Cute little pic at the top. Enjoy reading!
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How can you sleep when the time disappears, With every raindrop after all those years- part of a lyrics my friend wrote.
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"Alex, don't be so mean to Elizabeth!" Mandy, our kindergarten teacher, lectured the little boy standing in front of me.
"But she stole my car!" he whined.
"No I didn't," I shot back, blinking the tears away. He looked down at me in confusion.
"And even if she did steal your car then that wouldn't give you the right to push her down," Many explained.
He looked up at her with big eyes. "Oh."
She nodded. "And now you'll apologize," she ordered, looking at him expectantly.
He looked down at me again and extended his hand. I took it and he helped me stand up. "I'm sorry," he hung his head a little in shame, but still managed to look down at me. A very familiar set of green eyes were peering guiltily into mine. When Mandy saw that I nodded she turned away from us. "It's just... It is a gift from my dad," he explained quietly.
I gave him a small smile. "It's okay Alex," I reassured him.
"Thanks Bee," his lips spread into a smile.
I blushed, "You're welcome. Can I help you look for your car?"
He grinned. "Sure."
When some time had passed and we still couldn't find it, we decided to split up, much to my dismay. I really liked Alex and wanted to spend some time with him. Although it wasn't nice of him to push me I understood that his car was very important to him. Maybe he'd let me play with him. The other boys never let me play with them.
While I was wandering around I bumped into a group of boys, playing on the ground with some toys. I gasped when I saw that one of them was playing with Alex' car. I snatched it out of his grip. "Hey! Give that back!"
I held it behind my back. "This isn't yours," I lectured.
"Give it back!" he ordered.
I shook my head. "No!" I was standing my ground.
Even as he stepped threateningly closer. "Give. It. Back."
I gulped, feeling the fear building in my stomach. I shook my head. And then it happened. He pushed me. "Ahhh!" I cried out, colliding with the ground.
"Give it back!" New tears filled my eyes, some already streaming down my cheeks.
"Leave her alone!" Alex appeared in my sight of vision, pushing the boy away from me. Through blurry eyes I saw him get up and run away.
Alex crouched down in front of me. "Bee, are you okay?"
I held his car up. "I got your car," I said quietly, trying to keep the sobbing at bay.
He smiled down at me and excepted it. "Thanks, Bee." I rubbed the tears away from my face . And when I looked up again he held his pinky finger in my face, his green orbs staring down at me. "Buddies?" he asked.
I smiled at him, eyes wide. And looped my pinky through his. "Buddies."
\\\\\
I awoke to the beeping of my alarm clock. I slowly pried my eyes open and rolled over, stopping the irritating noise. I stared up at the ceiling. What kind of weird dream was that?! I knew for sure that it couldn't possibly be a memory. I mean I was around, what? Five? And I couldn't see Jo anywhere. So, it was just a dream. Right?
I mean, I didn't have any memories of a boy named Alex. Even though his green eyes seemed strangely familiar. I rummaged through every memory of my childhood. But I couldn't put my finger on it.
Well, there were only two ways to find out.
1. Call Jo and ask her about our kindergarten time.
2. Ask my mom-she remembered every friend my sister and I ever had.
As I made myself ready for school the argument Logan and I had yesterday was replaying itself in the back of my head. I sighed as a very unnerving question popped into my head. Who's going to drive me to school?
I sighed deeply, trying to lift some of the heaviness off my chest. With no success.
Well, I guess I'll just have to ride the school bus. I quickly grabbed my phone and texted Logan.
To: Logan
Don't bother I got a ride
My heart felt heavy as I pressed the send button. My best friend knew me well enough to know that I couldn't just accept what had happened and move on. My plan was to behave like I always did when something like that'd happen. I was giving him the cold shoulder.
Maybe not the best way to deal with the situation, but in my eyes it was. That way no one could say anything he would regret later on. I mean if you were still in the first stage: anger. Which I was almost over, but I knew Logan liked to dwell in his anger.
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The bus ride to school was one weird encounter. When I entered I felt each and every single eye on me, analyzing my body from head to toe. I felt my left wrist start to itch as I walked down the aisle, looking for a free seat. A group of girls giggled when I passed them, making me look down. My hair falling like a curtain around my face.
