Song - Shawn Mendes - A Little Too Much
The pub had closed and while the streets are packed with students walking back to their dorms, I walk alongside Nova and Niall who are trying to keep each other walking in a straight line and failing miserably, laughing as they slur every word coming out of their mouths and singing at the top of their lungs, while Harry and Astrid cling onto either side of me, giggling at Harry's attempt to sound American.
When we arrive at the front doors of Astrid's building, she puts her arms around me in a tight squeeze. "You, my friend Paisley!--I love you!" She had more to drink than I thought she would, leaving me to be the only sober one for the night. "I'm so sooo so happy you're my friend! My best friend, that's what you are!"
"Hey now, what about me?" Harry asks, pouting his lip out and I can't help but smile at how cute he looks, looking over at us like a child who got left out.
"Youuuu Mr. Harry," Astrid lets me go and stumbles over to him. "You--I'm so happy we're all friends! We're like the three amigos--until slutface Ruby shows up and ruins everything!"
I laugh at how drinking makes people say what they really feel. They have no filter and the truth easily falls from their lips. She has a point though. Ruby is capable of ruining everything. She never showed her face again tonight, which surprised me, but I know on Monday, we'll be seeing her again.
"The three amigos!" Harry yells, throwing his hands drunkenly into the air. "I think this calls for a picture! Because what's life without pictures!?" He giggles.
After taking a few selfies together, we bid Astrid goodnight and continue walking with Nova and Niall to our building next door.
"Do you think Harry could sleep in our room tonight?" Nova turns to me with hopeful eyes. "Ya know, so Niall and I can have their room to ourselves? I need to give my sexy boyfriend a good night of birthday sex!"
My whole body tenses at the thought of sharing a room with Harry for the night, which I'm sure would be noticeable to anyone. But the three of them standing before me are drunk, and probably can't sense it, or at least I hope they can't. "I,- um, I,-" I stutter. "Yeah. I guess."
Niall in turn picks Nova up off the ground, spinning her in circles as she leans down to kiss him, apparently thankful for my answer, despite how hard it was to get out of me. I wanted more than anything to say no. No, it's not fine that I have to share a room with someone of the opposite sex. No, it's simply not okay. But I know that if I answer the way I want to, too many questions will arise and I don't want any attention drawn towards the way I feel.
As Harry and I watch them go into the building together, my nerves pick up again and my heart beat begins another race. "I promise I wont bite Paisley!" Harry jokes as he walks closer to me. The dimpled smile changes to a frown when he gets closer to me. "You don't need to look like that!"
"Look like what?"
"Like you think I'm going to hurt you." He puts his hand on my shoulder and my body flinches away at his touch. I internally scold myself for showing him I'm scared, especially after the progress I thought I had made with him over this past week of knowing him. There had been plenty of times our bodies had come in contact, more so than ever tonight at the pub. I don't understand why I feel so afraid. Maybe because it's the middle of the night and we're alone and he's drunk and he's going to be sharing a room with me. All of the above has never been a nice thing in the past and for some reason, even though I know I'm looking at Harry and not someone who used to continually hurt me, I can't shake the terrified feeling in my gut.
Even in his drunken state, he notices my change in stance and looks at me carefully, studying my face. His eyes flick back and fourth between mine like he's trying to figure out what went wrong. "You don't think I'm going to hurt you, do you?" He asks, after a long silence.
"No," I answer, too quickly, looking to the ground.
He takes another step closer to me to stand right in front of me. When he puts his hand under my chin to tilt my head up to look at him, I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. My heart feels like it's going to explode if it beats any harder. "Please look at me," he whispers.
When I open my eyes, his face is inches from mine. His green eyes flicking back and fourth between mine again. He moves his fingers from my chin and puts both of his hands on the side of my face, gently rubbing his thumb across my cheek.
"Trust me, Paisley," he whispers, repeating his words from the night in the studio. I feel like he's going to kiss me as his eyes look down at my lips before returning back to my eyes. He is the most heavenly human being I've ever laid my eyes upon. I don't want to be afraid to be this close to him. I don't want to withdraw from his touch. I want to be able to wrap my arms around his perfectly toned body and press my lips against his and trust him like he's asked me to, like any normal girl would. But as much as I've known since the first day that I met him that I can trust him, that little bit of trust that I do have in him just isn't enough. Not when I still have these moments of fear, cowering from a simple touch of his hand.
