12 years later
Marisol sat in a trance unable to focus as she gazed out the window leaning back against her chair. She noticed how gloomy it looked outside but nothing compared to how she was feeling. Today she faced her utmost challenge as a guidance counselor. Until today she thought she could conquer any circumstance thrown her way by her students at the middle school. Even with her experience nothing prepared her for the emotional rollercoaster ride she was on. She received the phone call at home early this morning from Mr. Johnson the middle school principal informing her of Savannah Prescott, a sixth grade student who committed suicide. Apparently, she hung herself inside her bedroom closet and her mother found her late that evening. From what Marisol knew of the girl, she came from a middle class family who moved into town about six years ago; they own a local antique shop downtown and extremely involved in the community. Savannah had a lot of friends, always on the honor roll and avoided trouble at school which only baffled Marisol. She marveled on what kind of pain or hidden secrets she may have kept to result to such an extremity.
This brought her back to how many times the notion of suicide entered her very own mind years back. Growing up with a dysfunctional family was one thing to contend with; having a demented father was a whole other story. When she lost her mother she thought it was the hardest thing in life she would have to deal with. Truth be told; the abandonment of Marco who she gave her heart and soul to was severe devastation. He left her holding the bag and she had to face the music alone. A high price she paid for loving him and it practically destroyed her entirely. Marco left with no word in the middle of the night and leaving her no closure. She waited hours for him in that old red shed scared out of her mind, knowing in her gut something terrible must have happened. Even after all these years, none of it made sense to her. They confided in each other about everything important, their fears, dreams, secrets and future plans. Except for the one time it mattered, he coward away with no explanation that caused him to flee like an escaped criminal which kept him away for twelve years. His family behaved strangely when she appeared at their door step to seek answers of his whereabouts and the only response given was a sympathetic apology with the explanation that Marco wished to get away and start a new life, he felt tied down. Sharing nothing else on how to reach him she gave up after a few failed attempts. Her father even appeared in high spirits of the news and said she should be thankful he was gone. The mystery of it all has torn apart her very soul into millions of pieces.
What saved her from madness was Nate her only ally, who was also at a loss. Her biggest regret was waiting to tell Marco that she was pregnant since he left before she was able to share the news with him. Her only solace was having a part of him growing within her until her world came crashing down once again the day she spilled the beans to her father. From that moment forward she became a prisoner in her own home, the embarrassment was too much for him to bear. He punished her and demanded to have the tutors come to the house since attending school was out of the question. She disgraced him and he took every opportunity to let her know it. He would get so angry at times that he would leave the house for hours and come home toasted. She was only grateful he never physically harmed her or the baby. Her depression made her passive and she just complied with all his demands. She buried herself in her studies and by the time the baby was born she had completed her classes to graduate. Without warning her water broke leaving its mark in the middle of the kitchen floor causing her to go into labor three weeks early. With Nate away at college her only alternative was to call Freddie since her father was on duty. His astonishment was heard through his silence but he appeared at her front door within three minutes time. He stood by her side as she screamed and cried for her mother and Marco. When she looked up at him she saw his eyes well up with tears and sadness. The baby's heart beat began to slow down and causing for an immediate C-section - anxiety took over. With the grace of God it was over quickly, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with reddish brown hair. She named her Marissa Ortiz Braxton. Freddie just stared at both mother and child thinking of the sacrifices his son made to protect the family. Remorse set in and he was ashamed to be such a hindrance to his own family.
By the time her father arrived Freddie was long gone, he demanded the baby be put up for adoption and this was the first time she took a stand and denied him his request. War was declared and her fear was replaced with powerful strength. With all the research she conducted prior to graduating, she found a college where she could attend with family housing to accommodate her and Marissa. She received her acceptance letter with a full scholarship to start in the fall. She was thankful and thrilled to be finally out of her father's control. Marisol felt complete with the love she carried for her baby girl and hope filled her heart again.
Unfortunately the hope diminished as fast as it appeared. Marissa never had the chance to take her first step nor say her first word, after hitting her two week birthday she died of SIDs. Marisol found her lifeless body in the cradle and had no explanation as to why God had taken her baby away from her. Marisol also died that day. Her heart could no longer feel. She held her baby in her arms for the whole day until her father came home from his shift to discover his daughter sitting in her mother's rocking chair with tear stains staring out into a zone of her own.