"Liz! Hey Liz!"
I looked up when I heard my name. Three rows ahead, I saw Drew waving me over to him. Matthew was sitting next to him, smiling. The seat in front of them was unoccupied. I gave them a small smile as I approached them.
"Hey guys," I greeted them quietly. Careful not to draw any additional attention towards me. I sat down, scooting over to the window. Drew was constantly trying to converse with me as I untangled my earbuds. I gave short, one worded answers, not really in the mood to talk.
Seriously, how could someone be so talkative that early in the morning? "Drew, would you hate me if I," I didn't end the sentence, way too tired. Instead I gestured to my earbuds.
He shook his head, smiling. "Not at all, go ahead." I returned his smile then turned to the front again, putting my earbuds in. I leaned my head against the window as the events of yesterday replayed itself in my head.
The day before
"Oh and Ryan?" He looked over at me. We were still in the parking lot, sitting in his car. "Before I forget it." I fished them out of my bag and handed it to him. "Here."
A smile blossomed his lips. "You stole cookies for me?" His eyes sparkled with amusement and something else I couldn't exactly pinpoint.
I blushed lightly. "Well, technically it wasn't stealing because I baked them. But... I thought that it was only fair. Since you had to go to Jeremy's today although you two have your differences. And I know that they are your favorite, so-"
He cut me off my explanation, surprising me by leaning in and hugging me. "Thanks for stealing cookies for me, Bee," he mumbled against my neck.
I slowly wrapped my arms around him and uttered several stupid words that I would definitely regret after saying them. "Thanks for this week, Ryan."
Now
I sighed. You see it wasn't exactly easy for me to fall asleep last night. Not only the fight with Logan, but the whole day kept me up all night. The things that happened with Jere. Things that happened with Ryan. Every conversation I had, every single person I met that day. It was all swirling inside my head, not allowing my mind to rest.
Surprisingly I didn't have dark circles under my eyes though I think I was paler than usual-
I jerked my head up when I heard booming laughter coming from my left, startling me. There was a group of guys, not far from me, laughing their asses off about something. I ignored them and rolling my eyes I stared out the window.
A few minutes passed until we came to the next stop. I was listening to a rock song, watching as a few trees passed bye. I wasn't paying any attention to the people who entered the bus. Until I looked up and saw the kid from yesterday, the one I had helped to gather his stuff together after he had a very unpleasant encounter with several guys.
Hold on.
Were my eyes betraying me or were those laughter guys the ones that caused all that?
The ones the kid was standing in front of this very moment?
I grimaced as I watched them burst out laughing again. This wasn't going to end well. I took my earbuds out in order to listen to their conversation.
"Your seat?" One of them laughed. "That was a good one," he wiped an imaginary tear out of his eye. I rolled my eyes, but bit my lip nervously. He waved, as if to dismiss the kid. "Go on, sit somewhere else. I don't have time for this." But the kid stood his ground.
That was never a good sign.
But right at that moment the bus made a turn and the kid lost his balance and collided with the opposite seat before landing on the floor.
The bus boomed with laughter.
Not only his tormentors guffawed, but also everyone else. Even Drew and Matthew behind me. My heart fell in my chest. I knew how he felt. "Don't be so mean," I scowled at the two in the seat behind me before jumping up and helping the kid off the floor.
"Are you okay?" I asked when he regained his footing. Recognition flashed over his features. He opened his mouth, but one of the laughter guys beat him to it.
"Aw, look at that. She comes to his rescue." Laughter followed. Oh really mature.
I rolled my eyes and turned around. Just to be greeted with a familiar face."Shut up, Jensen."
Someone whistled. "Feisty, I like it." They cackled.
"Come on," I said quietly to the kid, grabbing his upper arm and pushing him in the direction of my seat.
"Not so fast sweetheart." I had no idea how he did it, but in the next moment I was sitting in his lap. His friends laughed. I glared at them as I tried to get up. He was too close. But Jensen had a firm grip on my waist.
