I COULDN'T FEEL my legs as I woke up and stretched my body. It was bittersweet because I was sore, but it was for all the right reasons. Images of Harry panting above me, below me, next to me, kept playing in my head. I could still feel his hands roaming around my body, I could still feel his breath against my neck, I could still hear him say those three sweet words.
Simply thinking about it made my whole body shiver. It was hard to believe that so much had happened last night, it felt so unreal and I wondered if I had imagined it all. Was last night even real? Had Harry and I said that we loved each other? Had we spent the night awake proving just how much we meant it? The soreness I felt between my thighs sure proved the second question, but the first one? It was still hard to believe.
I opened my eyes with difficulty, having slept only a few hours. Soft light was coming through the curtains, indicating that it was still early in the morning. I could hear birds singing in the distance, but my ears were more interested in the snores that were coming from right next to me. So I turned to face this wonderful boy, that was now mine, and looked at him with a smile.
He looked peaceful and I was glad that he seemed to be getting good sleep since I knew he was in desperate need of it. He laid on his stomach with one hand beneath his head, and the other rested across my hips. I didn't dare to touch him, scared that it would wake him, but I had no problem with looking at him. His head was facing me, which gave me the chance to drink in just how handsome he was, but when my eyes travelled down his body, a sense of pride took over. There were red marks all across his back, a clear reminder of the night before. Then in the curve between his shoulder and his neck, a dark purple mark in the shape of my mouth. It wasn't in my intention to mark him that way, I had never done it before, but in the spur of the moment, I guess I couldn't control myself.
I looked at the marks I had left and could only think about one thing: this boy was mine. This beautiful broken boy was mine and I was his. The realisation that Harry and I loved each other struck me and nearly took my breath away. It made me wonder if I would always feel like this. Somehow I knew I would, that's how deeply I felt about Harry.
As I looked at him, it came to a point where I couldn't hold it anymore, I had to reach for him. I still didn't want to wake him, I just needed to touch him, feel him under my fingertips. So carefully, my hand reached for Harry's back and my fingers traced the scratches I had left the night before and wondered if I had hurt him. I couldn't remember him complaining about it, it was actually quite the opposite. The memory brought a sweet burning sensation in my stomach. I could still hear him grunt and moan in my ear, it was so vivid that it made me shiver.
Harry made me feel all sorts of way, but this was definitely one of my favourites.
I don't know how long I laid on my side and looked at him; minutes or hours, I couldn't tell. But eventually, Harry started to stir. He closed his mouth and scrunched his nose, then he turned his head and hid it against the pillow. A low grunt was emitted deep in his throat before he turned his head again to face me. Then, slowly his eyes opened. They landed directly on me and the small frown that had formed upon his brows completely disappeared, his expression quickly replaced with a soft, happy smile.
"Hi," he said, his voice husky.
"Hi," I echoed before shuffling closer to him.
Immediately he shifted his position so that he could hold me tightly with both arms. His spot of the bed was comfortably warm, and it smelled of him, making it my favourite place to be. It became even better once his lips landed on my forehead in a sweet kiss.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked against my skin.
I nodded. "For the short amount that I did, yeah. You?"
He hummed before pulling me closer to him. "Yeah, I always sleep better when you're there. Even if you keep talking in your sleep," he added, clearly teasing me.
"I don't talk in my sleep!" I protested. He had to be teasing me, no one had ever told me that I talked in my sleep.
He shook his head. "You do. Not that much though, I just wanted to tease you," he admitted, laughing softly. "It's more like you mumble. It's entertaining."
I blushed, embarrassed for some reason and hoped that I hadn't said anything too compromising.
"You snore," I retorted before hiding my face further in his neck.
Harry let out a loud laugh, so loud that it echoed in the room. It was such a beautiful sound, it made me smile a little more. I was immediately pulled to him, I couldn't resist hearing him laugh like this, I couldn't resist seeing him smile so big. So I reached for him and kiss his lips softly. No matter how innocent the intentions were initially, the kiss turned into a little more. It wasn't me pressing my lips against his, it was him biting my lower lip, it was me opening my mouth slightly then it was him putting his tongue in my mouth and us kissing like our lives depended on it.
When I pulled away, when the kiss ended, my heart wanted to burst out of my chest. Feelings were overwhelming me, threatening to spill. I wanted to tell him again that I loved him, I wanted to tell him, loud and clear. But as I opened my mouth to say them, the words got caught in my throat.