One day I will be able to trust him. I can feel it in my bones that one day, that day will come and I wont be afraid. I wont have any fears and everything in my past will be just that-- The past. But it's only been a few months and it hasn't been long enough for me to get passed it all. But just having Harry here, standing almost too close for comfort, I know that one day I will be fine. I just need more time.
"Do you trust me?" Harry asks, repeating his motions with his thumb caressing my cheek. He looks concerned and I can tell he is thinking somehow we've taken a step in the wrong direction even considering our close proximity. "Please, Paisley. Please tell me that you trust me. I need you to trust me."
"Why?" I finally speak.
He finally releases his hands from my face and takes a small step back away from me. "Because we're friends. And you should be able to trust your friends. I don't know why you don't trust me and it honestly kills me when you do this." With the way he was with me a few moments ago, I thought maybe he wasn't drunk anymore. That somehow the way I evaded him sobered him up a little, but with how he's speaking his mind now, a little slur to his words, I know that I was wrong.
"Do what?" I act innocent, like I have no idea what he's talking about. I want to hear what he thinks and how he really feels. If he's still drunk, he's surely going to say whatever he wants.
"Act like you're afraid of me, like you're nervous to be around me," he answers, loudly. I can tell by his voice that he is now irritated. "I don't understand how one minute you're fine and the next you're afraid of me. I don't fucking understand! I've been trying so hard to figure you out. I've been doing everything I can to make you comfortable around me, and still this! I don't get it!" He pulls his bandanna off his head and rubs his hands through his hair as he paces around the grass in front of me, frustrated.
His loud voice only seems to make things worse for me. My hands start to shake and I try to swallow the lump in my throat. I knew he had been trying to figure me out. I could tell every time he looked at me long enough that I could sense he was trying to understand me. I have to be stronger. I have to stop showing how afraid I am. I just need to be brave. I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself back down as I watch his pacing before me.
"I trust you, Harry." I decide that I need to answer his previous question this way, even if it's not one hundred percent. I need for him to not be frustrated and just go back to being Harry. Not someone who yells in frustration, no matter how short lived it was. "Come on, lets just go to bed."
He follows me to my dorm room, both of us not speaking a word. When I unlock the door and we walk into the dimly lit room, we barely look at each other. I remind myself to just keep breathing to keep my heartbeat steady, while he simply looks defeated. His eyes are cast down and he sighs heavily, feeling the tension in the air between us.
"Just give it time, Harry," I finally say, breaking the long silence. He looks over at me from the opposite side of the room as he sits on Nova's bed. And despite the fact that we are now in my dorm room alone, exactly what I had been afraid of, seeing him look at me the way he is right now, messy curls lining his face and melancholy forest green eyes, I don't feel nervous. I can see that somehow my actions have hurt him and that he really wont hurt me the way I have been hurt before. I knew this before, of course, but my body has a mind of it's own and reacts without me being able to think about what's happening. Ugh. I just wish I could be normal.
I take a seat next to Harry on the end of Nova's bed to show him that my fears have subsided. "I'm sorry for reacting the way I do." He looks over at me, listening to my apology, studying my face once more. "It might not make sense and I have no explanation for it," I lie. "But I promise I do trust you, even if sometimes it doesn't seem like I do."
In his drunk state, he continues to keep his gaze on me before finally looking away, around the room. "It's just, I hate that you react that way towards me and have that look in your eye like you're absolutely terrified. It's like you're looking right through me but you're looking right at me." He shakes his head in disbelief, hanging his head before looking at me again. "It might sound crazy, because we haven't known each other long, but you're important to me. I think you're so lovely and I care about you. And to see you that way--I hate it."
"If it makes you feel any better, it's not really about you, Harry," I tell him honestly. I wasn't planning on saying anything like this to him, or anyone for that matter, but I feel I owe him something for how honest he is being with me and how torn up my actions seem to make him. "I just have some trust issues that I need to work on. It doesn't necessarily mean that I don't trust you, because I do. Just not as much as you want me to right now. But I'm working on getting there. I know I can, I just--need some time."
His eyes flick back and fourth between mine as if contemplating what to take from what I said. "If I hug you right now, will you kick me out?" A small smile forms on his face, enough to show me a dimple pressed into his cheek. And I can't help but smile with him knowing he's trying to be sweet and careful and funny all at the same time. And I'm happy he doesn't press the conversation further.