"Damn it Jensen, leave me alone," I glared.
Something sparkled in his eyes. "Ah, she knows my name. Well, sweety, how do you know my name?"
I rolled my eyes. He had probably seen me over a hundred times before. After games, at team meetings, in school, at parties. Everywhere.
"Hey, let go of her," the kid stepped forward.
I shook my head at him. Don't. He'd only get another round of trouble if he'd help me. He seemed to get it, because his eyes went from brave to sympathetic. Jensen ignored him anyways.
"So, honey. Why don't you give me your number so we can take this somewhere more private?" he whispered huskily into my ear, drawing circles on my thigh. "I swear you won't regret it."
I grimaced. He is disgusting me more by the minute.
"Dude, you should really think about your next move!" Drew called out from behind, an unspoken warning in his voice. Jensen ignored him, smirking at me.
"One of two things is going to happen if you don't stop talking. 1. I will slap you or number 2 I have to throw up." I wasn't joking, I already felt a little sick, because of the fear that was twisting my stomach.
"You like kinky stuff, don't you, sw-" was all he got out before I slapped him. Shock and surprise coated his features as he held his cheek with one hand. I took this moment to stand up. I couldn't believe I just did that. My palm stung a little. Never before had I slapped someone. Gosh, what was wrong with me?
"Bitch!" he stood up as well, grabbing my wrist. "No one's getting away with slapping me." We glared at each other.
Fear, evident in my stomach as I gulped. "What are you going to do about it?" It wasn't something to provoke him it was a simple question.
A very creepy smile appeared on his face as he looked me up and down. I only realized that he had a hand pressed against the small of my back when it was too late. And it wandered down to my ass. I gasped, standing frozen in shock. He squeezed my behind. I reached out on reflex with my other hand, trying to slap him again, but he caught it easily.
"Well, you have a really nice ass. A bit flat maybe, but otherwise," he smacked my butt. Hard. I flinched, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. "Perfect for spanking." His buddy's laughed. Now who's the kinky one of us?
"I wish you hadn't done that. 'Cause this isn't over yet," I growled lowly. Because I just had a feeling that my friends were going to find out about it somehow. And if that would happen... well, let's just say shit was going to hit the fan.
"You're right," he smacked me again. I clenched my jaw. "It isn't." And with that he released me.
They laughed as I went back to my seat, the fire burning inside of me.
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"Thanks uh b-by-by the way," the kid spoke for the first time since we had sat down. I glanced at him for a moment. I couldn't say that it was no problem, because well... obviously it was. After the encounter with Jensen I kind of had the urge to shower ten times in a row. So, instead I said:
"I'm Liz," I extended my hand.
"C-C-Christopher," he answered, slipping his hand into mine.
I forced a small smile. "Okay, Christopher, tell me, why do you purposefully jump down a cliff?"
He gave me a bewildered look. "Tha-That would be s-s-suicide."
"Exactly. So, why did you do it? You could have just ask me if the seat next to me was unoccupied. But instead you went and provoked the lion." Okay, so maybe I was a little harsh to him, but... after all that I really wasn't in the mood for small talk.
He looked down in shame. "I w-w-wanted to m-make a p-p-point. To s-stand up f-for my-myself," he answered quietly.
I nodded in understanding. "You know, Chris sometimes you have to accept the fact that you can't win." He nodded, looking at his lap. "But sometimes you have to fight and not give a damn about if you win or not." He looked up at me. I smiled softly at him. "What you did was brave, braver than I could ever be."
I hesitated before I placed my palm on the back of his hand. He looked at our hands, then back up at me. "Don't talk like you care if you are just going to make fun of me," he glared and slipped his hand out from under mine. Hurt consumed my heart.
Don't be so surprised. You were too bitchy on him before! Selfless my ass.
"I do mean it, you know?" I said quietly. "Do you think I just went through all that, to help you, just to get the chance to make fun of you myself?"
And you're talking about yourself again. Aw, someone touched you boo-hoo!
I shut my eyes closed for a moment to get rid off the small voice in the back of my head. When I opened them again, shame had washed over Chris' features as he looked at me. "You are right. I-I-I'm sorry," his voice was filled with regret.
