V i o l e t t a
I almost fainted.
Yeah, that's right.
The man I was possibly in love with was sitting right in front of me, waiting for an answer, an answer to him and I's future, if a future like that still exists. I couldn't help but stare at him, speechless, at a loss for words.
Have I ever thought about it? Yes.
Have I ever thought about Leon asking me this? No, definitely not.
Of course I missed Leon. And sometimes, I regretted breaking up with him. But, I knew it was the right thing to do. Who would still be dating the guy that cheated on them? I would be an obvious idiot if I did, and there was a high chance he would do it again, because you know what they say. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I missed him though. More than I should, and that was scaring me, every day was becoming more and more difficult not to think about him. I struggled to keep my thoughts away from him, but always failed miserably. And honestly, I didn't even know what I wanted.
I blinked multiple times, trying to come up with an answer. A part of me was screaming like, Yes, yes, say yes dammit!, and the other side, the logical side of myself, was telling me to calm down and kindly crush his hopes of us ever getting back together.
But, which part was stronger?
"Violetta..?" He asked, a sign of worry on his face, taking me by surprise.
My breath hitched and I felt like I couldn't speak, "I-uh, I, Leon, I, uhm.. I'm sorry." I spelled out after a long time, "I'm sorry Leon. I-I can't.." I said and pulled away, snapping out of my dream.
The distance that was so little suddenly became so much, as I stood up and walked backwards. He quickly stood up and moved towards me, but I put my hand up to stop him.
"No, Leon, no. J-just, don't." I stuttered, my voice coming off shaky, and I cursed myself for sounding so vulnerable.
"No, listen, we can talk this out--"
"I d-don't.. Sorry, Leon. I'm s-sorry." I managed to say, interrupting him, even though those words were breaking my heart.
Then, I took the easy way out.
Like a coward, I turned around and ran.
I ran, and didn't even stop when I heard him yell my name, more than enough times under normal circumstances. I ran, and didn't stop until I saw the lights of my house in the small distance.
When I reached the door, I turned my head and looked around, but there was no sign of Leon. I really hoped he gave up on me, at least for today.
I entered the house quickly, and when I got inside I locked the door, since no one else was going to go out. I immediately noticed dad on a couch in the living room watching a movie, and I wanted nothing more than to run to my room.
Tears were now forming in my eyes, and soon enough they were all over my face, running down on it like a river. Had I done the right choice? Was I right to say no?
I tried as quietly as I could for him not to see me, but when I had reached the stairs, he unfortunately noticed me.
"Vilu? How was dinner?" He asked.
Thankfully, I had my back on him, and he couldn't see my face. If he did, I bet that Federico would be dead already. And I didn't want him to be at fault for something he didn't even do.
"I'm a little tired dad.. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" I avoided his question about the dinner and quickly walked up the rest of the stairs.
My dad let go of the conversation and focused on the movie. Thank God for those superhero movies on TV, sometimes.
I went to my bedroom, walked in and then locked the door behind me. I dressed out of mum's magnificent dress and put on my my pajamas, and removed the make up from my face. Then, I fell on my bed, and let the rest of the tears come out.
- - -
An hour or so had passed. I had calmed down a little, but nothing that made me peaceful enough. Nothing could ease my mind, and I kept thinking if I had done the right choice.
I think I had never cried like this again. Not even during the first days of the breakup. I don't think I had cried that much. But now, I had broken a record.
It was different this time. Leon had done the ultimate thing. After being humiliated and continuously rejected, he still gave it a try and asked me if we indeed still had a future after what happened. And I? I ran away, cowardly, from him, his feelings, from.. whatever we had.
Why am I so complicated? Why can't I sort out what I want, and decide if I do wish to date him again, or to keep him away forever? Why am I so conflicted? And most important of all, was I right to not even listen to his full explanations every time he made an attempt to talk to me?
Yes, I did care. And there were times that I wondered, was it really my conscience warning me to be careful of being hurt again, or my pride not giving in because he was perhaps right and didn't want to kiss her?
And that was bringing me back to my first thought. Should I have listened to him when he tried to explain?
Probably yes.
But, what was done, was done. End of the story. There was no going back and changing what happened.
Minutes and minutes later that felt like a century, I layed with back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I had finally stopped crying, my face was dry from tears, and the deep silence could be cut with a knife.
My phone beeped. Strangely, it was the first time I'd heard it ring, but inside were 9 missed calls from Leon, most probably gone to voicemail.
