A long time ago, about six years ago, someone told me that I should take caution when it came to love. I don't remember who said, or where I was when I was told. I just remember someone saying, "Just remember to take caution when it comes to love." I didn't know what they meant at the time. I was young, wounded, and broken. I didn't know what love was, and I had no intention on learning about what it was either. Love was something I didn't understand, it was something that I hated. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. The thought of it made me sick, and I thought that I was better off alone. So taking caution when it came to something I cared absolutely nothing about didn't make much sense to me.
Now that I'm older. And I have grown to learn what love is and how it works, it makes sense to me now. I look back on everything. How I treated those I love, and how they've treated me and realized that none of them ever really took caution when it came to the love we had for each other. When Michael and I were younger, we didn't take caution. That was probably why we were always at each others throats anytime we argued. That was the reason why I thought he would hurt me when he had no intention of doing it. I didn't take caution. I didn't take caution when it came to De and her issues. If I would've took the time to notice that something was wrong with her, I would've helped her. No caution was taken there either. Not JoJo or Leena either. Sasha didn't take caution with me so many years ago when I was a quiet and somewhat out of control teenager. If she had, she would've known I was abused. I would've gotten the help that I needed, and none of the emotional problems I've had wouldn't have existed. All the people I've hurt would've been left unharmed. There was no caution taken place between any of us. If there was, everything that has been going on could've been prevented.
I've always been what you called "book smart" and I do have what they call "street smarts", as well. But there is one thing that I was lacking in my common knowledge and that's " love smarts "-if that's even a thing-I didn't know how to love anybody, and if I did love someone I let fear get in the way of that. I wasn't the easiest person to love, and that was because I didn't know how to love anybody. So how could I possibly take caution to something that I didn't know a damn thing about?
Becoming a mother has changed my life completely, and I now see things in ways I didn't even know were possible. I am cautious when it comes to Ariana Rose, being absolutely sure I don't hurt her in anyway or form, even though she's only four months old. I don't want anyone around her who I think will hurt her. My whole personality has become completely defensive ever since her birth, and red flags go up every time I bring her around someone I don't know. Maybe I am paranoid. I don't know. It's just that I know the pain and the heart ache I had gone through, and I know how it started. I know that she will have to hurt, I know she will have to lose. I know I can't hide her from the faults of this world, but I want to keep her safe and sweet. I want her to know that if things do ever become too hard for her, she can run back into my arms. I want her to know that I will always be there. No matter what her life have in store for her.
I don't want her to have to suffer.
The day was strangely dark, the sky was covered with dark grey clouds that seemed deadly. Unusual weather for California. I was running along the beach and the tides were tame, rushing unto the shore as they usually did. They weren't hard and aggressive as they usually were when it stormed which told me that I should be okay as I continued my daily jog. There was supposed to be a storm coming, but that wasn't supposed to happen until the day after tomorrow. It had been this way all week. I remember my grandmother telling me a long time ago that if the sky is darkened for more than a day something bad was supposed to happen. I believed it when I was younger, but I now I thought it was just silly. Yes, in movies the weather do represent what the mood of the story. If it's a sunny day, good things happen. When a funeral is being portrayed, the sky is usually dull and doleful. If someone is about to be killed, it's usually storming. But life isn't a movie, weather happens whenever and however it wants to. So I doubt anything bad was gonna happen. I've had bad things happen to me on sunny days.
I assumed that the sun was beginning to set below the horizon, and it was probably time for me to head back towards house. I brushed my sweaty bangs from my forehead and stopped in my tracks, looking down at my black and white addidas sneakers as the sunk into the sand. After taking a few minutes to catch my breath I turned back towards house where I could see the lights on in a distance. I had left Michael alone with Ari, but they had fallen asleep together on the couch. He had her on his chest with her hand laying over her back from when he was trying to burp her. They had probably woken up by now. That was at least three hours ago. Giving me time to catch up on the house chores, and at the last minute...to go running. The walk back to the house was a mindless, and thoughtless one. The only thing I had on my mind at that time was a shower. I could literally feel the hot water falling on my bare skin, loosening my muscles, and stimulating my senses. That made me pick up my pace and I found myself walking up the wooden steps as I wiped more sweat that was forming on my neck.
The heat is what met me when I entered the house through the glass patio door. Michael was gone from the place that I had had left him which was on the couch with the television on. I figured he was in the studio or just went to take a phone call, but when I walked into the kitchen I found him standing there with Ari in his arms along with Frank, John, and my lawyer, David. They were all sitting at the table and seemed to be having a serious conversation. I stopped in my tracks and grabbed a hold of the ends of the towel that was around my neck. " Uh, hey guys." Michael didn't tell me they were coming to visit.