She ached knowing Marco never had the chance to know their beautiful baby girl's existence. Marisol had to bury her so soon after her joining this world. It was that define moment when she vowed never to forgive Marco. It was the darkest period of her life, with her over whelming grief and guilt for being incapable to protect her defenseless baby. When she buried her baby she also buried her heart alongside her.
She hadn't thought about her losses in quite a while. She had to pull herself together and put aside all personal feelings to prepare for her grieving students. She needed to provide the upmost support for them. After meeting with about 40 students today one had left her feeling concerned. When Alex first came into her office she almost forgot to breathe, he looked so much like his uncle Marco at that age with his olive skin, dark hair and unique colored turquoise eyes. The old memories came surfacing as soon as he walked into her office. He appeared reserved and she can clearly see he felt deep sorrow for the incident that was beyond his control. As she spoke to him, little by little Alex began to open up a little; she discovered the two were a so-called couple. He kept repeating he wished he could have helped her but would not elaborate any further. The more she questioned him the more he began to shut down. She decided not to push him any further, his distress clearly shown. Within time she hopes to gain his trust so he can share what he knows and there can be closure for all concerned. One thing she is certain about is carrying guilt for someone's death; it is way too much to cope with especially a child no doubt. Lord knows, she has the therapy bills to prove it.
Marisol was about to organize her office to head out for the evening when she heard knocking on her office door. Those doors were made of solid wood to knock and be heard was sometimes a challenge. Walking over to open her office door she checked her reflection from the window to ensure she looked presentable and her bun still in place just a few stragglers fell naturally loose around her face. Women envied her for her flawless body, beautiful light tan complexion and natural wavy reddish blonde hair which complemented her hazel eyes. She was medium height with beautiful long legs, slender although blessed with curves in all the right places, even her breast were the perfect size. Her mother's genes undeniably dominated her make up. She was oblivious to how she affected men around her although she never missed the daggers' directed at her from other women who she silently threatened by just showing up to a place. As she took a final glimpse of herself she saw sadness and she needed to quickly snap out of it. Wearing her black pant suit didn't help her paleness especially since she hardly wore any cosmetics today. She marched over to open the door and was unprepared to see Angelo Alex's father facing her. She felt drained however this encounter would be worthwhile if she was going to be effective with Alex.
"Hi Marisol, do you have a minute to spare?" Angelo asked hesitantly. He always seemed to avoid Marisol whenever they were in the same circle of people or if they show up at the same place within town. At first it upset her since she needed some part of Marco in her life but for whatever reason she knew he blamed her for Marco's quick departure. Angelo may not be as handsome as Marco but was definitely attractive. There were three brothers and all three were dark haired and olive skin, Marco the first born was the only one who had their grandmother's turquoise eyes and now it was passed down to Alex as well. The youngest brother Cisco was born with down-syndrome. Even though his condition had taken a toll on the family, Cisco gave his family so much joy and he was showered with love. Marisol sees him occasionally for he runs a lot of errands for the local merchants and everyone adores him.
As Marisol cleared her throat hoping to erase all her thoughts of the past, she cleared a path for him to enter her office as she responded to him. "Hi Angelo, please come in and take a seat. I'm actually glad you are here." As she retreated back to her seat at the head of her desk she took a long look at him as he sat down, he seemed quite distressed.
After shuffling his feet with his head down, he looked up at her and took a deep breath before rambling all at once. "I don't know where to begin. I guess I can start with an apology for just barging in on you. It's just Alex freaked out last night when we received a call from Mrs. Prescott about Savannah. She knew the two were friends and asked Alex tons of questions. Despite his emotional state he answered her questions as best as he could. I feel horrible over the news but my main concern is Alex. We hoped by sending him to school today would have helped but when we picked him up earlier he mentioned he spoke to you. So far all he wants to do is sleep and cry. I just want any insight you can share with me."
Her brows creased with concern and with a sympathetic look she explained to him, "Unfortunately this is normal, he needs the time to mourn and to heal. Just keep talking to him and reassure him of your love and understanding. Most importantly get him to talk to you about what he is feeling. With suicides the victims are the family and friends that are left behind. They are left with feelings of guilt, pain, and unanswered questions leaving them with no closure. It is going to take time to heal all wounds." Contemplating her next words she began with a sigh, "If you see any abnormal behavior or have any concerns please call me right away there are therapists we can recommend."
As Angelo shot up from his seat waving his hands across his chest he responded hastily, "My son isn't crazy to go see some shrink that's not what I came here for – for you to even suggest it took a hell of a nerve."
