Our teeth clashed along with fervent, sucking kisses. I reached down, undid her blue jeans, and slid her pants off completely.
She pulled away from me, then took her shirt off as I did the same. I grabbed her face with one hand and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her as close to me as possible.
I allowed my tongue to invade her mouth, quickly dancing with hers. She pulled at my hair, moaning against my lips before reaching down to grab me.
Her touch.
I had craved that touch for months, and now she had her hand wrapped firmly around me, pumping me like her life depended on it.
"Shit, Bridget, I won't last long if you do that baby." My voice was husky with lust, causing her to pump faster.
I grabbed her ass, effectively causing her to remove her hand from me, then picked her up effortlessly, and laid her on the bed.
I kissed her lips, her neck, her breasts, anywhere I could get to, I just wanted her so badly.
"Nikolai, please." She whimpered as I continued to tease her. "I need you now Nikolai." She moaned out sexily.
To that, I obliged.
I always aimed to please the people I loved.
*
We both fell asleep after we made love. I had a protective arm encasing her midriff, spooning her just like I used to with her on "her side" and I on mine.
I don't know how long I was asleep before I heard the ruffling of clothes being put on?
I opened my eyes, expecting Bridget to still be lying next to me. I was wrong.
Her blonde hair was in a tangled mess of a bun on top of her head, and she was frantically searching for her shirt I assumed which was the only article of clothing she wasn't wearing.
"Bridge?" I inquired, "what are you doing babe?" She looked at me with panicky, angry eyes, and glared. Actually glared!
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find my shirt, that's what!" She snapped back at me.
"Why?" I groaned out. "Come back to bed."
"Can't. I've got stuff to do. Holy shit?" She nearly screeched.
"What?" I inquired, worriedly.
"God dammit Nikolai! Look at this!" She yelled, pointing at her neck.
"You used to love when I did that Bridget." I countered, confused.
"How the hell am I supposed to explain where this came from?" She screamed out at me, still pointing to the offending hickey.
"Why do you need to explain yourself Bridget!" I yelled back, genuinely confused.
"How am I supposed to explain this to my fiancé!" She yelled back, angrily. Then, her face fell, as did mine.
"F-fiancé? You have a fiancé?" I murmured. She pressed her fingers to her temples.
"Nikolai. Look." She began.
"Bridget, what the fúck is going on!" I yelled.
"We were young when we got together. And it was nice. But, I didn't want us too badly Nik." What on earth...
"What are you saying Bridget." I spoke through gritted teeth.
"I met Benjamin after a year of us dating. He asked me out then, and we've been together ever since. He doesn't know about you and I don't intend on telling him about you. I am in love with him."She confessed.
Crack. There goes my heart along with everything else I believed was true. "Look, I've gotta go Nikolai. You won't be seeing me again." She finished. She honestly thinks it's that easy? That I'd just let her use me like that...
"So, let me get this straight." I continued, ignoring everything she said. "You have been cheating on me this entire time with the man you are engaged to? What the hell were you thinking! When the hell were you going to tell me!" I yelled out.
"Eventually Nikolai, eventually! I was going to tell you, I just couldn't find the right time-"
"Oh yeah, because there's a designated time to tell your boyfriend that you're cheating on him!"
"When you told me you were engaged, I saw that as my way out, as a way to avoid hurting you. I did this for you, Nikolai!"
"You didn't do this for me! Don't you fucking dare tell me that you did this for me! You took the easy way out! You did this for you Bridget! You're despicable" I spat out.
"If I'm despicable, then so are you! You cheated on your wife just now so don't you dare chastise me you fucking hypocrite!" She screamed, the vein in her forehead popping out. She finally found her shirt, pulling it on before glaring at me. "Don't talk to me ever again. Goodbye Nikolai!" She yelled before slamming the door shut.
I watched her leave my bedroom, her "little" confession wavering in the air, tainting it so prudently that I found it difficult to breathe.
