"She would not show that she was afraid,
But being and feeling alone was too much to face,
Though everyone said that she was so strong,
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on"
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*Trigger Warning*
Strongly recommended to not continue if you have trouble with graphic scenes.
With trembling fingers I pulled my sleeves up, I got sad with myself that I am going to break the promise I did to myself once again and that I'm giving into my craving. I am disgusted with myself that I am no longer that person my mother always wanted me to be, a person just like my dad. My dad, he was everything and everywhere in my mind but nowhere in my life. I don't know if I should hate him or not. He was a mystery that I never get to resolve. Okay now focus Veronica focus! I scolded myself.
While taking a one more glance at my pale white hand, I positioned the blade over my wrist, the previous scars had disappeared now, and they always did. Involuntarily I smiled at my magical healing capabilities. I was just about to swipe it over my smooth white skin and rip the flesh of my wrist open but something stopped me. It was a voice, a distant faint voice calling my name ever so softly, I was troubled. I've heard this voice I told myself. It seemed so familiar I just can't pin point it but I've heard it I assured myself, but all of a sudden it stopped.
I knew what I just heard was not a trick of my mind. I have not lost my mind, yet I must add, I still know the difference between reality and my thoughts; can't say anything about my nightmares though because they are way more than real.
But what should I do now? I asked no one but myself though I knew the answer very well. Remember what I said about losing my mind? Well I think it's going to be a bit doubtful after what I am going to do next.
I once again continued what I was doing earlier, this time without thinking or sparing a micro second I swiped the blade against my soft skin making it no longer smooth. Tiny red drops emerged through the puckered line of my skin. I felt the pain taking over my dark thoughts, satisfying me and my loneliness, it assured that I was not alone, it ensured to help me out always whenever I was in need. And here we are one again, I smiled thought the pain. I could now feel the stream of blood running down to my palm it was warm and mine. I again positioned the blade over my skin to cause yet another scar, well not exactly a scar because I know it's going to disappear like the others and the disappearing of these scars save me from a lot of explaining.
I pressed the blade one again but before I could do further I heard someone calling on to me this time the voice was clearer. I knew it, I knew it that I am going to hear that voice once again, I made me happy kind of; because nothing makes me happy anymore. But I guess that was a very bad way to get happy. But again I am Veronica Elizabeth Michael. Worthless, weird, good for nothing, broken, and a freak now. So don't expect normal things from me. The voice softly whispered. It was a female's voice.
"Don't hurt yourself, dear." I was startled, because this person knows what I am doing at this moment, so she must be watching me right now.
The thought made me uneasy because I very well know that I am all alone right now. The door is locked and I am in my room and in the bathroom. If it is so this person is definitely related to that brown eyed guy, my heart was saying that to me and I never doubt my heart as long as my mind confirm and right now my thoughts were banging my mind about that these two persons are co-related.
So I pushed the blade further onto my body harder this time, giving no attention to the already running blood, I noticed the blood from my recent half created master piece. I suddenly felt a sharp pain, the feeling was overwhelmingly painful, but I liked it anyway, the pain felt like heaven because right now it took me away from reality and all my problems now seems to be forgotten and buried deep inside the darkest parts of my brain. The scar looked really deep and the blood is already gushing out of it.
The voice called again. "No dear hold on don't do this, I request you darling. Everything is going to be fine, none of that happened is your fault."
That was not what I wanted to hear, so I completed that scar. And without giving a second thought I made another and a deeper gash, that as it now. The feeling was soothing in a painful way.
"Who are you?" I whispered back. Few seconds passed no answer came. I decided to make another swipe onto my skin, I just about to place it over my skin the voice said worriedly.
"I don't think I am the right person for all the questions of yours my dear, please don't hurt yourself anymore. Or you'll put the world in danger." The worry and affection in that beautiful voice was clear.
I was shocked now with petrified tone I asked, "Then who will answer my questions? But what? What did you just say? The... the world? What are you talking about? I think I'm hallucinating! I am really going crazy!" I exclaimed and clutched my head tightly with my hands my hairs were messy now because of all the blood.
"No dear you are perfectly fine. Forgive me father for this." Her half sentence was directed towards me and the other was more to her because to me it didn't make any sense, she continued.
"Come to county cross at 5 am next morning, you will find your answers there. May the light help us all."
With that her voice stopped and I could no longer sense her presence in my mind, the only sound that I could hear was me breathing and the tip tap voice of water dripping from a tap of sink. My head was throbbing with pain, I had to take a bath, but should I really do that? I mean it's not like I'll get sick or something, I never get sick and what if she is still watching me? So I guess I'll just change into my night dress.
It was not that I was ashamed of my body but it's just when it comes to exposing my body I don't like it and second I am the most conservative person when it comes to this and my mother also taught me when I was a kid that we must treat our body like a temple, but I guess I didn't listen to her teachings that well, especially when it comes to treating my body like temple not after what I just did 5 minutes ago, a ironic smile crept onto my face.
I was just about to throw the bandages into bin, Lauren called me. Crap I forgot about her. I immediately cleaned up and unlocked the door, and peeped through if the way was clear. The path was clear I jumped in front of the door to close it but as my hand was in the middle and making its way towards the panel someone opened the door already. And there stood Lauren in front of me with red eyes, sad smile and loads of food. She gazed me up and down suspiciously. Thank lord that I covered my wrist.
I gave her a small slim smile. She didn't seem to notice.
"I bring food, thought you might be hungry after all you haven't eaten a bit today except the breakfast time." I chuckled.
"Oh and get a bath please you smells like grandpa Rick." I giggled because her grandpa Rick so smells like winter, old, rust and cats. Eww I know right.
I quickly went to my wardrobe and pulled out some trousers, a full length tee two fluffy socks pairs and a super soft blue cardigan. Yeah I'm one of those, who wear two socks in one foot. What? This is not weird its fun!
I changed and hopped onto bed on which Lauren was already laying. She motioned towards the projector and it switched on.
"What movie are we watching?" I asked.
"Whichever you want you watch." She smiled warmly, it made my heart melt.
My stomach grumbled and we both burst out laughing I looked over watch it was 12 am I have 5 hours after that I will find out what's going around me.
"We have you feed your hungry tummy first." She giggled while saying.
"Yes absolutely! I am starving. Give me food!" I rubbed my stomach and we both burst out laughing we were in tears when all of a sudden Lauren stopped laughing.
I got self-conscious and stopped too. "Why are you watching me like that?"
"It's nothing." She smiled.
"Come on Lori pwease tell me!" I said in a cute baby accent while making a puppy face.
"Aww it's just you are cute. Obviously you have to be cause you are my kid." She wicked and I laughed harder at the same time my stomach grumbled. And I stopped laughing.
"Come on let's just feed you first." With that we both started eating.