Kate
"What?... oh no! Please don't look!" I panicked. I was finally starting to feeling relaxed around him that I forgot to hide my back. I ignored the pain from my bruised hip and moved into the centre of the bed as far away from him as I could go.
"Kate! I need to see, to make sure you're ok" I could only slightly hear the worry in his voice over the loud thumping of my heart.
"I'm fine... it's not from today" I didn't even notice I was crying till I felt the tears start to fall slowly down my cheek. Just looking at him shocked face I could see the disgusted look that was planted deep in his dark green eyes. Jake was on his knee beside the bed, a moment passed when I felt his hand on my chin lightly turning my head around to see him. He touched me like I was a china doll, which could break with one touch.
"Kate, tell me. Are they scars, how did it happen? " he said in a deep calming voice that sent tingles up and down my body.
"I... I had an accident when I was younger on my back and I just don't like people seeing it" I replied adjusting the robe that was covering me up.
"Kate, a few scars aren't going to scare me" it wasn't really the scars that I was really worried about but having to lie about how I really got them.
"No you don't understand" I looked anyway, wiping the tears from my cheek again. I don't even know why I'm crying! Fear? Sadness? Embarrassment? I haven't a clue, I just can't stop. "I've never shown them to anyone before, no one's ever seen them" Having him see them... touch them... the only person who has ever seen my scars is the person who put them there.
"What... not even a doctor?" he looked shocked and angry at me as I shook my head. "You've never seen a Doctor... Kate show them to me now" he moved closer on the bed. The calm soft Jake was gone replaced with the normal, rude alpha dominating Jake.
"It was a long time ago" I moved back again tightening the towels around me.
"It doesn't matter they can still get infectious" he said taking a tight grip of the towels I was using as a robe to cover everything up.
"I'm sure there fine..."
"Kate please let me see them" he said with his face so close to mine I thought about kissing him for a moment. It would be so easy to push my lips to his and feel like I did all the other times he kissed me. To feel like I was in a different world, like I was a different person all together, the person that I want to be but my passed won't allow me. I licked my lips wishing, hoping that he would just lean that extra bit closer. His lips always made me forget who I was, who I am and made me know who I want to be. I knew that if he kissed me now nothing would stop me from kissing him back and god knows where that would lead us.
I looked away from his lips back into his beautiful green eyes that pulled me tight in the chest, like someone had just pushed me to the ground. I could see that sincere worry and concern in his eyes, the care and kindness that shine bright within him. I've never seen him look at me like that before. I've seen him look at his family and his friends with the same loving look but never at me. It made me almost melt here on the bed. I knew right then and there that I trusted him. I trusted him more than I ever trusted another living human being. I've become so much more confident talking with him as the days have gone by, voicing my feelings of hurt and frustration towards him with no fear of the consequences. It was because I knew he would never hurt me, I trusted him even then I thought I hated him and now... I trust him even more.
"O...ok" I whispered low enough for him to hear. "You can see it but don't say I didn't warn you, it's not pretty" I laid back on the bed moving slowly to not hit my bruise and to hide my nakedness to him.
"Nothing about you could be seen as not pretty" his words sent a pain through my heart and tears in my eyes. He spoke too soon I'm sure. Just wait till he sees all of me... I turned over so I was lying on my stomach with the towel around my back. I slowly started pulling the towel lower and lower with shaking hands. So much so half way I felt his own hands take over, pulling the towel all the way, away from my back.
I felt hot and uncomfortable but at the same time very relaxed with his hands touching my skin to his. I felt like I was dreaming as the electric waves of heat he sent me washed over my body. He hadn't made a sound since the towel showed him all Bill's handy work. Then I felt his hands move from the towel to the top of my shoulders. His cold, ruff fingers felt so big and strong as they brushed smoothly and gently along my back, to the point when his fingers didn't feel cold atoll but burning hot and what first felt ruff now felt as soft as feathers flying along my skin. It sent little waves of shock through my heart as the thought of him touching my naked skin, having his eyes take me in. It wasn't until he got to the lower part of my back when I felt my heart start to attack my chest. I couldn't pull back now. I felt his fingers touch the first line of scars... breathe, breathe I told myself. He still hadn't made a sound as he moved his fingers over all the red marks of my skin.
"What happened?" his voice was nothing more than a whisper with his throat choking a little bit at the end.