We froze, both looking at each other. Me trying to get the words out and him waiting for me to say something.
And then all of a sudden, there it was, the awkward silence. The proof that we actually had laid our heart out the night before. But the problem was that we weren't drunk on each other anymore, we had woken up to a new day and now these three famous words dangled above our heads.
My reaction was a surprise. I had waited so long to tell him exactly how I felt, the words had come out the night before, over and over again, but in the light of the day, it seemed a little harder.
We looked at each other and it was clear that Harry knew what I was struggling with, and he didn't seem to be more comfortable with the situation than I was, he didn't try to say anything, he seemed to be just as speechless as I was.
Yet, we had known each other for over fifteen years. We had been friends, we had been best friends, we had been friends with benefits, but boyfriend and girlfriend, this was all new for us. And it seemed like neither of us knew what to do.
We were probably both overthinking it, because everything had always been so natural between us, there was no reason for this to be any different. Actually there was a reason: we both wanted it to work too much. I knew I had been in love with him since we were 18, and every day since then, I thought about telling him that I loved him, I had the occasion to do so now, it was out there already. Still, something made me hold it back.
Was it because I was scared? It had to be, because surely it wasn't because I didn't mean it.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that that was probably it. I didn't know just how far I could go. Was last night an exception to this unspoken rule of his. The Harry I knew, the Harry I grew up with, didn't say I love you. And that's what I was used to. Yesterday had worked for the best, but there was no way to know if it would today.
So I kept my mouth shut, but with every second of silence, the awkwardness grew, and with every second of silence, it became harder to say something. Every moment was a missed opportunity to say something and end it right there.
Thankfully, my phone started to ringing on my nightstand. I quickly moved to grab my phone and the both of started to breathe a little easier.
"Hello?" I answered, almost out of breath for being so nervous.
"Em, it's Melissa. Look I hate to do this since it's your day off, but it's crazy at the restaurant and no one can come in. Could you please please please come and help me?"
"Yes, yes of course," I replied quicker than I should have. "I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thank you, you're a life saver!"
I laughed softly before hanging up the phone. Then I turned around in bed and pressed a quick kiss on Harry's cheek before getting out of bed.
"I have to go to work, Mel needs help," I explained while biting my lips apologetically.
Even if I wanted the awkwardness to end didn't mean I didn't want to be with Harry. I had expected us to spend the day together, but with the awkwardness between us and Melissa asking for help, it looked like I had no choice but to cross that option.
"It's alright," he said, although I knew it wasn't alright. "Do you need a lift?" He then asked quickly before I could say anything.
I sighed and walked back to the bed. This wasn't ideal, the timing was both perfect and awful for me to go to work. Because I didn't know how to deal with the awkwardness but I knew that I couldn't leave it like that. Harry had a wild imagination, and I wasn't helping.
"Harry," I whispered as I leaned in to straddle his hips.
He sighed too before his hands slid along my legs and up to my hips. "It's fine, Em. I'll see you tonight."
"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I leaned forward and hid my face in his neck.
I truly was sorry, for leaving, but mainly for acting so weirdly with him. I felt him kiss my temple softly and his hands squeezing my skin. "You should start getting ready, it sounded like your friend was in trouble."
I nodded. "You're right, but I have time for a shower first. Want to join?"
He hesitated. He hesitated to take a shower with me. Harry hesitated to go into a small secluded space naked with me. Which meant that he was truly affected by what was happening between us. But he recovered quickly, catching my lips between his and getting out of bed with me hanging on to him as we headed into the shower.
I had waited a long time for this and it seemed like I had to work a little more.
.
.
.
Now, it couldn't be that easy, could it? ;)
I don't know if you can tell, but I feel like my updates are a little sloppy, both the schedule and the content. I feel like I haven't got the same level of quality in my writing, and I for those of you who are bothered by it, just like I am, I want to say sorry. I love writing, I love this story, but I've been a lot more busy lately and it's getting harder to write. But I'm pushing through it, and I'm trying to get back into it. Hopefully you still love my story. Hopefully you still love me, because I sure as hell love you :)
Thank you for reading, thank you for being such a motivation to write. <3
I'll see you next Sunday !
With all the love,
Karry xx.