but I did fear the unknown. But in order to overcome that fear, I needed to embrace it. My reality had just been shattered and the line between what was real and what was fantasy no longer separated the two. I needed Caleb now more than ever. And just as he had instructed me to do last night, I held onto him tightly.
"Tell me everything."