Okay guys, deep breaths before you read this. Get the tissues ready and please dont hate me. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
Here it is, the final chapter of Jerk Face.
Those last few ragged breaths were the best ones I had taken in years. His scent danced around me as I left the world. His blue eyes shining down at me. Those beautiful lips descending for a farewell kiss.
My breathing stopped, heart shuttered and then finally stopped.
“Agh,” the large breath I tried to suck in as I sat straight up caught in my throat, but I could not stop from trying to gulp down as much air as possible. I had felt it. Felt my heart stop. Felt his lips on mine.
My arms crossed over my heaving chest until my fingers were brushing across swollen, chapped lips. I might as well have been dead.
Two long months had passed since Grady’s party. Two agonizing months of seeing his face every day. Two horrible months of waking up just so I could see him. Two disgusting months of crying myself to sleep every night. Two long, agonizing, horribly disgusting months.
Sweat had my clothes clinging to my skin, but I guess dying in your dreams has some affect. My hands were still shaking as I tried to move my hair away from my face, more air entered my lungs quickly.
It had been so real. All of it.
My breathing finally calmed, but my racing mind would not. I loved him and now it seemed that I knew I could never stop loving him. The sun streaming in through my skylight illuminated my empty walls. The dozens of pictures of our happy faces had been torn down one night with Jacque at my side. She had raged against him with me. Ignored him, little good it did, but it did serve to make me feel a little better.
Nothing but chipping blue paint and even that reminded me of him. Being in his paint covered arms. A deep sigh did nothing to ease the pain the image conjured. All this pain. It seemed fitting that I had died in my dream, just like dream Grady said, “the body can’t live very long without its heart.”
The words rang out in my ears. How true. My knees came against my chest, hoping the pressure would calm my beating heart as my eyes settled on the calendar. Not only had the last two months been painful, but they were awkward and honestly just too fast.
July 25th had come all too soon. I would gladly go through all the heart wrenching pain again just to see his face, but he was gone now. The day was circled in a large red marker. Yet another thing he had done.
“We’ve got the rest of our lives,” he had assured me, arms securely around me, “the few months we are apart will seem like nothing.”
He was gone. Left early this morning my parents and brother in tow. Now he would be two hours away. I wouldn’t have to wake up every morning knowing he was downstairs eating breakfast. Or playing video games on my couch.
My heart seized again, but pressing my hands against the loud beating did not deter it. Images of Grady flew through my head as I leaned back, trying desperately to stop the painful montage, but at the same time I never wanted it to end.
I wanted the little life reel I had in those final moments of my dreams. The fleeting glimpse it had given me of what life would be like if we stayed together. Our long years together. The two beautiful children we would have; our daughter Cory after his mother and Theo our younger son. Bobby, our Labrador playing in the yard with them on the hot summers day while their father cuts the grass. A deep sigh left me.
I wanted that life. I wanted Grady in any life.
Again my head snapped to the side, the clock staring back at me mockingly. He’s gone. The bed creaked as I stood, not bothering to shuck the blankets as I started for the door.
I’m an idiot! Huge understatement if there ever was one. How could I let him go? Cars whizzed past me. I picked up my phone for the fifth time since leaving the house, my fingers already moving to call Bub and tell him to stop the car, but he would not answer.
“ANSWER YOUR PHONE!” the yelling did nothing but make me feel a tiny bit better.
I pressed harder on the accelerator, the jeep roaring loudly as I slipped in and out of the lanes. Lights came from behind me. Really!? A freaking cop.
You know those movies where all the girl has to do is cry to the officer about how she is trying to catch up with the man of her dreams and the nice cop lets her go? Yea, so not true. All I got was, “Ma’am please stop crying and hand me your license.”
Ass.
Another common misconception, you cannot just walk in anywhere you want. Dorm rooms included.
“You don’t understand,” I leaned heavily on the counter. “I really need to get up to room 306.”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot let you up there hon,” yea, he looked really sorry.
“You really don’t understand,” I tried again, but he just shook his head.
“Sorry.”
“Haven’t you ever been in love?!” he just stared at me and then down at his wedding ring pointedly. “Then you should understand,” he sighed. “I need to get up to his room before he does.”
“Why is that again?” he looked bored as hell.
“I have to tell him that I love him,” this is exasperating.
“Shouldn’t he already know that?” he raised a graying eyebrow at me.
“I wouldn’t tell him,” I grumbled.
“But you want to tell him now?”
“Yes!” my hands hit the counter lightly.
“Why didn’t you just tell him before?” stupid questions.
“I was scared,” it was honest. “He’s amazing,” I sighed. “I’m just his best friend’s little sister.”