"It's okay. I get it, you know?"
He nodded. It was silent for a second. "Th-this is new t-to m-m-me. I-I never talked to a g-g-girl before f-f-for longer th-than 5 s-seconds," he blurted out, blushing.
I chuckled softly. "It's easy, really," I promised. I bit my lip. "I could train you if you'd like." He nodded enthusiastically. "Chris, that was a joke," I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
"Oh," he blushed and looked down.
"But if you really want to I could give you a few tips, I guess."
He smiled. "That'd be great."
"Nice, so how about we continue this at lunch?"
His eyes widened.
"What?"
"You-you w-w-want to-to e-eat lunch with-with us?"
"Us?"
"Me and the other geeks."
"Well, yeah, I do want to." A felt a hint of fear curl up in my stomach.
Ryan flashed through my mind. "But I don't know if I can. You know what, I'm just gonna ask Ryan if he can join us. If that's alright of course."
"R-R-Ryan? R-Ryan J-Johnson? You mean the-the f-f-foot-footballer?"
"Yeah," I said slowly. Don't want to get him hyperventilating.
"You are friends with R-Ryan-Ryan Johnson?"
I nodded my head. "Yup."
"Then w-why are-are you h-helping me?" he looked at me as if I grew a second head.
"What?!"
"Seriously w-w-when you have p-popular j-j-jocks as friends then w-why do y-you g-g-give a d-damn about m-me?"
I stared at him, eyes wide. I was shocked. How could he think that of me? Because everyone else is doing it! Besides, he doesn't know you.
"Because almost everyone thinks like you do. But you forgot about one thing. Not every person is the same. You don't know me. I have a mind of my own. And I can make my own decisions based on what I see. And when I saw that you were in trouble I didn't think about my friends or anyone else. I was only thinking about the way you must have felt. And that if I was in your position I'd want someone to help me.
"That I wished that someone would have helped me when I-" I stopped abruptly, realizing that I was talking to a stranger. I surely didn't want to scare him away. "Anyways, we will see," I turned to look at him, smiling. He was looking at me in curiosity.
I put one earbud in my ear, offering him the other one. He shook his head. I smiled at him before putting the other one in my right ear. We didn't talk from then on until we reached the school.
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I walked tentatively to his door. I bit my lip, hesitating for a second before knocking. Fear was evident in my stomach as I waited, my heart beating against my rib cage. I could almost smell the trouble that will await me on the other side of the door.
I just had the strong feeling that he'd kick me out.
It felt like hours passed as I waited in the hall, anxiety building up in my whole body as scenario after scenario flashed through my mind. But I was positive that only a few seconds went by before I heard his muffled voice. "Come in." So, I did. "Ah, Elizabeth," he smiled, leaning against his table.
"Erm... You... You wanted to see me?" I got out, voice tight. The only thing I could feel was my heart thumping against my chest as I waited for his response.
"Yes," he nodded. "Take a seat," he gestured to a chair near his desk.
I obeyed. For a minute we just stared at each other.
"I want you to-"
"I'm sorry."
We spoke at the same time. I apologized again for interrupting him.
"Ms. Graham I want you to do two things." I nodded. "1. Apologize."
I shook my head. "Of course, Mr. Sullivan, I'm really sorry. I have no idea what got into me. I just... I'm really sorry," I said regretful, my eyes staring pleadingly into his.
He nodded. And it felt like part of the heaviness was lifted off my chest. But I grew nervous when he continued to stay silent. He didn't look at me either. Instead he played with the pencil lying on his desk.
He broke the silence after a few minutes went by.
"I have a question, Ms. Graham." I nodded though he didn't look up at me. "Why?" This time he did look up. "Why would someone be angry with me for doing them a favor?"
I kept my gaze on my hands as silence engulfed us. After a while I gave him a half hearted shrug.
"Okay," he said. A second later I heard a chair screeching against the tilt floor. I watched him through my eyelashes as he walked to the front of his desk. He leaned against it, arms crossed over his chest. "Then let me rephrase that sentence. Either you tell me or you write me an essay about it." His voice had turned sharp, a hint of impatience in it.