"It was a long time ago, I can't really remember" I lied as I turned my head into the pillow to hide. Maybe I should have never showed him. I knew they would affect him, if he was ever attracted to me once he'll never be again. Not a man like Jake anyway, where he could have any girl that was perfect in every way.
"You're lying" he said moving his hands across the scars sending a shiver up my spine making me jump. "Tell me" he demanded
I've never told anyone any of this. I thought bringing it all back up I'd find in harder to forget all about my time in care. I never trusted anyone enough with my past, however much I love Millie I thought by telling her for my past she would see me differently. I didn't really think she would shun me or anything like that but she would just see me different and I couldn't let that happen. She was too sweet and innocent to take on my baggage.
But Jake...
There was just something about him. I wanted to tell him everything about me, I wanted him to know and understand the real me better than anyone else. I wanted to know and understand everything about him. It was just hard to let someone else in.
"I didn't really have the best childhood... my foster family they weren't the best of people. They believed in speaking through their fists, physical punishment was more there thing"
"They did this to you" he said as he kept brushing over the scars, I couldn't get used to someone touching them, I jumped every time.
Why is he touching them? He should be repulsed by them, yet he still keeps touching them so gently like he's scared he's going to hurt the six year old scars.
"Like I said it was a long time ago" I pulled the towel that was only just covering my bottom back up to cover myself. I slowly moved back around on my back trying not to lean on my hip. When I turn to look at his face for the first time since talking about the scars I saw how angry he looked. His once warm bright green eyes had now turned dark and blood shot, like he was almost near tears and his face was the reddest I'd ever seen. His body was tense and his hands where clenched in a tight fist.
"I don't give a shit how long ago it was!" he shouted at me. "Tell me you got them done for this?" he jumped to his feet as he started pacing from one side of the bed to the other. Maybe telling him wasn't the best of ideas.
"It wasn't that easy..."
"How old were you?" he stopped looking at the floor and looked at me with his hands on his hips. He looked like a mad man but I knew he wasn't angry or mad at me, he was just upset for me and that made me more happy than scared in that moment. He must care about me if he was acting like this, right?
"Jake it's fine, look I'm find now"
"How old were you?!" he demanded to know. I tried to act like I couldn't remember, like the ordeal hasn't been printed in my mind since the moment it happened.
"I'm not sure; I was with them for six years. I think I was about fourteen when he did that" he replied.
"He?!!" I swear I could see the smoke coming out from his ears.
"My foster father"
"Jesus... son of a bitch!" he said other words that I chose to blank out but then he turned around and punched the wall making me jump, that I couldn't blank out. Ok now I was a little scared. I hate aggressive and violent behaviour in every way and however much I trust Jake in the short time I've known him, seeing him just put a dent in the wall has made me see how dangerously strong he is. Tears were now swimming down my face. I moved right in the middle of the bed hitting the bed post, ignoring the pain that shot in my hip.
"Are there more? Kate!" he shouted and my heart was screaming so much I could hardly get my words out.
"More?" I asked with tears washing down my face. My voice was so choked I didn't know if he heard me.
"More scars! More times he hurt you!" he screamed at me again.
"Yes" I couldn't hear my own voice with the thumping of my heart but he heard it.
"Show me" he started to sound more calming and in control but I could see his chest raising and following fast and unevenly. He wasn't in control one bit.
"Jake..." I tried to calm him down.
"Show me!" he shouted sounding like a mad animal, like he was about to rip me apart. His eyes were the brightest green I've seen them go and his face was redder than my bruised hip. I could see the veins throbbing on his face and arms as his mussels tensed. I jumped off the bed biting hard the pain from the bruise as I rushed back into the bathroom before he knew what I was doing. I ran in the room locking the door behind me in a panic.
"Kate!" he shouted hitting the door trying to get it open. "Kate! Open the door now!" he screamed. How can I feel safe and warm near him when he acts like that? I just don't know. I haven't a clue... but I do.
I fell to the floor of the door with him still hitting it and I felt no fear or distrust on the man on the other side, I just wanted him to calm down, he needed to calm down. I just needed to be alone, I was better alone. I only had to worry about myself no one else but now Jake walks into my life and everything is different. I should be terrified of him, I should never want to be in his arms again but I do.
He kept hitting the door to get me to open when I finally heard him join me on the floor leaning on the door. Just like that he was in control again. I could feel it, I could sense it.
"Kate... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I don't know what came over me... please talk to me. Tell me you're alright" he sounded so sad on the other side. Knowing that I made him feel like that made me feel the same sadness. "Kate, please talk to me, please" When I finally found my voice I answered him.