"Hey Li," they all said at once. I walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottled water out.
"Out running again?" Michael asked me. He wasn't even making eye contact with me. His eyes focused on Ari's hand as he slowly bounced her in his arms. She had her other hand all in his face, playing with his curls that seemed to be going anywhere it pleased on his head.
"Yeah," I opened my arms out for her to come to me. " Give me my baby." I said, as I pulled her out of Michael's arms and began to kiss her on chubby cheeks. But It only took two seconds for me to get a whiff of her and pushed her back to him. " No, take her back." I pinched my nose.
"Why? What's wrong?" He asked, smiling and confused.
"It smells like something died in that pamper."
He laughed lightly at me. " You really have no room to talk." He leaned in towards me. " You smell like sweat and onions."
I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling. " Shut up, and go change her. I was about to take a shower anyway."
He snickered and shook his head. "Savannah called you, by the way."
"What did she want?" I asked.
"Didn't say," he said with a shrug. " Just to call her back as soon as possible. "
I was finishing my bottled water before I answered. "I'll call her tomorrow." I threw the empty bottle in the trash, and turned to head out the kitchen. " I'll be back "
"Actually, Liyah." John turned and faced me. His gray eyes seemed hesitant. "We need to talk to you about something important."
"Can't it wait?"
John and David exchanged glances with one another.
David slowly shrugged his shoulder slowly. " It could...I suppose. " he told him.
It was then that dawned on me that my Lawyer, and Michael's manager and lawyer was all in the same room discussing something. That had never happened before. That wasn't supposed to happen unless Michael and I were working together on something."What do you need to talk to me about that has to do with my lawyer?" I asked him. I glanced Michael, but his face was unreadable. "Are you divorcing me?"
A loud laugh escaped Michael's mouth as he shook his head from side to side. " No! That's ridiculous. Why would you think that, Li?"
"Are you trying to make me sign a prenuptial agreement?"
"No, Liyah.." He kissed my forehead. " This has nothing to do with us or our marriage."
I glared at him for a moment because I knew that he knew what was going on. He just didn't want to say anything. " Then what is it?" I sat down on a stool that was in front of the table where they were sitting.
I watched as Michael took Ari out of the kitchen. " I'm gonna change her."
The room fell in silence and it was now just the four of us. I waiting patiently for one of them to start explaining, but they just sat there like I was supposed to be the one speaking. My eyebrow rose above the other as I shook my head, " What's going on?"
"We want to talk to you about a serious situation that we are trying to get resolved." Frank finally spoke up. I noticed he had his cigar on his hand, but it wasn't lit. He knew he wasn't allowed to smoke in the house.
"What situation?" I asked. " Can you just get to the point please?"
He licked his lips and placed the cigar in his mouth.
"Frank..." I gave him a warning look as soon as lifted the lighter to the end of the cigar.
He looked up at me confused until he realized he was breaking one of the rules. He smiled sheepishly at me and slid the cigar into his baby blue shirt pocket. "Sorry," he took a deep breath and placed his arms on the table. "A while ago, Michael told me to do some background investigating on Don King. He wanted to get rid of him as the tour promotor and he knew that he had a bad reputation, he just didn't know exactly what it was."
I nodded.
"Of course we found some things about bribery and him cheating people out of their money. And we already knew he had something to do with that ticket situation that happened earlier this summer. But-"
"Okay, what does any of this have to do with me?"
" I'm getting there." I nodded for him to continue. " We found out that it wasn't just Don who was behind the ticket sale scam."
"Okay...?" I began playing with my hair as I laid my back against the counter.
"It was also a man named Melvin Flores."
I stopped when I heard his name. Melvin was far from my mind these past few months. If you asked me, he didn't exist to me anymore. Apart of me just wished he was just a figure of my imagination, but he wasn't. I knew Leena spoke to him every now and then, but she wouldn't dare come to me and say anything about it. I didn't want to hear from him, I didn't want to see him. If he was out of sight, he was out of mind.
"You know him?" David asked.
It took me a minute to answer. "Yes," my voice sounded funny to my ears. I glanced up at the dim yellowing light that hung above them and took a deep breath before meeting Frank's eyes again. " Yeah, I know him."
"I did research on him too," he pulled out a minala folder from his brief case. " And I know all about his history of arrests..."
"Why exactly were you doing research on him?" I asked.
