6 years ago
2 months before.
Carter looked at the blonde bush of hair that was tickling his cheek and warming up his neck. Josh had fallen asleep against him in the school bus back to their home again. He listened to his steady breathing and looked at how his long lashes curled up on his eyelid. This wasn't the first time Josh had been this close against him, but now Carter could actually take a good look at him. As Josh made a soft, sleepy noise, he felt himself smiling and also rested his head against Josh's.
When they got to the stop of Port Hayland, Carter gently shook Josh awake again. "We're here," he told Josh, who gave a yawn before getting up.
"Sorry," Josh said. "I was tired."
Carter let out a soft chuckle and exited the bus with him. "It's okay. You look cute when you're sleeping," he said and gave his friend a nudge.
Josh gave him a glare, even though his eyes were still sleepy. "Shut up..." he grumpily softly said.
They talked until they reached Carter's house and he waved at Josh as he walked towards his own house. "See you tomorrow!" he called out before he entered his house.
When he walked inside he saw his mother sitting on the couch, papers spread out on the coffee table and his father was sitting next to her. Carter furrowed his eyebrows and walked up to them. "Hey, what's going on?" he asked.
His parents looked up at him and before exchanging looks.
"Carter, come here for a moment. I think you'll need to sit down for this."
Upon hearing his mother's words, he got a little nervous and walked up to the sofa chair, placing his backpack onto the ground before sitting down.
"What's wrong?" he asked, looking at the papers on the table and now noticed that they were pictures of houses.
"Carter," Carter's mother said in her soft, motherly voice. "Your father got the news, yesterday, that he was going to be transferred to another office within his company," she spoke. "As a result of his promotion that I told you about last month."
Carter gave a slow nod. "Yeah, I remember that," he said. "So, what does that have to do with... that?" he asked, referring to the pictures of the houses.
Carter's mother gave his father another glance before turning back to her son. "This office that your father will have to go to, after summer, is in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In other words... We will have to move to Minnesota soon, after your school year has ended."
Carter went silent at the news. He stared at his parents in disbelief before taking a deep breath in. "...What?! We're moving?!" he exclaimed. "Why? I don't want to leave here."
"Sorry, honey, but we have no choice. You're too young to live here on your own and your father cannot turn this offer down. His career is at stake."
"Carty, I know this is a lot to take in, but you'll have more than enough time to say goodbye to your friends," Carter's father added. "We will be moving in two months. So you still have two whole months to spend time with your friends here."
Carter couldn't believe this was happening. He was going to leave Port Hayland? He was going to leave his friends behind? And Josh?
"No, I don't want to. I can't leave here. I can't... I can't leave Josh!" Carter felt tears staining his eyes and he hung his head. "I don't want to leave..."
Carter's mother got up and draped an arm around her son's shoulders. "Honey, I know it's hard but once we're there, and you make new friend there, you'll see that it's not so bad."
Carter shook his head, feeling a tear rolling down his cheek. He didn't want to leave, but he did realize that him not wanting this was not going to affect the situation. He pushed himself from his mother's grip and rushed upstairs to his room, leaving his parents behind in the living room.
Now.
By the time Carter and Josh had gotten to his house, the rain had almost stopped and the the smell of the streets after rain made Carter happy. He loved the smell of the streets after the rain. The somewhat earthy yet fresh smell had something cozy.
Carter opened the door with his the keys he got out of the pocket of his jeans and upon opening the door, he found his friends talking on the couch, waiting for the two males.
"There you are!" Melanie said. "We were afraid you guys had drowned in the rain."
"Come on, we're not made of sugar," Josh said, giving Carter a glance and flashing him a smirk, causing Carter to smile.
"Wait, isn't that Josh's sweater?" Alyssa commented as she walked to Josh to wrap her arms around his waist.
"Ah, yes. We had to change," Carter said and rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn't look weird, wearing a sweater that was too large for him.
"Well you're just in time for diner!" Carter's mother was heard from the kitchen. Carter could already smell her famous homemade lasagna. Whenever there was a neighborhood party, she'd make lasagna. Everyone always loved it.
Upon entering the kitchen, he smelled the scrumptious smell and noticed how the entire kitchen was still decorated with garlands and several cards with the number "18" stuck to the wall.
"I have to say, Mrs. Raymore, I really missed your cooking," Paxton said, taking a seat at the table next to Josh.
Carter got insisted by his mother to go it at the head of the table and decided to just do as she pleased.
Being like this reminded Carter of the times that they had all come over to have diner here. Josh would usually stay over afterwards, while everyone else got picked up by their parents. Though now, Chris would drop everyone off at their houses, he assumed.
Though he enjoyed this, his first birthday upon moving back. Despite with everything that was going on, right now, he was satisfied.
After dinner, everyone had to head back home for school the next day. Alyssa laced her fingers together with Josh's and swayed their hands back and forth as they walked towards the door.
"Alyssa, I can also drop you off at your home," Chris offered as everyone hugged Carter goodbye.
"Oh, that won't be needed. I'm staying over at Josh's," Alyssa said.
Carter looked up at what she said, suddenly an unpleasant feeling going through him. His eyes traveled up to see Josh's face, though he didn't seem exactly happy. If anything, he appeared to be troubled.
"Do it safely," Paxton snickered before he got into the car. Alyssa rolled her eyes at him and walked off with Josh.
"See you guys tomorrow!" she called out, giving one last wave at Carter before walking away from the porch.
"See you tomorrow," Carter said softly, watching Alyssa and Josh leave together, holding hands. The unpleasant feeling remained and he leaned against the door opening, watching them walking until they were out of sight. He gave a soft sigh and walked back into the house.
"It was nice seeing everyone together here for dinner again," Carter's mother said. Carter went to help her clear the table and put everything in the dishwasher.