My jaw dropped a little. I had guessed before that he would make me write an essay, but I thought it'd be about the consequences of disrespecting teachers. Not about the reason. I shook my head. "I... Please, I apologized, isn't that enough? I had a bad day that's all there is to know," I pleaded.
He sighed after a minute of silence had passed. "Look, Elizabeth, I might be your literature teacher, but I'm also the guidance counselor-"
"Really?"
"Yeah, because I only have a few classes and because-" he cut himself off. "Whatever, don't change the topic." He gave me a pointed look. I bit my lip. "So, how about you tell me why you were so mad at me?"
This time it was my turn to sigh. "Two."
"What?"
I gulped. "You didn't do me just one favor, but two." Or at least in his opinion it was a favor.
He tilted his head to the side, nodding slowly, letting me know he wanted me to continue.
"Well, in case you haven't noticed yet, I'm not particularly popular." He opened his mouth, eyebrows knitted, but I didn't give him the chance to say something. "But Ryan is." Realization washed over his features.
"Elizabeth-"
"So most people don't particularly like me in general. And then there is you, doing me favors. Me. Only me. That's only going to make them hate me even more."
"But nobody knows."
"I know," I said, pointing at my chest.
His features softened.
"And I would hate me too if I were them. Having the new teacher doing me favors."
There was a stretch of silence between us.
"Am I dismissed?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to get out of there.
He nodded and I jumped up and walked to the door.
"Elizabeth." My hand was on the doorknob when he called out to me. I turned around. "Do you have anyone to talk to?"
I knitted my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, do you have people you can trust?" An image of Logan crossed my mind. "People that care about you?" I had to think about my parents. "Friends, maybe?" The guys and Jo flashed through my conscious. "Or a boyfriend?"
I stayed silent.
"Well, if you ever need somebody to talk to, you can always come to me." He offered me a smile.
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why are you doing this? And don't give me the 'I'm your teacher and guidance counselor' fudge."
He actually smiled at that. Then shrugged.
"People say I'm a good listener. Besides, everyone needs somebody once in a while."
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I didn't see Logan until lunch. He skipped biology for reasons I didn't know, but was on point at lunch break. Christopher was walking me to his table when I saw my best friend in line. He was just going to forget about it and sit at our usual table like nothing had ever happened. He never glanced my way, but I think he knew that something was off.
"O-okay, er are y-you s-sure you w-w-ant to do t-this?" Christopher asked worried.
Slowly but surely I was starting to think that he was the male version of me. "Yep. Are the others as shy as you?"
"More o-o-or less," he answered, blushing lightly.
"Chris, you are able to talk to girls, you know. You're talking to me."
He didn't answer me but continued walking straight ahead until we came to a small table. He sat down, gesturing to the free chair next to his. There were a few other boys at the table, discussing something. Something they were so interested and deep in conversation with that they didn't even notice us approaching.
"Guys?" Chris tried to get their attention. They continued on as if they didn't hear him. "Guys," he said firmly.
"Yeah, yeah, Chris, it's nice to see you too," one of them said, scrolling through his phone while the others were in a heated conversation.
"I'm sorry," Christopher said apologetically, though I heard a pinch of annoyance in his voice.
"No, it's okay," I reassured him.
"Bam, you see that?" asked the one who had 'greeted' Chris, shoving his phone in their faces. "That version is way better than whatever shit you-"
"Guys!"
Their heads jerked in our direction, startled. "Wha-" Every word died down when they saw me. They were way more surprised than I had imagined.
"Hey," I greeted them, smiling softly. They kept staring at me in silence, making me feel uncomfortable. "Em... I'm Liz. It's, er... it's nice to meet you."
Silence.
I looked at Christopher for help. "I knew this was a bad idea," he said under his breath.
"If I'm interrupting then I can just go," I offered, pointing over my shoulder. Before they could answer, my phone started buzzing in the back pocket of my jeans. "Give me a minute," I said to Chris. He nodded.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Where the fuck are you?"
