V i o l e t t a
That awful feeling was still there. The following day had come and I was tucked under my covers, crying my eyes out, because, let's face it, I stupidly trusted a guy I had just met.
We were together for almost a month, and I did believe that he had changed. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and now I was facing the consequences of my rushed actions, that involved crying and a lot of swearing.
All I wanted was a new beginning and that chance is now gone. Emotional, romantic pain is a very difficult kind of pain and takes a lot of time to get over it. I just hope that it's soon enough.
Reluctantly, I got up from bed when my alarm went off, and put on whatever I found in my closet. It was not a day I cared about my appearance much.
I went downstairs and sat on the table without a single word, my eyes never leaving my plate. I poured a glass of fresh orange juice and picked up a toast of bread with butter to eat.
"Vilu?" My dad tried to make conversation, "Good morning."
"Where is it good, dad?" I answered sternly and he gulped.
He knew something was wrong, but I couldn't tell him what it was. "Um, sorry then. Go back to your food."
I chose not to answer and just continued with my food. After a few minutes, I opened my phone. I had turned it off last night because I somehow knew Leon would call and text.
And indeed, he had called and texted.
23 missed calls and 16 messages from Leon♡.
I stared at the contact name. I had put a heart next to 'Leon' last week because I had thought it fit him. Now, I wanted to take it off. My curiousity about what he had sent me got the best of me and I opened the messages, not bothering to remove the '♡'.
"I miss you."
"I didn't want to do that."
"Forgive me, princess."
"It was a misunderstanding."
"I would never, ever cheat on you."
"I know I'm a jerk but not that much, please believe me."
"I'm honestly so sorry Violetta, you are one of the best things that happened to me, please listen to me."
As I read some of the messages, I felt myself tear up but controlled myself because dad was next to me. Last thing I wanted was him to find out.
I can't. I can't forgive him. Even if he regrets what he did, I can't. I did it once, not again. I'm not making the same mistake twice.
I am afraid that I might get hurt once again.
I finished my breakfast quickly and without another word, I left for the Studio alone.
- - -
As I was walking and was lost in my thoughts, a voice I didn't want to hear again snapped me out of them. No, not now..
"Violetta. We need to talk." He said sternly and I raised an eyebrow to myself. Is that a.. demand?
I mentally laughed ironically about his stupidity. He makes the idiotic moves and now he is the one demanding? As if.
I kept on walking.
"Violetta! Come over here, we need to talk about what happened." I heard him trying to catch up to me and I walked faster.
It was now or never. I had to ignore him.
"Violetta, stop." He grabbed my arm and annoyed, I let out a huff.
"What? What is there to talk about, Leon?"
"You know--"
"Yes, I know, but there is nothing else to say. You did what you did, I said what I had to say, there. Done." I freed my arm from his grasp.
"Just hear me out, please." He pleaded and I shook my head. Not this time.
"No. Now please, I have a class to attend." I made a move to walk past him but he blocked my way. This was annoying.
"You are staying here, until you hear me out."
"What do you want, anyways?" I looked up to the sky in frustration. What did I do to deserve this?
"I need you to forgive me. Please Violetta, I never kissed Ludmila.." He started but I was fed up with the same excuse. Enough was enough.
"But I saw it. I saw it, how can you explain that?"
"I didn't kiss back, I never did, trust me. I was in a relationship with you and I would kiss her?" He emphasized on the word her like Ludmila's name was venom. That got me confused. Why would he think of her that low if he kissed her?
I wasn't backing down, tho. "Let me think. Because you are a player and only think about yourself, maybe?"
"I am not. Our break up turned my world upside down." He stated and a look of sadness momentarily passed his eyes.
There's no way I would believe him though. He did it once, he could gladly do it twice. "Just stop acting for once!"
"I am not acting, can't you see it? I'm only hurt seeing that you never cared about me in the first place." So now he's talking about feelings? Is he serious?
"Who said that I don't care about you?" He stared at me, a intense look in his eyes.
"You just said I am a player.." He trailed off and my lips formed a straight line.
"Aren't you?" I raised an eyebrow.
"And you say you care.." He huffed, probably not wanting to be heard but I did hear him.
"It's none of your business if I still care or not, since you don't, so leave me alone." I stated, and moved to the right to walk past him.
I heard him sigh and for a moment I believed he had indeed stopped trying. But then, in a second, I was spin around and was in his arms, and he was hugging me tightly.
It would be a lie if I said that my heart wasn't beating like crazy.
"Let me go," I slapped his arm but he held on tighter. "Leon, let me go now." I demanded, but he didn't even blink when I slapped his arm again.
"It hurts me seeing you act like this, Violetta. Can't you believe that the stupid supernova did it to break us up?" He whispered, and I could feel his hot breath. Yes, we were that close.
"Even if she did, she obviously made it."
"Violetta, please. I'm falling for you faster than I could ever imagine. Maybe I was a jerk in the beginning, but I stopped. I changed. You changed me." I stopped fighting to be freed of his arms and looked at him.
All these feelings I tried to bottle up since yesterday came in the surface once again and I sucked a breath. But I wasn't going to break down this easily.
"How?"