“So…he’s not in love with you?”
“No he is,” I smiled broadly.
“Then why are you here again?” he scratched his head lightly.
“We broke up two months ago and they have been the worst two months of my entire life.”
“Why did you break up?” I glared at him. Seriously more questions?
“I wouldn’t say I loved him.”
“Why?”
“Didn’t we already go over this?” I pulled at my hair, the tangles reminding me that I probably looked like a loon. “I was too scared.”
“I just don’t think I understand.”
“Have you ever had something that you thought was just too good to be true?” again he looked down at his ring. “Right.” I nodded. “I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall,” I slumped forward. “He could literally have any girl he wanted and he picked me,” I smiled tiredly. “But I’m an idiot, so even though I’ve loved him my entire life I never said it,” he shook his head. “I was so scared that it was all just a dream or some elaborate prank that would end as soon as I said those words,” I swallowed, looking him over. He just stared back at me with his big brown eyes.
“What made you change your mind?”
“I can’t live without him,” I laid it all on the line. “I need him just to breathe correctly. Can’t go a single day without seeing his dimples,” he interrupted me.
“You’re young,” he scoffed.
“I know that,” I snapped, seriously not amused. “How old were you when you met your wife?”
“Eighteen,” he muttered.
“Please,” I leveled him with my eyes, “just let me go up there.” The face, it always worked on my brother and Grady, maybe just maybe.
He let out another long sigh, “I’m really sorry,” he started.
“Come on Marty!” I yelled again. “What would your wife say if she was standing right here?”
“She’d probably tell me to let you in,” he muttered.
“So…are you going to let me in?”
“Even if I did,” he stood from behind the counter and moved toward his door, “you can’t get into his room without a key.
“A key that you have?” I asked hopefully.
“No dice honey,” he frowned.
“Damn it!” I stomped, my slipper making no sound on the hard tile floor. “Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!” it’s childish I know, but stomping and yelling really was making me feel just a bit better about the situation.
“Do you want in or not?” he laughed at me, damn Marty.
“Yes,” I moved past him, but he followed.
“This I have to see,” he smiled toothy at me.
“You are a jerk Marty,” I huffed as the stairs came into view.
“I let you in didn’t I?”
“Yes,” I grudging answered.
“Here we are,” he announced, though the big numbers not two feet in front of my face made his announcement obvious.
“Thanks Captain Obvious,” I smiled.
“You gonna knock?” he nudged me.
“He’s not here yet,” I shrugged.
“How do you know?”
“You told me that he had not check in yet,” my forehead rested on the cool wood door.
“I may have lied,” I straightened to glare at him.
“Is he here?”
“Yes,” he laughed, loudly.
“Shut up,” I stepped back from the door. “He is going to hear you,” I warned, pulling him back with me.
“Oh no you don’t,” he pulled be back. “You made me sit through your little speech you are doing this,” before I could argue he knocked.
“Grady Martin you have a visitor,” damn Marty. I tried wrestling away from him. Suddenly this did not seem like a good idea.
“I’m coming,” his voice sounded from behind the little barrier and just like that my courage came back and then left again as soon as he opened the door.
“Sorry about…” he trailed off, squinting down at Marty and then me. “Roslyn?”
“Grady,” my voice was weak, “I..I…” was at a loss for words.
“This young lady has something to say to you Martin,” he pushed me forward just a bit and stepped back. “I’ll be down stairs.”
“Okay coach,” he called, still looking down at me.
“That’s your coach?” I groaned loudly.
“Yea,” he shifted uncomfortably. A silence settled between us and unlike every other time it was full of awkwardness. “Ummm, do you want to come in?”
“Nah,” I stepped back, very aware of his body heat seeping into me. “I just have something to say and then I’ll be out of your hair,” I smiled up at him, even though it felt strange to do so.
He was so beautiful. It was hard to take him all in after so long of only seeing him from the distance. His hair was a bit longer than normal and for the first time ever he seemed to have a shadow of stubble spanning his jaw line. It only served in making him all the more breath taking.
Why in the hell would he want me? Without looking I knew my red hair was messier than it had ever been, my scrunchie long lost and forgotten. My old ratty tshirt did nothing for my form, but it was comfortable as were the sweat pants I had slept in last night. I was a mess.
Still those blue eyes of his stayed trained on me. He looked a little sad.
“Okay,” he stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyes left me to look anywhere else, “shoot,” he returned my smile with a terse lift of his lips.