"Angelo, please sit back down and let me explain." As she looked at him kindheartedly he looked unsure of what he should do next. "Please Angelo" she pleaded and pointed to his empty chair with her hand. He took his seat again as she began to explain. "There are times when parents have to come to terms when situations are beyond their control to provide what is best for their child. Seeing a therapist does not make a person crazy they are there to help your child cope with the pain that has been inflicted upon them. Everyone deals with grief differently. Look, all I'm suggesting is you keep a very close eye on Alex. Check his computer; see what's happening online with his Face book or Twitter web sites and check his friend's pages that he is connected with as well. Children express themselves and share a great wealth of information on their sites. Look, I care a lot about him. When speaking with him today, he seems to feel somewhat responsible and that is too much for a person to bear, so please try to get him to talk."
By looking at him it was clear by his expression he soaked in her words. It's understandable on how difficult it is for a parent to have their child's world turn upside down and being unable to get it steady again. It takes a strong family to deal with these difficult times which she knows their family is tight. Before he can respond there was a knock on the door and then the door slowly opened with Sally the office assistant sticking her head in to announce another visitor.
"Sorry for the intrusion but I have Mr. Ortiz here looking for his brother." The visitor entered the office as she kindly moved back to let him through. She closed the door not before giving Marisol the - Oh my God he's gorgeous look. Marco froze as he met two hazel eyes that often invaded his dreams.
"Oh my God, Marco, you came!" Angelo almost tripped on his own two feet as he jumped up to embrace his brother.
Whereas Marisol couldn't move she was almost paralyzed in her seat as she stared right into Marco's eyes; feeling the blood draining from her face. It was as if she was staring at a ghost, the ghost who haunted her every thought for the past twelve years. All she could focus on was the words flashing through her mind telling herself to breathe Marisol, breathe you can do this. She eased up from her chair while her hands leaned on her desk for support. God he looked magnificent wearing a fitted black blazer with a white crisp dress shirt underneath with form fitting jeans. His legs looked so lean and muscular. His five o'clock shadow and turquoise eyes that seem so hard made him appear somewhat dangerous looking. The young care free mechanic was replaced by a man who looked distinguished but also dark and mysterious.
"I was concerned when I arrived at the shop they told me you came here about a suicide. What the hell is going on?" Marco said as he shifted his gaze to his brother and held on to both his brother's arms.
"Everything is okay, it's Alex, a girl friend of his committed suicide and he is taking it pretty bad. I came here to discuss a game plan with Marisol who happens to be his guidance counselor which no introductions are in order I dare say." Angelo replied as they both turned their attention to her.
"Wow. Welcome home, it's quite a shock to see you here." She stated as her eyebrows arched up in surprise. Think, act cool, stay focused she had to remind herself and she felt her hands slightly tremble.
"Hi Marisol, it's been a long time." Marco replied slightly nodding his head back and forth looking like he was in a bit of shock himself not expecting to see her. He hadn't had time to plan this scenario out although he had gone over it in his head every time he thought of her.
She nodded in acknowledgement then glanced over at Angelo to help keep her composure while she still had a beating heart. She cleared her throat before she spoke to him. "One last thing before you leave, I would like to suggest you take Alex to the funeral services, it might help him, you know a chance to say good bye. The decision is yours. The arrangements are scheduled for tomorrow at 3:00pm at the church across from the High School." She smiled courageously hoping they would both leave so she can gain some self-control.
Angelo responded again trying to take everything in. Looking down at his feet and then up again to face her. "I will definitely take your advice and see what happens next. As for tomorrow, I will talk to him and let him make the decision. Thanks again for being there for Alex." Angelo extended his hand to her and she felt good that she made some head way with him.
She shook his hand and again reiterated that she is here if they needed her. Angelo put his arm around Marco and patted his back and stated; "Let's get you home, you my brother might be a dose of cheer for Alex."
She watched both brothers walk to the door as Marco turned his head around and looked at her with scrutiny, weighing his words. "It was great to see you." He said and swiftly disappeared. She stood looking at an empty door way. She sat back down on her chair exhaling the breathe she held and began to shake wondering how much more her nerves can endure. Oh my God, Marco is back home; for how long and why after all this time? Great to see you was all he could come up with? Did she ever cross his mind? Is he already married? All these thoughts were circling her mind. One thing she knew for sure, she needed to stay as far away from him as possible if she was ever going to survive his visit home. Then a crazy thought entered her mind; is it just a visit or was he back home permanently?