VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.
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"NO!" I pushed him off my chest. Nick was strong and had a convincing grip that held me close enough to feel his breath hovering my lips. "We can't! Not again...--not ever."
"You know you still have feelings for me and here I am trying to fulfil what you wanted, why are you pushing me away?" he tilts my chin up so I meet eye to eye with him.
He could clearly see the brooding tears layering over my eyes, "Because we have morals in life, they're made because people made mistakes that are unforgivable. And I'm preventing one right now... Let me go Nick.." I begged.
"Close your eyes," he urged.
Why did I close my eyes? Because a part of me knew what's going to happen and a part of me wanted that to happen. Morals are often bull shit. Laws are often bull shit. I can't control what my heart wants.
I felt the ball of saliva roll down my throat as his lips groped over mine. I kept mine still and stiff, not moving it. He was trying so hard, kissing so hard it perhaps even bruised my lips.
"Kiss me," he desperately begged, "...Sel--"
Sorry morals, I gotta be a rebel once more.
I don't know where my courage came from but I literally launched at him. My arms quickly locked around his neck, tugging him down for a kiss. I bet he was surprised, I was surprised. His motor skills kicked in as his arms immediately linked itself around my waist with one hand and the other on my cheek. There was no hesitation.
It was captivating. Enticement.
I felt his soft finger tips lingering the rim of my top, as he slowly moved his hands under my shirt. It was totally distracting given how he deepened the kiss.
Women aren't the ones seducing men these days. Like... Ugh
I guess you could say it passionate. His kisses weren't hurting me but they were for sure bruising my lips. It was a serious pain when he picked me up onto the bathroom counter. That awful cold touch of the mirror against my back.
Pain.
Can young adults have adolescents hormones?
It was a room full of lust and enticing attitude. The feeling of yearning for someone, I really haven't had this in a while. Nothing like this at least. My hands were perhaps trembling when I saw our articles of clothes sprout the floor. I was in my undergarments and Nick was about to remove his last item.
There's no going back now Selena, I thought.
His soft mint breath hovered over my neck, gently kissing its way to my cleavage. I was so comfortable because this was Nick, but something was really off. So comfortable but also so unfamiliar, like stranger.
In a clip snap, from the corner of my eyes I saw my bra detach from my body and hit the tiled bathroom floor. That feeling of apprehension taunted me as the ball of saliva was stuck again.
"You're so beautiful," he complimented as he starts kissing each breast and trailed some kisses to my lips. He brushed my cheek as his daring eyes stared into mine, "Are you alright? If you're nervous--"
I stared at his concerned eyes speechless for a minute, but his eyes were worried. He had feelings.
"I-I'm good, but can we go to the bedroom for this... my butt is cold," I blushed slightly.
He chuckles, "Of course. Listen I don't want to force you into anything--"
I shut him up with a kiss. And neither one of us spoke after, he braced my legs around his waist so he could carry me off to the bedroom. And literally, the minute we go inside, we fell to the bed. And I don't know how to say this. I don't know if we made love or was it sex?
I mean passion was certainly there. But love...
I don't know..
Now I just feel like a stupid teenage girl that was pressured into this. Although, there is no denial that I still had lingering feelings for him. And it was hard to ignore when I felt each thrust shove into me.
"G-od," I moaned, at the penetration was thriving inside of me. It was thrilling yet painful desire. I could sense my nails daggering into his back as I duck my head into the crook of his neck.
He was my first. 3 years really made a difference.
Sorry, that was so not romantic. But it's true.
At the end of our sex or making love session, I don't know why but I was blushing all shades of red in embarrassment to be naked in front of Nick. Somebody I knew all my life--I guess I could call him my ex if our relationship had counted...?
He left a trail of kisses from shoulder blade up my neck and finally turning me around to kiss my lips. I gave in and returned the favor. It was gross how we were both sweaty and for God sake, in my old bed that I had since 14... Gross.
He pulled away slowly and sort of just gazing at each other, inevitably embracing one another's gazes. There was zero awkwardness. Just a peaceful silence. When I blinked for a long moment, he smiled and moved forward kissing my lips then parting.
"Selena, I lo--"
"I need to shower!" I interrupted quickly as I picked up the bed sheets and wrapping it around me like a toga and ran into the bathroom down the hall where were first made out. On my way in I grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom.
I don't know how long I stayed in the shower but I stayed in there for probably an hour. I wasn't even applying soap on myself. I was literally sitting in a bathtub of bubbles as I stared at the vanilla toned wall.
I didn't want to him finish that sentence. I knew what that moron would say. And of course like an idiot, I ran off. I'm not scared of the three words, I'm scared that the words came from him. It really makes a difference.
I never felt certainty when I'm with him. Not when I was 16 and not now either.
Wow.
I'm a slut.
Nick just cheated on Olivia with me. I should have listened to my mind and not my heart. Obviously my heart doesn't know morality. He has a girlfriend that is going to be his fucking fiancee in probably a few months or weeks, and what the hell am I doing here?
That girl is nothing but a sweet heart. A saint! And I'm what? I completely ruined the relationship of a perfect couple. I ruined Olivia's life. She doesn't deserve this...
Suddenly a mount full of tears flooded the bathtub as I felt myself sobbing silently. I am really not the type to cry like this. But I felt disgusting at this point. I tried not to make a sound, but I've been gone for a while and I heard Nick's footsteps parade down the hall.
"Sel? Are you okay?" he knocked.
I tried to even out my breathing before I spoke, "Y-yea, go-od," it came out worst than I expected. My voice completely cracked. And that's when he pushed the door open, immediately coming over to me.
He brushed my tears off the surface of my cheeks, but it only made me sob more, "Babe what's wrong?"
"I-I thought I could do t-this but I-I can't," I looked him in the eye as more tears fell through, "I-it's so stupid..."
"Shh..." he hushed, not caring how I'm soaked in bath water, he wrapped me in his arms as I continuously sobbed into the crook of his neck, "Tell me what's bothering you..."
"T-this, how could w-we do this to O-Olivia? S-somebody that matter so much to y-you?" I pressed myself off his shoulders as my eyes wander his to see his respond. It looked like he caught on when his arms started to loosen from me.
He moved away from the bathtub and disappeared out the bathroom. In a minute he was back with my bathrobe, he helped me out and wrapped the towel around me before embracing the bath robe over me. He carried me back to my bedroom.
The bedsheets were changed this time. And a new blanket was recovered.
He lay me down and covered me with the blankets, "I'll be right back." He picked up his phone from the nightstand and walked out.
Didn't take long before he came back. It gave me time to catch a breath and stop sobbing. I was haggard and dishevelled from all the crying that I was actually getting tired. He joined me on the bed, wrapping his arm around me.
"Sleep it off," he pecked my forehead waiting for me to roll into his warm body.