Luke's P.O.V.
I physically shook my head in an attempt to get her out of my mind, but I heard the call of my name faintly in the background as I strided up the stairs. I couldn't care less if someone was calling for me, I needed a drink and I needed it now, before my sober mind took too much control over me, at least drunk me kept my emotions still, drunk me knew how to shut the thought of her out.
"I need a second alone, Ash," I told him once I spotted him and Julia at the top of the stairs in front of me
"Take all the time you need, but the bar is right here," He said opening the door to my right, but once I looked inside, it was a bedroom. I kept walking, not even bothering to enter, but before I could get any further, Ashton pushed me inside making me stumble on my feet. Before I could balance myself, he had already shut the door on me, keeping me in regardless of how hard I pulled the door open.
"Ashton, what the hell!" I yelled
"Open the fucking door!" I banged against the wooden frame trying to force it open to no avail
"Shit," I groaned in one last attempt to open the door, but nothing worked.
Giving up, I let myself fall onto the bed searching for some sort of comfort, but even the softness of the cushions beneath me made me feel even more confined. I stood up sighing, walking towards the windows all covered by drapes, one by one I opened each window to let air run through, but once I got to the larger drapes, moving the fabric aside, I found a glass door revealing a person sitting on the balcony. It was the same person, the same girl I was staring at from behind at the ceremony.
I hesitantly placed my hand on the door knob letting myself feed into this undying need to know who she was. Once I opened the door, she turned around, and I felt everything in me crack. As if my bones were made of fragile glass, everything in me hurt, everything around me felt like it was crashing into me, and she was right there in front of it all.
Josie's P.O.V.
Hearing the jingle of the door knob behind me, I turned around and saw him, In that same moment, he rushed in the opposite direction and I quickly stood up to see where he was going. The second I reached the opened glass doors of the balcony, he had already reached the door, aggressively banging against it with his fist and yelling.
"Ashton, I'm going to fucking murder you when I get this door open!" He yelled trying his hardest to get it open. I could see the muscles in his arms start to show as he attempted to force the door open, but in the process, he pulled on the door knob too hard completely detaching it from the door making it impossible to open from this side now. He threw it on the ground with so much anger, I didn't know what to do. I knew that speaking would make it worse at this point, so I kept quiet, letting his rage course through him. By this time, he was giving up, he rested his forehead against the wooden frame, still banging against it, but he was slowing down.
When he turned around, I was still standing at the opening of the balcony, keeping my distance if need be, but he only looked up at me for a second before looking back down to the ground.
"Was this supposed to be some joke?" He questioned still leaning against the door with a hint of disgust in his voice as he spoke to me
"No, I told Ashton that I didn't want to see any of you guys tonight,"
"Well. The feelings are mutual," He stated
"I didn't mean it like that," I let out a step into the room, but it only made him back into the door even more, so I stopped
"But I meant it like that," He said simply finally taking the time to look at me.
Even like this, even when he was absolutely fucking angry at me, looking at him made me want to fall right in his arms like it used to be. His blue eyes glared right at me and I couldn't handle holding everything in anymore. He was this new person, he's moved on, he's not the same guy he was months before, he's not hurt anymore, he's furious and it was all directed towards me. I did this to him, it was my fault. I let a tear fall and that was followed by so many others after, all I could see was the hate he held towards me, and I couldn't maintain my composure in front of him.
I left the opening of the balcony doors and went towards the railing to calm myself down, but it just wouldn't stop. I leant against the railings, covering my face in my hands as if this motion would keep the tears from falling, but it only made it harder to breath. It was only seconds later when I heard his voice coming closer behind me.
"No. No. You don't get to cry, you don't get to make me feel guilty, this is you're fucking fault." He spat walking towards the balcony doors. This was the closest we've ever been to each other in a long time.
"I know it's my fault," I told him forcing myself to not choke through the tears. In a small whisp of strength, I wiped the last bits of water on my face and forced myself to look at him while suppressing my tears.
"Then stop crying. You don't have to put up this fucking act. We're alone, no one can take pictures of us up here," He said
"It's not an act,"
"Sure it isn't," he scoffed sarcastically
"Just let me explain," I started off but he walked away. I stood at the doorway again feeling the tension inside the room becoming too strong, I watched him take a seat on the edge of the bed, landing with his elbows resting on his knees as he eyed me.
"Just leave me alone," he spoke
"We're locked inside the same room," I stated obviously as he stood up, he walked to the balcony doors where I was, but I was too nervous about his movements so I backed away watching what he was doing. Without even saying another word, he shut the balcony doors, keeping me out and him in. Letting out a frustrated groan at his attempts to ignore me, I suddenly broke.
"You think I wanted this?" I questioned with one forceful fist slammed into the glass door, but he kept walking until he reached the opposite end where the door was. He leaned against the frame before sliding his back down making us stare directly across from each other. Leaning his head back against the door, all he did was look at me.
