It has been a month since I been married to Alex. Everything seems to be normal when we are around people but once the door closes is as if we aren't even a couple. She goes to her room and I go to mine. We aren't even friends.
....
"I have been thinking," Elizabeth says, "what if you convince Alex to go on a cruise or vacation? She always liked to travel."
Elizabeth is here for the weekend. She and Uncle Luis have been worried about Alex. They came here a one day and saw Alex very depressed. She couldn't pretend she was happy.
"I don't know," I answer.
Elizabeth smiles, "Of course you do, just trust yourself. Alex loves a guy who liked to lead. Basically, she loves a man who can be confident about his decisions."
"I will try my best to make her happy. I promised you that I would make her happy."
She nods, "Okay. Well I am going to see Johnny and then say a quick goodbye to Alex. Hope you don't disappoint me."
I hug her quickly and walk her to the door. I go sit back on the desk and begin to work. But I can't take off my mind of Alex. She isn't the same anymore.
The door suddenly opens and she smiles.
"Can I come in?" Alex asks.
I quickly stand and say yes. I take a look at her and she is wearing a short, flower print, summer dress with heels. Her hair is in the natural waivy way she has it.
"Can we talk?" she asks.
"Yeah, what is going on?" I ask.
Alex sits on the couch next to my desk. I sit next to her and wait for her to talk.
"I was wondering if we can go out to eat today. My mom is going to leave today so I was wondering if we all can go out. I want to make my mom not be worried about me."
I lightly smile, "Yeah, that is a good idea. Does your mom know?"
"Yeah, I actually saw her on the hallway. She was glad about it."
"Cool, well, let me just finish working and I will make reservations."
Alex nods, "Okay. Well let me tell my mom and Johhny to get ready." She stands and looks at me with those green eyes. I wish I can really make her happy and truely smile.
"Is something wrong?" she asks.
I nod, "Yeah, I mean no you just look very nice today."
She looks down at her shoes. "Yeah, I wanted to clean up a little."
"I'm glad," I say.
She walks to the door and tells me to get ready in twenty minutes.
...
I change into blue jeans and a gray t-shirt. I walk to the living room where Elizabeth, Alex, and Johnny were.
"Okay, let's go," I say.
I take them to a nice restaurant for some good old barbeque meal.
I notice Alex changed clothes on the way to our table. She has a blue off the shoulder dress with her hair straight.
"I am glad everything is okay now," Elizabeth says. Johnny coughs, "Sure."
I look at him, "Well at least for Alex and me. I don't know about you but I hope everything turns out good for you my brother-in-law."
He smirks, "Yeah, I hope too."
Alex kicks him and me under the table. She gives us both a stare.
"So, mom, how is Uncle Luis?" Alex asks.
Elizabeth drinks some wine, "He is good. The bussiness is doing great and I even heard he may have a girlfriend."
Alex chuckles, "Heh, well then I wish her luck. Uncle Luis can be grumpy."
"Don't mention it cheap as well. Remember on my 17th birthday when he got me a bycicle instead of a car? He said it would save me more money," Johnny says.
I lightly laugh, "Wow, but you still love him."
Alex says yeah.
I take her hand, "Yeah."
Her side of her mouth lightly goes up and takes her hand back.
We go take Elizabeth to the airport then go home.
"Okay, well goodnight. I need to take your sister shopping tomorrow. We all know how long that takes her," Johnny tells me.
"Okay, well I am going to sleep as well," Alex says. She kisses Johnny's cheek and leaves to her room leaving me there.
"Are you okay?" Johnny asks.
"Yeah. Night."
...
ALEX POV:
I change into my pink pajamas and settle in bed.
I hear a knock on the door.
"Can I come in?" Johhny asks.
"Yeah."
I see he changed into a white shirt with gray pajama pants and slippers. I make space on the bed for him to settle in.
He sits next to me and stares at me like I did something wrong.
"What?" I ask.
He sighs, "Ian is trying to change for the better and for you. Cut him some slack Alex."
"Are you trying to make me feel bad?" I ask him.
Johhny says no, "I am just trying to help you smile. I think Ian can do a great job with that."
I sigh. I don't know what to say to him. He doesn't even know what happened. No one does. I can't be happy with Ian even if I want to.
Johnny kisses my cheek. "I'm here remember. I am trying to get you out of this mess. Love you."
He stands and leaves my room.
Am I being a total mean person with Ian? I thought I was doing progress with him and everything else.