She had cheated on me. The whole time we were together, her "I love you's" were insincere, and I hadn't even noticed it. I felt like an utter fool, wasting all my time on a woman who made it clear that loving me was not a part of her long-term plan for us. What's worse is that she's engaged to some self indulgent, conniving miscreant and that, had I asked her to marry me, she would have said no. All this went on right beneath my nose and I hadn't even noticed.
What a fucking moron I was.
Pissed, I pulled on a pair of sweats, then proceeded to storm out of my room in search of something to take my mind off of this whole mess. I decided my downstairs study was the best place, privacy in an otherwise non intimate room where I could be far away from the majority of my problems. Almost all of my problems.
There was one problem that I couldn't escape from because I had, reluctantly, put a ring on it. She rounded the corner as I walked down to my study, rubbing her eyes lazily before instantly stopping in her tracks when she saw me coming.
The eye rubbing was cute, only for a moment though before my brain registered that she couldn't be cute. Not to me at least, and especially not right now.
She stared at me with those beady, soulless blue eyes, gauging my reaction to her presence.
"What!" I snapped, not in the mood for anything she had to say, and especially not in the mood for the stupid look on her face.
"N-nothing," she stammered out, then proceeded to pass me. Thank God!
I continued heading to my office when I heard her bell voice chime its way into my ears again with more force this time.
"Why do you have such a problem with me Nikolai?" I turned to face the offending voice that questioned my motives, anger flooding my face as well as determination to put her in her place.
"Excuse me?" I asked sardonically, "would you like to repeat that?"
"I haven't done anything to you Nikolai. I don't understand why you hate me so much." Her voice sounded strong and stubborn as opposed to the usual submission I had received from her.
It appealed to me in an unwanted way. I immediately shoved that thought out of my head.
"Go to hell." I growled.
"I understand that this wasn't an ideal situation, but it wasn't my decision either. So please, humor me, and tell me why the hell you are so mad at me." She replied, sternly.
"You really want to know why I have such a problem with you?" I spoke through gritted teeth, glaring at her with enough intensity to burn a hole right through her.
For a moment she hesitated, before stating a calm, yet firm, "yes". I paused for a beat, furious, before proceeding. No filter, nothing stopping me. I let it all out because she was asking for it. She deserved this. She ruined my life.
"You took away everything that I wanted. Everything I strived for. All of my happiness vanished. I hadn't even known you for a day and you already managed to find a way to ruin my life.
"You made me give up the love of my life. You made me give up everything I had. And for what? A business advancement! I could have gotten that on my own, I didn't need you or your father's approval. But I didn't get anything I wanted.
"Here I am, stuck with you, forced to put a half assed ring on your pathetic little finger to keep what was rightfully mine which isn't fair!
"I understand why your father felt the need to marry you off though. No one would have chosen you to be their wife, never!"
I was fuming, ramming my fingers through my hair before continuing.
"Look at you. You're pathetic! You're too small to be classified as a woman, too young to be good for anything, probably haven't got a fucking clue as to how the real world works, you're just too much of nothing. And what's the worst part in my opinion would have to be those God awful eyes of yours!" I screamed. And with each word, came a new wave of serenity at being able to get it all out.
"You're a horrible person, unsatisfactory, unappealing, and you aren't even that pretty in my opinion. And to top it all off, the cherry on top of this disastrous cake that is my life, you have two soulless little orbs that are a pathetic excuse for eyes if I ever saw one. It's as if God fucked up when he made you! He started off with this semi decent person, then whoops. Fúcked up.
"You are a mistake, and I'll resent you every day for it if I have to. Everything you've done to me, every injustice you've cast upon me, every word, every little thing about you is a mistake and I wish you didn't exist!"
I gasped out, trying to catch my breath from my rant.
Breathe, Nikolai.
So, I did. And just like that, I felt as if I let go of all of my anger from inside. Dried up, dissipated, just vanished along with my words. I didn't understand how yelling at her made me feel better, but all I knew was that my mind was clear now, and it was no longer pissed. No.