His eyes became hesitant. At that moment Michael came back into the room, he placed Ari in her swing before coming to sit by me. I looked at him out the corner of my eye, giving him glaring eyes that wondered why he was bringing me into this, but he didn't see. " I was only trying to see if had the same history as Don, but I found something interesting. "
"What was that?"
"First of all," John said, before he could even answer. " Where do even know him from."
Now it was my turn to hesitate, because I didn't feel comfortable telling them how I knew him. Something told me that he knew more than he should.
"Michael told me that he's your sister father." Frank said.
"Oh, really?" I said as I glanced at him. " What else did he tell you?"
All eyes were now on Michael, and he was glaring back back at Frank.
"Michael?"
"Well, what did you tell her?"
Frank rolled his eyes. I can tell he was growing impatient, and so was I.
"Not enough for her to know exactly what's going on."
"Well..."
"Okay, can somebody please just tell me what the hell is going on." I snapped.
"We know everything!" Frank finally said. " We know that he and your mother used to be drug dealers back in Brooklyn, we know about all the people he has killed, we know that he is still selling drugs, but to every junky celebrity in California-including your new brother in law-and we know that he abused you when you were were younger."
"Frank!" Michael hissed. " I told you to lay it down on her easy!"
"Wait a minute," I stood from the stool and crossed my arms. " How do you know about that? Did you tell him?" I asked Michael. "What did you tell him?"
His big eyes glanced towards window wall where I could see that it was beginning to drizzle. "Michael?"
"Yes, I told him, but it was for your own good." He said abruptly.
"My own good?! Michael!" I felt hurt and betrayed that he would share such personal information with his manager. Him of all people. I knew that he wanted the man in jail and all, but that didn't mean he had to go telling my personal business.
He took my hand in his and pulled me closer to him. His eyes filling with a thousand apologies.
"Liyah, don't get mad at him." Frank said. " The reason why he told me is because I found out he was charged with raping another girl back in 1977."
I turned to him. "What?"
"The charges were dropped," he said.
"How were they dropped?" I could hear my voice accelerating to a higher pitch.
"There wasn't enough evidence for proof. When she finally said something all the evidence was gone, and there were no eye witnesses."
My expression began to soften and I lowered myself back on the stool. " How old was she?"
" She was fifteen when it happened."
I nodded my head slowly as I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. " Okay..., but you still haven't told me why you're telling me all of this."
Frank leaned on to the table and staring into my eyes. " We need this man in jail, Li. He's dangerous, and I know you know that."
I did. I was very well aware of that. I just didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to stress about it. To me I had more important things to worry about. To me, he was like the gum at the bottom of my shoe. I didn't give two fucks about him. "Why?"
"There's a drug war going on, if you don't already know." David said, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah, I know. The drug trafficking that has been going on for the last couple of years. They are trading with Columbia?"
"Yes, Melvin is a major part of it. He and his brother Jose Flores." David picked up the folder and pulled out a headshot of a heavy set man. His her black hair was combed back into a long pony tail, and his eyes were wide and crazy looking. Like he had been the one using the drug as well.
He looked as if he would scare someone off by the first glance. I would've looked away, but he looked so familiar. " I think I know him."
All of their heads turned in my direction.
I picked up the picture to get a better look at him. I knew I had seen somewhere but the memory was so vague. " I swear I've seen him before." I said to myself.
"Did Danielle know him?" Michael asked me.
It was then that a lightbulb went off in my head. "Yes! He used to come by the apartment in Brooklyn every time she had a party. He usually was the one who brought all the drugs. I didn't know his name was Jose, though."
"He's a bigger drug dealer than Melvin. Right now he's in Europe with some of his other people." Frank said.
"And that is where the drugs are being transported from." Michael said.
"Why hadn't anyone done anything about it?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Jose and Melvin are very smart. They change up the routes every month so they won't get caught. Police would even camp out at there target areas and they wouldn't even show up. Been pissing them off for years now, but now that the police and FBI are one their tails they change it up every week." Frank explained. "They've been keeping all this up for over ten years now."
My eyebrows began to frown.
"Next month they will be trading with Columbia for the last time. That will be the last time they ever trade across the Mexican border," David said. " Then they will choose another country or state to trade with. The authorities plans to arrest them then."
"Okay, so if they plan to arrest them, why...?"
"Once he's there we want him to stay there." Frank told me as he stood up from his seat. " I need to go smoke."
I watched as Frank walked out of the room. " So...I'm guessing that you want him down for the abuse too?" I said, turning my attention go the other men.
"And the murders too."