"Alex,"
I turn to the door and see Kyle standing with his hands inside his pockets. This is the first time he has come to my room ever since I came back from the honeymoon. This is the third time he says my name since then.
"We need to talk," he says quietly. He slowly walks to the bed and sits.
"I miss you," he whispers.
"Kyle,"
"Where did you leave the Alex we all loved? Where is the girl I felt for?" he asks while water is piling up in his eyes.
"Kyle its complicated. I want to go back but I can't."
He cups my face forcefully, "Please, getting a cure for cancer or AIDS is complicated! Tell me what's going on with you. I don't want you to just be lingering around like a zombie. I want my Alex back."
"Tell him. Tell him." my conscience says.
I CANT! I CANT.
"Alex, did Ian do anything bad to you? Did something happened to you? Did I do anything bad?" Kyle asks.
I look at him, "No."
"Then?"
"I just can't tell you. I want to get rid of it but I can't. Everytime I think I'm happy, it hits me hard in my head."
I start to cry showing more signals that I'm not okay. But I ignore them.
"Talk to me Alex. I know that you know I am here for you. I don't care if you dont choose me or Ian or whatever. I want to help you."
"You can't" I say.
"Try me,"
I look at him very well. He isnt lying to me.
"I just need time okay?" I ask.
He sighs deeply, "Okay. You know where to find me." He kisses my forehead and looks at me. "I wish I can just wash away your pains."
"Goodnight."
Appearantly everyone got together to visit me tonight. I am seeing Ian standing in the doorway with the same clothes from the dinner.
"Can I come in?" he asks.
I just nod whipping away some tears for him not see them.
He sits in front of me sitting indian style. I see he took off his shoes.
"I just wanted to say that I happy to see you better. I called the doctor and he told me you don't need to take the pills anymore."
Good. I hate taking those pills. They make me super drowsy.
"Okay,"
"You been crying,"
"No, I am fine."
"You are lying to me Alex," he says. "Those pretty green eyes turn away when you lie."
Ugh, I gotta work on that.
He turn me to him with a gentle touch on my cheek. He is closer now. "I know you aren't crazy. I also know that I didn't do anything wrong. So can you please give me something to work with here? I want to help you. I promised your mother I am."
What do I say? He can be in trouble or hurt.
"I love you," Ian whispers.
"How can you love someone who can't love you back?" I ask.
"Simple." He smiles, "Keep on loving her until she gets annoyed and say yes to you. Then buy gifts, go to dinner, buy roses, tell her how beautiful she is, and keep on hoping for her to ask YOU on a date."
I chuckle, "You think that will work on me?"
"Nope, but what else do I loose from trying," Ian asks.
Ian...
Then I taste wine and champaigne on my lips. It goes away after a few seconds.
"You didn't push me away," Ian said.
I blink three times quickly. That was totally unexpected.
"Why you kissed me?"
Ian lightly smirks, "I don't know. I just wanted to. I'm sorry."
Wait, I didn't see him. I didn't we the monster. What?
"Kiss me again," I tell Ian. I push him to me making him lie on top of me. He quickly kisses me back like he did a couple of seconds ago: gentle, slow, and with love not lust.
He pulls away slowly, "I think the bigger question is what is going on with you?"
I dont' feel anything but I don't feel dirty. What's going on?
"Do you want me to continue?" Ian asks. I look at him, "I don't know."
He chuckles, "Well I take that as a no. I don't want to get into trouble." He gets off of me but still sits in front of me.
"Do you want to do anything before I leave?" Ian suddenly asks.
"What do you mean leave? Where are you going?" I ask.
"I have been telling everyone that I am going to China for some weeks. I got to close the deal with Mr. Yang-Lu."
He never said that.
Ian sighs and takes my hands into his. "Remember before we got married, that I was working with a Chinese bussiness man?"
"Yeah."
"Well, you told me to become a friend rather than a bussiness parthner. I did, so he wants me to visit him at his home country. Once I am there, he signs the contract, gets me the property, he gets the money, and I become rich. Everyone is happy."
"So you are leaving?" I ask.
Ian nods, "Just for some weeks. I also got another deal in China so I am going to be out a while."
"When are you going?"
"Tomorrow at night, its going to be daylight over there so."
"Okay."
Ian kisses my cheek, "I was going to ask you to go with me but I have a feeling you don't want to go. So I planned something for you to do everyday so you can get back to your normal self."
He stands and tells me goodnight.