I was remorseful. I felt it bubble in my stomach, everything I said just stuck with me, and I couldn't take those words back.
I saw a flash of an emotion flicker across her face that wasn't like anything I'd ever seen before. I'd seen understanding, I had seen kindness, I had seen anger, but I had never seen this. Not from her.
Her face fell, completely distorted from the strength she had moments earlier. She backed away from me until she ran into the bannister of the stairs, arms across her chest. Her teeth worrying her bottom lip, she simply stared at me.
I yearned to pull her teeth away from her lip, and kiss it better just as I had wanted to that first day, yet knew that she wouldn't let me. Hell, I wouldn't even let me.
And that revelation rammed into me like a freight truck. I still wanted to kiss her better, just make all of the bullshit disappear from her life and kiss her better. That's what I'd wanted that first night, too. Just to kiss her better. I had just wanted to make everything better with one kiss to her soft-looking lips.
I had wanted to pretend to be angry at her this whole time as if it would make a difference or make me feel better about myself. To pretend that it didn't bother me that she didn't have a boyfriend. She was too pretty not to have one, and it pissed me off. To pretend it didn't bother me that she wanted to change her fathers mind, for my sake. I had secretly wanted her to want to be with me from the start, I was just so stubborn then.
Now, I was the reason for her distress, the reason why I wanted to kiss her better was all my fault. I could see it in her eyes, even now. Especially now.
Her bright blue eyes seemed to grow dark and gray, glassing over with unshed tears. Her shoulders slunk slightly, revealing her prominent collar bone.
I couldn't help but notice that I hadn't looked at her like this in a long time.
I could remember the first time I saw her, so much warmth in her face, in her smile, her high apple cheek bones and her curvy frame. Now, she had lost weight, and a lot of it. It looked as if she hadn't eaten in so long which could have been true. I hadn't exactly been paying attention to her lately.
Her hair, which she used to always wear down her back all the way to her hips, was tied up in a messy bun. She looked so tired, tired of me as well as sleep deprived. Her skin was neglected, lightened by the lack of sun touching her formerly tan skin. Now, along with the weight and the sun and her hair, her smile had disappeared as well. In its place was the look of pure hurt, such a genuine sadness, I almost couldn't believe that I was the one who caused it.
That's a lie. I could believe it due to history, but I didn't want to believe it.
She opened her mouth to speak a couple of times, but no sound would come out. Her lips quivered, and all I could do was stare back at her. Stare back, and keep repeating my mantra: kiss her better!
I wished that I could take it back, I wished that I'd never said it to begin with.
I'd wished that I had just listened to my mother, known that she was right, and I knew she had been. You'll regret this, Nikolai, and she was completely right. I regretted this whole mess.
I willed myself to respond to her, but couldn't find my voice. I should have reached out to her, pulled her close to me, gotten down on my knees and begged her to forgive me. To simply apologize for the hell I had put her through. But I didn't.
She finally managed out a silent "oh", then reached up to wipe away a stray tear that escaped her eye.
My whole chest tightened, constructing around my heart at that sight. I didn't want her to cry, I'd never meant it. Now, it was hard for me to wrap my head around being the source of that tear. God only knows how many other tears I caused. Think of how many her pillow has seen. All those tears that didn't get kissed better.
I hardly even noticed when she turned and ran up the stairs, still hugging herself and the bannister railing for support. She ran away from me like she was running away from a monster. In a way, I knew I was. I had been that only moments ago; I was a monster.
It appeared as if somebody finally turned the lights on upstairs when all my anger disappeared, clearing my mind. I knew that all of what I had just said was a lie, and a brutal one at that.
"Orchid?" I called out quietly, finally finding my voice, as I watched her disappear up the stairs. I tried to play my best genuine and gentle cards forward, yet somehow I knew it wouldn't work.
She turned her attention to me, attempting to look angry but not having any of the strength.