I hesitated for a moment, but I couldn't resist and checked my voicemail. And yes, indeed, he had left three messages, at the end of three calls.
Should I-?
No. Definitely not.
But, what if.. Ugh, never mind, I'll do it. I'll regret it later.
I pressed play on the first voicemail and held my breath.
Violetta, I'm begging you, please, just listen to me. I don't want anything else than to talk to you. Please, call me back and we can talk through this. Please.
Ignoring the sting in my heart, I let the next voicemail play follow and closed my eyes, listening to his voice.
It's Leon again. I know that you want nothing else than for me to stay away. But things were good between us.. At least that's the impression today gave me, and the other day at the Studio. Give me a chance, Violetta, just to talk. I'll be waiting.
This touched me more than the previous one, and the tears threatened to come out again. I barely managed to keep them from running freely.
I don't know if you're ever going to hear this, but just so you know, I've been miserable for the past hour here. I contemplated coming to your house, but then I thought that you'd throw me from the window and decided against it. I'm only asking for one chance, Violetta. I'll tell you everything, from that day to today, I promise you. One chance. Please, I beg you. Please, Vilu..
That was the final blow. When he said Vilu.. I couldn't help it but the tears escaped and found their way down my face again. He sounded sincere, like he wasn't lying. What if he wasn't indeed? Should I really give him a moment to talk this out and maybe try to solve it? Should I?
Before I could think this through, I received a message from Francesca, Camila, and I's group chat.
Frannie🌼: Soooo, Violettaaaa
Frannie🌼: How was tonight?
Cami🌹: Oh yes, care to tell us?
Vilu🥀: Horrible.
Several texts were sent immediately, and I knew it was because they thought the whole date went wrong. After all, they were the ones who set me up with Leon.
Frannie🌼: WAIT WHAT
Frannie🌼: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HORRIBLE
Frannie🌼: WHAT HAPPENED
Cami🌹: Sweetheart, what happened?
Cami🌹: We're here for you.
Vilu🥀: I know you set us up on a date. I realized that when we went to the beach. We had incredible fun at the restaurant, I honestly hadn't been this happy since the breakup. And then, we went to the beach. It was peaceful, and wonderful until he asked me something I couldn't give him the answer he wanted.
Frannie🌼: The dude is sabotaging his own date.. I can't believe this.
Cami🌹: Like, for real? How did he manage to do that goes over me.
Cami🌹: Anyway, go on.
Frannie🌼: Yeah, yeah, don't leave us hanging out there!
Vilu🥀: He wanted to know if we still had hopes of getting back together, or if it was completely over.
Frannie🌼: OOF
Frannie🌼: That was easy, wasn't it?
I didn't reply.
Frannie🌼: Wait.
Cami🌹: Oh God, you told him no, didn't you?
Vilu🥀: Kind of..
And then the group chat was dead. I don't know if they were more disappointed in me or Leon. It didn't matter anyway.
I buried my face in my hands, and thought about that specific moment again and again. It was only when my door knocked that I snapped out of it.
"It's locked." I called, but the person somehow unlocked it and then opened it.
It was Federico. The mastermind behind this..
"And I," He said as he closed the door and came to sit next to me, "Brought a key." He showed me the key.
I gave him a strict look, full of meaning, and he shrugged innocently. "I want to be alone, Federico. Please."
"Oh, no you don't." He disagreed and took me in his arms by surprise, hugging me tightly. "I know you're not okay."
"And how do you know?" I requested to know.
He glanced around the room before answering, "From Diego who found out from Leon."
My eyes were wide, "So it was all of you! Not just the girls and you! You sneaky little shit!" I slapped his shoulder and he hushed me.
"I did it for you." He whispered and kissed my head, while still hugging me.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Still ended up a disaster." I argued, but made no move to pull away. He was great at comforting people.
He chuckled so lightly that I almost couldn't hear him, "Yet I know you're sad because you wanted to tell him the exact opposite of what you did."
I didn't speak after that, just closed my eyes and relaxed into the hug. He was like the big brother I never had. Every time I had needed his help about Leon, he was there. And I was very thankful about that. Hell, the boy planned a whole date for us two, paid everything, and we didn't even know a thing!
And though, his words were running through my mind. What he last said, about me being sad because I had rejected Leon, and actually wanted to tell him the opposite.
I didn't speak because deep down, I knew he was right.