"I'm fine" I replied trying to sound like my breathing was normal and that I wasn't crying my eyes out. I wanted to make him happy again, I didn't like that I was the one that had made him so angry.
"I didn't mean to scare you. Please don't hate me" I laughed nervously at his words. God if he only knew what I was starting to feel towards him and it wasn't fear of him, even though it should be.
"I don't hate you and you don't scare me Jake... well then you did but that was more my past allowing me to be scared, that's the problem. I scare myself"
"Well you scare me too" he said starting to sound a little more him again. What did he mean I scare him? I don't think I could scare a fly away.
"What?" I asked.
"You scare me Kate. I don't know what's happened to me. I've never been like this before. I don't go crazy over a girl, girls go crazy over me" he said making me laugh. "I know that makes me sound arrogant but it's the truth, I'm a player. I've been one since I turned sixteen. I never cared about another person that wasn't my family or friends before I met you" my mind was running around in my head trying to take in every word he spoke to keep up and understand. There was so much I wanted to say but I had to know what he wanted to say first.
"I've only known you for near a week Kate yet I care, I care about you. I care if you like me or not, I care about getting to know you and knowing everything about you even the things that are going to make me go a little crazy" he said. His voice was back to normal now. He didn't show nervous or unsure of his words anymore, which made me heart tighten as he went on.
"I care about making you happy, I care about making you laugh, I care about making you smile and I care about making you safe Kate. That's why you scare me. It pains me to think you're scared of me Kate but there is no way you're more scared of me than I am of you" he said leaning with a sigh back on the door. He cares? About me! Oh God what a mess all this was. He wasn't meant to care about me, he wasn't meant to be involved atoll yet here we both are, sitting on the floor, talking with a closed door between us.
"It's not you that scares me Jake, it's everything. I jump and flinch at everything around me and it annoys me every time it happens. I hate feeling so helpless and scared all the time. I'm going to say this now because there's a door between us and I normally wouldn't have the guts" he had been so honest and open with me and my heart was melting at the words he had spoken. I wanted nothing more than to open this door and feel his lips on mine. I had to be honest with him. I knew that we could never be together. We are worlds apart but if this is all we have, if this is our one moment to be honest with ourselves then I was going to do it.
"Every time someone touches me or gets close to me I flinch, I feel fear and panic run through me. My foster parents changed me, changed the way I feel around people, the things a feel about myself. They ruined my life. I've spent sixteen years of my life living in hell and four years trying to run away from it all. I've felt alone and scared, never letting anyone in or even close but with you I just feel... safe. And that scares me more than anything." The tears are starting again. God I never cry! The whole time I was with Tina and Bill I hardly ever cried but now being in the room with this man and I've cried most of the night.
"I care about you" I said taking in a large breath, I needed to get this out so my heart will just get over it. "I care about making you smile and laugh, I care about you not hating me, and I care about being near you and feeling safe. I was always taught to feel nothing and to care for no one but in the small time of knowing you I care, I feel. Hell most of the time you've hated me but I still felt deep inside safe near you"
"I didn't hate you. I just wanted you to think I hated you. I needed to push you away. I needed to scare you so you would stay away from me. It was easier at first than admitting my feelings for you" he said.
"What are your feelings?" my heart jumped in my throat, wondering what his answer will be. I had no idea what I felt for him. What I only can imagine is love, I've never been in love. I've never had anyone love me before. I was completely alien to what that emotion was meant to feel like. All I knew was I couldn't say I loved him until I know for sure what it was like to be loved and loved in return.
"Honestly, I have no idea what these feelings are but I know I don't want to stop feeling them. I feel like when I'm not with you I'm thinking about you and when I am with you all I can think about is holding you, kissing you, touching you. My head and heart fight constantly but what they both know is that being near you just makes me feel better" he answer makes me smile bigger than I thought possible. I release a breath I didn't realise I was holding. I stood up from the floor to open the door, shocking him to his feet.
"I feel the same" I kept my eyes down, too nervous to look him in the eye. He pulled my head up to look at him and I just can't look away. He steps closer towards me and my body knows what it wants, for the first time I'm willingly standing in his arms like I never want to be anywhere else.
His hands are on both sides of my face rubbing my cheeks. I close my eyes, curving my cheek into his palm feeling the warm fuzzy feeling swim over me.
And just like that we met half way with my lips pressed tightly against his as I experienced the best kiss of my life.