"Yeah... it was nice," he said. He swallowed, trying to ignore the feeling but he couldn't. Each time he saw Alyssa and Josh together he couldn't help but feel uneasy and jealous. Even though Josh was showing affection toward Carter, he did kiss and hold hands with Alyssa, saying that he changed, yet doesn't seem happy about it himself. Thinking about it was frustrating and he couldn't understand. Was he using Alyssa, or was he really falling for her? Carter knew Alyssa had to be informed about what had happened the day Carter moved away, and also knew that if Josh wasn't going to do it, he would. Though he was also afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of losing a friend. He gave a sigh in frustration and ran a hand through his hair.
"Sweetie, is something wrong?" Carter heard his mother's concerned voice besides him. He turned to her and shook his head.
"Nothing," he said. "Just a bit stressed out over school. Just the usual." He tried to sound lighthearted and calm.
Carter's mother gave him comforting smile and put a hand on his shoulder. "That's completely normal, honey," she said. "Choosing colleges or universities, final exams, it's all very scary. But I'm sure you'll do great. You're smart and you've always got good grades."
Carter knew his mother was just being a mother who wanted to comfort her child, but sometimes those weren't the words he wanted to hear. He flashed her a smile and nodded his head.
"You're right," he sighed. He closed the dishwasher and walked away from the counter. "I'm going to get ready for bed. I'm pretty tired."
Carter walked back up to his room and let himself fall onto the bed. His mind filled with thoughts and fears about what was to come and what was already going on. He stared up at the ceiling in the darkness of his room in silence.
Maybe he should just give up on Josh. Things change, and so do people. Especially young people. Though the thought that Josh and him would never get as close as they were again, saddened him.
Carter kicked his shoes off and rolled onto his side, looking out of his bedroom window. He gazed up at the stars and thought about all the things he'd wish upon a falling star.
+++
His attempts to fall asleep were in vain. He kept thinking about all the things Josh and Alyssa could be doing right now, and he had to think about the time Josh had asked him when he thought he'd be having with a woman for the first time.
Maybe Josh and Alyssa had already done it. He wasn't sure what to expect, in all honesty. They were eighteen now, after all. Almost every eighteen year old was sexually active these days.
To have sex, he wondered what it felt like. What it was like to have someone else's skin against your own, feeling each other's heat and becoming one with someone. He thought back of seeing Josh shirtless and could only imagine what it must feel like to have his hand over the smooth skin of his back.
Carter quickly shook himself from these thoughts and sat up from his bed, deciding that he should get something to read in order to get his mind off things.
It was then that the doorbell suddenly rang. He didn't think they were expecting anyone, especially not at this time.
He walked out of his room and towards the stairs to see who it was, hearing his mother opening the door.
"Carter!" she called out. "It's for you."
Carter walked down the stars in his sweatpants and shirt that server as his pajama outfit. There in the door opening stood Alyssa. She looked sad and troubled, and Carter was surprised to find her like that.
"Hey," he said as he walked up to her. "What's wrong?"
Alyssa's eyes met with Carter's and he began to wonder if she had been crying. "...Can I talk to you?"
Carter gave a hesitating nod, wondering what had happened. He walked outside with her and closed the door behind him. They went to sit on the edge of the porch and Carter carefully looked at his friend. "What's wrong?" he asked again. "Did something happen?"
Alyssa didn't answer right away and she bit her lip, shaking her head lightly. "It's more about what didn't happen," she spoke softly. She inhaled deeply and looked out at the street. "Josh and I have been dating for over two months now," Alyssa started, "and I've been really happy with him. He's not my first boyfriend, but he had been one of my longest friends, so I alway felt like I had a deeper connection with him than my other boyfriends. He told me felt the same way about me when I said that I had fallen in love with him, and he'd do his best to be a good boyfriend. But... he just won't..." Alyssa tensed her jaw and Carter could see her eyebrows furrowing in frustration.
"...What do you mean?" Carter asked carefully.
Alyssa looked at Carter intently for a moment. "Am I not attractive?" she asked.
Carter frowned at the question. "I don't- What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about me. Am I not attractive? Do guys not get sexually excited by me? Am I not sexy enough? I don't understand it!" A tear rolled down Alyssa's cheek and she roughly wiped it away.
Carter swallowed, not sure how to answer the question. Alyssa was very pretty, that was something he couldn't deny. But asking him if she was sexually attractive as well was a bit hard for him to answer. Though he knew he had to tell her what she'd want to hear from a straight guy. "You are sexy," he answered. "You're really beautiful, Alyssa. So, I don't get what's going on."
"Then why won't Josh have sex with me?!" Alyssa almost yelled and she buried her face in her hands.
Carter's eyes went wider at what she said, staring at her in slight disbelief.
"I don't understand! Last week, when I came over, I showed him some lingerie that I had bought which I wanted to wear for our first time. But he told me that he was really busy at the moment. I was understandable, I decided to wait a little longer. So I thought tonight would be the right time. I was going to spend the night there and I thought we'd finally have our first time together. But when I took off my clothes, he just stopped me! He told me he couldn't do it. What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
Alyssa broke out sobbing and Carter had absolutely no idea how to respond to this. He had always been bad at comforting people other than Josh, and especially with a topic like this, he was completely clueless on what to say.
Though at that moment, he realized that he did have something to tell her. As she sat there sobbing, he knew that she had the right to know. He took a deep, trembling breath and felt his body slightly tensing up.
"Alyssa," he said. "...There is something you should know."
Alyssa looked up at him, her mascara rolling in black tears down her cheek. "Hm?"
Carter chewed the inside of his cheek and his eyes wandered off to the pavement underneath their shoes.
"Alyssa," Carter said softly, "Josh is gay."