“I love you.” After all my practice in the car and the passionate plea to Marty the words just blurted out and once I started I couldn’t stop. “I love you Grady. I’ve always loved you,” I focused on the little lock of hair hanging over his forehead. “I was too scared before to tell you, but I’m saying it now. I love you,” he took a sharp breath. “I’m sorry I waited so long, to say it. I didn’t believe you could love me,” he didn’t move. “I kept thinking it was a dream that was going to end badly, but I’m the one who wrecked things,” no argument there. “I don’t care what happened with the blond at your party,” which was true, he could have slept with her and it really wouldn’t change anything. I never wanted anyone but him. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” tears started falling. “I want to have your children. I want to live in a little yellow house with a white picket fence.” Finally my eyes met his, but he just stared back at me. “I love you,” once more for good measure, so that if nothing else had made sense that would.
He said nothing, for a long moment, just a little too long for my liking. “Well,” I started to back away, “that was all I came to say, so I’m just gonna go now,” I ran.
Running down stairs is so much faster than walking up them and doors, though painful when you hit them are easier to go through if you don’t stop.
“Roslyn?” Marty called out to me.
“Sorry coach,” I yelled back, not willing to let him see my defeat. “Gotta go.”
My steps did not slow until I reached the parking lot just across the grass from his dorm. Jeep keys jingled loudly in my hands as I tried to get them to stop shaking, but all I managed to do was drop them.
“Shit, fuck damn!” I dropped to my knees to search for them.
What else could go wrong? I get a speeding ticket, have to spill my guts not only to the boy I love, but also his baseball coach and then I drop my keys under a car. Did God hate me? Seemed so.
Just get the keys and get out of here, I kept telling myself as my fingers inched closer to the keys. The gravel bit into my skin even through my clothes as I wiggled further under.
“Roslyn?” my head jerked up at the sound of his voice, only to collide with the underside of the car I was searching under. Yep, God hates me.
“Fuck!” it just slipped out.
“Are you okay?’ his hands came down on me, maybe God doesn’t hate me.
“Yea,” I lied, sitting down to rub my head roughly, only furthering to muss my hair.
“You sure?” the jerk was smiling.
“Peachy keen jelly bean,” I mumbled.
“Did you mean what you said?” Nope, he hates me.
I sighed deeply, “Yes,” one little word after all the others.
“Then why the hell did you run off?” my eyes snapped up to his.
“You didn’t say anything,” I stood up, no longer wanting to stare up at him. “What the hell was I supposed to do?”
“Give me a minute to soak it all in,” he grinned, blue eyes shining brightly.
“You still could have said something,” I glared.
“Well I’m saying something now,” he stepped forward. “I love you Roslyn Wren,” my heart stopped beating as he took my hand. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and I know that I will not love anyone more.”
“Really?” I sniffed, stupid tears.
“Yes really,” he rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you ever doubted me.”
“I’m sorry,” I laughed; ready to launch back into my long rehearsed apology, but his lips stopped me.
“Shut up,” he chuckled against my lips.
“I love you,” I managed to squeeze out between his lips.
“I know,” he smiled pulling me harder against him, further branding me with his taste. “I love you too.”
“Was I a hot old man?” I slapped his head where it rested against my chest.
“That is all you have to say?” he laughed, arms tightening around me.
“What else am I supposed to say?”
“Well I don’t think that would be the normal response to my dream,” I scoffed.
“I just wanna know if I’ll still be hot when we’re ninety,” beautiful thought.
“You are such a jerk,” I laughed.
“But you love me,” he leaned up to kiss me.
“Yes I do,” I laughed.
“Will you tell me again?” his lips brushed across mine.
“You are so demanding,” I pushed against him.
“You know it,” he grinned.
“Fine!” I huffed with a smile. “I love you,” he swooped in again, “Jerk Face.”
“That was uncalled for,” but tried glaring, but my laugh only thwarted his plan.
“I love you GG,” I linked my arms behind his head.
“I love you too Rossy.”
His attempt to kiss me was one again stopped, but this time by my phone.
“That’s Bub,” he rolled to the side to pull my phone out of my pocket.
“He always ruins everything,” I slapped his shoulder playfully as I answered.
“What’s up?”
“Why did you call me ten times!?” he was frantic. “Are you dead? Where are you?”
“She’s with me,” Grady took the phone from me hand, ignoring my glare.
“FINALLY!” came from the phone before Grady chuckled and chucked it away.
“Now where were we?”
“You were just about to kiss me,” I reminded him.
“Are you sure?” he cocked an eyebrow at me. “I think maybe I was about to get up and make a sandwich,” he started to pull away.
“You really are a jerk,” I laughed, pulling him harshly back onto me.
“But I’m your jerk.”
“That you are,” I said against his lips. “My Jerk.”