"He's only murdered one person in his life."
"Murders are murders, Li." David told me.
I ran my fingers through my hair as I thought about it. " You do realize that it will be hard as hell to prove that he is guilty. I mean, yeah he abused me, but that's only one."
"You have the other little girl, too. Plus, your sister and his daughter. That's four."
"My sister?" I laughed bitterly. " Leena ain't gonna say anything."
"Well..there's Vanessa.." John said.
"Vanessa?"
John's brown eyes met mine. " Yes, she's already said that he did it to her repeatedly.
I sucked my teeth. I didn't want to be negative, but I didn't trust her. Vanessa was nothing but a pathological liar and she knew it too. After the whole situation with her lying to Michael about her possibly having her child, I couldn't believe a damn thing that came from her mouth.
I threw my hands up and shook my head. " I never even agreed to being apart of this. I mean, the whole time that I've been a public figure I have been trying to hide childhood from everyone. If they find out that I'm accusing someone of rape, the media will be banging on our door. And that is the last thing we need."
"That shouldn't matter, Liyah." Michael said.
"What do you mean it shouldn't matter?" I asked. " I don't want to have to deal with that."
"Look, Li." David said, his thick British accent going serious. " If you don't want to think about anyone else, think about your daughter. You don't want her going anywhere around Hayvenhurst knowing that man works for Joseph."
"Didn't Janet and Latoya say that they didn't like the way he looked at them." He looked at Michael when he asked the question.
"Janet said he tried to make a move on her once."
"What? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him.
" That was a long time ago, Liyah. We weren't together, and I didn't find out that he was the one who did that to you until they day you all was at the house."
"Exactly the reason why he needs to be in jail." John said. " The man is disgusting and I would trust him to even be anywhere near my daughter. I can't believe Joseph hasn't fires him."
"Joseph doesn't want to fire him because he doesn't believe that he did what he did to Liyah." Michael explained as he rolled his eyes.
A snicker came from John. " Now what if he would've done something to one of his girls, then what? He just doesn't like the fact that all of his sons are going off and getting married."
" He didn't expect me to do it." Michael shook his head as he played with his wedding band.
At that moment, Frank imerged from out of the living room. Stepping down into the kitchen as he placed the rest of his now shortened cigar back in his shirt pocket. "You do know they are trying to take the tour over to Europe." He said as he took his seat once more.
My eyebrows began to crease on confusion, because I didn't know this. Michael was nodding his as if it was nothing. " It ain't happening." This made me even more confused because he said it as if he had a plan to make it not happen. The last show was that next day and he said that he wanted to go on vacation to start the New Year off. Just the three of us.
Where would we go?
As far away from California as possible.
"I already missed out on three months of Ari's life. I'm not gonna the next five." I glanced over at our daughter who was beating her stuffed Mickey Mouse in the head with a rattle.
John's eyebrow curled up curiously as he looked at him. " So what are you gonna do, man?"
"I don't even know yet."
" You need to do something," I told him. "I don't wanna be here alone." I whispered.
He only nodded.
" You need to do something too, Li." Frank looked at me as if I was his only hope.
I didn't even know either. He wasn't giving me enough time to even make a decision. I knew that if I did accuse him there would be a trial, which meant that it would go to the media,and I had tried my hardest to keep my childhood in the dark. Especially since I was a huge a public figure. This would for sure bring it all out. Plus, our next album would be out by the middle of next year sometime, which meant that there was no way in possible hell that I could ever avoid an interview. Whether it was magazine, radio, or televised. I wouldn't be able to get out of it.
On the other hand, Ari was burning in the back of my mind. I stared at her as I thought about this. She was laughing as she continued to play with her toys. Her laugh was like music to my ears. It always put a smile on my face every time I heard it. My biggest fear was that the what happened to me would happen to her. I didn't want her to hurt the way I did. I didn't want her to cry they way did. And if something like that did ever happen to her, I knew I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Especially if I knew I could've done something to stop it.
"Liyah?" I felt Michael's hand pull back my hair.
"Hmm?" I looked at him, raising my eyebrows.
"Well?" David and John asked all at once.
I sighed and rubbed my face with hands. " Fine," I dug my fingers in my hair. " I'll do it."
A smile instantly spreaded across Franks face. "Thank God," he said in relief. " Thank you, Li."
I raised my eyebrow, feeling slightly uncomfortable by his reaction.
" Good, Li." John pulled out his note book and his pen and sat it in front of him. Then he took a tape recorder and sat it in front of me. " I'm gonna need you tell us everything you know about him. Every detail."