"No, I won't kick you out!" As soon as the words are out of my mouth, he turns to me and pulls me into his chest, wrapping his muscular arms around my body. It's the first time we've been this close. It's the first time I've been this close to anyone of the opposite sex in months. Something about the way he holds me feels so familiar yet foreign at the same time. Like I've been here before but it's different. It makes me feel safe, in a way I haven't felt in years, which in the smallest of fractions is something new to be afraid of, but not in the way I'm used to.
"We should probably get some sleep, yeah?" Harry says as he pulls away from our embrace.
I watch him climb into Nova's bed as I get up to get pajamas out of my dresser and step into the bathroom to get ready for bed. As I'm washing my face, my reflection in the mirror stares back at me. Still a sad look in my eyes. It's so frustrating wanting more than anything for the past to not come back to haunt me. I want to be a normal girl who wants a boyfriend and be with someone who feels like home. I used to know what that feeling was like, to want such a thing, but that was so long ago it's impossible to think about anything from before I moved to Vancouver.
It's weird how the mind works. How after being traumatized by certain events in your life, good memories are almost unattainable. I know I used to be effervescent and lived on impulse, elated with life. I was loved and loved people. This girl looking back at me, however, isn't that girl. I know she's just under the surface waiting for the right time to come back to life. She's not completely dead.
When I go back out to the room, Harry is already asleep in Nova's bed. I'm relieved that his drunkenness has put him into an easy slumber and I hope he'll continue this until morning.
As I sit on Nova's bed next to him, I watch as his chest moves up and down with his slow breaths and his curls falling over half of his face. I have a hard time believing I would ever be scared of him after seeing him like this. He looks so innocent and peaceful, everything about him is so appealing to me.
I know I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't like this boy. I love the way he smiles and listening to him laugh at the stupidest things. And even though his jokes aren't even as close to being as funny as he thinks they are, it's hard not to laugh with him just because he laughs so hard when he tells them. And how when he's talking to you, he looks you right in the eyes like he's taking in every single little thing you're saying and putting all of his attention on you. I love how smart he is, even if he is a bit cocky about it, knowing he knows just about everything there is to know about photography. But I've realized already, that that is just who he is, and I wouldn't change that for anything.
Realizing this makes everything all of a sudden make sense. I never expected to have feelings for someone so quickly; it's something that would happen to any other normal girl, and I wonder what this means for me.
In the months between leaving Ryan and coming to college, I was in therapy twice a week and I wonder if I had left too soon. Dr. Swanson said she thought I was ready to restart my life and that college was going to be good for me, and I should go and do whatever it was that normal college students did. She said I should make friends, especially with boys, so that I could see that not all of them were out to get me, or hurt me in ways I had been hurt before, and that most of them actually do have hearts. I just needed to realize it. Maybe befriending Harry was the right thing to do--to help me overcome everything and get better.
I'm taken away from my thoughts when the mattress underneath me moves. "Come to bed, Paisley." Harry's voice is raspy with sleep, and when I turn back to look at him, he stretches his arm out to reach me. His eyes are slightly open and I can't even tell if he is really awake. His hand glides across my waist before he places his hand on top of my thigh. His hand is warm and I can feel the skin under my pajama pants tingle at his touch.
After a few moments, I stand up and walk over to the other side of the room to climb into my own bed. "You could have slept over here with me," Harry says as I turn off the light on my bedside table, leaving the room in darkness.
"Goodnight, Harry."
I can hear him shifting in his bed in the now darkened room. "Maybe next time then," he sighs. "Goodnight, love."
*
I'm woken up by my phone that keeps dinging as texts seem to keep coming in one after the other. Without opening my eyes, I grumble incoherent curse words as I grab the phone on the nightstand next to my bed.
From: Harry 9:18am
You look beautiful when you sleep ;)
From: Harry 9:18am
I'm not creepy, I promise :P
From: Harry 9:19am
It's true though. But I want you to wake up
From: Harry 9:19am
I'm hungry and I think we should go get breakfast
From: Harry 9:20am
Please? It's on me
I look over to see that Harry is sitting up in Nova's bed, half of his body covered in blankets, leaning against the wall. He has a sleepy smirk on his face, apparently pleased with himself for waking me up in such an immature way. He types again on his phone and a moment later, my phone dings again.
From: Harry 9:21am
So, breakfast?
I smile at the words on my screen, as I lay back down on my pillow and pull the covers over top of my face. "Why do you have to wake me up so early on a Saturday?" I whine into the blanket. My phone dings again.