"I did love you. I loved every second we spent together, I loved the rest of the guys." I said to him not knowing whether he could hear me or not, but his response made it evident that he could
"For once stop fucking lying to me," he groaned
"You think I'm lying? You think I spent all that time with you because of the contract? You honestly believe that every time we were together, when we were alone, every time we were in bed, the hotel rooms, the tour busses, when I kissed you, you think it meant nothing to me?" I began throwing the past at him as if he had forgotten but he physically responded to every word I spoke.
"I know it meant nothing!" He yelled
"Fuck you for thinking that! It meant everything to me!" I yelled back before being shut up by the feel of thunder coming from above. Looking up, I hadn't even realized that the grey clouds were starting to engulf our location, it began raining, but I couldn't care less about the weather. The cold did nothing to cool down the heat ignited inside me towards him and his unknowingness. He still looked at me unchanged by my words, making me let out a frustrated groan before stepping back into the balcony letting all of the rain take me in. Taking a seat on the soaking wet chair, I pulled my knees up to my chest letting my head lean against my limbs, there was no way I could get through to him.
Staring up into the clouds, I jumped at the roar of thunder and the flash of lightning, within the next second everything was quiet. I could no longer hear the bass of the music underneath me where the party still continued on the first floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the flicker of the lamps inside the room turn on and off until there was no more light. The silent confusion resulting from the power outage was soon broken once I began hearing muffled conversation coming from the bottom floor again, and I flinched at the second loud break of thunder in the sky. It made me realize how stupid we were for doing this. I'm standing out in the pouring rain just to get away from him, but there was no use in all of this. If I had already lost him, then this shouldn't matter, he shouldn't be this angry anymore, and I shouldn't be so desperate to avoid his wrath, yet here we were. If I had already lost him, then telling him the truth wouldn't matter regardless, I might as well do it.
I forced myself up slightly shivering at the cold and stepped up to the glass door. It was hard to see in the room, only the light coming from the gloomy clouds of the night sky illuminated the area, but even through the glass I could spot his tall frame. He was up, he was banging against the door again, but I could tell there was something else. I could hear him yell and pant with such urgency as if he was having trouble breathing, this moment felt all too familiar.
His fists were slowly giving up and I could see him start to fumble with his phone, but he was freaking out too much to handle it between his fingers. It wasn't until I finally remembered. The day there was a black out at my home, he instinctively pressed his body into mine in the dark not because he wanted to protect me, but out of his fear of the dark.
"Luke?" I questioned knocking against the glass to get his attention, but he didn't even flinch
I could physically see him start to hyperventilate as he took a seat at the edge of the bed, he held his head in one hand, anxiously gripping onto the bed sheets in his other as he closed his eyes as tight as he could in an attempt to imagine something else other than darkness. If he just came out here, if he dropped whatever anger he held towards me, he would be okay, but he didn't even want to come near me at this point regardless of his fear.
"Luke, open this door," I demanded trying to pull onto it, but the lock wouldn't budge.
"Open the fucking door, Luke!" I yelled trying to get his attention but he was blocking me out, he was blocking everything out. I could tell that his attempt to help himself wasn't working at all, just drop your fucking pride Luke and open the god damn door.
"Let me help you- please," I spoke desperately banging against the door, trying to rattle it open
He stood up from the bed, walking farther away from me towards the wall as he leaned his forehead against it, trying to hold onto it for support, but it was failing.
"I don't care if you're pissed at me, you have to open the door!" I yelled at him
By now, I was more than close to cracking the glass to get in, but watching him land onto the floor onto his bum made me freeze for a second. I felt so fucking helpless watching him push himself back onto the wall through the glass. In one last adrenaline of strength, I forced the door open, not even caring that I had broken the lock. His eyes were shut so tightly by the time I got to him, he had his hands fisted into his hair as his elbows rested against his knees. Without even thinking, I sat right in front of him placing my hands on his forearms to keep him from tensing up too much, but he snatched his limbs away from my contact making me flinch.
"Don't touch me," he kept on panicking
"I just want to help you," I told him watching as he shook his head
"You can't," he responded leaning his head against the wall with his eyes sealed shut in pure anxiety
"Let me try- please," I quietly pleaded, but he didn't reply. His breathing was shortening and that was only worrying me even more.
"Take in deep slow breaths, it'll calm you down," I told him, but he wasn't complying unwilling to drop his pride and actually listen to me
"I'm just- I want to help you, Luke," I broke out in a frustrated whisper letting my face fall onto the palm of my hands
"I care about you a whole lot more than you think," I mumbled into my hands as the only noise reverberating around the room was his hyperventilation. I stayed in my position not knowing what else to resort to, until I felt a hand touching my hand, taking it away from my face. I looked up immediately seeing his blue eyes slightly glimmer in the dark room against the flash of lighting behind me.
"I'm listening," He breathed