"How what?" He asked.
I shook my head. "How could I be so stupid to get involved with you?"
That stung. I saw it in his eyes. "Nevertheless, you did."
"Yes, and that was the worst mistake I ever made." I retorted and he let out a small gasp.
Ouch.
That probably hurt. I knew it, because even I regretted saying it in the first place. It was a total lie, of course. I would gladly get involved with Leon any time, if things weren't like what they were now.
"You are simply blinded by your anger. I have no other explanation for that." I stared at him in disbelief, and restrained myself from slapping him.
He just called me blind.
"I am not blind. This is another reason we broke up, you know. Something happens, and you rush to put the blame on me." I noted, and his eyes widened.
"Vilu.." He started but I cut him off. This was more than enough.
"It's Violetta to you." His grasp on me loosened and I managed to slip out, this time without resistance.
I walked away confidently, my mind replaying everything that had been said these past few minutes. On the outside, I was confident, but on the inside, I was hurting.
And this time, he didn't follow me.
- - -
Angie's class had ended and I walked out alone. Maxi had tried to keep me company but I refused, I told him to go to the girls. They deserved it more than I did, but he insisted and stayed until the bell rang.
"Talk to them. They want nothing more than make up with you." A hint of sympathy passed his eyes and I got angry at myself.
Now people were feeling sorry for me.
"You think?" I answered with a question, and he nodded.
"It's never too late." He told me.
And I took his advice.
After class, I saw the girls walking out together writing something on a notebook, and I approached them hesitantly.
They tried to walk away, but I spoke quickly so they wouldn't. "No, please don't."
They turned around to see me, and I sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doubting you. I shouldn't have let a player fool me. A boy that plays with girls' hearts like they're toys. I should've known I couldn't change him. From now on, you're the only people I trust. You two, and Maxi." I told them sincerely, and looked to the ground.
"Don't be sorry. We should be." Francesca shook her head and I looked at her, confused.
"Yeah, we should've talked to you first, not the other way around." Camila agreed with her.
Francesca smiled, "Anyways, it was a silly fight. Girls have these fights all the time. In the end, they only make their friendships stronger."
And for once, I couldn't agree more.
I felt myself smile at her words, "So, friends?"
"Best friends." Camila emphasized, and I bit my lip, happily.
Then they pulled me into a hug, a hug that was much needed since yesterday's events. I needed my two best friends in situations like this more than anything.
They pulled away, and I think it was because of someone. I heard footsteps behind me.
"But let's clear this out. We never said that Leon was a player." She stated, and now confused, I waited for her to continue. "If I may add, after your break up yesterday, I think I saw him crying in the room.."
What? He was crying? About me?
"And we never said that he kissed back." Camila added, completing her sentence.
"But isn't he?" I questioned.
"He might have been, but now I'm not so sure." Francesca answered, her gaze steady on someone behind me.
"Um, can I talk to her? Alone?" The voice from behind me said.
Great.
"Fine. Let's go, Fran." Camila took Francesca's hand and they walked away together.
I turned around, facing Leon with a stern look.
"Violetta, I'm sorry for saying you are blind. I didn't mean it. It was a misunderstanding." He sighed, blinking.
"I don't care Leon. Just leave me alone." I put my hand up in a 'stop' manner, so he wouldn't try to get near me.
"I can't."
"Then find a way. You've done it multiple times in the past, as I've heard." I noted, and his breath hitched.
"Violetta.."
"Are you going to go on about how you didn't kiss Ludmila again?" I questioned, eyebrows raised.
"No, but in fact, I didn't." He stated and I rolled my eyes. Classic answer of a boy that was at fault.
"As if. I saw it. There's no excuse."
"Tell me then, why should I? What reason did I have to cheat on you, when we had almost been together for a month?" He asked, and I found myself hesitating.
"Um.. Eh, uh.." I had no answer. Nothing came to mind. Nada.
"See? You don't even know what to say." He raised his hands in frustration.
Annoyed, I huffed. "Here we go again.."
"What? You can't send my feelings away, you know. They'll be here for a long, long time." Well, this time was going to be more than hard.
"I certainly hope not." I retorted.
He raised his eyes up to the sky. "You know what? I come here to apologize, I send you a thousand texts and call you multiple times, I find you in the park to apologize again and all you do is walk away and ignore me. I'm fed up with you, Violetta." How ironic was this?
I laughed, an ironic laugh. "You? You are fed up with me? Then what am I?"
"You just keep blaming other people when they are simply not at fault!" This statement wasn't even true.
"I wasn't the one who told you to apologize to me." I dead-panned. He blinked.
"True, but my heart did."
"If you even have one.." I let out quietly, but he heard me, unfortunately.
"I do have a heart and I do care about you, but you simply can't see it. I'm done apologizing. If you decide to wake up from your daydream, then you know where to find me." Those were his last words before he left for good.
So he really believed I had no feelings for him. Now that I think about it, we're in the same place. We both think that the other doesn't care. Could we both be wrong?
The wounds he caused will take quite a bit of time to heal, but there's always going to be a place in my heart for him.
And I hope he's going to take advantage of that and not let these feelings go to waste.