"I've already been in an abusive relationship," she mumbled from the top of the steps, "I don't need to be in another one." She finished, more tears falling, before disappearing inside her room, and locking the door behind her.
I felt all the blood drain from my face. I stared at her door for a while, unmoving. All I could think to myself was no. It can't be true, it just couldn't be.
Who in their right mind would ever want to hurt Orchid like that? What sadistic creature would ever lay a finger on her.
Oh my God, I am a sadistic creature. I bullied her, everything I just said was a threat and an insult, something she didn't deserve at all.
I found myself sitting on the bottom steps for the better part of an hour, thinking about what I had done and how to make it better.
I finally willed myself to get up from the steps, passing through the kitchen to clear my mind. The Hors d'oeuvre's she had made sat on the counter. I picked one up, popping it into my mouth, instantly mesmerized by the delicious taste. This must be how all of her food tasted, and I had never bothered to try.
I had been trying so hard to ignore her, to pretend she didn't exist, that I hurt her. Every time she said she was fine, I was too stupid to notice that she wasn't. Too stupid to stop what I was doing, and be good to her.
I was a moron. For the second time tonight. That must be some new, special record or something. I wasn't proud of it.
I left the kitchen, then proceeded to go to my study. I pulled out the keys from my top right hand drawer, finding the one labeled "spare bedroom".
Spare bedroom.
I was such a sadistic bastard that I gave my wife the spare bedroom to sleep in instead of having her sleep with me. I gave the woman I spoke my vows to a spare bedroom. That isn't what married people do, no, they sleep together, in the same bed, holding each other. That's what married couples do.
I reached the room, unlocked it, and quietly slipped inside.
The whole room was dark except for the glow emanating from the moon through the open balcony window. She was asleep on her bed, curled around a pillow with the sheets and blankets kicked off. As I drew closer, I noticed that her freshly wet hair was tied up in a bun on top of her head, her brilliant blue eyes closed, and her lips pressed into a tight line.
Her skin was prickled with goose bumps, occasionally drawing a shiver from her cold body. Even in sleep, her eyes looked puffy, her nose red in the dim light; I had caused that and it hurt to know that I did.
Despite all of my idiocy, she still wore the ring I gave her on her left hand. It was an inadequate piece of jewelry, not nearly good enough for her, nor was it anything near what she deserved, but she had accepted it nonetheless. With a smile upon her face she accepted this ring and said "I do".
She had also accepted my cheek kiss in lieu of an actual kiss, which was also something she deserved. A real kiss.
I gently climbed into her bed on the side she wasn't laying on, and pulled the covers up over both of our bodies. I tucked her in gently before pulling her closely towards me so we could spoon together. I brushed the few fly aways that managed to escape her bun away from her face, and kissed the top of her cold head. A feeble attempt at kissing her better, just for practice. She stirred only slightly at my touch, but drifted back into a deep sleep.
Things I know about my wife: her middle name is Ava. She was a heavy sleeper. She was abused.
That's all. Highly impressive list for 6 months of marriage, huh Nikolai?
No. Not impressive at all. Sad, really.
She deserved a real wedding too. Not some rushed court wedding with only our parents as witnesses, and a tea length cream colored dress, a real wedding.
One with all our friends and family, a stunning white gown, and a real kiss to seal our vows. An actual honeymoon. Not one where we stay home in separate bedrooms while I work the entire time, one where I make love to her and tell her how much I love her.
She deserves that. I could give her that.
All of these things she desperately deserved and I hadn't given her any of them. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer towards my body.
"I will make all of this up to you, sweetheart." I promised her in hushed whispers. "I'm going to make all the pain go away, I promise. I am so sorry for hurting you my sweet girl." I cooed out on the brink of tears because of the shameful things I had done to her.
I was a shameful monster, and I was going to fix it. I continued to whisper sweet nothings into her ear until I fell asleep, thinking of all the ways I was going to make this up to her.