From: Harry 9:23am
Because you're even prettier with your eyes open ;)
To: Harry 9:23am
You're annoying!
I hear Harry laugh at my text when he gets it, from under the covers. "Aww come on Paisley, you like it when I'm annoying!"
"I'm never letting you sleep in here again if you're just going to wake me up this early!" I huff. "You're going to be homeless every time Nova and Niall want to have sex!"
There's a few moments of silence and I wonder if he's texting me something again. But to my surprise, my blanket is thrown off of me and I let out a small scream not expecting it to happen. Harry laughs as he lets himself fall onto the bed on his stomach next to me, causing the mattress to bounce. He doesn't hesitate to steal the pillow from under my head and hugs it as he comfortably rests his head down on it. "You should have seen your face!" He laughs. "I wish I had my camera ready for that! It was priceless!"
I find the other pillow in my bed and lay back down comfortably. We're facing each other and I can't help but gaze into his green eyes that are already set on mine. He looks incredible in the morning light coming in from the window, lighting his green eyes a shade lighter than usual. His hair an unruly mop on top of his head falling into his face.
"Do you think it's safe to go back to my room to shower?" He asks, looking over at the door. "Or do you think they're having morning sex?"
I close my eyes and shrug. "It's probably safe. It's too early to be awake. If they're smart, they're still sleeping!"
"They're probably having morning sex," he groans, as if he didn't even hear me. I open my eyes again to see that his eyes are back on me, and then he smiles. "I know you'd love to just lay in bed with me all day, but I'm so hungry Paisley, I need to eat soon!"
"I don't want to lay in bed with you all day, Harry, but can you get the blanket please?" I ask, closing my eyes again, hoping I can go back to sleep even though I know I'm fully awake already.
"No."
"Come on Harry!"
"No."
"I hate you."
"You love me."
"You really are annoying!" I groan, as I sit up to climb over him to reach for the blanket that's on the floor next to my bed and wrap the whole thing over top of me to make sure he doesn't get any.
"Come on now, you can share!" Harry tugs on the blanket, causing a fit of tug-of-war between us.
"Get your own damn blanket!" I tighten my grip on it and he laughs at my inability to keep it from him. When I finally ease up my pathetic attempt for him to get it, after an eruption of giggles at being so childish, a smug smirk plays on his lips showing me how happy he is that I let him win.
After he's comfortably set the blanket over top of him, he lays his head back on the pillow and looks at me. His eyes don't leave mine, but this time I know he isn't studying me or trying to figure me out. He's looking at me just to look at me. "I like it when you're like this!"
"Like what?"
I don't get to have an answer though, because the door opens and Nova appears in the doorway. When she sees the sight before her, she smiles, baring her teeth to us. "Well, well!" She says giddily. "I was right when I said you two should get together!"
"It's not what it looks like!" I blurt out, as I sit up in bed watching her close the door behind her. The last thing I want is for her to think we hooked up. And I know that's exactly what she's thinking.
She rolls her eyes at me and laughs. "Whatever Paisley! Look how cute you two look, all cuddled up in bed together!"
"No, really--" I try to fight her on it, but she cuts me off.
"I totally called it even before you guys knew each other! I really am good at this!" she says as she goes through her drawers to find something to wear.
"What?" Harry asks, looking at me with furrowed eyebrows, clearly confused.
"Anyways, Niall and I are going to breakfast at the pub," Nova tells us, not even bothering to explain to Harry. "You guys should come!"
Harry stands up from the bed and shoves his hands through his curls. "That was our plan anyways! So I guess I'll see you ladies soon! Hurry it up though, because I might just die if I don't eat soon!"
"I don't know how you guys drink so much and then get up this early!" I groan, laying back on my pillow. "Tomorrow, I better get to sleep until noon!"
A/N: Wattpad deleted the second half of this chapter so I had rewrite it. I hope it turned out okay...although I don't think it's as good as what it was to begin with, which just makes me really mad!!
Anyways, hope you liked the chapter!! What do you think of Harry and Paisley's friendship so far?
It might sound crazy to you that Harry has just told her that he cares about her and that she's important to him, but realize that he's already known her before, so it's easy for him to fall back into how he felt about her in the past. And for Paisley, she doesn't know she knew him before, but she did like him in the past, so he must be the kind of guy she would fall for, right? :)
Press the star to show me some love!! Please!<3
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