"In the cafeteria," I answered him.
"No, you are not. You aren't at my table and neither are you at yours." I turned around in my seat to find him standing near my usual table, looking around. "So, where are you?"
He had probably asked my friends if they knew where I was. "Turn around," I ordered. So he did. "Do you see the small table in the corner?"
His eyes met mine.
"Do you see me?"
"I'm there in a sec."
"Okay."
We hung up. I turned to the kids. "Sorry I had to take this. Sooo... Is it okay if I stay?" I asked with a small smile.
"Of c-course," the one with the phone said. "Hi, I'm Greg," he introduced, extending his hand towards me.
I smiled and took it. "Liz." We shook hands. When I let go he stared at his hand in awe and... sniffed it? Chris kicked him under the table, snapping Greg out of his trance before introducing the other boys.
Fortunately there were no other creepy incidents.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around.
Ryan was standing in front of me, his face showed all signs of confusion. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
I nodded. "Sure." I turned to the others. "I'll be right back," I reassured them, but they weren't even looking at me but ogling at Ryan.
We distanced ourselves from the table, stopping once we were out of earshot.
"Who are those weirdos?"
My smile fell, a flash of hurt crossed my heart. "They are people I know. And don't call them weirdos."
He raised his eyebrows at me. "So, it wasn't weird at all that one of them sniffed his hand?"
I pursed my lips. Ryan:1. Liz:0
"They are different from you and me," I explained.
"With other words total nobodies." It felt like a slap to the face. "Why do you even want to eat at their table?"
"Because I am a nobody, Ryan," I pointed out. That was something I got more and more aware of day by day.
His eyes softened. "Bee, you aren't nobody. Everyone loves you."
"Not everyone," I muttered under my breath. The incident with Jensen flashed through my mind. It was only a matter of time until they'd hear about it. "Ryan would you do me the favor and sit with us.
He glanced at them then back at me. He let out a sigh. "Fine, but you owe me."
I smiled at him. "I swear I'll make it up to you," I promised.
"What will you do, bake me cookies for the rest of your life?"
I laughed. "Okay, I'll figure something out."
He smiled at me and we sat back down. "Hey, Ryan," one of them blurted out.
I smiled softly. Ryan glanced at me. "Hey," he answered slowly.
"I can't believe we are sitting at a table with a girl and Ryan Johnson," another one piped up.
Greg nudged him. "Calm down, man."
Ryan turned to me with a pointed look on his face that just screamed 'weirdos'. I just smiled sweetly at him. "Okay," he turned back. "So, what are you guys? Juniors? Sophomores? Come on, you can't be in your freshman year."
Before they could answer, I poked his side. His head jerked up to meet my eyes. "That's not important Ryan," I smiled sickly sweet at him.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "How have you guys met anyway?" Ryan asked them.
They looked at Christopher expectantly. "Er-er-erm... erm," he stuttered. It was obvious that he was embarrassed by the way we had met. That a girl had helped him. Man's pride. "Chris helped me out the other day," I jumped in. Relieve was evident on his face. And he smiled at me, thankful.
His friends seemed to buy it. But Ryan was another story. He turned to me and leaned in, making my heart skip a beat. "As if this dwarf could help you," he whispered in my ear.
I slapped his chest. "Stop i-"
I was cut off by the buzzing and ringing of every single phone in the whole cafeteria. I knitted my eyebrows together in confusion as I glanced over at Ryan. His expression mirrored mine. Something was off about this.
It couldn't be a coincidence that every student got a message at the same time. Ryan and the others at the table looked at their phones. I leaned into Ryan to get a better look. When the image finished loading I froze.
What I saw took my breath away. "No," I muttered absentmindedly, shocked. "No, no, no, no,no, no, no. Fuck, no. Please."
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Hey guys
I'm really sorry that I took so long to update. But I hope you enjoyed reading this chappy. I hope the beginning got you a little speculating. Also, I left you with a cliffhanger.
BTW I wanted to thank all of you for reading and voting and commenting for Life is Liz. It means so much to me. So, thank you!!!!
Please comment\ vote?
Hugs and kisses
Kathy